|The House of Insanity
Author: ChibiGirlXD PM
Shuichi's pregnant... Or is he..? o.O Maybe an m-preg, maybe not XP No worries, this one actually makes sense.. Kinda.. XD YuShu, of course!Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Romance - Eiri Y. & Shuichi S. - Words: 4,220 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 9 - Published: 07-22-11 - id: 7207237
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Yup, yet another fic... Multi-chapter... I am planning to finish the others though.. XP
It's kind of a follow-up to 'Hocus Pocus' I guess but you don't have to have read that XP Happens about two years after it, there's just gonna be a sort of reference later on XD
Yes, it is an m-preg.. Or is it..? o.O
And the OOCness is at it's very, very minimum... I try very hard to keep everyone in character.. XP
Just give it a chance XD
Warning: Spoiler for 'Yuki's Freakout' – one-shot, still in progress XP
Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation or any other copyrighted material I may use in this FANfiction. I write it for my own selfish desires. :3
It was a quiet Sunday afternoon. Eiri was relaxing in front of the TV in the living room and Shuichi was out somewhere. He didn't even say where he was going, which the writer found kind of strange. Still, at least he could have some peace and quiet for a little while. His relaxing afternoon was suddenly disrupted by a loud slam of the front door and a deafening scream coming from his little lover.
"YYUUUUUUKKIIIIIIII!" Shuichi screamed in a panicked voice and ran inside the writer's study. By the sounds coming from the other room, Yuki guessed that the boy must have tackled his chair, realizing too late that his target wasn't there. He smirked to himself 'Dumbass.' The sound of running resumed but it didn't near Eiri. Shuichi ran into the kitchen instead. Then to the bedroom, where he let out a frustrated yell, "GODDAMMIT, EIRI, YOU BASTARD! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOUUUU!" The writer smirked again. 'It's only three in the afternoon. Why the fuck would I be in the bedroom? And why is he back so early anyway?' He didn't call out to Shuichi to let him know where he was, it was too amusing to mess with the punk – and he didn't even have to do anything! 'He'll find me eventually...' Apparently, Shuichi remembered that they also had a living room because after he'd checked all the bathrooms, that's where he headed. "EIRI!" He yelled at his lover, "Why didn't you tell me you were here the whole time?" The singer then ran up to Yuki and threw himself on his lap, fisting his hands in the writer's baby blue dress shirt. He looked up with wide, scared eyes. "Eiri..." He started quietly, as if afraid to say what he wanted.
"Just spit it out. What did you do?" He said and took a cigarette from his breast pocket. He reached to the tall lamp table for his lighter.
"Well.. I didn't do anything.. It's that... Yuki... I'm.. I'm... Pregnant!" His eyes started watering when he said it. He was sitting in Eiri's lap quietly, waiting for the writer's response.
The unlit cigarette was hanging limply off his slightly open mouth before he composed himself and took it out. He smoothed out his expression and said, "Baka. I already told you once – you're a guy. You have no female parts. You can't get pregnant." as if he were talking to a small child. A pretty dumb small child...
"But.. But Yuki! Look!" He took a thermometer-shaped object from his back pocket and shoved it in Eiri's face. The novelist took the proffered object and looked at it sceptically. It was indeed a pregnancy test. And yes, it was positive.
"You dumb idiot, these things don't always work! You're not pregnant! Now get off, I was watching something." He was embarrassed that his male lover would even think of taking a pregnancy test. What if someone recognized him? They'd think he was cheating on him! That would cause a scandal that even Tohma couldn't handle.
"I KNOW THEY DON'T ALWAYS WORK! LOOK AT THESE!" He screamed, took a whole shopping bag full of done pregnancy tests and threw it at Yuki. They were all positive. The writer stared at the stack of – he shivered – pregnancy tests... Either they were all fake or the company that made them was really, really shit... Eiri thought for a second of all the possibilities behind this mystery, then he came upon a conclusion and growled to Shuichi,
"I'm not dumb enough to fall for the same trick twice, brat. I know what's going on. You can cut the crap and show yourselves!" He said more loudly out into the general area around him. "Damn Americans..." He growled low under his breath, too low to be caught on tape. When nothing happened, he rolled his eyes and told Shuichi, "Shuichi. I know what's going on now so you can just tell them to come out. I will not fall for the same trick twice."
But the boy just stared dumbly at him, "What do you mean, Eiri? Tell who to come out?" He asked, puzzled by the older man's behaviour.
"Those goddamn MTV people! I won't be fooled, you're trying to get me on that moronic TV show again!"
"No, I'm not!" Shuichi shouted, offended. "Do you really think I would joke about something like that? I wouldn't! I'm serious, Eiri!" He really wanted the writer to believe him.
"You're a guy! And you never had a sex change operation or anything! You can't be pregnant! Men don't just get pregnant for no reason at all! They don't have the female parts to even get pregnant, not to mention carry out a pregnancy!"
"I am too pregnant!"
"No, you're not."
"You're not." Tired of arguing with the brat, Yuki got up, throwing the boy and the weird little tests off his lap. "He went to the kitchen and put the kettle on to make himself some coffee.
"Eiri! I really am pregnant! It's not a joke! I did all those tests and they're all positive!" He whined. Yuki sighed heavily and threw a few spoonfuls of black coffee into his favourite mug. He was already tired of arguing with his hyper lover so he decided to just ignore the boy altogether.
When the water has finally boiled, he took the kettle and poured the hot water into his mug, breathing in the wonderful smell of strong coffee. Because the brat was back and insisting on being pregnant, he thought it best to shut himself off in the study and work on his novel, even though it was his 'day off'. Normally, he'd just do something else like watch TV or take a walk in the park or something but since a certain singer was hell bent on trying to convince Eiri that the boy is indeed pregnant, he didn't want to stay and listen to the whining that was already growing in volume.
He took the full mug in hand and headed out of the kitchen. Naturally, the brat followed him. He was just going to slip inside his study while pretending to go to the living room but when Shuichi saw that the writer's hand was reaching for the door handle, he jumped out in front of him and burst into the room first. He walked up to the couch and sat down on it with his arms crossed. He was glaring daggers at Eiri from his seat.
"You're not supposed to work on Sundays... You promised..." He said in a low voice.
"If you won't let me relax, then I might as well do something useful." The writer told him.
"Why won't you listen to me?"
"Because you're not making any sense. Stop with the bullshit and maybe I'll pretend to listen."
"But Yuukiii! Why do you always have to be so mean? I'm not lying! How can you explain it that all those pregnancy tests were positive when I took them myself?"
"The company is really shit."
"They were from twelve different companies. All the most popular ones."
"You're such an idiot that you can't even take a pregnancy test correctly. You probably dunked it in the public toilet."
"I didn't! Well, if you're such a genius then how about this! You pick two pregnancy tests from one company and then you'll take one and I'll take one and you'll see!" He shouted out, annoyed.
"There's no way in hell I'll ever take a fucking pregnancy test."
"It's cause you know I'm right!"
"No, it's because I know it's stupid."
"Pffft, you're such a chicken! A real man wouldn't back down from a challenge!"
"A real man wouldn't take a pregnancy test and it's no challenge."
"Then why won't you do it?"
"Because it's fucking stupid!"
"Is not! Mine turned positive every time!"
"That's because you didn't take them properly!"
"Then how do you take them?"
"You pee on them, idiot!"
"That's what I did!"
"Then there's something really wrong with you!"
"OF COURSE THERE IS, I'M FUCKING PREGNANT!"
The two men were both on their feet now, standing only a few centimetres apart and glaring at each other angrily. Shuichi was mad that Eiri wouldn't believe him when he said he was pregnant and Eiri was pissed off because Shuichi was trying to feed him some impossible bullshit.
"Grrrrr! I hate you, Eiri Yuki!" Shuichi screamed and ran off to their bedroom, leaving behind a trail of tears. It ended like many of their arguments nowadays – with Shuichi running off to the bedroom and Yuki fuming, left behind. It wasn't always like it was before, when they'd first started their relationship, when their arguments ended in Shuichi being kicked out.
Eiri sighed and sat down in front of his beloved laptop. He sipped some of the strong coffee and began working on the next chapter of his novel. He tried to push the thoughts of his impossible boyfriend to the back of his mind but it was hard keeping them there. When two hours passed and he had almost nothing new written, he gave up. It was just coming up to six o'clock, too early to go to bed. 'Does Shuichi seriously think he's pregnant? That dumbass... It'll be easy enough to prove to him he's not so I guess I'd better do it now or I'll never get any peace...' He got up and walked over to their bedroom. He quietly opened the door and went in to sit beside the curled up figure on the bed.
"Shuichi." Eiri repeated with more force.
"What?" Came a muffled reply.
The boy listened and sat up with a huff, leaning back against the headboard and crossing his arms.
"Listen..." Eiri started "No matter how much you'd want to be pregnant, you can't. get. pregnant. Understand? Didn't you do biology in school? Guys can't have babies and that's that! And no, we're not going to adopt or anything. I told you I despise kids and don't want to have to take care of screaming little brats." He growled out. They've never had this problem before – Shuichi knew that Eiri didn't like kids and they've gone over the whole pregnant thing a while back.
"Ummm..." The singer averted his gaze and studied his fidgeting fingers. "You see... I thought about that and.. Heh.. How do I tell you..? You.. You know sometime two years ago, back when we were in the Harry Potter world?"
"Yeah...?" Yuki remembered. How could he forget something like that?
"Well..." Shuichi gulped "Remember Hermione? She was that Gryffindor I was friends with..."
"Yeah...?" Somehow, he had a bad feeling about what Shuichi was going to say next...
"Well... She.. Uhhh... You see, this one day, we were just chatting like usual and, uhh... We were talking about all different kinds of stuff.. And she gave me a small, pretty-looking vial of this one potion... She said that it would come in really useful and that I should drink it once we're back in our own world... She didn't tell me what the potion did... But said that it was a very special one... And she was giggling a lot then, too... Though she said that I have to drink it when we're back here and that, because this is a non-magical world, it make take a while longer for it to work..."
Yuki was dumbfounded. So his lover drank a magic potion and supposedly, that allowed him to get pregnant? Bullshit...
"H-hey! What are you doing?" Eiri flung the covers that half of Shuichi was still under and pulled at the band of his shorts and boxers to peek inside. 'He's still a guy... But if he really drank some strange potion, could it be true? No.' He shook his head. There was no way some stupid potion would allow a guy to get pregnant. At least not without changing his gender. He still felt the need to scold the boy though.
"So let me get this straight. You befriended a girl in an alien world, the girl was your fangirl and you drank a potion when you had no idea what it did. A potion given to you by your fangirl. Even though she wouldn't tell you what it was." Shuichi nodded. He saw that what he did must have been really stupid and that it pissed Eiri off. "Shuichi, you idiot! What if it had been some poison or something! It could have been anything and you still took it?"
"It couldn't have been bad! It smelled like pocky! And it tasted like it too!" The writer just stared at the boy in front of him. 'It's unbelievable! How stupid can you get?'
"Just because it didn't taste like piss doesn't mean it wasn't bad! Even with a magic potion, it's not possible to make a guy pregnant. You don't have the necessary body parts. I know you weren't the smartest person in your class but even you have to know that women don't have dicks for a reason." It looked like the boy was going to start arguing again so he cut him off quickly. "And she said it herself – it's a non-magical world. The potion will take a long while to work. It's a non-magical world so it probably never even will work."
"No, I'm sure it will! I'm sure that the potion did work and it can too make guys pregnant! How can you prove that I'm not pregnant?"
"Easy! Just take the fucking test! One that would actually work!" He told the singer.
"Fine! Then you can go get one if I'm so stupid that I can't even get a right pregnancy test!"
"Fine!" He agreed, without even thinking.
Shuichi looked at him, obviously surprised but didn't notice the writer's well-masked wince at the realization of what he just said he'd do. Growling, Eiri got up and walked out of the bedroom. 'I'll just get it over with and prove to that dumbass that he's not pregnant... Besides, I need to get out of here...'
Yuki grabbed his coat and car keys and left the apartment. He quickly drove down to the closest pharmacy and made sure his disguise – a black shoulder-length wig, hat and sunglasses – was alright. He would rather die than be caught buying a pregnancy test when the whole world knew he was in a long-term relationship with a popular male singer. He quickly found the right aisle in the small pharmacy and stopped in front of the pregnancy tests. There were so many to choose from, how was he supposed to know which one was the right one? He'd need to ask someone who works here... Ha spotted a young woman stacking up the tampons nearby so he walked over to her and asked in a modified,slightly higher-pitched voice,
"Excuse me, miss, I need to get a, uh, a pregnancy test for my, uhh, wife..." It was embarrassing to ask for such a clearly feminine thing, even for the cool novelist – especially since he knew it was for his boyfriend. "Which one would you say is the most accurate?"
"Oh, hello there." She eyed him appreciatively before straightening up and walking over to the many brands of pregnancy tests. "Well, I myself have never done one but my sister has. Don't take this brand, it gives a different result every time, this one usually says that the person is pregnant and this one usually says the opposite," She commented, pointing to the different brands. "This, on the other hand, has a 95% accuracy, according to the latest research." She picked up a blue-y box and handed it to Eiri.
"Thank you very much." He told the woman with a charming smile. She blushed and slowly walked away, casting shy looks back. Yuki read the instructions on the box and nodded to himself. It seemed reliable. Just in case though, he got two more – she did say it had a 95% accuracy and, knowing his luck, the first test would be positive if he didn't get any more. He had no desire to go back so it'll be easier for Shuichi to just do all three and then he can get the boy to shut up. Until he gets bored and comes up with another ridiculous and impossible idea that is. He took the items to the cash register and quickly returned home. Shuichi was still in the bedroom when he came back.
"Here." He growled and threw the small bag at the boy, hitting him in the face.
"OW! Eiri, what was that for?"
"If you don't know then you're even dumber than I thought."
"You don't have to be so mean! Especially since I'm most likely carrying your child!"
"I already told you, you're not pregnant! Just take the damn tests and see for yourself. They have the highest rate of accuracy, 95%, not like the crap you got earlier..."
"How come you're such an expert on pregnancy tests?"
"I'm not! I asked a girl in the shop! Now go!"
"Whatever you say..." The boy took the bag and went to the bathroom. Yuki followed him inside.
"Why are you here? I can do it myself..."
"I want to make sure that you actually do it right – just in case, remember that you're supposed to pee on them... I don't want to have you whining about it later."
"I know you're supposed to pee on them! I'm not stupid!" Shuichi told the writer, irritated at his behaviour.
". . ."
"I can't go when you're watching..."
"Fine, I'll turn around!" He sighed and turned to face the wall.
"I can't do it when you're in here! Can you please just wait in the bedroom?" He whined.
"Alright, alright, just make sure to do it right..." He left the bathroom and sat down on their bed to wait. He took a cigarette out of the pack on his bedside table and lit it up. Before he was finished the stick, Shuichi came out of the bathroom holding three wet sticks.
"Eew, Shuichi! They're almost dripping! That's disgusting, wipe that off!"
"No! It won't work if I wipe it off!"
"You're not supposed to make the damn thing dripping wet with urine! At least put it on the toilet seat or something, not in the fucking bedroom!"
"Okay, okay! Then come on to the bathroom so you won't say that I'm cheating or something!"
"Fine then" He said and got up. He followed Shuichi to the bedroom and leaned against the wall, taking a look at his watch. Three minutes later, when he finished his cigarette and dropped the butt into the toilet, he told the boy, "Time's up, brat. See? It's got only one stripe, that means you're not pregnant."
"Are you sure they take only three minutes? Cause I saw it on TV once where they thought it took less time and it came out negative but then they threw it in the trash and later it turned out that the test actually took longer and she really was pregnant..."
'I have to make sure he doesn't watch as much of those stupid TV shows, he keeps getting idiotic ideas from them!' Out loud, he said, "I'm sure. They don't take that long and you're not pregnan-"
"Yuki! Look!" Shuichi cut him off.
"What now?" He growled, annoyed at being cut off.
"Look, it's two stripes! I told you! Ha! I really am pregnant!"
"Like hell you are. It's just on- two- well, it's only 95% accurate..."
"That's a lot! And all three of them turned positive!"
"Then I got the broken ones. There must be something wrong with them."
"No, I'm pregnant."
"No, you're not."
"I just did!"
"Those tests aren't 100% accurate, they don't count!"
"Then what's a 100% accurate?"
"I don't know, google it!"
"Fine, I will!"
"Wait-" But Shuichi didn't hear Eiri trying to stop him from actually googling the answer to his question. The writer actually knew what's the best, most accurate way to check for pregnancy but there was no fucking way he was going to take him to a doctor and the singer sure as hell wasn't going anywhere like that by himself. Before he even thought of a way to prove that Shuichi wasn't pregnant other than humiliating himself by asking the doctor to check if his supposedly male partner was pregnant, Yuki heard the cry of triumph from the living room.
"AHA!" The sound of a laptop being slammed shut and running feet soon followed and the singer burst through the bedroom door. "Ha! You want proof? Fine! If you think the tests don't work, then we can always go to a doctor." He told the writer.
"No way. You are not going to go to a doctor and ask to take a pregnancy test. Not in my lifetime. Can you imagine all the tabloids if anyone found out? "Shuichi Shindou – actually a female!" It would be a nation-wide scandal!"
"Then what? That's the only way for me to convince you! So we're doing it!"
"No, we're not doing anything like that."
"But Yu~ki!" He was going into a full-on whining mode now.
"Listen, I'm tired now, brat. So unless you wanna sleep on the couch tonight, I suggest you shut it."
"What? But it's only seven! You never go to bed so early!"
"You're making me tired..." He took off his shirt and threw it at the boy's face when he opened his mouth to argue with the writer some more. Deciding that he could always just argue the point the next day, Shuichi shut up and changed into his pyjamas as well. He could see that Eiri was really annoyed now and really would kick Shuichi out if the boy tried to argue with him some more. He considered calling K in the morning to get out of work but thought that it would be better to talk with the novelist later in the day. This way, he may actually think about it himself.
Sorry for the rushed ending, this chapter is already longer than it should have been.. XD XP
I've been itching to write an m-preg Gravi fic for ages.. XP
Though is Shuichi really pregnant? You never know with that little guy! XD
I'm really trying to give the characters some reason behind their actions.. XP
Was kinda surprised when Yuki said he'd buy Shu a pregnancy test, even if he didn't mean it XD
Sorry if it seems kinda weird and stuff.. XP
They've known each other for about four years now, if anyone's curious XP
Gonna be pretty busy now with work and getting my cosplays for NomCon organized but should still find time for fic writing! XD (oh, if only there was a Yuki coming there... TT^TT I could die happy then! ToT)
Next up: How will Shuichi try to convince Eiri to go to the doctor's?
Please leave a review to let me know what you think! ^.^
And thank you for reading!