|Not By Choice
Author: BreakMyDreams PM
He didn't want this, this wasn't what he had signed up for, he'd been told they only wanted to research this new discovery, no one had ever said they'd actually impregnate him. Contains mpreg and mentions of a third gender.Rated: Fiction M - English - Drama/Angst - Blaine A. & Kurt H. - Words: 2,777 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 4 - Published: 07-12-11 - Status: Complete - id: 7171745
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
This was written for the GleeMpreg weekly writing challenge. The theme is angst and the prompts are "Forced Pregnancy/Forced Experimentation" and "Postpartum Depression"
He didn't want this, this wasn't what he had signed up for, he'd been told they only wanted to research this new discovery, no one had ever said they'd actually impregnate him. Thinking back on it now, he'd been stupid not realize that's what they wanted from the start but they had made the perfect pitch and he'd been blinded by the money. He was a starving college student, struggling with being away from the only friends he had ever known as well as the love of his life and they had seen that and taken advantage of it.
The idea of a third gender had been around for years but science had only proved out its existence recently and scientists all over the world were racing for more information, racing to be the first to experiment with this new unknown gender. However those belonging to this gender weren't keen on being experimented on and those in the scientific community were becoming desperate for information. So when Blaine had been approached by a company stating they only wanted to study, not experiment, he hadn't seen any harm in accepting the offer, he'd even thought it would be nice to know a little more about this newly discovered part of him.
They had even told him he could pull out anytime during the study and three months in when the discovery was made that those belonging to this third gender did in fact have the necessary parts to carry children he had tried to. He'd already been trapped though, he hadn't read what he was signing carefully enough and after having lawyers go back through it all with a fine tooth comb he discovered that he had signed away all of his rights without ever realizing it. That led to where he was now, it wasn't what he originally imagined, he wasn't locked up in a sterilized white room with no hope of ever seeing the outside again, in fact he was in his own apartment, still going to classes everyday and continuing his daily life, the only signs of his imprisonment being the GPS locked around his ankle and the morning sickness.
It could have been so much worse, that's what his lawyer's told him at least but to him it didn't feel that way. He was eighteen years old, still in his first semester of college and he was pregnant with an anonymous donors baby, a baby that he had also unknowingly signed the rights away of. Yes, even after he completed his part of the experiment the child would still be considered a product of it and therefore be open to being studied and possibly even experimented on its self once it was old enough. It, he couldn't bring himself to refer to this child as a he or a she, no it was not a child to him and would not be referred to as such.
He didn't know what to do anymore, he felt defeated, like there was no where left to turn. He hadn't told anyone from back home, actually he hadn't told anyone at all because how exactly do you explain this? Where do you start? His parent's wouldn't care, they had made sure he understood that accepting a music scholarship was the last straw for them and their perfect family of doctors and lawyers; and he was too embarrassed to admit his stupidity to his friends. Then there was Kurt, how do you tell your boyfriend who is currently completing his senior year of high school and making plans to join you afterwards something like this? He already suspected that there was something going on and if Blaine didn't come up with a way to tell him soon he'd find out first hand when he came to visit at Christmas.
Christmas, he mentally groaned, which was only three weeks away, he needed to tell him before then, Kurt deserved that much, he deserved the chance to back out now before he was here and stuck for two weeks. Yet he kept putting it off, kept hiding things and plastering a tired smile on his face when telling his boyfriend that college was just a lot harder than he thought it would be. Three weeks was suddenly three days and Blaine was freaking out, in three days his boyfriend would be here and he would no longer be able to hide the GPS around his ankle, or the morning sickness, or the weekly doctor's appointments, or more importantly the slight curve that was steadily forming on his abdomen. Time was suddenly moving way too fast and before he could process it he was in the middle of the airport and Kurt was in his arms.
"Wow", Kurt muttered as they entered Blaine's apartment, "This is a lot nicer than I was expecting for someone in their first year of college."
That was all it took and Blaine slumped into a chair sobbing, "I'm so sorry, I messed everything up, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for any of this to happen." The flood gates were open and he couldn't stop the God forsaken tears no matter how hard he tried.
Kurt was kneeled in front of him in a split second, rubbing his hands up and down the other boy's thighs in an attempt to sooth him. "Blaine, you're scaring me. What's going on? Tell me and I'll fix it, I promise." Kurt whispered but this only caused his boyfriend to cry harder, shaking with the force of his sobs.
"Th-The-They said it was just a study, I promise, they said they just wanted to learn." He cried, "I was so stupid, I didn't read what I was signing, it was so much money and I was so broke and now everything is ruined." He was hyperventilating now, tears still rolling furiously down his face.
"Breathe Blaine, what study? Do I need to call 911?" Kurt was confused and scared, he'd figured out that there was something wrong from talking on the phone but now it looked to be a lot worse than he'd imagined.
"No, please don't call anyone", Blaine started grasping at Kurt's arms, trying to take steady breaths, "I was approached at the start of the semester by a company saying they wanted to use me in a study, just a study, and I tried to pull out once I realized what was going on but it was too late, I'm pregnant." He trailed off his voice barely audible as his tears continued.
Kurt sat frozen, his mind racing as his boyfriends words sunk in, after what feels like an eternity he hears the word's tumble from his lips though they sound far away, "What are you going to do?"
Blaine laughs, the sound is rough and humorless, "There's nothing I can do, and I've already had three different law firms look over the paperwork, its air tight. I was just too big of an idiot to read the fine print." His eyes feel raw but the tears still don't seem to be slowing and part of him wonders if they'll ever stop.
"What about after it's born, and how far along are you, you don't look pregnant, and why are they letting you stay here and not somewhere they can observe you from?" Kurt asks hurriedly, his mind supplying every possible question that might lead to the admission that this is all a joke.
Blaine took a ragged breath, "Even after it's born it will still be considered a product of the study, they'll want to do tests, and I'll probably never even see it. They aren't telling me a whole lot but from what they have said I know I'm towards the end of the first trimester, just now starting to show." He pauses to take a deep breath, trying to keep his voice steady, then lifts his pant leg to reveal the GPS, "They keep track of me this way and I have to go in weekly for them to check my progress and for potential problems."
"This isn't a joke?" Kurt's eyes are wide and pleading.
"I'm sorry, I am so so sorry, I wish it was." Blaine feels numb and yet at the same time every part of him aches for this to just be over.
Kurt is crying now, "Where do we go from here? I don't know what to think much less what to do right now," He sniffles.
"I don't know", It's the honest answer so Blaine goes with it, "This isn't your problem though, you don't have to stay, I'll even understand if you don't. I can arrange for you to go back home tomorrow, you shouldn't let your entire break be ruined by this."
Kurt's hand are cupping his face, forcing him to look him in the eye, "I'm not going anywhere. I'm confused and I'm scared and at a loss for what to do but I'm not going anywhere, okay? I love you and I refuse to let you go through this alone."
The next two weeks are tense, neither boy knows how to act so they take to ignoring it as best as they can and when Kurt leaves it's with a kiss to his cheek and a promise that he'll be back for spring break. Afterwards Blaine keeps the same mental stance, doing what the doctors tell him and nothing more, ignoring his steadily expanding waist line, the small flutters he begins to feel and the more intense thumps that follow and turns his focus towards school. By the time Kurt returns for spring break Blaine feels big and awkward, his back aching from the added weight and even the smallest tasks leaving him exhausted.
At the airport Kurt merely pulls Blaine into a one armed hug and presses a kiss to his cheek before moving to find his luggage. Things aren't as tense as they were at Christmas but Blaine catches Kurt staring at his middle frequently and it makes ignoring it a little more difficult. The second night Kurt is there they are watching a movie, snuggled up close while still trying to avoid acknowledging the bump as Blaine has taken to referring to it mentally. Kurt is pressed close to his side, his head resting on Blaine's shoulder and Blaine's arm draped around him when a particularly intense movement causes Blaine to grunt and then sigh with frustration. It takes him a moment to realize that Kurt is looking up at him, an eyebrow raised curiously.
"It's moving is all, took me by surprise." Blaine half shrugs and returns his attention to the movie.
It's quiet for a few moments before Kurt whispers, "What does it feel like?" An inquisitive look on his face as he tries to read his boyfriends facial expression.
"I don't really-I just try to ignore it most of the time, act like it isn't happening." Blaine answers honestly.
"Can I?" Kurt trails off, his hand hovering over the shorter boy's middle until he gives a nearly imperceptible nod.
It's the first time anyone other than his doctors have touched it and the warm gentle weight of Kurt's hand feels so different from the cold prodding touches that he's used to. He tries to focus his attention on the screen for a moment more before giving in and indulgently moving Kurt's hand to where he has been feeling the most movement. It takes a couple of minutes but soon enough he feels another shift, followed by a quick thrust close to where the other boy's hand is placed and he can't help but look down, trying to gauge Kurt's reaction. He's looking down at his hand, his fingers stroking softly over the area of activity and Blaine feels a smile tugging at his lips for a split second before the reality of it all sinks back in. This isn't their baby, they never made a choice to start a family together, and once he has given birth it will be gone; taken to be studied and then put into foster care once science is done with it.
It becomes more difficult to ignore after that, he finds his hands twitching to his stomach on their own volition when he feels movement and several times throughout the rest of Kurt's stay the taller boys hands come to rest there without either one of them realizing it. When Kurt leave's it is with a peck to his lips, a pat to his stomach, and a promise that he will be back for good at the end of June. What they don't discuss is that by the end of June this will all be over and where that will leave them, they've danced around the subject but after a single week Blaine can tell that Kurt has formed an attachment to the unborn child. As much as he hates to admit it he can feel himself forming one as well and it scares him, it scares him that after all this time and all the trouble they've had accepting that this is happening that accepting that it is gone might end up being worse.
He throws himself back into school, focusing on upcoming finals and ignoring the feeling of anxiety as the date of his scheduled c-section approaches. He ignores the way the movements slow as it grows and runs out of room in his womb, he ignores the way his back aches increase, and the way he slows, his walk becoming more of a waddle as his girth expands. He ignores it through the end of the school year and all the way up to him being drugged up and induced. In a flash it is over and all that is left is a soreness from where he is stitched up and an empty feeling in his stomach and eating away at his heart.
Three days later he is back in his apartment under orders to take it easy when his bank calls to let him know that the final deposit has been made into his account. His contract is up, his part of the study complete and he should feel relieved, he should feel happy. Instead he feels sadness welling up inside of him, sadness that he never held his child, never saw it, and never even found out its gender. Days pass but the sadness remains, slowly working its way into depression and when Kurt returns he finds a shell of a man.
It's been nearly three weeks and Kurt fleetingly wonders if his boyfriend has left his bedroom at all during that time before hauling him unsteadily to his feet and shuffling him to the bathroom. After Kurt has made sure he's had a shower and eaten he flips through the phonebook idly looking at names and numbers of councilors and therapists. In the end they both wind up seeing someone, separately and as a couple to talk about the loss of something that was never really theirs to begin with and when the fall semester of school starts they are well on their way to healing.
It takes time, it actually takes years but they finally get to the point where they can pass a family on the street without thoughts of what could have been flooding their minds. They stick together and while their relationship never returns to what it was before, it becomes something deeper in the end and after the counseling, after college, and after marriage they finally decide to become a family. There is still a lingering sadness but this time they revel in the knowledge that this was their choice and this is their child to keep. They don't ignore things this time, they take in every moment, every kick, and every back ache; and when they finally bring their baby girl home everything finally feels complete.