Author: Kipling Bunny PM
A happy accident is an oxymoron. Either way, Bruce and Diana have nine months to prepare.Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance - Bruce W./Batman & Diana of Themyscira/Wonder Woman - Chapters: 10 - Words: 32,701 - Reviews: 235 - Favs: 200 - Follows: 273 - Updated: 03-20-13 - Published: 06-22-11 - id: 7109294
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Here it is! We're getting ever closer to the end. :) Thanks for sticking with me!
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Donna soon quickly found out that planning a secret baby shower for not one but two incredibly intelligent people was a massive difficulty.
She had to steer clear of Bruce at all costs, as she felt he could practically read her thoughts without so much of a warning. For being a mere mortal, he could certainly be intimidating.
But she knew this shower had to be done right at all costs. It was her responsibility as a sister and friend. With the help of Shayera, of course.
Consequently, the Thanagarian proved extremely helpful in many respects: handing out and delivering invitations, choosing games and themes, and threatening people with their own lives if they didn't keep their mouths shut about it.
And within a few weeks time, Donna had successfully checked off her to-do list, ordered a lovely uni-sex cake (as the sex of the babies were not yet determined as far as the entire world was concerned) complete with three flavors! Chocolate, French toast and pistachio. (Diana had been secretly surveyed by her sister as to her favorite cake flavors. Word to the wise: don't ask a woman in her third trimester of pregnancy as to her favorite flavor of ANYTHING) And this was after Diana had been coerced out of bacon and popcorn flavor. Donna had even managed to invite (and clear for security purposes) a celebrity DJ and an event planner.
The event planner, it turns out, was beyond helpful. She had converted the primary event hall of the Watchtower into a temple of Greek gods and goddesses. She had done Themyscira proud. Once the planner had gotten over the fact that she had been beamed onto a space station and was surrounded by spandex clad superheroes, she melded right into her natural environment and transformed a stark, white room into baby shower extraordinaire.
"It looks beautiful!" Donna said, for the third time in a matter of seconds. It was stunning. It truly was. And Diana was going to freak out!
Cindy Scoville, the event planner to the stars, thanked Donna for her praise and handed over her bill discreetly. She then sauntered off to straighten the mantle adorned to a fake Athena presiding over the drink station. Strawberry hibiscus iced tea, watermelon limeade and a blue Hawaiian punch. All fit for a princess.
Donna surveyed the damage on the invoice and let out a indiscernible "meep". Thank Hera Wayne Industries was paying for this, because Donna couldn't wrap her brain around the cost. So. Many. Zeros. For one party.
However, this would be a day Diana wouldn't ever forget.
After Cindy was beamed back down to Beverly Hills, the DJ was beamed up. DJ Awesomesauz, as he preferred being called, was a funny looking little man with a completely shaved head and pierced eyebrows. But according to his references, he was the best.
Donna, trying to not make him feel like she was towering over him, directed the man to the corner of the room where he was to be stationed. She then checked the clock: one hour till lift off.
Suddenly, J'onn materialized into the room holding a ginormous glistening three-tiered cake.
"Oh I'm so glad it's here!" Donna showed J'onn where the cake should rest.
The DJ looked as though he was going to have a mini heart-attack, not only was there now a giant, green man in the room, but the green man could appear and disappear at his own discretion.
As if to make matters worse, the door to the room slid open revealing an ever so stone-faced Batman.
"A baby shower? And where is my invitation?"
Donna smirked. Of course Bruce would know what she was planning (also you couldn't invite over 30 people and not have at least one person accidentally slip up in front of Bats. I.E. Wally West). Thankfully, and rather hopefully, he hadn't told Diana about her little venture. "Oh Batman, I'm sure you received one. Unless Shayera skipped you on the list."
Batman inched closer to Donna (the DJ in the corner now looked as white as a sheet, eying the Dark Knight's every move), "Is that cake gold-leafed?"
"Would you want it any other way?"
"Save me a piece." And with that, he walked out. Donna wondered if Batman would ever make another appearance for the rest of the day. Not that he needed to.
"Was- was that B-Batman?" Awesomesauz finally managed to ask.
"The one and only."
The DJ gulped audibly and continued to set up his table.
As the next few minutes progressed, vigilantes of all shapes and sizes started to filter in. Some brought cards, some came with little bags of cute items in addition to their cards, like stuffed giraffes or homemade sentiments. No one chose to be extravagant with their gifts, as the woman in question was also marrying a billionaire. The children would want for nothing.
Awesomesauz got a steady beat going. The party was happening. After weeks of planning, it was all coming together. She checked the time once again. Fifteen minutes till Diana's arrival.
Shayera, dressed in a billowy black number that wasn't necessarily 'shower' material, marched over to Donna, a cup of limeade in hand. "I think you've outdone yourself, princess."
"Is that a good thing?" Sometimes Man's World-sayings, and especially Shayera-sayings, went over her head.
"Oh," The redhead grinned, "definitely." She nodded up with her chin. "Cupid and Aphrodite are adorning the ceiling. What's not to love..." She then laughed. Ok, Shayera might've spiked her cup with something other than watermelon and lime. "Get it? Love? HAHAHA!"
Donna was actually surprised that so many actually made it, despite difficult scheduling and varying 'real world' responsibilities. The door slid open once again and Donna craned her neck to see who it was. None other than the Scarlett Speedster himself, clutching the world's largest teddy bear.
"Make way, comin' thru! Teddybearzilla needs a clear path!" After Wally had deposited the bear, next to the table of cute little bags, he headed over to Donna and Shayera. "Helloooo ladies. Looking fine tonight. I'm in the mood... to do baby things." He then wagged his eyebrows (or as well as he could in his red outfit) suggestively.
"So you're the first to sign up for the games?" Shayera then reached into her dress and down into her bra (much to their not-so surprise) and pulled out a list on a folded piece of paper. "Read it and weep. Twenty three different games. All entirely humiliating."
Wally looked the list over. "Ha! We'll see about that."
Donna glanced at the clock. It was time. She rushed into the front of the room, closest to the door, and waited.
A low hush cascaded throughout the room, only a low pulsing beat of Awesomesauz's spinning could be heard. And right on cue, the door swished open revealing a very surprised Diana. And a very surprised Bruce Wayne.
Actually, Donna was thrilled. She had not expected him to be with her.
Diana's eyes danced around the room, taking in everything she could from the Themysciran inspired decorations, to all her friends that gathered in her (and her unborn children's) honor. To the giant cake just waiting to be eaten.
Her eyes brimmed with unshed tears. Diana engulfed Donna in a massive hug. "I love it! This is the greatest surprise!"
With that she moved onto each person in the room, lost in a cascade of happiness and shock.
Donna lowered her voice as she and Bruce watched Diana embrace literally every person. "I'm surprised you're here."
"I wouldn't miss it for anything." He paused for a second but then continued. "You know it's funny, one moment she's wanting to rip my head off, and then next she's crying and wanting to hug everything in sight," Bruce surmised with a chuckle.
"Ahh, but with good reason! Look at this place!" Donna gestured with her hands extravagantly. It looked like Mount Olympus, except with a giant cake. What could be better? "Not to mention," she elbowed Bruce gently, "hormones are a hell of a thing."
"Also, thank you for keeping the secret."
"If there's anything I'm honestly good at, it's keeping secrets." Truer words had never been spoken.
Within the next thirty minutes, the party was up and running. Awesomesauz had truly lived up to his credentials, despite looking like a shaved Hobbit.
Wally was currently sporting a tied-on baby belly and acting as if nothing about him was different. Shayera, now about four 'limeades' short of dancing on the table, doubled over in laughter.
Ollie and Dinah were canoodling at a table, taking pictures with their phones and whispering to each other.
Bruce and Superman were deep in conversation about something.
J'onn was heading straight toward Shayera mentioning quietly about drinking in her condition. Donna wasn't entirely sure what he meant, but Shayera glared at the Martian and asked him to speak to her in private and thusly pointing to her head.
Diana waltzed over to Donna, or as well as she could, considering she looked as though she had swallowed an entire planet. "I too was wondering about Shayera, she seems to be getting along fine. She did tell me, however, that Thanagarians metabolize alcohol differently. And that they drink up until giving birth. And even right after."
Donna, now beyond confused, turned to her sister. "What are you talking about?"
Diana now realizing she had spoken out of turn, clamped her mouth shut.
Donna's eyes widened. "You're kidding! But...how?!" Both sisters quickly looked over at GL, who was somberly sitting across the room and eying Shayera pensively.
"I should've known! I thought she looked at though she had put on weight."
"I can't believe I said anything! I thought she might have told you by now, as you've spent so much time together," Diana said, shaking her head.
"Not a word. Apparently it's just you and J'onn. And Batman."
Diana raised a brow at this.
"Diana, Batman knows everything. I don't know how you don't know this about him by now."
"That's true," she then laughed. "Oh how true that is."
Both sisters watched as John Stewart got up from his chair to head over to Shayera.
"Ooh, well somethings going to happen..." Donna started, but before she could even finish her thought, a sharp piercing alarm filled the room.
Mr. Terrific, mowing down his second plate of bacon-wrapped asparagus, groaned. "This better be worth it. Last time it was alerting me about a meteor shower."
Mr. Terrific walked over to a control panel near the doorway and shut off the alarm, allowing the party to continue in peace as he then walked out toward the Monitor Womb to check and see what the fuss was about.
Before Diana and Donna could resume their conversation, however, a large screen along one of the walls in the room lit up, Mr. Terrific was addressing everyone present. Awesomesauz stopped his spinning and lowered his volume.
"Three boom tubes have opened over Earth. One each above Chicago, Toronto and London. Apparently there are lizard armies exiting out of all of them. I'm gonna need each and every one of you, except for Diana, of course."
The entire room grumbled.
Plastic Man stretched his arm out to grab a few more cookies before exiting. Stargirl and Captain Atom both refilled their punch glasses before heading off.
"I was worried something like this might happen. Planning a party that consists primarily of superheroes tends to be a problem." Donna then hugged her sister. "Hopefully we'll be back soon!"
After all the work Donna went through, Diana certainly hoped so.
"A lizard army?" Superman asked no one in particular. "Oh for heaven sakes." Supes gave Diana a sad wave goodbye before leaving.
"But... the cake!" Diana heard Wally bemoan as he left the room.
Bruce walked over to Diana. "I'm guessing these 'boom tubes' are a regular occurrence."
Diana was about to say something snarky back to him but Bruce nodded toward the DJ in the room. "Er, yes, actually... boom tubes are interstellar connections between dimensions. You can travel large distances with them."
Bruce leaned in closer while pulling her towards him. "Hmmm, what an interesting life you lead, princess."
"Oh, you have no idea." Diana grinned broadly and then tipped her chin up, their lips brushing over the other's.
The screen flashed and showed subsequent cities with lizard armies. The two lovers broke apart to glance over at the display.
"A month ago I would've been upset that I couldn't join the fray. And now I'm thoroughly enjoying the fact that I'm in a room with a giant cake while getting to watch my friends do what they do best."
Diana walked over to the said culinary masterpiece and cut herself a generous slice of French toast and maple syrup frosted goodness. It tasted a hundred times better than it looked, and the entire thing was partly real gold.
The screen panned to Gotham. A small gathering of lizards had arrived. Diana walked over to Bruce and placed a small forkful of cake into his open mouth.
"Actually, that's pretty good!" He offered with real surprise (he had been present when Donna off-handedly asked Diana for her favorite 'flavors'). They both noted silently that Gotham was under attack and that he needed to address the situation.
"Business meeting?" Diana asked.
"Yeah," Bruce added wryly. "I'll see myself out. Uh, I think Mr. Terrific can beam me." With a quick yet lingering kiss, Bruce was off... to go do what he did best.
After Bruce was long gone, Awesomesauz finally spoke up. "Dude, these lizards are cray!"
"Cray indeed!" Diana then gestured to her plate. "Cake?"
As the next hour dragged on, Awesomesauz and Diana watched, with pistachio cake in hand, the utter defeat of the hoards from Apokolips. Diana often wondered about the random things sent via boom tube. Many a time, the odd creature or creatures are destroyed with no problem. It's as if Darkseid enjoyed watching and antagonizing Earth's heroes for no plausible reason. Only because he could.
Who knows if at one time the poor lizards had once been peaceful beings but then forced into a genetic mutation of some sort.
Awesomesauz seemed to know exactly what was on Diana's mind. In one fashion or another.
"It's so weird, y'know. Like, lizards from space? You have one weird job, Wonder Woman." This was coming from a man with metal hoops for eyebrows.
"That's true I... " Diana's lower abdomen jumped, and then fluttered abruptly. Guess it was time to give the cake a rest. "I ...ugh..." Now she felt as though a broadsword had been thrust into her belly. A sudden gush of water spilled out all over the chair and on to the floor. Diana now started to panic."OH HERA. Παιν! οη δεερ γοδς ωηατ ις γοινγ ον!"
"Um, are you speaking a different language?"
Diana reached across the table and grabbed the DJ's arm. "GO GET J'ONN. GET SOMEONE! ANYONE!"
Diana hardly noticed Awesomesauz clutching his arm as he exited the room to find help.
After what felt like an eternity, Diana somehow managed to find herself on an examination table in the medical bay of the Watchtower. J'onn by her side, checking over her vitals.
"They are coming."
Diana fought a wave of pain. "What...? Now?!"
Her head was swimming. "Where's Br-...Bruce?"
"I have not yet made contact with him. He and Nightwing have gone into an underbelly of Gotham, tracking down more lizards."
Diana whimpered and felt another contraction rippled through her. "They're... they're a month. A month..."
"Early. Yes. But it can be common when you are carrying more than one child."
"WHERE IS HE?!"
J'onn eyes glowed a deep amber as he tried making a mental connection with Batman. Finally, success.
"He's on his way."
"J'onn..., I wanted them born... in the m-manor." More contractions. Damn 'What to Except While Expecting'. It was a load of crap at this point.
A sudden lull fell over her. Diana took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Her reprieve taken away within seconds, as a long, slow contraction shuddered its way through her body.
"J'ONN GET THEM OUT! ARGGHH!"
J'onn placed a hand on Diana's forehead, creating a mental connection with her as well. "You are going to be beamed to the cave, Diana." She then momentarily blacked out, due to his pressuring on her mind.
After scooping her up, he carried her to the Monitor Womb, passing only a handful of Leaguers on their way out.
J'onn was fast as he passed any onlookers, plus he didn't need to explain anything. Diana was clearly ready to give birth.
After situating her on to the beaming platform, Mr. Terrific started up the process.
Donna stormed into the Monitor Womb a full speed. "Wait!" But before she could climb aboard, Diana's body was off in a flash.
Alfred was waiting beside the beaming platform in the cave when Diana's limp body appeared. She was slowly starting to awaken from her stupor.
Before Alfred could make another move, he could hear the stealthy engines of the Batmobile shut-off.
"Alfred... Where's Bruce..."
"Not to worry, he's coming," Alfred said with a reassuring smile.
And boy was he ever! Batman rounded the corner into the cave as if his cape was on fire.
"Alfred, get the master bedroom ready... I'll carry her up behind you."
Without a word, Alfred hurried off.
Another contraction hit Diana like a slam in the gut from Zeus himself.
Bruce tried to sound sympathetic. "It will be alright; it'll be over before you know it." He then scooped her up into his arms.
Diana tried her best not to flail. "You. You did this to me!"
"Oh, it cannot be that bad." Poor choice of words. And he knew it as soon as they escaped his lips.
The barrage of daggers coming out of her eyes was enough for him to know that she wasn't kidding around. And he should get her out of arms length faster, because he couldn't afford any broken appendages.
The down-turned master bed awaiting them looked like a safe-haven for Diana. Bruce helped her into a fitted sheet. At this point, Diana didn't seem to care what was going on. As long as they were OUT.
"If the timing on the contractions is correct, her cervix could be dilated up to six centimeters," Bruce related to Alfred.
"Seems awfully fast. Don't you think so, sir?"
"The labor came on fast. Plus she's an Amazonian, I don't know what to expect."
Diana at first let out a small whimper and then growled out, "I can hear you!"
"Sorry, my love, we were just figuring the best way to help you."
Alfred raised a brow at Bruce. "You're surprisingly good at this..."
Bruce mouthed that he didn't want to 'incur her wrath'.
After Alfred scoured the house and cave for anything they would need, as they lacked items due to the sudden and premature labor, he finally came back up to the room. Only thirty minutes had gone by.
Bruce has holding her hand, and helping her through her more and more frequent contractions. He was also explaining slowly and lovingly why breaking his hand wouldn't help the situation any.
The contractions were increasing in intensity and were now faster than before.
Alfred and Bruce were ready. Bruce checked on her.
"I think we're at nine centimeters."
Diana howled. "Why won't they just get out?"
"They do want out, they just need some coercing. You can help them by pushing..."
"Are they in the right position?" Alfred asked, hoping that nothing would end up going awry.
Bruce nodded. "All systems are go." If he hadn't been the one in charge of the delivery, he would have enjoyed every single moment of this. However, his task at hand was more important. "Diana. You can start pushing now. Push! Now!"
After the next fifteen minutes of goading and asking Diana to push, Bruce saw the first head start to crown.
"Get ready, Alfred."
Alfred nodded. "Diana, keep going. You're doing wonderfully."
Another solid push, and the fresh screams of a brand new infant filled the air. Bruce stared down at his... son. He was so overcome with emotion he didn't know what to do with himself.
"Master Bruce," Alfred brought him back down from cloud nine.
"He's here, Diana. He's here! Your son."
Diana craned her neck up. "Let me see..."
"Oh you will. You'll have forever to see him... But there's one more. PUSH!"
Alfred had just snipped the umbilical cord of the boy and swaddled him up in a soft towel. And as soon as he did, a different set of lungs found its way out into the world.
"And the girl. Here she is!" Bruce was over the moon. And Diana, now exhausted beyond belief, couldn't stop the tears of happiness that were streaming down her face.
Bruce took his son into his arms to show Diana while Alfred took care of the girl, wrapping her up in her own towel.
Alfred handed Diana her brand-new daughter.
"You two are going to be perfect parents. Look at you! You're both already naturals!" Alfred was beaming with pride. "However they will need names."
Diana and Bruce halted momentarily and looked at each other.
"Oh. We never made a decision."
Bruce smiled. "We can make a decision later."
After several exhilarating minutes, Bruce took his daughter down for her first stroll through the manor. Mainly to inform Dick that he would indeed need help covering his patrol this evening, but to also let Diana rest. As Bruce cleared the first landing of the staircase, he caught sight of a dark-haired woman down below on the first floor. Waiting for him.
His mind quickly jumped to Donna, but the closer he got, the more he realized that it wasn't Donna in the slightest. Standing before him was a tall, beautiful and fresh-faced woman. Yet the fire in her eyes was nothing but ancient, beyond the moon and stars themselves. Her robes were ornate, yet simple in appearance. She dignified her own role well: wisdom.
She smiled. "I must credit you for that."
"Well, there was a life-size statue of you at my wi-," he stopped. No, they weren't married yet. But soon. Very soon. "At Diana's baby shower."
"Oh?" Athena arched a perfectly sculpted eyebrow, her gray eyes lit with mirth.
"You were guarding the punch bowl." Before the goddess could answer that, Bruce added. "Why are you here?" He was a tad too stern. His normal visage returning.
"To inform you of the gifts bestowed upon your newborn children." She raised her hand in response to Bruce ready to make an angry retort. "And that no harm will ever come to them." She then lowered her head to say goodbye, and within a flash, she was gone.
Bruce then heard running coming from the hallway, it was Donna. She beamed up at Bruce. "Sorry I waited as long as I could. …" She then paused and cocked her head to the side. "What's a matter? Looks as though you've seen a ghost."
Bruce shook his head and then looked down at his baby daughter, now swaddled and tuckered out. "Your niece, she's beautiful." He then looked down at Donna and watched her fly up and over the banister, quickly yet gently taking her from his arms. Bruce secretly hoped Athena, or whoever else, didn't grant his children the ability to fly. A floating two year-old sounded like the worst possible idea.
"She's more than beautiful, she's perfect," Donna noted as she headed up the stairs. "What are you going to call her?"