|Swaw Mì Krr
Author: My writing is this PM
A moment in time. Sometimes that all it takes. One moment to make that connection. One look to see into someone. Born human but practically raised Na'vi, at an early age Sara knew what she wanted. She wanted him. But who wanted her? How do you choose?Rated: Fiction M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 16 - Words: 65,730 - Reviews: 31 - Favs: 60 - Follows: 65 - Updated: 05-10-13 - Published: 06-26-11 - id: 7121323
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: Antything you recognize from Avatar is not mine.
A/N: Here is the next chapter! I really enjoy this story and I've gotten more feedback on this one then my others so I'm thinking you all might like it too. I hope you do and enjoy this latest chapter!
Chapter Eleven: Tìngay
The air rushed over me and Tirea and I flew through the sky. Since I had bonded with him, we spent little time apart. Neytiri assisted me in making a pair of flying glasses, as well as a harness for him. His antennae were attached just a foot or so from the base of his head, making it easy for me to hold on. The sky was darkening, but still I flew. Even at night flying was amazing. To see the jungle from above. Only every time I did, I remembered the first time I experienced it.
"Here you go." I said and tossed Tirea a banana fruit.
I ate one as I looked at the several I had in my handmade basket. I had been occupying my time with many different things. Spending as little time with Tsanten as I could. He still taught me things, and we still spent time together, but not as much as before. I limited my touching and made sure to watch was I said to him. I didn't want to lead him on, especially when I knew what Ney'ite wanted. Every evening at dinner, since she last talked to me about him, she sat at his side. Most nights I turned in early, or say on Neytiri's other side. I knew that this would only last so long. I was shocked that Tsanten hadn't questioned me about it yet. But Ney'ite was good at distracting him. She seemed to know exactly what to say to keep his attention. I realized that she had had her eyes on him since before I arrived. Now that he was giving her attention it seemed to sprout into something else. She looked at him so adoringly it almost made me sick. Even when I wasn't with them, what I saw kept playing over and over again in my mind. Even when I was with Tirea, hoping to forget, all I did was long for him.
"Have another." I said and tossed my ikran another fruit. "I should just bring them back, but without chocolate I'm going to need something else to gorge on." I told him. He made a small noise and nudged me. "Oh, stop. I'll eat them all if I want." He made a low rumble, making me glare at him. A few prolemuris had approached and were attempting to get into my bag. "All you have to do is ask." I said and tossed a couple fruit to the creatures, smiling as they joyously ate them. "Should we go?" I asked Tirea.
Standing from his perched position, I nodded at him, doing the same. I took the basket, bonding with him, before leaping up onto the ikran's back. Through the bond, he took off at a steady pace, careful not to make me loose balance. I wanted to bring the fruit to Mo'at. It was too soon that Hometree came into view. Tirea landed on our usual spot. I disconnected my queue before sliding from his back. I gave him a quick goodbye before running down the branch, making my way to the gathering space, and then to Mo'at's hut.
"Mo'at?" I called from outside.
"Come in." She replied.
"Here, I brought you some fruit." I smiled as I entered.
"Sara, thank you." She said looking at it. "But you know as well as I that I can not accept them."
"I know. But I'm going to take this one, so then it would be considered sharing." I smiled at her. She smiled back, taking the remainder of the fruit.
"You've been alone a lot lately." She stated.
"I've been trying to distance myself, yes." I replied as I sat down, playing with the fruit.
"Why?" She asked with furrowed brows. I bowed my head and continued to pick at the fruit. "Sara?"
"I'm trying to save myself from as much heartache as I can." I told her. "We both know that this can't last forever. I can't keep using two bodies for the rest of my life. Not only that, but when my people come for what they want I have a feeling I'll be once again cast from the clan."
She sat in front of me, putting her hands on my knees. "But this way is hurting you." She stated.
"And I can handle that." I said looking up at her. "I can handle myself being hurt. But I can't hurt everyone else. If I'm just…around…then no one gets hurt. It's when I get involved that things start to go astray."
"Tsanten?" She asked. I didn't say anything. "He's been asking about you."
"Why?" I asked looking up at her.
"Why not?" She countered.
"Why should he?" I retorted.
She sighed with a small smile on her face. "You may not see it, but I do. I have known that boy since the day he was born." She told me. "He feels for you. He has made his decision. It has been a long time since he was made warrior and a part of The People. It has been many seasons since he was able to make his bow from Hometree and choose his woman. He has made his bow, but he has yet to choose a woman."
"There has to have been at least one he's been interested in. You can't tell me that of all the woman of the Omaticaya, there has never been one the he has wanted." I replied doubtfully.
She simply smiled and shook her head. "Not one."
"Mo'at, why are you telling me this?" I asked her sadly.
She reached up and gently played with my hair. I had taken it out of the braids and it now hung loosely down my back and over my shoulders. It was longer then Neytiri's and I had wrapped a colorful flower and its stem into it.
"I'm telling you this because I want both of you to be happy. Since you've been here it's almost as if I have two daughters again." She said softly.
A wave of sadness moved over me and I put my hand over hers. My five fingers covered her four and I lowered my head as tears filled my eyes. "That means a lot to me."
"And seeing you with Tsanten makes my heart soar." She said and smiled again. "The look in both your eyes."
"Ney'ite has strong feelings for him. I'm letting her have him." I told her.
"But he doesn't want her. He wants you." She told me.
"Of all the people of the clan, I am having trouble hearing this from you. You are the spiritual leader and I am the enemy. Yet you're trying to mate me with one of your males." I told her with furrowed brows.
"Enough of that talk." She told me, her authoritative voice coming through. "I will not have you belittling yourself when there is no call for it. You will be a part of The People and you will be happy with Tsanten. I will see to it."
Smiling, I moved to my knees, putting my arms around her neck. "Thank you, Mo'at. So much."
"You are family. Whether you are Na'vi or not." She whispered.
"Thank you." I said and let the tears fall.
Looking at me, she wiped them away before standing, taking the basket of fruit and leaving the hut. I lingered momentarily before leaving as well. I saw her present the basket to Eytukan. I stopped and watched the looks on their faces. They loved each other. Even if they were selected as a mated pair, they had grown to love each other. Eytukan looked over at me, nodding with a small smile. It was the most recognition he had given me since I'd arrived. I smiled, nodding back, before walking back through the village. Deciding to get out of the village again to think about what Mo'at said, I went to find Tompa. Bonding with him I moved him into the jungle. A swim sounded good and I knew just the place.
I could smell the lake before I could see it. Eager to get into it I urged Tompa forward. Just as we were about to move from the trees, I saw a direhorse lapping up pitcher plant water. Through the bond I halted Tompa almost instantly, looking at the direhorse. It was Tìtxur. Dropping from Tompa, I disconnected and moved from the trees. Tsanten was sitting on a fallen tree overhanging the lake. After not spending time with him for several days now, I melted at the site of him. Moving forward, I caught his line of site and he turned toward me. A smile moved across his face as he quickly came over to me. His arms were open. I willingly allowed him to embrace me. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I buried my face in his neck. When he released me, I couldn't help but become captivated by the look in his eyes.
"Hi." He smiled at me.
"Hi." I smiled back, more air then sound.
"I've missed you." He told me.
"I've missed you too." I replied putting my arms around his neck again.
When I finally released him again, he put his hand on my face. I put mine over his, relishing his touch. He smiled sweetly before bringing his face closer to mine.
"Tsanten…" I said softly as I put my hand on his chest.
"What is it?" He asked.
"We can't." I replied.
"Why not?" He asked. I was at a loss for words. "You've been avoiding me for days, leaving me to suffer through Ney'ite's never ending advances. All I've wanted is to spend time with you and you keep running away." He told me.
"Tsanten…please…" I said looked at him with glossy eyes.
"I know what you are and I don't care. You are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen." He told me.
"We can't." I whispered.
"Do you not feel for me?" He asked.
"It's not that."
"Then what is it?"
"I'm uniltìrantokx. We can't have a life here. It would only be a partial life. I'd have to return to my human body every night. How would that make you happy?" I asked him.
"Having any of you would make me happy." He replied.
"You barely know me." I said pushing away from him.
"How can you say that? You've been here for months." He frowned at me. "And I know what you are. I know what you came to do."
"Then why are you trying to get in my way?" I asked him sadly. He looked hurt. "It's not that I don't want what you want. But I can't keep you and you can't keep me. It's not the way this works."
"I'm sorry I brought it up." He said turning away from me.
"Tsanten…" I said following him. "I'm not saying this to hurt you."
"I understand." He said continuing to walk away.
"Ftang!" I yelled. He stopped and turned to me. "Rutxe."
"Please what?" He asked.
"Don't leave it like this. Just talk to me." I told him.
"You won't talk to me!" He yelled, getting in my face. "What do you want, Sara?" He asked.
My mind was screaming for me to just shut up. Not to get myself in this any deeper then I was. But my body was telling me something completely different. The truth was that I wanted what he wanted. I wanted to be here forever and to live amongst the Omaticaya. I wanted what Mo'at said to be true. But did I tell him that? Did I really tell him what I wanted?
"If I tell you..." I told him barely above a whisper. "If I tell you what I want, will you promise me that you won't act? Will simply knowing be enough for you? I have a job to do and I can't be distracted until I have accomplished what I came here to do. You know what I need to do. You know why I'm here. So…will it be enough?"
"Just tell me." He said stepping even closer to me.
"I want everything that you want." I told him. Putting my hand on his chest, I looked him in the eyes, the Na'vi flowing from my mouth. "I want this. I want to be with you. More then anything I want to be a part of your world. A part of the Omaticaya. I want to live this life as a whole. Not a half life. I want to be able to win this fight and find a way to stay…with you. I shouldn't want this. I shouldn't feel this way. But I can't deny it because this is the happiest I have been in a long time. Since I was a child, I have been fighting so hard to be strong and resilient. But here I feel like I'm home. Like I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not. But how is that possible? What if I fail you and the Omaticaya fall because I failed? What if my people destroy your people? What if you don't want me anymore?" I finished as a tear slid down my cheek.
He raised his hand and wiped it away. "I will always want you."
"Are you sure you want to start this?" I asked him.
"This started the moment I laid eyes on you." He replied taking my head in his hands.
"I love you." I whispered.
"I love you." He replied.
In the next second his lips were against mine. Putting my hands on his chest, I leaned into him. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me tighter against him. When I needed a breath, I pulled away from him. His eyes were bright and happy, a smile on his face. I couldn't help the smile that moved across mine.
"It's about time." He told me teasingly.
"Shut up." I said shoving him before putting my hands on his face, kissing him again.
Pulling away from him, I wadded into the water. Looking at him mischievously, he followed. He moved quickly, making me laugh as I tried to move away from him. He had me in his arms a second later, taking us deeper into the water. It was starting to glow as the sun was nearly completely down. The stronger the colors of the forest got the more I was captivated by him. The dots on his face started to glow, and every part of me wanted to be close to him. Placing a long kiss on his lips, I wrapped my arms around his neck. He held me tightly against him as we treaded in the nice cool water. Shutting my eyes, I took in the moment, happy that it was happening. He moved one arm, pulling his queue over his shoulder. Noticing, I released him, frowning at him.
"We can't." I told him.
"We already have." He replied.
"No." I said putting my hands on his face. "Not until I'm a part of The People. I need to finish it."
"But I already have." He smiled. "And I have finally chosen my woman."
Seeing the look in his eyes, feeling his hold on me, made me realize that I wanted this just as much, if not more, than he did. Pulling my queue over my shoulder, I held up the end. He did the same, waiting for me to make the final move. With our eyes locked, I only had to think for a moment more before putting mine against his. I watched as the tendrils coiled around each other. Then I felt the most pleasuring feeling of my life. I couldn't help the moan that escaped my lips. Tsanten's lips quieted me as he pulled me tighter against him, his thoughts telling me all I needed to know. My arms were locked around his neck as we kissed under the colors of the jungle.
It seemed as if my feelings grew as the colors of the forest, time seeming to be nothing. As we embraced each other, memories of our time spent together moved between us. Resting my forehead against his, I closed my eyes, seeing the first time he saw me move through my head. I watched as he bent down next to my unconscious form. There was something about the look on his face. I could see and feel the instant connection he made to me. Seeing myself through his eyes was odd. But then I felt my own feelings intermingle with his as I remembered taking him in for the first time. It seemed our first argument had made an impression on him. Even though there had been few since. He saw me watch him as we spent time together, laughing and joking in the jungle. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced in my life. Making tsaheylu with Tsanten was by far the most fantastic experience of my life. There was nothing that could top this feeling. It was like a never ending orgasm. If I thought I had never known love, I knew it now. Everything in this moment was amazing.
He moved from the water, picking me up into his arms, carrying me into the jungle. He pulled down several large leaves before laying me down on top of them, our lips hardly parting. He laid his body over mine, the water making our bodies slip against each other. My body temperature seemed to rise as his hands moved over my body, touching placing that made me tingle. His lips tasted so sweet, I couldn't get enough.
Our lips finally ceased and we lay there, looking into each others eyes. I softly trailed my fingers down his face, smiling as he did. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders as he laid his head on my chest. Wrapping my arms around him, kissing the top of his head, I took a deep breath, taking him in. Shutting my eyes I ran my fingers through his braids, completely content as our memories and feelings continued to flow through each other. Too soon, he rolled off of me, lying on his side next to me. Turning onto mine to face him, he pulled me against his chest. Resting my head on his bicep, I put my hand on his face. He put his on my neck, his thumb rubbing my jaw line. We laid like that for a long time, just staring at each other, dwelling in the tsaheylu.
My eyes felt heavy, but I fought against sleep. I had no intention of going back to my body just yet. I smiled and kissed Tsanten tenderly as his eyes kept slipping shut.
"Sleep." I whispered to him.
"Nga yawne lu oer." He whispered back.
"I love you too." I said and kissed him again.
Soon he was asleep and whole new feel flowed through the tsaheylu. Closing my eyes I watched as pictures started to flow through. He was dreaming. I could see us bonded and making love. I saw us flying together, age written on both our faces. There were children hugging us as we walked through the village. These images came and went. Tears ran from my eyes as I took in the happy scenes that Eywa was showing us. I tried to stay awake, tried to not let sleep take me, but it was too hard. Pushing open the link I got out, thrilled with what had just happened. Sad that I was back here.
"You're back." Grace smiled as she came into the room.
"Hey." I smiled standing up.
"You look happier today then you have been lately." She stated.
"I am very happy." I replied as my smile grew.
"You and Tsanten make up?" She asked.
"More then that." I said and leaned against the link bed. "I have to tell you something."
My face must have told her something, her smile fell and she asked, "Sara, what did you do?"
"I'm lying with him right now." I told her.
"You didn't…" She said eyeing me.
"We're bonded." I stated, my smile never leaving my face. "And I'm so happy, Grace."
She just looked at me with an indecisive look. I thought she was going to tear into me. Telling me how stupid I was. How I would never be full Na'vi. That I couldn't give him the life he deserved. A half mate. I already knew all of this and so did he. He accepted me for that, so why couldn't she? But instead of tearing into me, a smiled crossed her face.
"I'm happy for you, Sara." She said and embraced me. "He is an excellent Na'vi. Even though I think you could do better."
Laughing, I gently shoved her. "Like who? Tsu'tey?"
"No!" She said. "He's Neytiri's." She took my face in her hands and for a moment just looked at me. "I just don't think anyone is good enough for you."
"Thanks…mom." I smiled at her. Using the title for the first time without sarcasm or joking.
"You're my girl." She said and hugged me tightly.
"I love you so much." I told her as tears brimmed in my eyes.
"I love you." She said letting me go. "Now let's celebrate with some ice cream."
"With chocolate and peanuts?" I grinned.
She laughed, "What else?"
Wrapping an arm around each other's waists we went to the kitchen, scooping a large bowl of ice cream for each of us.
"You do know you probably shouldn't have done that, right?" Grace asked as we ate.
"Yes, I do." I told her. "But I'm in love with him, Grace. He is so magnificent I can't even begin to describe him. The feelings we shared. We're still bonded. We have to ah…you know…finish…in the morning." I told her with a wide grin.
"Sara Elizabeth Quaritch." She grinned at me. "You are a very naughty girl."
"Yes I am." I said and laughed.
"He loves you too?" She asked more serious.
"More then anything." I replied. "He never even looked at another woman before me."
"You're kidding." Grace said slightly shocked.
"I'm not. Mo'at told me herself." I said and smiled at her. "He's had advances. I even tried pushing Ney'ite on him to save him the heartache of me not being able to be with him. He scolded me for that. What can I say? He's got the hots for me." I told her and grinned, leaning back in my chair.
"SARA!" My name was yelled behind me.
Jumping, the chair tipped over, sending me to the floor. Instinctually, I swung my legs around, rolling on my shoulder, flipping over to face who called. Jake was there in his wheelchair, glaring at me.
"JAKE!" I yelled as I stood and hit him. "What the fuck?"
"I could ask you the same thing." He countered.
"What's going on?" Norm said groggily as he rushed into the kitchen, Trudy right on his heels.
"Jake was about to tell me." I frowned at them.
"Where are you?" He asked.
"In the jungle." I replied.
"Sara, what's he getting at?" Norm asked.
"What do you know?" I asked Jake, crossing my arms.
"Nothing but whispers in the village and a very happy looking Mo'at." He told me, his tone edgy.
"Mo'at looked happy?" I asked, my tone softening.
"Neytiri thinks you two are off mating. I told her you wouldn't do that. That we both knew better." He said calming. I didn't say anything. "Please tell me you know better." He told me.
"I can't." I told him as a wide grin spread across my face again.
"Are you serious?" Trudy smiled at me. I nodded at her. "Oh my God." She said and hugged me. "I'm so happy for you."
"Thank you." I said hugging her tightly.
Norm came to congratulate me as well. By the time I went through everything, and the group had calmed down, Jake was no longer in the room. Excusing myself, I found him in the link room, running his hand down his link bed.
"Jake?" I asked gently. He didn't say anything. Sighing, I ran my hand down the back of his head before taking a seat in his lap. "Don't be mad."
"I'm not mad." He told me.
"You're not?" I asked slightly surprised. "You sure seem like you are."
"I'm jealous." He said wrapping his arms around my waste.
"Oh, Jake." I said putting my arms around his neck. "I'm sorry."
He sighed into me. If the word 'sadness' was a sound, his sigh would have been it. "I love her." He whispered to me.
"I know." I replied. "Maybe it'll work out in the end. The world is full of possibilities."
He nodded and released me. I smiled at him before kissing his forehead. Standing, I ran my hand down his face before leaving him alone. We all said our goodnights before going to bed, or back to bed. The trailer grew quiet and I easily drifted off to sleep.
Walking through the jungle as if in slow motion, my eyes wandering through it. As I walked I saw Loki. A little further and there was Jake in his Na'vi body with Neytiri at his side; there was Mo'at with a smile on her face. Almost everyone I knew appeared on either side of me as I walked through the jungle. There seemed to be something ahead. There was a white light. As I neared it there was someone standing in it. When I was close enough I realized that it was Grace, in her human body. I stopped in front of her, looking at her questioningly.
"What's going on?" I asked her.
"Be happy, Sara." She told me. "He loves you and you love him. Let nothing get in the way of that. Build a life and live it. Don't worry about me. I love you."
"I love you." I replied.
"Go live." She smiled at me.
Nodding, I moved on, sensing what I was here for ahead of me. Moving past the last few trees, the jungle opened up and Tsanten was smiling at me. A second later there was a child rushing over to me, throwing their arms around my waist. She was beautiful. Looking up I saw a small child in Tsanten's arms. His face looked like his fathers.
"Tsanten…" I smiled, going to him.
He kissed me deeply. The dream accelerated and snippets of things started to appear. We were happy. The children grew up happy and we were at the lake, old and happy. Thanators were everywhere in the dream, as well as direhorses. It showed everyone I loved and the feelings that moved through me were the same as the feelings I had felt with Tsanten in my Na'vi body. Pure happiness.
Opening my eyes, I realized that the sun was shinning. Frowning, I went through the dream in my head. Apparently Eywa had blessed me with the dreams I should have been having with Tsanten last night. Showing me that we would be happy and that we would have children.
"Morning." I smiled at Grace as I made myself some eggs.
"It's early." Grace said. "Not that I'm surprised."
"I'm just eating fast before I go in. I hope he's not waiting for me." I told her, feeling the need to rush now.
"I'm happy you're happy." Grace grinned at me.
"Thank you." I smiled at her. "Eywa blessed me with good dreams last night. If she's right then I'm going to be a mother of two at some point here."
"As a Na'vi?" Grace asked.
"Yes." I told her. "I hope it's possible."
"Me too." She said sweetly.
I didn't have the heart to tell her that she appeared in a white light. If it meant what I thought it did then I was going to be very sad at some point. She looked exactly like she did now. I was afraid for her. If she needed to know then I would tell her. But until then it was something I wanted to keep to myself.
Eating quickly I made my way to the link room. Grace followed, hitting all the necessary buttons to get me in. Lying down she gave me one last smile before closing me in. I closed my eyes and drifted back to my Na'vi body. I felt caressing on my face and I opened my eyes to see Tsanten smiling at me.
"Hi." I smiled, putting my hand on his face.
He wrapped his arms around me, holding me close to him. "Hi." He said before kissing me deeply.
He rolled on top of me. Our thoughts and feelings still mingling as he became more vigorous. This was it. The final act before we returned to the village mated for life. As his emotions filled me I became more and more excited. Bringing my knees up to his sides, I felt him move inside of me. Arching against him I wrapped my arms around his neck, sealing my body to his as he moved against me. Rolling him over, I sat atop him, rocking against him as both our pleasure spiked. He sat up, pulling me against him as we moved as one. It had been a while but this felt better then anything I had ever felt before. When the climax came I felt like I was going to pass out it felt so good.
"Wow." I said as we laid in each others arms.
"I know." He smiled.
"No, I mean…wow." I said looking at him.
"I know." He repeated with a wide grin.
"If you had told me you could do that this would have happened a long time ago." I grinned at him.
He just looked at me and laughed making me burst with laughter. He pulled me against him before rolling, keeping me firmly against his chest. He trailed his fingers up and down my back, staring at me with a small smirk on his lips. Sighing, I laid my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. Smiling, I let the sound fill me, allowing it to be the only sound I could hear. This was the sound of my life. Without this sound there was no more meaning for me. Without this man there was no me. As long as I could hear this sound I would be at ease and be happy. This is where my true life began and where I hoped it would end.
Yay! I hope you enjoyed it! But I just wanted to add a question. I have a list of all the Na'vi used in this story and I would like some feedback on whether I should add a word list or just add meanings to the chapters. I'm sure I'll be adding to the list before this story is done. Any feedback would be most appreciated! Thank you!