|Problems and a Miracle
Author: JperW PM
Set in the future, a couple of years after S5E20 EatG, Jennifer and Rodney are now married, but their marriage starts to fall apart as Jennifer cannot seem to get pregnant. Will they never be able to have children? Will their marriage and love survive? McKeller pairing.Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Drama - Jennifer K. & Rodney M. - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,976 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 07-05-11 - Published: 06-28-11 - id: 7126175
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Chapter 2: A Better Man
A/N: Thanks to my beta-readers dwparsnip and BetherdyBabe.
"How could you do this?" Rodney yelled at her, holding a bunch of papers in his hand, wildly waving them in front of him before throwing them at her.
The papers collided with Jennifer's chest and they whirled down to the floor creating a pattern on the ground around and in front of her. A brown envelope decorated with a hospital logo landed on top of them, immediately catching Jennifer's attention and producing something in between a guilty and ashamed look on her face. It had been months since that faithful day at that very same hospital when the doctor had broken the news to Rodney that he would never be able to have a child without artificial, medical help.
"Rodney, I-I-I am…" Jennifer stuttered, still fully dressed in her winter coat, hat and scarf as she had just entered their temporary home through the front door.
Car keys still in her hand, Jennifer had come in through the door to find Rodney already home waiting for her. Having arrived home only moments before, the physicist had dropped off his coat and shoes and picked up the mail, including a brown envelope from the hospital. As he had opened the envelope and read the papers inside, his eyes had widened in shock and disbelief while his hands had angrily gripped the papers, brusquely browsing through them. With what he had just read still freshly burning in his mind and the brown envelope and the bundle of papers still in his hands, the front door had opened to reveal a warmly muffled-in Jennifer. Immediately after the door had closed behind her, Rodney had yelled at her, giving her no time to do anything except confusedly gaze at him.
"You're sorry?" Rodney honed, blood rising to his face. "You promised me you would not go through with it anymore! You promised! Me! You promised me!"
Feelings of betrayal and anger had driven Rodney over the edge, Jennifer had never before seen him furious like this. However, even worse than that was the fact that he was rightfully angry at her as she had indeed broken her promise to him by keeping something hugely important from him.
"I know," she admitted meekly.
"Then don't tell me you're sorry! We agreed on this. You and I. And you…"
Rodney was unable to complete his sentence as he had to stop yelling and calm himself enough to take a deep breath. Something he seemed to have forgotten how to do in his anger.
"Rodney, please, let's talk about – " Jennifer pleaded with him.
He held up a hand to stop her, as he spoke softly, "Did you somehow forget about what happened the previous times?"
His voice was now laced with disappointment and disbelief at his own question. Bewildered as he was at his discovery, he sounded more heartbroken now.
Jennifer, unable to open her mouth and say something, anything at all, stayed silent, physical pain coursing through her veins and piercing her heart.
"Huh!" Rodney demanded again. "Did you get hit on the head and develop some sort of amnesia? If you don't remember the ectopic pregnancy and the miscarriages, how about you almost dying last time? You remember that or have you forgotten about that, too?"
"Of course not!" Jennifer suddenly said, defending herself and getting angry at the condescending words he was throwing at her.
"Clearly you have!" he raised his voice, challenging her.
"No! Don't say that!" she replied angrily, but instead of stopping him it had the opposite effect, only adding fuel to the already burning flame inside of him.
With an enraged look in his eyes and his head red as a lobster now, he shouted, "Do you know what I have gone through? Do you know what it did to me the last time? You almost died! You would have died if I hadn't found you in time. I thought you were dead!"
"I know that," she tried to stop him.
It was futile, he did not believe her and intervened before she could say anything else, "No, clearly you don't. Obviously, I should tell you again."
"Rodney, I – " she started, but then the argument took a sharp turn.
"I am not losing you! I will not let you kill yourself. Not as long as I am here," he suddenly said fiercely, a new deranged and dangerous look in his eyes.
Utterly unprepared for the new path their heated argument had suddenly taken, Jennifer stammered, "I-I-I just… I am not – "
"Of course you're not, but that shouldn't – " Rodney hotly interrupted her before letting out an alarming cry.
"I cannot do this, Jennifer," he continued with a constricted voice. "I can't go through it again."
"So we're just going to give up?" she let out in disbelief, her own disagreement with the question audible. It was obviously a challenge instead of a question.
Agitated at his last words, his unwillingness and his seemingly disregard for the thing she wanted above all, Jennifer lost her own calm as well.
"Yes!" Rodney answered nevertheless. "Yes!" he even repeated again as her eyes burned into his.
"Well, I disagree. You might have given up, but I haven't!" the physician argued loudly. "This new technique – "
"I don't care. I simply don't care," he said bluntly. "We can't have children of our own. Get it through your head. I CANNOT HAVE CHILDREN!" he shouted at her, his voice reaching new decibel levels as if that would help his words get through to her.
"I want a child with you, Rodney." Jennifer replied defiantly. "I want it more than anything," she said yearningly without raising her voice making her words all the more desperate.
Their differences in opinion could not have been affirmed any better. Furthermore, even though they were only feet away from each other, they felt like a deep, vast ravine separated them.
"Well, we can't," Rodney repeated candidly. "So, maybe you should just divorce me and find someone else."
"Don't say that," Jennifer murmured.
"Why? It's true, isn't it?" Rodney spoke with a settled tone conveying that it was not really a question. "I know you want to. The only thing you care about anymore is getting pregnant, and obviously I cannot give you that."
"Don't," she repeated while her stomach turned over inside of her as if someone was squeezing her insides.
"You know what?" the scientist unrelentingly continued. "I am going to make this easy on you. I'm leaving. Then, at least you will stop this madness of trying to get yourself killed and you will be able to find someone else. Someone who will have better semen and will be able to give you your child."
With that he turned around and went upstairs towards their bedroom.
Jennifer took off her coat, hat, scarf and shoes while collecting herself and the thoughts flying around in her head. She then followed Rodney up the stairs and found him and his already packed suitcase in their bedroom. He was just collecting his wallet and cellphone as she entered the room.
"Rodney, don't do this," she beseeched him, trying to find his eyes. "We can talk about this. We can – "
"What's left to talk about?" Rodney responded miserably, avoiding her look.
"Nothing," the scientist answered his own question before Jennifer could say anything. He had a peculiar tone in his voice Jennifer did not recognize. "We haven't been talking for months because there's nothing left to say. You want a child, but I can't give you one and now you are constantly regretting marrying me."
For a moment he fell silent and then continued fervently, "And I understand! God, I understand! I do!" he exclaimed truthfully, passionately waving his hands in a desperate gesture.
Wretched, he resignedly bowed his head, but still persevered with his monologue. "You know that I have always wanted a child of my own. With you. I'd give or do anything to make you happy. I'd give anything to have a child with you, but I am not letting you put yourself at risk over this any longer by continuing these risky procedures. You need to find a better man who can give you what you want and deserve. Because you do deserve this, even if you don't think so. You deserve the best there is. I can't give you that any more. This is the best thing for us and I'd rather be miserable alone, without you, than letting you be unhappy with me and having us both miserable. Or worse, you killing yourself because of something I wanted. I am not staying behind alone without you, either. So you see, me leaving is the best solution. And tomorrow morning first thing I am calling the doctor to have him destroy all the rest of my stuff. It has to stop and you have to accept this and move on, Jennifer. Without me. So, I am…"
At the end of his rope, he finally looked at Jennifer.
"I am leaving, Jennifer. I am giving you back your freedom. I want nothing more than for you to be happy, and you need this to be happy," he finished, quite convincingly with a decisive look in his eyes which focused upon Jennifer standing in front of him.
"No, I…" she replied, overwhelmed.
"Oh come on, Jennifer. Don't lie to me. I know you," he interrupted her.
"Rodney, I don't want you to leave," she appealed, her voice unsteady, but still conveying the request which she felt in every fiber of her being.
"Maybe not," the physicist said, "but you need me to leave. And I need to leave because, even though I want to give you what you want more than anything, I can't. So I need to step aside. I cannot be with you and I don't want to be here to watch you with someone else. I just…"
For a few moments, he fell silent before he looked away to the door and with the last remains of his resolve he said, "I am leaving."
However, before he could make one move towards the door, Jennifer grabbed his arm forcefully preventing him from leaving.
"Don't," she said warningly, almost threateningly.
"Jennifer I – " Rodney began, but Jennifer interrupted him by slinging her arms around his neck.
Without any further warning, she kissed him hard and passionately on the mouth. Rodney stood there surprised, maybe even shell-shocked, and did not kiss her back even though he desperately wanted to. When he did not move or do anything except drop the suitcase and his wallet which he had been holding on to, Jennifer shoved him forcibly against the wall.
"Jennifer, I can't – " the scientist tried, but made no real effort to free himself from her grasp.
"Please just shut up, Rodney, and kiss me," she interfered.
"But, – " he tried again.
"I don't want you to leave, Rodney," she interrupted again. "And I don't want anyone else."
Trying to reassure him, she added, "That's the very last thing I want and I am not letting you go. Not now. Not ever. You are the better man. I would not want to be with anyone other than you, let alone have a child with someone else. I'm not letting you leave."
"But I can't make you happy anymore," he argued. "You've been…"
"Unhappy?" she completed the sentence for him.
"Well yeah, you've been – " Rodney tried to agree, but again she did not let him finish.
"I've been unhappy because we haven't talked in months, Rodney. We haven't done anything together. You barely spoke three words to me yesterday and I haven't seen you smile at me in weeks. And we haven't had any real sex in months."
"Sorry, but I…" Rodney muttered. The rest of his sentence was nothing more than a grumble as the beautiful woman in front of him pushed him even harder into the wall and leaned her body against him.
"I want you, Rodney." Jennifer whispered, her mouth mere inches from his ear. "I need you! And if we don't have children, that will be hard, but I don't want to lose you. Not over that. Not over anything. I just wish we…"
Her voice failed her, a deeply sad look appearing on her face, filled with regrets and unattainable wishes.
"Jennifer, I am not saying we should completely give up, but you have to stop this. You can't put yourself in harm's way like this anymore. We'll work it out, but we have to do it together and I need you to accept that you can't have a child with me," Rodney said, forgetting about his previous monologue and explanation about how he had to leave as there were no other options.
Occupied with her own thoughts, Jennifer agreed, "I know. It's just hard. I – "
"I know it's hard," the scientist interrupted, "but I'm here. Talk to me."
"I am not the only one who hasn't been talking. You haven't been talking either," Jennifer accused him.
"So neither of us has been talking to the other. I think we can agree on that," Rodney said, trying to keep the peace.
Jennifer, however, said angrily, "Oh, I wanted to talk to you, but you weren't there! Even if you were with me, you didn't want to talk about it. You just shut everyone out, including me. And now… Yeah, now you want to be all great and talk about it, but it has been months. Months, Rodney. You have been ignoring it and me for months. I'm not to blame here, you are! I wanted to talk to you about it more than anything. I had no one else to talk to other than you, but you… I wanted to tell you. Every freaking day!"
"Then, why didn't you?" Rodney asked. "If you really wanted to, that is," he added, making it perfectly clear that he did not really believe her. Angrily, he went on, "Nothing ever kept you from forcing yourself onto me before. You purposely kept this from me!"
"Forcing myself onto you?" she huffed out indignantly. "I have never forced myself onto you!" she fumed with rage.
Furious at him, at herself, at everything and everyone, she blurted out, "Because I knew you wouldn't agree! Because I knew you wouldn't let me. Because I knew you would talk me out of it. And because I knew it was wrong and that you loved me, and that… As long as I did not say anything to you, I could just keep hoping and pretending that it was not, but…"
"I still love you, Jennifer," Rodney suddenly interrupted her.
"I'm sorry, Rodney. I am so sorry."
She started sobbing into his chest and he covered her protectively with his arms.
"Shhhhhh," Rodney soothed while gently rubbing her back.
"I am so sorry. So sorry," she mumbled into his chest. "I wanted to tell you."
"Shhhhhh," Rodney soothed again. "It will be okay."
After ten or so minutes, where Rodney continued to soothe Jennifer as she cried and mumbled into his chest, she looked up again. Rodney wiped away the tears on her cheeks with his hands as he looked into her warm, brown eyes. The moisture in her eyes gleamed.
Gently, she urged his head down with her left hand, while cupping his left cheek with the other and leaning up against him before she closed her eyes and tenderly kissed his lips. For the first time in months, something sparked inside them as their lips touched.
Jennifer let go of his cheek and pulled back, but Rodney circled his arms around her waist. Pulling her close again against his chest, he leaned his head down and kissed her. The spark grew into a cautious flame as they both closed their eyes again. Jennifer moaned into his mouth and the kiss became more passionate and longing instead of loving and caring as it had started out.
Both out of breath, they pulled back, gasping for air. The flame burst into a real fire and burned through their bodies as a wildfire racing through a bone-dry prairie fueled by a wind storm.
Rodney scooped her up into his arms and she flung her arms around his neck once more, snuggling into him as he walked over to their bed. As he tripped over his wallet on the ground and fell forward onto the bed with Jennifer still in his arms, she giggled loudly.
"Rodney!" she admonished him playfully as he tickled her stomach where her shirt had ridden up.
She stretched out her arms and pulled him on top of her. When he was facing her, his head hovering inches above her own, her face got a serious expression again.
"I did not work. Doctor Copeland suspects there's an unknown genetic abnormality to blame for the miscarriages and your… you know," Jennifer said. "We probably both have some of the same bad genes."
Her throat went dry and her voice refused her. Silence followed as Rodney patiently waited for her to continue, giving her the time and space she needed.
"I couldn't go through with it anymore, Rodney," she uttered softly. "I didn't have another treatment. I didn't let them transfer the fertilized eggs. I am not pregnant right now."
Rodney rolled them over so he was now lying on his back and gently pulled Jennifer against him enveloping her with his arms before kissing her forehead.
The physician did not say anything else, nor did the physicist. He did not need to say anything. Words were no longer needed. They just laid there for a while before their kisses grew more passionate and longing again. The fire still burning inside them, the temperature in the room shot up, the glass in the windows dampened and the room gradually darkened while they proved their love for each other, losing more and more of their clothes in the process. Pleasure and happiness filled their hearts again, spreading through their entire bodies. Things heated up even more as they shared their love with each other, several times before falling asleep entwined together as if nothing or no one would ever come in between them again.
It would be a beautiful night – and not only an eventful evening – to remember for the rest of their lives. They were back on their way to happiness and with time all would be right again. Coming out of this, they were even stronger than before. Their love had yet again conquered and prevailed.