|Oh My Dear
Author: PacificRomance PM
Until this guilt begins to crack, and the weight falls from your back. Oh my dear, I'll keep you in my arms tonightRated: Fiction K+ - English - Angst/Romance - Chuck & Blair - Words: 1,113 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 1 - Published: 07-22-11 - Status: Complete - id: 7208228
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N: So I was recently stuck in the woods with my family for a week, which meant no internet, but plenty of time to write! Sadly, I did not finish the next chapter of Resilience (though it is all mapped out and near the top of my to-do list!), but I did write two new one-shots!
This first one is based off a song that really has nothing to do with Chuck and Blair. But my brother is obsessed with the band and every time I heard it I just felt I could relate it to them. I haven't written a one-shot in a while, so I hope you like it!
She was back in the city. There were rumors of infidelity and familial hostility, but when it came down to it, no one really knew why Blair and the Prince had broken off their engagement.
Chuck had been following the story of the pair (for obvious reasons) and he had noticed Blair becoming more and more down and thin as the months wore on. He saw the dark circles under her eyes and the strain of her smile, even through the cheap paparazzi pictures. He had become quite worried about her, but he had hoped (foolishly, of course), that Louis would be watching out for her.
She was home for a few weeks and he hadn't yet seen her anywhere, so he finally got up the nerve to call her. When she picked up he asked her how she had been, even though he knew the answer was not well. He just wanted to start a conversation.
There was a pause on the other end of the line before she said softly, "Do you want to come over?"
He quickly agreed and hung up so he could get dressed.
He hadn't even realized it had started to snow until he stepped outside and saw a few inches of white covering the sidewalks. But it didn't matter. Arthur was able to make the short trip to the Waldorf penthouse in only a few minutes.
When he reached the apartment, Blair greeted him with a timid kiss on the cheek and led him to a seat in the front room. She offered him a drink, which he accepted, and they began to make polite small talk.
Chuck had been there for almost an hour when he finally asked, "Blair, why did you ask me to come over here? Was it just to catch up on the meaningless activities of our peers?"
"No," Blair said with a shake of her head, "No, there's something-, there's something I have to tell you." Her face began to crumble as tears formed in her eyes, "But I can't. I'm just so scared."
She buried her face in her hands as her shoulders began to shake. Chuck moved over to sit next to her and placed his arms around her, "What is it?" He asked, "You can tell me anything, Waldorf. You know that. I'm Chuck Bass. I can't judge you."
Her tears lessened and she lifted her head, "I just don't think you would understand. If you knew-," She paused and shook her head, "You won't look at me the same. You'll hate me."
She began to cry again as she explained, "I was pregnant. When I left for the summer I knew but I tried to pretend like it wasn't real. I-, I didn't know what to do. I didn't know whose it was. It could have been Louis', but the more I thought about it, the more I didn't want it to be. But you wanted to let us go and a baby wouldn't let that happen."
"I said that I needed to let you go," Chuck interjected, "Not that I wanted to."
Blair barely heard him, "It doesn't matter. The whole situation was so awful and I couldn't talk to anyone about it. The stress was too much and my condition returned." She refused to look at him, but Chuck continued to rub her back, "I knew it was bad, for me and the baby, but I couldn't stop. Then things with Louis started getting worse and I was so alone."
She was crying so hard that she could barely speak through the sobs. Chuck's own eyes were tearing up and his heart ached to see her so broken, "What happened, Blair?" He croaked, "You can tell me."
"I lost the baby," She cried, "I did it. I killed our baby." She finally looked up at him, "See, don't you hate me?"
She made a move to stand up, but Chuck would not let her. Instead he pulled her against his chest and wrapped his arms around her, "No, I don't. Despite what I may have said in the past, I love you too much to ever hate you."
He held her in silence for a moment as she continued to cry. He then ran his hand over her hair, "In fact, I love you now more than ever. This wasn't your fault, Blair. You can't blame yourself."
"Yes, I can, because it is my fault!" She cried, pulling away from him, "Don't you see? I was the one who couldn't take care of our child. Aren't you disgusted? How can you even stand to look at me? Why would you stay here?"
"I should have been there to take care of you. The only person I am disgusted with is myself, for not being there for you. But now I'm not going anywhere. I'm not letting you shoulder all the guilt."
That night he stayed with her and silently he vowed to stay with her until she healed. Until she had no more tears to cry. Until she escaped her demons and felt no more guilt for what happened, he wouldn't leave. Even then, he wouldn't go anywhere, because if there was anything he had learned in the last few months it was that he needed her just as much as she needed him. And they needed to be together.
"You slowly lifted your head from your hands. You said 'I just don't think that you'll understand. You'll never look at me that way again, if you knew what I did.' And so your tears fell and melted the snow. You told me secrets nobody had known. Oh, but I never loved you more even though now I knew what you did."