|Even If You Never Love Me
Author: DustyDreams PM
"In a perfect world, I'd be able to know what it's like to... hold your hand? Take you on a date? Kiss you? You'd let me feel what it's like to be your boyfriend, just for a day. Just for one day. One day where you're mine?"Rated: Fiction T - English - Angst/Romance - Blaine A. & Kurt H. - Chapters: 15 - Words: 45,598 - Reviews: 254 - Favs: 137 - Follows: 301 - Updated: 09-24-11 - Published: 06-26-11 - id: 7121590
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Finn's in the middle of boiling water for hot chocolate when the doorbell rings. This is quite a shock. The cocoa is not simply a whim; Finn's freezing because there is literally a blizzard outside. Well, it's snowing.
Finn slips into his winter coat in preparation and opens the door. "Blaine? Dude, what are you doing here?"
Blaine's teeth chatter as he speaks, not in nearly enough clothing for the weather, "Kurt didn't tell you? I'm visiting him."
"Yeah, but it's snowing."
"Oh, that. That started about halfway through my drive. Surprise! But, I made it."
"I'm sure Kurt would have understood, Man. You could have wrecked."
"Well, I haven't seen him all break and there are only a few days left- Could I come in? It's really cold out here."
"Sure! Sorry," Finn steps aside to let Blaine through, then locks the weather out. "Kurt! Blaine's here!"
Kurt immediately comes rushing down the stairs, "What? Oh my God, are you insane? You drove in this weather?" Kurt catches sight of Blaine's shivering form and immediately softens. He grabs a blanket off the back of the couch, "Oh, you must be freezing!" He wraps the knitted wool around Blaine and pulls him into a hug.
Blaine nuzzles closer, seeking Kurt's warmth.
"I was making hot chocolate. Want some?"
"I'm sure he's prefer tea. Here, Blaine, I'll go brew you some."
Before Kurt can pull away, Blaine grabs his wrist, "Actually, hot chocolate sounds nice. And... you're warm."
Kurt chuckles, "All right, I'll play space heater. Let's get you set up on the couch." He never removes his arms from around Blaine as he maneuvers them to the comfy sofa, for which Blaine is grateful.
Sitting, Blaine immediately leans his head on Kurt's shoulder. It's not every day he gets a chance to be this close to Kurt, and they haven't seen each other for over a week; he's going to get the most he can out of this.
"I still can't believe you drove all that way in this weather."
"Half that way. The first half was fine."
"Still. You're lucky to be alive."
"I missed you."
"I'd miss you a lot more if you skidded on ice and plowed through a tree."
Blaine swallows. He knows this is just concern talking, but he can't stand Kurt sounding so disappointed in him. "Don't be mad at me? Please?"
"Fine," Kurt sighs, "but only because you look like an adorable snowman."
Blaine touches his cold-reddened nose, "I feel more like Rudolph."
Kurt squeezes him a little tighter and rubs up and down his far arm, "Are you feeling at least a little better?"
Blaine inhales Kurt's warm, sweet scent and nods.
Finn walks into the living room holding two mugs, "I couldn't find the hot chocolate mix, so I used Nesquik instead." He sets one mug on the coffee table before Blaine and collapses onto the recliner, magically not spilling the hot beverage on himself. He grabs the remote and flips the TV on, "What do you guys want to watch?"
Blaine just hopes for something distracting so Kurt won't notice when Blaine's temperature steadies and they no longer need to share body heat. Commercial breaks might be his biggest enemy here. "Why don't we put in a movie?"
"Ooh," Finn leaps from his seat, leaving his drink to slosh about the mug on the coffee table, and runs to the backpack near the front door. He yanks out two sweaters before presenting a DVD, "Puck just loaned me this. It's about some crazy surgeon who chops up people and runs experiments on them. Puck said there was so much blood he almost barfed."
"Why would anyone want to watch that?" Kurt asks indignantly, but he's already leaning closer to Blaine, seeking comfort from the mere idea of the film, so Blaine's pretty sure he found a winner.
"That sounds awesome!"
Finn smirks at his step-brother, "Two against one."
Kurt glares down at Blaine.
Flaw in the plan! Blaine works his best puppy eyes, "Pretty please can we watch the evil, scary movie?"
The look seems to work as a smile twitches at Kurt's lips, "If I have a nightmare, I'm waking you up."
Kurt coming to him in the middle of the night? Blaine's never heard a less effective threat in his life. "Fair enough."
Finn pops the movie in and plops back in his seat, "This is going to be epic."
For Blaine, it is. By the time the Mad Surgeon (yep, it's actually his name) has sewn a bomb into a woman's chest and sent her home to her family, Kurt's tucked under Blaine's arms, clinging to his side like he's some sort of superhero.
"She's hugging her children," Kurt whimpers, obviously distressed.
"It's okay, Kurt. It's just a movie," Blaine rubs Kurt's back soothingly.
Kurt hides his face in Blaine's neck. Blaine feels his hot breath against his pulse point and almost forgets he's supposed to be comforting.
An explosion rings out of the speakers and Kurt flinches, knowing what just happened. Blaine takes the opportunity to brush a gentle kiss to the top of his head. He lingers for a bit, eyes closed as he savors the moment.
"We don't have to watch anymore, Kurt. We can go up to your room until it's over."
Kurt shakes his head, but doesn't remove it from the safety of Blaine's neck, "It's okay."
Blaine spends the rest of Surgeon From Hell with Kurt's face pressed against him. Best movie ever.
As the credits proudly scroll up the screen, the front door opens revealing Burt and Carole, bundled yet dry.
"The snow finally let up enough for us to come home," Burt announces. "How are you boys holding up?"
"Fine," Finn shrugs.
Blaine sighs at the impromptu weather report, "I guess I should be going, then." Kurt is still pressed warm against him. Blaine really, really doesn't want to move. Curse his manners!
"Absolutely not, Mister," Carole retorts. "You're calling your parents and telling them you're staying the night."
Blaine loves this woman.
"What?" Finn exclaims. "You never let my girlfriends stay the night. How come Kurt's boyfriend gets to?"
Blaine gasps at being referred to in such a way.
Carole crosses her arms, "Quinn lived with us."
"Yeah, but she was all pregnant and mad at me."
"Blaine is not my boyfriend!" Kurt corrects, suddenly completely recovered from his cinematic trauma. He's sitting up, not touching Blaine at all, and oh how Blaine already misses him. "We're just friends."
He misses him so much. His own arms wrap around his chest as a poor substitute.
"Really?" Finn seems genuinely surprised. "I just thought-"
"What, Finn? That because we're both gay, we must be all over each other?" Kurt responds bitterly.
"W... But... You were cuddling during the movie!"
"It was scary, Finn. Blaine was just offering comfort, for which I am grateful," Kurt grasps Blaine's knee in appreciation. "Now, I'm going to get some blankets and a pillow to set my friend up on the couch." Kurt takes off in a moderate huff up the stairs.
Blaine's hand migrates to his knee, feeling the warmth where Kurt just touched him.
"Sorry, Dude," Finn mumbles to Blaine. "It wasn't, like, a gay thing, or anything. You guys just seem... Never mind."
"It's okay," Blaine's eyes can't quite meet Finn's.
"Here you go, Sweetie," Carole pats Blaine's shoulder as she hands him the landline. "Do you need anything before we go to bed? A snack? Water?"
"No, thank you."
"All right, good night." She presses a kiss to her son's head and disappears up the stairs.
"Last one up tomorrow does the breakfast dishes," Burt announces as he follows his wife up to their room, "That includes you, Blaine."
"Yes, Sir." Blaine feels a giddy warmth form within him. Kurt's family has included him in a family rule. That's a very boyfriend-like way of being treated.
"Don't worry," Finn grins as he, too, rises to leave. "I'm always the last one up." With that, he ascends the stairs.
Blaine's hand starts to feel heavy, reminding him the phone is there. He dials the familiar number and waits.
A cheery English accent answers, "Anderson residence. May I take a message?"
"Hey, Rose, it's me. Are my parents coming home tonight?"
"No, Master Blaine, they're away on business."
"Of course they are," Blaine sighs. "Well, if one of them happens to show up and wonders where I am, could you let them know I'm waiting out the storm at the Hummels'?"
"Of course, Master Blaine."
"Thank you, Rose."
"Good night, Sir."
Blaine hangs up and suddenly feels so alone. The house is quiet, covered in a deafening layer of snow and inhabited by the nearly sleeping. It's cold, colder now that Blaine's alone.
How long does it take to grab a couple of blankets, anyway?
As if in answer, Kurt comes gracefully down the stairs, carrying two pillows, a comforter, and a sheet, all stacked neatly upon his forearms. "Sorry that took so long. Someonedoesn't know how to properly fold sheets and I had to iron out the wrinkles."
Blaine smiles. Only Kurt would care so much about a few sheet wrinkles. Blaine is just going to wrinkle them in his sleep, anyway.
Blaine stands to help turn the couch into a decent bed, but Kurt is too efficient to be aided. He tucks the sheet around the cushions like half a slip-cover, stacks the pillows where Blaine's head will apparently go, and gently places the comforter on top. "Are you going to be warm enough?"
Blaine can hear so much wonderful caring in that question. Caring for him. "Yes, thank you."
"I'm glad you came, even if it was dangerous and stupid to risk your life like that."
"I'm glad I came, too."
Kurt pulls Blaine into a hug that doesn't last nearly long enough for the older boy.
"Oh, I almost forgot!" Kurt grabs a stack of clothes that must have been hidden amidst the bedding.
They're silk pajamas. Kurt's silk pajamas.
"I wish I could say I've never warn them, but I never buy clothing just to sit in my closet. They're clean, though."
Blaine holds them close, "Thank you."
"I also set out a spare toothbrush in the upstairs bathroom. It's blue. Come on, you can get changed in there."
Blaine follows Kurt up the stairs, unable to think of anything aside from sleeping in Kurt's clothing. It's so soft, and will undoubtedly smell of the boy.
"All right, here's the bathroom. I know you've been here before but... Blaine, are you all right? You've been kind of quiet."
Sweet Kurt, he would pick up on something like that. "I think I'm just tired."
"Oh, all right. I guess that drive would be exhausting. Well, good night, then." Kurt pulls the bathroom door closed, leaving Blaine once again alone.
He finally gives into temptation and lifts the pajamas to his nose. They do smell of Kurt: his detergent, his cologne, the air freshener in his house, and just faintly of that sweet scent Kurt just naturally gives off. Heaven. Blaine quickly slides them on and is overcome by the desire to never take them off.
He brushes his teeth knowing that that's the toothpaste Kurt uses, that this is what Kurt's mouth might taste like if they ever kiss.
When Blaine steps out of the bathroom, he can hear Kurt softly humming from his bedroom. He wonders if Kurt does this every night, what he's like getting ready for bed, what it would be like to get ready for bed together.
The music gains instruments as Kurt switches to his iPod. Blaine misses the angelic voice already.
"Dude, if Burt catches you there, you're a dead man," Finn says from his now open door.
Blaine is standing at the threshold of Kurt's room, hand on the door... like a creeper. Excuse! "Oh, uh... Kurt mentioned he might get nightmares. I just wanted to make sure he's okay."
Finn gives Blaine a calculating look. This is no Texas Instrument Calculator of a look, more of a ten-key with the solar panels that distract everyone, but Finn may still be getting information here. "Considering Kurt's not even asleep yet, I think we're in the clear."
Blaine shuts his eyes, "Of course."
"But, hey, if you're really worried, these walls are paper thin and I sleep, like, a foot away from Kurt's head. I'll get you if he says anything about crazy surgeons."
"Kurt talks in his sleep?" Adorable. Wonderful. Perfect.
Finn snorts, "Yeah, Dude. It's hilarious." Not one for the types of manners that prevent one from leaving mid-conversation, Finn turns and thuds down the stairs.
Blaine follows, hoping to hear more about Kurt's sleeping habits... In a totally non-stalker way. "What kind of things does he say?"
"Mostly boring stuff: recipes, thoughts on fashion, arguments for solos. Once, he totally went off on Dream Schue. It was awesome. Hey, you didn't drink your hot chocolate." Finn picks up the full mug.
"I just brushed my teeth," Blaine uses as an excuse.
Finn shrugs, "Kurt doesn't like when I use Nesquik, either."
Another thing they have in common. Or, assumedly, considering Blaine didn't even try it. Kurt probably wouldn't have put that in his body, either, though. Kurt. He would give anything to hear Kurt talk in his sleep, about fashion, food... him. Stop. Friends. Only friends. It's very important to Kurt that they just be friends, so Blaine needs to stop these stupid, stupid thoughts.
But he can still smell Kurt on his clothes and taste his toothpaste, and those thoughts just don't go away so easily.
"You okay, Man?" Finn yanks Blaine back to reality.
"Huh?" Well, not all the way back to reality just yet.
"You've been acting weird."
Great. Is everyone picking up on this, or is this some step-brother super power?
Before Blaine can respond, Finn gets ramble-y, "Listen, if this is about when Kurt thought I was being homophobic, or whatever, I'm not like that. I don't hate you."
"I know," Blaine is quick to reassure. "I know that, Finn."
Finn looks like a weight's been lifted off his shoulders, "Good. Good. So, you're cool, then?"
He tries to nod, to say yes, to give any hand gesture in the affirmative, but his body just refuses to let him lie about this anymore.
Finn catches on, "You know, if you want to talk, I'll listen. I dated Rachel, so I'm really good at it."
Blaine shouldn't. This isn't Finn's problem. The quarterback has enough to deal with without Blaine thrusting lustful thoughts about his step-brother down his throat.
But he's been carrying this around for so long and no one's been willing to listen. He just can't hold it in any longer.
"I'm in love with your brother."
There, it's out there. Oh, God, it's out there.
Finn looks confused, "I thought you guys were just friends."
Blaine swallows down all the pain and sadness threatening to bubble out of him and nods, "So does he."