|Ain't No Rest for the Wicked
Author: That Girl from Dogtown PM
Monika is friends with Kurt, Dale & Nick. She & Kurt are sick of her cokehead, playboy boss, Bobby. The night the boys agree to kill their bosses, Monika agrees. When she accidentally falls in love with Bobby, will it ruin the boys' murder plot? Bobby/OCRated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Romance - Bobby P. & Kurt - Chapters: 11 - Words: 32,103 - Reviews: 79 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 08-17-11 - Published: 07-12-11 - Status: Complete - id: 7172103
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Hey guys! Here's the last chapter! I hope you enjoyed this fic as much as I enjoyed writing it! Thanks again for reviewing it and reading it! :D
"Alright, I got the tape recorder...pretty intense stuff." Dale boasted, holding the equipment in his hand. Kurt rolled his eyes and snatched the device from Dale's hand, "I'll do it. All we need is for you to mess it up."
"You're gonna do it?" Dale asked, "Cuz your gonna duct tape that to your chest, bud."
"I can't duct tape this to my chest," Kurt protested, "I have hair on it!"
"Just put it in your pocket! Why would he tape it to his chest?" Nick rolled his eyes.
"Guys, let's just do this, okay?" I huffed, and the four of us got out of Nick's Prius.
"So what do we do? Wait until he comes home, wait in his office, and dramatically spin around in his office chair and confront him?" Dale proposed.
"I call dibs on spinning around in the chair!" Kurt and I said in unison.
"He's my boss. I'm spinning around in the chair." Nick confirmed.
"Yeah, but he pointed a gun to my face, if you haven't forgotten." I pointed out.
"Okay, what if the four of us got office chairs and spun around at the same time?" Dale asked excitedly.
I rolled my eyes, "Oh, right. That's really intimidating."
"That's not intimidating, that's like a musical number." Kurt said smugly.
Nick toggled with the door knob and it creaked open. The house was insanely dark, until the lights suddenly flickered on and a group of random people screamed, "Surprise!" at us. We stared wildly back, and a woman who I recognized from the pictures as Harkin's wife waltzed up to us.
She wore a blue dress, had blond hair, and looked like she was in her late thirties, "Keep mingling, it isn't him." She reassured her guests, who went back to talking in the living room.
She grinned widely, "Hi, who are you? Nevermind, come in, come in!"
Nick, Dale, Kurt and I looked at each other, puzzled.
"Now, you're that nice young man who helped Dave on the street the other night!" His wife said cheerfully.
"That's me." Dale said nervously.
"Did I invite you here?" She asked kindly.
"Well, ya did and you didn't..." Dale said carefully.
"It's fine! Let's go, we should hide, we should hide!" She giggled, grabbing Kurt by the hand and dragging us into the living room. I rolled my eyes as I watched Kurt check out Harkin's wife.
The four of us and the party guests ducked down and hit the lights. Kurt began making the moves on Harkin's wife, the three of us rolling our eyes as he used his usual pick-up lines asking if the girl was a model. Suddenly, the front door opened and everyone screamed "Surprise!" again, this time Harkin stood there.
"God, I hate that!" Harkin barked, throwing his suitcase to the floor, clearly startled.
"What a buzzkill." I mumbled to the guys, rolling my eyes.
"Honey, the guests are here." Harkin's wife said sweetly. Clearly that woman was just in the relationship for the money, because there is no way anyone would want to be with an asshole like that...
"I'm going to go put my stuff in the office." Harkin grumbled, and as he passed us he hissed to himself, "She knows I hate surprises!"
"What a happy birthday boy." I said sarcastically.
"Guys, he's in his office. Let's make our move, okay?" Nick said.
"I'm very ready." Kurt said, practically drooling at Harkin's wife, who was seductively smiling at him from across the room.
"Let's go!" Nick announced, leading the way into Harkin's office. We followed him, past a few rooms and finally into a small room that was furnished with an office chair, desk, and a few cabinents, the whole room was cherry wood.
"You? My wife invited you?" Harkin snapped once he saw Nick. He looked at Dale, "And why the hell are you here? To stab me a few more times?"
"And you, Pelitt's prostitute! Did you give him the message?" Harkin barked at me.
"I'm not a prostitute!" I muttered under my breath.
"Look, we know what you did and what you're planning on doing." Nick said firmly. "We were there, we saw you shoot, and we know you're planning to kill."
"Really? So what is this, your little shakedown?" Harkin smugly replied, "You think you can blackmail me because I'm planning to kill my wife's lover?"
"Actually, Pelitt's her lover." Dale said, pointing to me. I crookedly grinned.
"He probably is screwing you at the same time." Harkin snapped, "But my wife was with him. And I'll gun him down for it."
"Say his name!" Dale shouted.
"What?" Harkin looked at Dale like he was an idiot.
"The man you're going kill. You say his name." Dale said.
"Pelitt? Trust me, Pelitt's name will mean nothing in a few days." Harkin said darkly, then he looked at me, "And neither will yours."
My eyes widened.
"That's it! We got it, guys!" Nick said triumphantly, "Oh, shit. Where the fuck is Kurt?"
The four of us looked around, yet Kurt was nowhere to be found.
"I'm going to murder Pelitt!" Harkin snapped.
"Hold on a sec, lemme go get my friend Kurt..." Nick said, panicking.
"I'm going to go up to his door, put a bullet in his chest, and guess what? I'm gonna shoot him again. I'm going to like it. So if you three lame-ass blackmailers think I'm a pussy and won't do the same thing to you, think again." Harkin ranted.
"You know who thinks you're a pussy? My friend Kurt. Let me get him..." Nick said, turning to the door.
"You know, you're pathetic." Harkin snapped at Nick, "You come into my house on my birthday and pull this shit. Well, guess what?" He pointed to the three of us, "You're dead, you three and..."
"Kurt." Dale squeaked.
Harkin went to his drawer and shuffled through it.
"I didn't know it was your birthday..." Dale squeaked again, "Oh, hey...what do you got there?"
"Just getting my gun. It will only take a second." Harkin announced, grabbing the gun. Nick, Dale and I exchanged worried looks and sprinted out of the office, running through the large house through the party and sprinting for the door. Kurt was there, buckling his pants and he looked at us, "Hey, guys!"
"There you are!" I snapped, "Where the fuck were you? He confessed to everything!"
"Really?" Kurt asked, eyes wide. We saw Harkin's wife fixing her hair and dress as she walked out of the bathroom, walking quickly to the living room. They screwed, that's gross.
"You fucked her!" Dale squeaked.
"You horny little bastard!" I huffed, slapping Kurt.
Nick and Dale gave him a follow-up slap, before we sprinted out to the night and jumped into Nick's car, Kurt taking the wheel. We pulled out of the driveway quickly, on the road.
"I can't help myself!" Kurt defended himself, "She is so hot!"
"Why are you always so horny?" I exploded at him, "Does your dick ever stop?"
"No..." Kurt said.
We pulled up to Bobby's house, which had cop cars and everything around it. Bobby was outside talking to two cops, and the two detectives who interrogated us earlier were there, looking straight at us. Kurt's eyes widened and he began pulling away, "They must've found my DNA!"
"Your butt-brush?" Dale asked.
"I can't believe you did that." I groaned, running a hand down my face.
"Guys, don't panic. Ah, nevermind. We should panic." Nick freaked, "We'll have to move. Like, to Germany or Britain or Egypt or something!"
"No, we can't!" Kurt said.
"I have Stacy to think about!" Dale squealed frantically.
"How do I explain that to Bobby?" I yelled.
Suddenly, Dale's phone began ringing. "Fuck, it's Julia!" He ranted.
"Tell that slut to take a hike!" I snapped. Dale flipped open the phone and began talking to her.
Utter insanity was being unleashed, and we all screamed when we heard and felt a SUV t-bone Nick's Prius. Harkin was in the driver's seat, purposely slamming his car into ours. We all screamed, Kurt trying to keep control of the car, as Dale - on Julia's demands - talked dirty to her.
"I'm going to dance on your boobies!" Dale exclaimed as the car spun.
Kurt drove as fast as he could away, but Harkin was hot on our tails.
"Hey, Gregory!" Kurt said, begging the NapGuide assistant on the GPS to help, "You gotta help us, buddy. We got a murderer on our tail because we were gonna murder him."
"I'm sorry, sir. But we here at NapGuide are instructed to report crimes when we are witnessed to them. I am shutting down your vehicle now and notifying authorities." The voice said.
"What?" I shouted, glaring at the GPS.
"Friday? I'm fucking you on Friday? Okay, sounds good! See you Friday!" Dale shouted into his cell phone's reciever to Julia. Once he hung up, he glared at Kurt.
"Nice job fucking the crazy out of her, Kurt!" Dale shouted in a high-pitched scream.
"Sorry! Maybe I should've danced on her boobs!" Kurt snapped back.
"Just drive the fucking car!" I barked at the two idiots.
Kurt flipped a shit, as did Dale and Nick, when the car came to an abrupt halt on a dark side street. We thought Harkin had stopped chasing us, up until his car rammed into ours, leaving the back bumper squashed and Dale and I groaning in pain, Nick and Kurt trying to put out the airbags that had come shooting out.
Harkin tapped on the glass with his gun, and Kurt rolled down the window.
"C'mon, get out! All of you!" Harkin ordered, waving his gun.
The four of us hesitantly climbed out of the wrecked car, Dale begging, "REmember when I saved your life...?"
"Shut up." Harkin snapped.
"Take it easy." Nick suggested.
"Shut up!" Harkin repeated.
"I have eight bullets in this gun, which means I could shoot all of you twice, just like I'm going to do to that bastard, Pelitt." Harkin said.
"Wait, you're not going to shoot us twice, or your not going to shoot us at all?" Dale squeaked. "Shut up." Harkin snapped through his clenched teeth, and I elbowed Dale in the ribcage to get him to be quiet.
"I have a better idea. I'm telling the cops that you were the ones who wanted to kill Pelitt and are planning to kill him. It's believeable, after all. You do have his call girl and employee in your midst." Harkin smirked smugly, "And when I found out, you tried to kill me to shut me up!"
"That's insane!" I snapped.
"Is it?" Harkin said, wiping down the gun, "Because there isn't a shred of evidence that I'm going to kill Pelitt. Besides, I'm the one with the bullet in his leg."
"What?" Nick asked, puzzled.
Harkin shot himself right in the leg, causing me to jump, along with the guys. I yelped, clutching onto Kurt in surprise, glancing at Harkin as he bit his fist to control the pain of the bullet. He threw the gun at Dale, "Here, catch!"
The three of us yelled at him not to catch it, but it was too late.
Dale caught it.
"See? You can't win a marathon without putting some band-aids on your nipples first!" Harkin exclaimed, pointing at Dale, who looked confused.
"What does that mean?" Dale mumbled to himself.
"Watch this." Harkin said smugly, whimpering then dramatically dropping to the ground in fake pain. On cue, cop cars with their sirens were at every corner; there was no escape.
One of the detectives from earlier sprung from one of the cop cars, "Freeze, the four of you! Put your hands up where I can see them, and drop the gun!"
The four of us instantly raised our hands, Dale dropping the gun.
Cops ran to us, making us get on our knees and put our hands behind our head. Harkin turned to one of the cops, "Thank God you're here, officer. These four lunatics shot me! They're trying to kill me!"
"Bullshit!" I shouted, "You fucking liar!"
"That's a lie!" Dale, Nick and Kurt said in unison.
Bobby suddenly pulled up next to one of the cop cars in his Ferrari, looking insanely confused as he stepped out of his car. He stood with one of the detectives a few feet away.
"Bobby!" I exclaimed, looking at him.
"Monika, what the fuck is going on?" He asked, glaring at me with his paranoid brown eyes.
"I can explain!" I pleaded, giving him a weak look.
"They're going to murder Pelitt and once I knew about it, they tried to murder me to shut me up!" Harkin ranted.
"What?" Bobby asked, looking at Harkin, who stood a few feet away. The cops checked our pockets, and the one who checked Kurt said, "What's this?"
"It's just a tape recorder." Kurt said calmly, then remembered, "Shit! It's a tape recorder!"
The four of us stood up frantically, but the cops yelled at us to put our hands up again. We put our hand behind or heads.
"Just listen to it!" Dale begged, "It has Harkin saying he's going to kill Pelitt and that he's going to shoot him twice! And that he was gonna shoot us!"
"Why the flying fuck do you people want to shoot me?" Bobby exclaimed, insanely confused.
"You're insane!" Harkin snapped at Dale.
"Just listen to the tape!" Nick reassured the detective.
The detective clicked "Play" on the recorder. All that was on there was Kurt having sex with Harkin's wife, and Dale promising to dance on Julia's boobs. "What the fuck is this? There's nothing on here!" The detective snapped.
"Way to go, sex monkey." I growled at Kurt.
"They're liars, the four of them. They can't be trusted. They shot me in the leg, they're going to kill Pelitt." Harkin yelled.
"What the fuck is going on?" Bobby yelled, frustrated that no one was filling him in.
"Everyone, I've heard quite enough." The detective said, looking at the cops then us, "Cuff them."
"Monika, I can't fucking believe it." Bobby said, glaring at me with annoyance in his eyes. "This seriously isn't what it looks like," I sighed, the cop trying to cuff me.
"Excuse me, officers." Gregory the NapGuide's voice flowed out of the car, "But it is NapGuide's policy to record all conversations for filing purposes."
"Yes! Gregory, my man. Play back the conversation just after the crash." Kurt pleaded.
"Very good sir." Gregory replied, instantly replaying the conversation with Harkin, saying how he planned to kill Bobby and us, too. While it played, Bobby took a few steps back, looking wildly at Harkin.
"You four are fine," The detective said after it was done, then looked at Harkin, "You, on the other hand, are under arrest."
Harkin shouted as they put him into cuffs and the four of us slapped hand and cheered in relief. Kurt smirked and said, "By the way, that was your wife."
"You fucked my wife?" Harkin barked.
"Yup!" Kurt exclaimed proudly. Harkin jumped for Kurt, but the detective ordered the cops to put him in the cop car and take him away. But, Nick punched him first.
"How do you like them nipples?" Nick shouted.
"Good Will Hunting?" I arched my eyebrow.
"You got it!" Nick smiled triumphantly.
Bobby walked to me, and I smiled at him and jumped on him, hugging him tightly. Surprised, he hugged me back and laughed a little bit.
"Seriously, I don't know what the fuck just happened." He said into my shoulder as I embraced him. I looked up at his paranoid brown eyes. I smirked, before he pressed his mouth to mine.
"Trust me. It's a long story."
So, Nick got Harkin's job, as Harkin is now in prison. He's his own boss, which he finds to be satisfying. Of course, he's now informed Dale, Kurt and I that the acting CEO is apparently a "twisted old fuck". Whatever that means.
Dale, on the other hand, trapped Julia. With Motherfucker Jones and Kenny Sommerfield's help, they caught Julia on camera trying to fuck with a patient, and Dale bribed her to give him two weeks paid vacation, stop harassing him, and he is satisfied that he now works in a "rape-free workplace". And, his wedding's coming up with me as a bridesmaid with Stacy.
Kurt is still in his accountant manager at Pelitt & Son. Bobby's still the owner and CEO, and I'm still his assistant. I got him to not use Bolivian, we're sticking with safe companies. Nevertheless, I've got him under control, kind of. Kurt and Bobby are attempting to get along, for my sake. Bobby is still an avid cocaine user, but I'm trying to get him to take it down a notch. We're engaged, too. We're getting married next summer.
He's still an dipshit cokehead playboy, but he's my dipshit cokehead playboy.
And that's really the way it should be.
Thanks so much for reading!