|Help Isn't Always Bad
Author: mio-got-energy PM
Audrey Beau. A teenager's life is about to get turned upside down. She's about to find out about a family of aliens, claiming to need her help. Audrey's life isn't exactly the most common, but will she accept the oddity that is this alien family?Rated: Fiction T - English - Family/Humor - Words: 4,533 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 4 - Published: 07-17-11 - id: 7188058
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Well, I am completely in love with 3rd Rock From the Sun, so here is my first attempt at a FanFiction for it! I sincerely hope you enjoy it, I know I LOVED writing it :) It is an OC, I've been sitting on this idea for awhile now, and really wanted to write it out.
I think it would be really cool to keep writing after this, I believe this could be considered a one-shot, but I'd love to keep going and write out the series with my OC. So, read, and tell me what you think of the idea!
Disclaimer: I own nothing from 3rd Rock, with is honestly tragic :( I DO own Audrey Beau, and everything about her.
Enough Author's comments now! Read on! Enjoy!
"Ms. Beau, what are you still doing here?" a curt voice crashed through my slumber, jolting me upright off the table my head rested on.
"What?" I asked stupidly, twisting around to see the Dean looming in the doorway.
"It's almost eleven in the evening. Shouldn't you be at home?" he asked seriously. I opened my mouth, but was interrupted by a man that looked to be in his mid-forties bursting out of a hallway, headed for the Dean.
"Sir, please, just hear me out," he exclaimed, the hair that he had askew in his frantic pursuit. When he saw me, he stopped dead, staying almost comically still as he looked at me. After a minute, he turned to the Dean. "Sir, why the hell is there a teenage girl in a mediocre college library?" he asked bluntly. The Dean sighed, rubbing his forehead. He looked like he had a long day. Serves him right.
"Dr. Solomon, this is Audrey Beau. She comes to the college to study," he gave this brief explanation, like he thought he could get the topic over with if he just answered.
"Well why does she come here? We're nothing special," he said, unashamedly. I rolled my eyes, stuffing my books into my bag and standing up, slinging the bag over my shoulder.
"Its a mediocre university. Nobody comes to the library. She concentrates better," I informed him, before inclining my head to the Dean and slipping between them and off down the hall, leaving Pendelton and heading for home.
"Where have you been?" the shriek of my mother came echoing through the house.
"Studying," I replied, setting my bag next to the door and heading for the kitchen, where she probably was. I was right, she was sitting at the table, papers spread out in front of her like fans.
"Until eleven?" she asked doubtfully.
"Feel asleep," I grinned, sitting down next to her. I saw her ghost of a smile, but she tsked at me anyway.
"I'm only here a week, and you disappear!" she accused light-heartedly.
"You're right. Sorry. How's the PR-ing going?" I asked, staring at one of the pieces of paper on the table, unable to make any sense out of it. My mom had a job in Public Relations. She represented people, companies, anything that needed her. She traveled all over the world because of her job, and was only really home for short periods of time.
"Exciting as ever," she replied sarcastically. I smirked, got up, announced that I was off to bed, and headed upstairs. I changed into a pair of gray pajama pants, a tank top, and an oversized sweatshirt before climbing into bed, drifting off to sleep fairly quickly.
After the school the next day, as I was sitting once again in the deserted college library, I was interrupted for the first time. I looked up to the sound of the chair across from me being sat in, met by the intent expression of Dr. Solomon.
"You're back," he stated.
"Nice observation," I replied, going back to my note taking.
"Tell me, why here?" he asked. I looked up again, mildly confused at his unwavering interest.
"They let me," I said simply.
"Ah," he nodded knowingly, leaning back in the chair. He sat there silently, watching me. After a failed attempt to ignore him, I put down the pencil.
"Can I help you with something?" I asked bluntly. He had a secretive smile on his face, but he shook his head.
"Nope!" he exclaimed happily, getting up and almost sashaying from the room. Deciding that he was very odd, I shook my head before leaving the library, to distracted to go back to work, heading for the cafeteria, on an attempt to find something that wasn't to frighting to eat.
Later, at the Solomon house...
"Family meeting, family meeting!" cried Dick's voice as he came in through the back door. His words were met by the three others scrambling into the kitchen, obviously convinced something was horribly wrong.
"What's up Dick?" Sally asked, wide eyed. Dick gestured for them all to sit down at the table. Once they were all looking at him again, he took a deep breath in preparation to explain his idea.
"Okay, now, don't all freak out at once, but I have a thought. I think that we need help, as we have no idea what we're doing on this planet. I propose that we tell one human what and who we are, and they can just be around so we don't make dire mistakes," he held his breath after he finished, waiting for the reaction. Sally went leaping to her feet.
"Dick! We can't tell a human! We'll be exposed! It'll endanger the mission! I would have to kill it!" she insisted.
"Yea, and aren't you the one who always says that we can't alter lives of anyone on this planet?" Tommy threw in.
"Well yes, but I already know who to tell!" Dick gushed, unswayed by their refusal.
"If it's that Albright woman, I swear Dick, I'll-" Sally started to threaten. Dick waved her away.
"No, no, Mary doesn't deserve that kind of shock. I'm talking about someone younger, someone who's life doesn't mean anything yet!" he corrected, ignoring Tommy's look of indignation at these words. "I've found the perfect human. It's a teenage girl, and she's the perfect person to tell! She has no life, so she's always hanging around the college! She needs something to do, and what better thing then to help us?"
"So you're going to change an innocent teenage girl's life forever?" Sally snarled.
"Do you think she knows how to untie shoes?" Harry asked suddenly. They all looked around at him. Both feet were on the table, the laces on the shoes tied together in an impossibly large knot.
"Harry, why are your shoes tied together?" Sally asked exasperatedly.
"Well, I was watching TV, and someone did this to another person while they were sleeping, and it was pretty cool, so I decided to try it! But Tommy wasn't home, so I had to do it to myself," he explained, like this made all the sense in the world. Dick gestured dramatically at Harry, turning back to Sally.
"See? We need help, desperately! Cause nobody here knows how to untie that, do they?"
Tommy, who had gotten up and was examining Harry's shoes, shrugged. "I think we should just cut them off," he concluded. "I'm going for scissors. Come on Harry," he turned and headed for the living room. Harry got up, took one step after him, tripped, and fell flat on his face.
"You idiot," Sally scoffed. Dick looked at her with a smug expression in his eyes. She sighed. "Alright Dick fine, you are the High Commander, do whatever you want. But if she tells anyone, or endangers the mission at all, I'm killing her!"
"She won't, I promise," Dick insisted, and they parted, ignoring Harry as he flopped around in failed attempts to get back to his feet.
Aliens. Wait, I have to say that again. Aliens. I had been caught once again by Dick Solomon, who had poured out a story telling me that he was the high commander of a team of aliens who were acting as his supposed family. They were apparently from a far away planet located on a barred spiral galaxy on the Cepheus-Draco border, and had come to Earth to study human life.
As they didn't know anything about the planet, they had decided to ask a human for help. And so he asked me. First off, I'm crazy enough that I actually believed him. Secondly, I actually said yes. What's wrong with me? How am I supposed to help a group of aliens blend in? This still being a mystery, my acceptance to the plead for help is what led me to be here, sitting at the Solomon's kitchen table, while the four aliens sat around me, bickering heatedly about shoelaces.
"For gods sake Harry, throw them out," Sally, the security officer and second in command said dismissively.
"But I wanna keep em'!" Harry, the apparent 'extra' whined. He was hugging a pair of shoes, that had shreds of laces still attached to them. "They're my first pair that I actually put on and took off again!"
"You took your shoes off?" Dick asked excitedly. "How?"
"Well, I broke the stick I was using, so it was pretty difficult," Harry said seriously. "But now Tommy ruined them!"
The youngest member, his appearance being my age, though he was said to be the oldest and the information officer, sighed heavily. "Look, you couldn't tell where that knot began. What was I supposed to do?"
"Not cut them off!" Harry yelled angrily. He raised one of the shoes, apparently aiming to chuck it at Tommy's head. The other three family members cringed and ducked. I reached forward and took the shoes before anyone was seriously maimed. They all looked at me cautiously.
"Or you could get new laces," I rolled my eyes, and started picking out the shreds that were still leftover. They all gaped at me.
"You can do that?" Sally asked, sounding awed.
"Yea. They sell packs of laces at shoe stores. Just go get some," I explained, pushing the now laceless shoes into the middle of the table. The group of four looked at each other silently for a minute.
"LETS GO!" Dick shouted. They all leaped up, Harry gathering up his shoes and Sally grabbing my arm as they all scrambled over one another for the door. We all packed into the red Rambler, Dick and Sally in the front, while Tommy, Harry and I had a scuffle over who would sit in the middle of the backseat. It turned out to be Harry, mostly because Tommy and I ganged up on him halfway through. He sat, clutching the shoes like they were his only friend as we drove to the mall.
They walked like a hurricane through the mall, and all I could do was follow them and try not to laugh at their seriousness. Upon entering the first shoe store they came to, Harry slammed the shoes down on the counter while the other three flanked him impressively. The guy behind the counter actually looked frightened. After demanding to see shoelaces, Harry picked up some boring white ones, an expression of glee and shock on his face.
"These look just like mine! How did you put them back together?" he asked the guy happily.
"Idiot, those are different ones," Sally hit him over the head. The shoelaces were purchased without other drastic casualties, and we were piled back in the Rambler less then twenty minutes after we left the attic in the first place. Harry, who had succeeded in somehow tying his hands together instead of lacing the shoes, eventually surrendered the task to me once we got back up to the attic. I sat cross-legged in one of the two chairs they had instead of a couch, threading the laces through the shoes while they all watched me, apparently fascinated by the process. I finished, and upon getting his newly laced shoes, Harry promptly began to unlace them.
"I'm not lacing them again, you're going to have to do it yourself," I informed him mildly.
"Nooooooooooooo!" he yelled, very drawn out and dramatically after a moment of silence. I grinned, looking over at the clock.
"Oh hey, I got to go," I announced standing up. They all stood up around me, looking panicked.
"You can't leave! The- the- the oven might explode!" Dick invented a reason. I shrugged.
"If the oven explodes, go outside," I said simply. "I'll come by tomorrow morning, okay? It's my mom's last night here, so I have to say bye," I explained as I headed for the stairs.
"Okay, well see you tomorrow," Sally said, almost worriedly. I shot them all a thumbs up before leaving and starting the walk back to my house. As I approached, I caught sight of important black colored cars posed outside the house. I ran the next two blocks, bursting through the front doors. My mom was seated in the living room, gesturing wildly to a group of men in dark suits. She looked on the verge of tears.
"Whats going on?" I asked, appearing in the doorway.
"Ms. Beau, it has come to our attention how much you are living by yourself, as your mother is always gone, and you are lacking a father. As you are drastically underage, we cannot allow this to continue. You are being placed under custody of the state of Ohio, and will be moved to another place, unless of course, you have family willing to take you in," one of the suits articulated
"You can't move her! She's perfectly fine here, there's nobody here to take her in!" my mom cried.
"I'm sorry ma'm, but it's illegal to leave your underage daughter alone for such long periods of time. We have to take her," another suit said emotionlessly.
"I can't leave, I have..." I trailed off, thinking of the group of aliens I just left. "School! And, uh, friends!" I skirted the actual details of this statement.
"That may be, but it's not our concern," the suit insisted. "Go now, pack your absolutely necessary belongings, we're leaving now,"
Not knowing what else to do, I trekked upstairs, firming shutting the door and falling onto my bed. What was I supposed to do now? More importantly, the Solomons needed to know that I was being forced to leave. Not thinking about anything, just acting, I got up and slid open my bedroom window. Carefully, I climbed out onto the roof that was right underneath, crouching down and looking down at the sidewalk. The suits were all still inside.
I crept along to the large tree posed next to the house, grabbing ahold of a branch and swinging down to the ground. Knowing it wouldn't take long before they saw me, I took off sprinting down the street. A minute passed before I heard their shouts and cars revving. I ran faster, waiting until I came across a side alley before diving into it, crouching in the shadows until the dark cars went roaring by. Slowly, I climbed out of the alley and ran back the other way, not daring to stop or slow down until I reached their house, scaling the stairs and bursting through the back door. They were all sitting around the table, picking at mushy piles of food that was supposedly their dinner with disgusted expressions. Completely exhausted, I slumped against the counter, ignoring their panicked looks as I sank down to the floor.
"What's going on?" Sally asked, down to business. "Who's chasing you and where are they? I'll kill them," I almost laughed, shaking my head.
"I'm leaving," I finally said, looking up into their wide eyed faces.
"What?" Dick exploded, leaping up in agitation. "We cannot let this happen!" he started pacing.
"Why are you leaving?" came Tommy's more reasonable approach. I gave them the crash course version of what just happened.
"Ugh, that is so Earth," Dick griped. "Not letting a teenage girl be by herself, what could a teenager possibly get themselves into of they're left alone? I tell you, these people make no sense," he grumbled. I rolled my eyes, deciding not to educate him on that topic just yet.
"Doesn't really matter, does it? I'm gone, unless some non-existent relatives suddenly pop up," I said, defeated. Sally clapped her hands together, jumping to her feet too.
"There you go! Dick, Audrey can live here, with us! It's more convenient anyway, she'll always be around! She can be, uh, a family friend, staying for an undecided period of time! Oh Dick, please? It would be perfect!" she pleaded.
"I can't do that to you guys, anyway, you're already out of space as it is," I said, shaking my head.
"Ah, we'll just put Harry outside," Tommy said dismissively. Harry opened his mouth in indignation, mouthing wordlessly. I rolled my eyes, peering around the counter towards the door, searching for any sight of the dark cars.
"Great idea lieutenant, that's settled then. Audrey, welcome to the Solomon family," Dick gushed decisively, pulling me to my feet. Sally giggled excitedly, hugging me tightly.
"I won't be the only woman anymore! This is so great!" she raved happily. Of course, the suits chose this moment to come bursting in.
"Running won't help you Ms. Beau. Let's go," one of them said. I was surprised at how emotionless they were.
"I'm sorry gentlemen, but that won't be necessary," Dick stepped in. "We are perfectly able to bring her in here, and she can live with us,"
"Yea, so beat it," Sally barked impressively.
"Sally, be quiet, I'm handling this, I'm the authority figure of this family," Dick said calmly to her before turning back to the suits. When they wen't moving, he sighed deeply. "That is all, you may leave now," when they showed no sign of going anywhere, Dick jabbed his finger at the door. "GET OUT!" he shouted. There was a suited scramble, and soon, they were all long gone. A cheer went up through the family, and I couldn't help but join in.
"Whoa, whoa, WHOA!" Harry's voice carried suddenly over the racket. We all looked at him. "Am I really sleeping outside? Cause if I am, I'll probably need a place closer to the house, or a dog tag, or something so the police don't try and arrest me again,"
"No, Harry, you're not sleeping outside," I said firmly. "There has to be room here somewhere,"
"Well, there's a pile of blankets in my room," Tommy suggested. "It's not technically a bed-"
"It'll work!" I exclaimed, cutting over his obvious beginnings of telling me how inadequate it was.
"Great! Well, lets turn in, because I'm not eating that," Dick declared, pointing at the mush on the plates.
"Hey! I spent a whole fifteen minutes making that!" Sally exclaimed, outraged.
"Well, then you can eat it," Dick told her, turning towards the living room and his room. She followed him, griping about being the woman. The kitchen was silent for a moment before Tommy took my arm and pulled me behind the kitchen area. His window seat bed was opposite the washer and dryer, which was shoved against the wall that separated this room from the kitchen.
"There's the blankets," he pointed them out, piled against the only other wall available, across from the window leading out to the roof. "Blame Harry if they smell funny," Harry, who was currently making himself comfortable on top of the washer and dryer, looked around vaguely at the sound of his name, shrugged, and lay down. I laughed softly.
"Thanks Tommy," I said sincerely. He shrugged modestly, moving to his respective window seat bed. I grinned and lay down on the pile, which was actually more comfortable then it would appear. It wasn't until then that I realized how much life was going to change, living with four aliens. But I had to admit that I was excited.
They were already more of a family then I ever had, as my dad had died when I was very young, and my mom was never home. Now, as I looked at the peaceful lump that was Tommy, the now twitching mass that was Harry, and listened to the distant continuation of yelling floating from Dick and Sally's side of the house, I smiled, already convinced that life would be better.
A week later found me scouring Pendelton for the elusive History textbook that I had apparently lost. I stopped by Dick's office, just to see if he'd seen it.
"Oddy! What are you doing here?" he exclaimed, surprised. They had all taken to calling me Oddy. It had started with Aud, just a shortened version of my name. Then Harry had decided that it sounded like Odd, and it just went from there.
"Looking for my stupid History textbook. Have you seen it?" I asked, plopping down in the chair next to his desk.
"No, I haven't. But Harry was using a book as a high chair at breakfast today, maybe it was that one," he suggested. Holding back a grimace, I nodded.
"Okay. Thanks, I guess. Hey Albright," I finally acknowledged her presence, as she was sitting at her desk.
"Audrey. I've been seeing you a lot around here recently," she stated.
"Thanks for sounding so thrilled," I said sarcastically. She got up, walking slowly toward Dick's desk.
"Dick, not that I care about what goes on in your life, I have to ask, why you've taken such an interest in this teenage girl," she demanded.
"Okay, 'this teenage girl' in the room here," I announced.
"Yes, Mary, please don't talk to the girl like that," Dick said. I rolled my eyes, leaning back to watch the conversation.
"Its just that she talks to you more like a teacher then anything else! And you talk like she lives with you," Mary insisted.
"That's cause she is living with us," Dick said simply. As it was my job to help them out, I cut in here.
"My parents are gone, and I don't have relatives that I know of, so the Solomons agreed to let me live with them until someone gets discovered. Our families have been friends for a long time, and since they just moved here to Rutherford, it was perfect," I gave her a small brush of the truth to satisfy her doubts. Mary made a noise, somewhere between understanding and continued suspicion.
"Well, I would just find it strange to live with people like...them," she drawled.
"What do you mean people like us?" Dick asked, outraged. "We are perfectly normal, terrestrial, carbon based human beings! I even have ten fingers," to prove this, he waved all ten said fingers in the air.
"That is exactly what I'm talking about," Mary insisted before returning to her desk, looking surly.
"On that note, I guess I should go," I proclaimed. Dick shrugged, apparently lost at Mary's words. "I'm going to teach Harry how to lace his shoes again. Then we'll work on the whole high chair thing," I told Dick, before turning and leaving the office.
"Uh, does anyone know why my shoes have two sets of laces on them?" Tommy asked, coming into the living room where I sat, reading the newly found History book, while Harry sat on the floor, surrounded by shoelaces. Tommy sat in the chair next to me as Harry looked up.
"No," Harry said innocently after a moment of contemplative silence. "Oddy, is it right or left first?"
I sighed at his repeated question. "Whichever you want. Just keep it consistent," a minute passed before Sally came into the room as well, glaring at Harry.
"My shoes don't have laces," she announced bluntly.
"I've got them," Tommy sighed, holding up a foot as proof. I snorted as Harry got up, looking suddenly intent.
"Well, I'll just have to help you guys out with that," he said, his voice changing to a helpful tone. None of us moved as he took the extra laces on Tommy's shoes off, and put them on Sally's. "I think a thank you is in order," he said, very quietly.
"Idiot," Sally said instead, getting up. "You guys want dinner here, or takeout?"
"Takeout," the three of us recited quickly.
"Fine. I'll make Dick get it," she shrugged. A couple hours later, we were all sitting around the table, eating a pizza lump, when Mary came purposefully through the house. She stopped, fidgeting as we all looked at her.
"I just want to make sure that you haven't been kidnapped by them or anything," she directed at me. The five of us at the table exchanged looks before we burst into laughter.
"Oh Mary, you are so very wrong," Dick laughed accusingly.
"Yea Albright what goes through that head of yours?" Sally scoffed.
"Harry, go get the cheese out of the fridge," Tommy announced, unexpectedly.
"Why do I have to do it?" he whined.
"Just go," I told him. After a huge sigh, he obeyed and got up. Taking a step, he tripped and went flailing to the ground. His shoes had pretty much every pair of laces in the house laced through them and tied together extravagantly, curtsey of a long hours work from Tommy, Sally, and myself. Harry had been washing his feet in the sink. Don't ask why. The three of us were dying of laughter, while Dick and Mary watched cluelessly, and Harry moaned and groaned from the floor.
"Yea well, I bet you didn't think that now, I have your shoelaces," came Harry's voice. There was a moment of silence before Sally and Tommy went leaping up. I followed their lead as Harry, cackling evilly, went crawling from the room. Before I went any further, I turned to Mary.
"Yea, I think I'm good," I told her happily, before flying into the living room to help tackle Harry.
So? What do you think? Reviews make my life whole, as sad as that is... :) So send me one! Should I continue writing along with the episodes? What do you think of Audrey? Did I do the amazing characters of 3rd Rock justice? Any thoughts you have, I'd love to hear them :)
Much love to all who read this...