|Angel of Death
Author: DD Agent PM
While visiting Decker, Jenny tells Gibbs about her illness. However his determination to make her fight ruins their relationship. Stuck in hospital after being shot, Jenny must confront her own demons, and those that linger around the halls of Bethesda.Rated: Fiction M - English - Angst/Romance - Leroy Jethro Gibbs & Jenny Shepard - Chapters: 6 - Words: 37,150 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 29 - Updated: 09-14-11 - Published: 06-20-11 - id: 7101319
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Angel of Death by DD Agent
I do not own NCIS or any of its characters, or its settings - all belongs to the lovely folks at CBS
Spoilers for the end of season five; warning for smut, angst and Will Decker in a Hawaiian shirt.
Semper Fi has hit a bit of a snag, but I already have Chapter Two written of this fic so its coming off quite well! Hope you enjoy!
It had been a month since he had accused her of killing Rene Benoit and it had been a month since she had decided to take a leave of absence. So, as Leroy Jethro Gibbs stepped inside the cool office, he was surprised to see Jenny Shepard staring out of the window, watching as the rain hammered the glass. She looked thinner, which was saying something as she had been pretty thin before she had left. It was obviously to do with the illness she had, the illness she would tell him nothing about.
"Welcome back, Director."
She looked from the window to see him standing in her doorway. Her eyes grew soft for a moment before she realised that what had occurred between them before she had left would be staying with them for quite some time.
"It's good to be back." Jenny slipped behind her desk and sat in her chair. She gestured for him to sit opposite. He just stood, watching her. Deciding that she was getting nowhere being polite, Jenny shifted in her chair. "In a couple of days I'm heading out to LA to see the new field office, see how they're getting on. I need a security detail."
He nodded. "Take Tony and Ziva. They'll be a great security detail."
Jenny shook her head, standing up to move closer to him. She perched on the desk, looking at him. "I was thinking about you and McGee."
He went to walk out, and Jenny walked the few steps to rest a hand on his elbow. He jerked out of her touch like he had been burnt. He turned on her, the eyes she loved turning to ice.
"I've been asked out to dinner while I'm in LA."
Gibbs snorted. "You expect me to be jealous, Director?"
Jenny resisted the urge to slap him. Instead, he moved out of her grip and headed towards the door. She managed to reply just as his hand pulled down the door handle. "Will has invited me and you out for dinner." He turned around. If he was a normal man, he would have looked embarrassed. But Leroy Jethro Gibbs had never been a normal man, and that was why she still - "I said yes to me going, I said I would ask you. We haven't seen him in some time; I thought it would be nice to see an old face."
Jethro nodded, smiling at the assault of memories of him, Jenny and Decker. It would be good to see him, catch up. Of course he would be spending time with Jenny, and his feelings for her ranged from worry to anger to love on a minute by minute basis. Jethro realised above all that he needed to sit down and talk with her, honestly, and this was the perfect time to do it.
"I'll tell McGee. Just don't do what you did the last time you, me and Deck went out to dinner. I don't think spending the early hours of the morning trying to get vodka out of your ear is a good use of my time, Jen."
Jenny grinned as he walked out. She was anxious about the trip, but hopeful that she could repair her relationship with Jethro. Hearing his footsteps walk away; she closed the door and popped a few pills, wincing at the bitter taste.
Neither Ziva nor Tony was talking to him. The Director had personally chosen him and Gibbs to be her detail while she went to Los Angeles, and McGee was facing the wrath of his fellow agents. Even Abby was annoyed that he was going, but he didn't think it was for the same reason.
No one would say anything to Gibbs about the trip as he did some last minute paperwork, a duffel bag by his feet. They were going for a two day trip, leaving that evening and arriving early in LA the next morning. The only night they would spend in LA, McGee would be told to get some sleep while he and the Director headed out to meet Will Decker. There would only be one night where he would have to sleep in the room next to Jenny Shepard, and that was just enough time to keep his feelings about her and her illness in check.
The elevator came down and one of the Director's permanent detail dragged out her luggage. Gibbs couldn't help but laugh when everyone realised that McGee's luggage outweighed the Directors - incredible considering her taste in shoes. He remembered her once saying that one day she would go on a trip where all she had to bring was high heels and lingerie. Rolling her over in bed that day, he promised she would get that trip. Two weeks later she had left him.
"Well gentleman, shall we leave?"
The Director looked lovely, professional in her business suit. She had almost done away with those as she had become more settled into being Director, opting for more casual attire. Gibbs preferred her in the jumpers she wore; they were more like the Jenny he knew rather than the Director he was currently at odds with.
Gibbs swept past her, picking up his duffel bag and heading towards the elevator. Ziva frowned at the disregard of the Director, but one of her detail took her suitcase to the elevator for her. Jenny followed in good time, a hand resting on her handbag and the other lingering on the top of her leg. As she headed to meet Gibbs, Tony waited until they were inside the elevator before turning to Ziva and McGee.
"I've changed my mind, McGoo. Have fun in LA."
"What, what?" McGee asked, wondering why the sudden change in Tony's attitude. He grew even more alarmed when Ziva burst out laughing. He turned to the Mossad officer. "What?"
Ziva grinned. "You are going to be stuck on a plane, and then on a two day trip with the Director, and Gibbs. Now, if it had been a year ago it would have been a little frosty but this is…"
"I'd pack an ice pick," Tony finished for her, grinning like a monkey.
McGee took his suitcase and started hurrying after the elevator, suddenly hating the prospect of the trip. As the elevator went down, Ziva and Tony waved him good bye. She turned to her partner.
"Should he have packed an ice pick?"
Tony sighed. "No, Jenny would probably use it to kill Gibbs. Let's hope things go down the traditional romantic comedy route and they end up getting drunk and having sex and then things become all awkward before a beautiful wedding in the place they first declared their love."
It was Ziva's turn to sigh. "I worry about you, Tony."
McGee had sat next to Gibbs on the plane with Jenny sitting by the window on the other side. She had been staring out into space for most of the flight, dozing a little. When McGee had eventually fallen asleep, Gibbs watched Jenny for a while. She seemed peaceful, looked beautiful. It had been a minor obsession of his, watching her sleep. Her mind had always been busy; she had always been searching for something. When she slept, apart from nightmares, she had finally been at peace.
After a while watching her, when he was definitely sure she was asleep, he took her bag from the luggage holder above her seat and went through it, trying to find an answer to alleviate at least one of his feelings about her. Normal feminine things were included in her bag, including to his amusement a spare pair of shoes and underwear. Then he found her bottle of pills - steroids. As he rubbed the label with his thumb, he noted that the soft hum of Jenny's breathing had stopped. He looked to his left to see his former lover staring at him with tears in her eyes.
He presented the pill bottle. "Something you want to tell me Jenny?"
McGee had started to wake at Gibb's barked tone and sat up, wondering what was going on. Jenny picked herself up from the chair and turned to her agent. "Agent McGee, go to the bathroom. Now."
He groaned. "Yes ma'am."
They had the first class section of the plane to themselves, and with McGee gone and the flight attendants out of the way, it was just them and the conversation they had to have. Jenny walked over to him and ripped the pill bottle out of his hands, stuffing it in her bag with the rest of the things he had removed.
"You have no right."
"We going to talk about this?" Jethro asked, glaring at her.
Jenny shook her head. "This is most definitely not the time to be having this conversation!"
Jethro stood up and took Jenny's bag from her. He then placed her in her seat and knelt down; putting his knees either side of hers. His hands pressed down on her thighs.
"We're in a plane, you can't run. Tell me what is going on."
Jenny looked at him, brushing her arms over one another. "It doesn't matter, Jethro."
He moved from his position and sat on the floor next to her. She was free to get up and leave, but neither of them wanted her to. Jethro put a hand on her knee, not sure what he should do. He was angry with her, angry that she hadn't come to him about shooting Rene Benoit, that she thought she could handle everything on her own. He was angry at himself for pushing her away, although she hadn't exactly fought for their relationship either. Things had started off so positively before he had left, and then when he returned it had never been the same. When you confront your own feelings and run away from them, it was going to be hard.
But, for the first time, he was tired of one of them running away from the other. They needed to talk before they lost the last strand of the relationship they had.
"You're dying?" he asked, hoping she told him not to be so dramatic. But she just nodded and rested a hand on his own, the truth finally coming out.
"Muscular Dystrophy," she choked, hating that this was the way she was telling him. "Hence the steroids."
He didn't want to know how long she had left, he didn't want a clock ticking over their lives and it didn't look like she wanted to tell him either. So he just reached up and linked their fingers. A thought came to him. "There any cures?"
"A couple of experimental treatments are being tested."
The blasé way she presented the information made him frown. "Well why aren't you first in line for 'em?" His voice grew rougher. "Have you even looked at the information, talked to a doctor to see whether it could help, even cure you?"
Jenny shook her head. She saw her former lover's eyes grow storm dark, and she stood up from her chair, trying to increase the distance between them. "Before you saying anything I'm being completely selfless here. Those trials should be used by people who have people to love them and take care of them. Me…I have no children, no family, not even someone who I go to for casual sex."
The curtain opened at that point, and Gibbs didn't even look as he stood up to continue their conversation. "McGee, go back to the bathroom."
Jenny turned around to face him. She seemed so clear, like she had spent a long time thinking about it, trying to prove to herself that she wasn't worthy of fighting. "NCIS can live on without me; it's not exactly like I've done anything brilliant with my term as Director. And can you honestly tell me that anyone would be better off with me in their lives, Jethro? I'm not talking 'will miss me when I'm gone'; I'm talking make things better for them with me here. Because I can't think of anyone."
She had made up her mind, and there would be no changing it. He could declare his love, kiss her for the rest of the flight but he knew that once she had decided something, no matter how much it hurt, she would go through with it.
Because of his relationship with one Lara Macy, Gibbs had spent most of the time they were at the LA branch of NCIS outside, talking to Abby on the phone. She wanted to know everything that was going on, making sure everything was okay. She continued to ask the same questions over and over again, possibly because the tone of his voice wasn't too happy. But he wasn't happy, and he didn't know how to deal with the shocking blow that Jenny was dying.
His anger at her had been replaced by fear; fear that every last word would be their last, every touch would be his final moment with her. Rene Benoit was a footnote, like Pedro Hernandez was in his life. The past was forgotten, as the present slowly slipped away. There was no future.
Looking over at Gibbs in the car back to the hotel, Jenny could see exactly what he was thinking, and she wished he would just stop. The day had gone well, McGee enjoying his time observing all the technology at the OSP, and Jenny enjoying seeing other agents. There was some stand out ones. She had even seen Callen again, who she hadn't seen since Serbia so many years ago. He had given her a brief smile, but their contact was short. Everything about Europe was a life time ago, and she wanted it to stay that way.
Of course, that couldn't happen tonight. Dinner with Decker was at eight, and once everyone had retired to their rooms, Jenny tried to get ready. She had brought as little as she could, but she had packed something nice for dinner. A simple blue dress, perfect for the spring weather in LA. It was definitely better than the weather in DC, there was no wonder why Decker had retired there.
Close to eight, there was a knock on her door and Jenny looked up from her personal mirror to the doorway. She walked the few steps and looked out of the peep hole, smiling at Jethro. A weight felt like it had gone from her shoulders now that he knew. She hoped he wouldn't persuade her out of her decision, she was just hoping that they could be friends again.
She opened the door and smiled at him. He stared at her, smiling back. "You look beautiful."
It was the first nice thing he had said to her in so long that she couldn't help but blush. "I left my jacket in DC. It won't be that cold out there, will it?"
"It's LA. It'll be fine."
As she grabbed her bag and closed the door behind her, the door opposite opened and McGee stepped out into the corridor. He looked confused at his two bosses dressed up and looking like they were going out together. He gulped.
"You both…going out?"
The stares he received from the Director and his boss made him realise the true reason he had been invited along and that was that he'd keep his mouth shut and do as he was told. And considering it looked like the two of them were going out for a romantic dinner, he decided to do just what was expected of him.
McGee slammed the door, and Jenny couldn't resist the snort coming out of her nose. "Poor Tim. You know, we could have invited him along. I'm sure Deck wouldn't have minded."
Locking up both their doors, Jethro walked a little behind her, keeping his hand steady mere centimetres from the small of her back. His walk meant he could observe things from all angles, especially her ass.
"I'm sure Deck wouldn't have minded. But McGee would have had to go see the staff shrink after hearing stories bigger than the ones about you stealing French boats. Plus there is a good chance you'll end up with vodka in your ear again."
Jenny giggled as they walked to meet Decker.
The bar Decker had chosen was a little tacky, but it served them well enough: widely stocked bar, the offer of some cheap food. All in all, it reminded both Jenny and Jethro of the places they used to go with Decker in Europe. The music was some offbeat pop number, and at a table on the terrace was Decker, wearing a sun hat and shorts.
"Well, look who it is!"
Decker knew better than to call out their names in public - all their missions together had knocked some sense into him. Still, he leapt up from his table and wrapped his arms around Jenny, tight. Eventually giving her room to breathe, he punched Jethro on the arm in jest.
"This is so like old times! Us three, together again!" He then noticed the proximity between the two, how close they were and yet so far. "Yeah, just like old times. You two pretending not to be in to each other." He sighed. "Let's get some drinks."
They went back to Decker's table where he ordered them all fruity cocktails. Decker had really taken to retirement, and Jenny couldn't remember a time when she had seen him happier. The same couldn't be said for Gibbs, who kept looking at her worryingly. She put aside his worry; she was there to enjoy herself with old friends.
"So, you seeing anyone Deck?" Jethro asked; pouring over the beer stained menu.
Decker grinned and pulled out a picture from his wallet. The young blonde thing he was dating grinned back at them in an outfit that could barely be classed as such. Jenny raised her eyebrows. "Deck, have you gone insane? She's twelve."
"She's twenty-two. Her name is Sasha, and she's amazing," he announced as if it was the end of the conversation. He turned to his friends and sighed, realising they weren't going to let it drop. "Come on, give me a break! There was like twelve years between you two when you guys were together."
Gibbs took a swallow of the bourbon he had managed to order and looked at Decker. "Deck, you're old enough to be her damn grandfather."
"Father, I'm old enough to be her father. I resent the 'grandfather' remark."
Jenny snorted and rested a hand on Jethro's arm. He looked at her, surprised, but didn't move his arm one inch. He was enjoying her touch too much. "Jethro, you have to understand that Decker is going through a similar thing to what you went through on your margarita safari. Except you didn't hook up with any twenty year olds in Mexico."
"Not for lack of trying, Jen."
Decker barked at the comeback, but Jenny looked like she had been slapped. As the waitress came around to see what food they wanted, Jethro put a hand on Jenny's thigh and squeezed. They shared a smile, something having changed now he knew about her condition. Both wanted to put the past behind them and move on.
"What about you two, huh?" Decker asked as the waitress moved away. "You seeing other people or have you given into the fact that you two just can't keep your hands off each other?"
"I've had to file sexual harassment charges," Jethro shot out, causing Jenny to pinch his arm.
Jethro chuckled, eagerly awaiting his next bourbon. "Yes, madam Director, I really do."
Jenny laughed; she didn't know what to say to him. Decker watched her laugh; he hadn't seen her in so long. She was thinner than she had been during their missions together, but her smile was as bright as always. Decker grinned and nudged Gibbs.
"Hey, Jethro, did you ever imagine that probie Jenny would become Director?" he chuckled; laughing harder at the finger Jenny flipped him. "Must be hard at the office, Gibbs," he finished with a wink.
Jenny smiled mischievously. "Its fine, actually, Deck. Gibbs is used to being under me."
The table burst into laughter, although Gibbs was slightly less amused. He was staring at Jenny, his eyes dark with every movement she made.
Decker smiled at the pair before turning and wolf whistling at a brunette who walked past. Jenny asked for bourbon at the nearest waitress and soon Gibbs was exchanging old stories with Decker, mixing in new ones about killer cars, ex wives showing up and heads found in chop shops. With every story Jenny chipped in a little more, the three only stopping occasionally to consume food. And with every story, Jenny and Jethro got closer until Decker noticed it was exactly like old times, with Jethro's arm around Jenny's shoulders, looking like the luckiest guy on the planet.
Jenny was trying to hail a cab to take them back to the hotel, Gibbs watching every movement she made. He was supposed to be her protection detail, but the only thing she needed protection from was Decker's pranks. Gibbs watched as Decker prepared a goodbye prank and shook his head.
"You know, I'm really glad you invited me and Jen to dinner, Deck, this was great."
Decker looked up at Gibbs, confused. "What are you talking about? Jenny called me, said she was going to be in LA and wanted to know if I was busy. I didn't arrange anything."
"Really?" Jethro smiled. "Must have got that wrong."
Jethro looked to Jenny grinning and cheering as she managed to hail a cab. He smiled at her laughter, but he couldn't help but wonder what tonight was about. He looked to the sky for a moment, thinking, but was brought down with a curse of Jenny's. Decker.
"Is it all out yet?"
"Yeah, I think so. Damn it, Jen, you should know better about Decker."
They made quite a pair stumbling down the hotel corridor in the early hours of the morning; Jethro putting a tissue in Jenny's ear to make sure whatever alcohol Decker had poured down there was out. His other arm was around Jenny's waist, keeping her steady. They hadn't been this close in so long, and both of them were realising how much they missed the others touch.
Eventually they made it to Jenny's door. Gibbs still held onto Jenny's waist, making sure she didn't fall down. "You know, Decker told me that you organised tonight, not him. What was tonight about, Jen?"
She moved both her arms around his neck, before giving him a smack to the back of the head. She wasn't nearly as drunk as he thought she was. "Tonight was about three friends getting back together and getting drunk." She paused. "I wanted to see Decker, and I wanted you to be there. I just wanted you to smile at me, like you used to. You don't anymore. You don't like me anymore."
She was still pretty drunk.
"Jenny, it's not that I don't like you." She looked up at him expectantly with those huge green eyes of hers. "I understand why you shot Benoit. I get it, I really do. I just wish you had come to me for help, Jenny. I'd have helped you."
"You left." She leant against him. She felt so tiny in his arms. "You left and everything changed, Jethro. It's like you didn't even want us to be friends anymore. I mean, I know I left in Paris but I never stopped lov-"
He cut her off with a kiss to the temple. She looked up at the intimate contact and into his eyes. When he saw them flutter shut, he leant down and brushed his lips against hers. It was delicious torture, he hadn't kissed her for nine years and his stomach was in knots with the sheer want of it all. Anger, worry, all forgotten. All that remained was love, and Jenny Shepard in his arms.
"Jethro," Jenny sighed, trying to catch her breath. He kissed her lightly again, satisfying the urge but not himself. "Do you want to come in?"
He grinned and nuzzled her cheek. "No. I was planning to keep kissing you in the hall until McGee came out."
Jenny laughed softly and managed, on her second attempt, to get into her hotel room. Jethro didn't touch her until the door was locked.
"I need a shower, wash the vodka out of my hair," Jenny winced. "Wait for me?"
Jethro nodded, and watched as Jenny headed into the adjacent bathroom. He heard the shower go, knew the shower was to wake herself up as well as clean herself up. They had only ever had drunken sex once, and it hadn't been brilliant.
Sitting on her bed, Jethro poured himself a glass of water and sipped it. He could still slip out, then tomorrow morning both of them could make believe this never happened. But he didn't want that. He just wanted her. Seeing her tonight, without the Director sign on her back, made him remember why he had truly fallen in love with her.
The shower stopped, and Jethro exhaled, waiting for her to come out The door to the bathroom opened, and Jethro saw Jenny in a baggy NCIS t-shirt that almost came down to her knees. Her hair was plastered to her head, her makeup was off. But she still had colour in her cheeks, and was still smiling.
"You stayed. I'm very impressed."
Jethro reached for her hand and Jenny took it, liking being pulled onto the bed with Jethro. She laid over him, the closest they had been in some time. They were a little awkward; but still it felt perfect, especially when Jethro wrapped his arms around hers and laid her gently next to him.
"You know I'm not glass, Jethro. I'm not going to break."
He stroked her cheek and leaned into kiss her. Soft, then with a fury that was known to both of them. Her hands crushed the back of his neck, forcing his mouth harder on hers. His teeth nibbled her bottom lip as his tongue stroked hers, trying desperately to connect anyway they could. Breaking for air, Jenny sat up against the pillows.
"Jethro, be honest with me. I don't want this to be a pity fuck. I just…" Jenny closed her eyes and he pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I'm not expecting sudden outbursts of love, either. I just want you to be honest about why we're doing this."
He kissed her again. "Because I can't think of anything I want more than to make love to you right now." He watched her smile. "You said you wanted tonight to make me smile, well I want to make you smile, Jenny. I think it's been too long since either of us have smiled."
Ever since he had seen Jenny Shepard that day in MTAC three years ago, he had often thought about making love to her, what it would be like after so long. Depending on his mood, and whatever argument they had had that day, it would vary from being hurried and painful to passionate and sexy, much like their first time in Marseille. He had never imagined this.
They kissed for what felt like an hour, languid strokes of lips as they got accustomed to the feel of each other again. She kept trying to tickle him, and in the end he put her hands above her head as he leaned down to kiss her. His mouth eventually moved to her neck, and his tongue lathed over her collarbone, enjoying every moan that slipped over her lips.
Jenny licked her lips as she forced him upwards, her hands moving to the simple shirt he had worn to dinner. Her fingers trembled over the buttons, and Jethro moved with her hands to get the fabric off of his torso. Dropping it down next to her bed, Jenny smiled as they moved back down to the sheets, her hands now free to roam over his taut muscle.
"Mmm, Jethro, I have missed this," Jenny moaned as his hands wandered up her bare legs. He grinned as they stroked the inside of her knee, before turning to her inner thigh. Her fingertips gripped into his shoulder blades as his mouth moved from hers to between her legs. He blew warm air there, causing her to shiver.
"What do you want, Jen?" Jethro growled into her ear, his desire barely keeping in check.
She gripped his hair tight and brought him down for a passionate kiss, their lips moving like it was the only thing they had ever learnt how to do. His hands moved back to the inside of her thighs, before moving up to the edge of the NCIS t-shirt she had on. Jenny shifted her arms upwards so Jethro could take her shirt from her skin.
His grin faltered as he saw how thin she had become, but Jenny immediately pushed his head to her breasts. Smiling, he took one in his mouth and the other in hand. His tongue moved over one nipple in circles, his hand gently kneading the breast and pinching the other nipple taut between his fingers. Jenny was writhing underneath him, her hair sticking to her skin. He started to groan as one of Jenny's hands undid his zipper and started fondling his cock.
With a firm kiss to her mouth, Jethro pressed Jenny to the bed and managed to kick off his jeans and boxers in record time. He then reached around Jenny's waist and pulled her onto him. He sat up and she slid to his waist, straddling him. He undid the ties at the corner of her underwear and threw them to the side, his hands taking their time to curve over and caress her body.
"Jenny, I've been thinking…" Jethro muttered as his fingers gripped Jenny's waist. She moaned as she sunk onto him, and he had to resist all his urges to not just take her there.
"You're thinking now?" Jenny asked, her hands going around Jethro's neck as she started to move up and down him. He gripped onto her steady, keeping eye contact with her as they moved together. She was biting her lower lip, and as his pace moved a little faster she gasped. God she had missed him.
"Yeah. I've been thinking we should have done this that first day in MTAC."
Jenny laughed and moved into kiss him, and he eagerly accepted her lips. Chuckling, he threw her down onto the bed, still inside her. Still holding her, he pulled the sheet over their heads, tonight just for them.