Author: EmilyEphebiphobia PM
Everything gave way in her and she could feel her stomach wrenching, throat burning, heart ripping; if physically possible. Drabble for after Tyler's gone.Rated: Fiction T - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Words: 2,331 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 2 - Published: 07-25-11 - Status: Complete - id: 7216804
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
I watched the movie last night and cried my eyes out. And this is what music does to you appaently. Drabble, sorry if it's slightly sloppy.
"Michael.. I love you."
The weather outside; dark and cloudly; turned out to be what today would actually be.
As soon as Aiden ran up to the roof, Ally at his heels, she knew something was wrong. The air smelt like gasoline, and faintly of smoke.
"Oh my god..." She had muttered, staring out to the distance.
"Someone's been trying to tell me something. Make her yours forever, and I'm working on the forever part."
His death was an accident, a cruel trick of terrorism that sent many to die. She couldn't help but blame his father. If he hadn't damn well sent him to his father's office to meet with the lawyers that morning, she would still be standing in their apartment, watching the monstrocity that was eveloping the twin towers of the New York city, with his arms around her, whispering hushed words in her ear.
But instead, while all of that had been happening, she had been standing out on their rooftop, with Aiden, watching in horror, and sickness as smoke filled the air.
Ash, debris, and god knowns what else traveled with the wind, and evidently made it to their rooftop; it wasn't far from his father's office of course.
She could feel the ash, and burnt particles hitting her bare shoulders and back, but she didn't brush it off.
The pancakes were burning on the stove, her mind wandered.
"Oh shit... oh shit... OH SHIT!" Aiden kept yelling, louder and louder, as they watched the plane burn up, hearing the small screams and cries in the distance. He ran up to the wall, gripping it tightly, his eyes wide. His face swelled with shock, yet he kept yelling louder until he was screaming off the top of his lungs.
To loose him like this was so .. cliche, she decided with what little brain function she had. She could feel the irony building up in her brain. Of course this was the first time he had told her he loved her, and of fucking course this was the first time when she was so sure of herself, that she said it back, meaning it with all her heart. Now he was gone.
Whilst Aiden kept yelling in terror, she calmly headed back inside towards their apartment, straight for that rumpled, and unmade bed. Of course she never made it onto the bed before collapsing onto her knees, screaming out in true pain, that could easily match Aiden's adjacent yells up on the roof.
Everything gave way in her and she could feel her stomach wrenching, throat burning, heart ripping; if physically possible. She was glad she hadn't eaten yet, or she would have messed up the bed. She gagged, choking on her own tears and thoat.
She wasn't even going to imagine what his family was like right now.
She gripped the sheets, (only an hour ago that held his smell, his body against hers, pushing against her, exploring her unknown caverns, stroking her back, her knees, her face... ) and let out a peircing scream into the sheet, muffling some of the noise, she hoped.
From across the room, her cellphone rang, over and over, a sound she now hated. It was annoying, and she wanted to ignore it. But somehow, she ungripped the sheets, still listening to Aiden's screams up on the roof, as she picked up the device, slowly flipping it open.
"..Huh?" Is all she got out without gagging, and pulling her insides out. The sound crackled, and she could hear a faint roaring in the background.
"Oh my god, Ally? Ally? Where are you?" Her dad yelled into her ear. She winced, holding franticly to her short blonde locks. (The same locks he had run his fingers through only an hour before).
"I'm... I'm at ... Tyl-" She coughs, choking back tears, "Tyler's." Tears stream down her face, making it hard to see what's in front of her, let alone from a distance.
Aiden was still screaming on the roof.
"Where is he? Ally! Oh my God! A plane hit one of the Twin Towers! Holy shit-" The roaring gets louder, and she can hear screams now. The sound fades in and out before she even gets the courage to speak, let alone still stay on the phone.
The phone cuts off, and she almost sighs in relief, as she drops the phone, returning to the bed, laying on it gingerly. By that time she was glad Aiden had stopped screaming. The front door slammed open, and he ran in, his pupils dialated. He headed into Tyler's room, standing in the doorway. pointing a shaky finger towards the window.
"He- He's- Oh my God, Ally-" She closes her eyes, partially ignoring Aiden. The scent of sweat, ash and burnt food drifts into the room, making her want to vomit out everything in her. Though it's really not much.
She manages to make it to the bathroom before coughing up saliva, nothing else. She wonders if it's just the thought of his bloody body lying in a cloud of smoke where no one can get to him, stress, or something else.
Either way, she knows, he's gone.
"I had to tell someone about you."
They sit in his mother's house, in the new few hours, no one saying anything to each other; except Tyler's parents.
Caroline is curled up on the couch, staring into nothing at all. His mother is screaming at Tyler's father, in a way much like Aiden was, ripping and clawing at her husband's arms, trying to pull away from him, but he keeps a steady grip on her, his own eyes sad and filled with tears. Aiden sit's mutely on the armchair, ripping at the edge of his jacket as if to distract himself.
She could say his mother was the worst here, but his father is absolutely frantic. Never in her months of knowing him had she seen him like this.
Mr. Hawkins stands at the door, yelling back at Tyler's mother, it becomes a showdown almost, Ally notes. He tears at his graying hair, ignoring the blood that comes out from it, and clenches and unclenches his hands as he continues to yell, his face ashen.
At some point he manages to pick up a vase (Ally hope's it isn't expensive) and chucks it towards an adjacent wall. It clatters to the floor, in pieces, much like Ally's heart right now. She watches the pieces scatter and finally stop, leaving dust and marks on the wood floor. Something in her snaps. Part of her wishes she can find better, more appropriate words to use, but what comes out is a combination of cracked words, gagging, and air.
"How could you... YOU BASTARD! YOU SENT HIM THERE!"
Tyler's mother is no longer the only person screaming at his father. But as soon as she screams this into his face, two hands grip her arms, and all sound except her voice ceases. His mother stares at her wideyed, and Aiden chokes behind her, holding her back terrified at what might happen next. His father searches her face, seeming to have aged twenty years in the past few hours.
Caroline whimpers from the couch.
"YOU SENT HIM THERE! YOU KILLED HIM!"
She decides then it really is irony, because he managed to kill both of his sons at 22.
No one stops her as her hand comes flying out from under Aiden's arm and slaps his face hard enough to whip his head to the side.
She wonders what will become of Caroline in this family.
"The ladies seem to love that freaky.. poetic crap."
She doesn't hear from her family, or his for the next two weeks, maybe more. She lost count. Either way, it's a dreary day when Aiden slams a glass of water and a pill, along with a bowl of soup on the table in front of where she's lying on the couch.
She watches as the water sloshes around, as does the soup.
"You've got to eat Ally... please.." He pleads, pointing now towards the pill. She frowns, trying to figure out what the hell the pill is.
She now resorts to sleeping on the couch, when she manages to get sleep. She knows if she goes back to his bed, everything will come back to her, and she will be filled with memories of him, that will rip her apart even more than she is now. Aiden kneels next to her, his eyes sad.
"Please Ally... Please..." She reaches for the pill, realizing it is asprin. Aiden must have known she had a headache.
She puts it in her numb mouth, her hand shakily reaching for the water, gulping it down.
Again she manages to reach the bathroom as she this time manages to bring up the water, and unfortunately the asprin. Her head pounds as she leans her head on the tub, watching Aiden stare at her from the doorway.
"Your father called this morning to tell you he was working on the investigation over there and he'll see you soon-"
She brings up more water, her eyes clenched shut.
Its another week before Aiden gets fed up of her lying limp on the couch and screams at her, telling her she needs to get outside. Somehow she manages to make it out the building without thinking, and stares at the mess of cars around her. Things seem quite normal, until you get to the Twin Towers atleast. Something in her mind tells her, or pushes her towards the subway.
She stares at it, almost fearful. She knows people are staring, she has tried to dress nice, but they can see the dark outlines to her eyes and the pale of her skin from no food or drink.
She comes back to the day her mother was murdered in the back of her mind, as she inhales, stepping gingerly onto the train.
She makes it to the pharmacy; unknown to her until she stares at the sign on the window; and steps in, immediately picking up a small box. It seems to be the only thing holding her to the Earth. She doesn't get the subway back to their aparment, nor does she look towards his bedroom, because she fears she will hallucinate his naked torso, the sheet pulled up to his waist, as he sleeps soundly on his side.
After a few minutes of coughing up nothing into the toilet, she finally stops, and wills her self to drink a whole glass of orange juice and open the box from the pharmacy.
It isn't until five minutes later that she decides something in her head, as she stares at the item in front of her with wide eyes.
She would have killed herself right there and then if she wasn't carrying his child.
"Lucky for you I'm undecided."
When she finally meets with his family again, it's at his funeral, and everything is different.
Her mother is no longer screaming, but sad as she clutches Ally's shoulder. His father has a small smile on his face, though everyone knows he is still broken up by this. Caroline is distant, with longer hair and a matured yet pretty face. She places flowers on the gravestone, next to Michael Hawkins' grave.
Ally can't help but smile too, as she rubs her swelling stomach.
Her throat clenches again, but this time she knows she isn't the only one feeling this.
Ally's father rubs her back, and Aiden pats her shoulder as she stares at the engraved name. She wonders about many things right now, including how Caroline will do, loosing both of her brothers.
After the funeral, her father pulls her aside, and hands her a small plastic bag. She opens it, tears coming to her eyes, as she looks at the slightly tattered, but still in tact diary.
"He can stand me up, but he can't stand you up, or Caroline."
Four years later, she sits in the familiar coffee shop, Tyler's diary on the table, as she stares at the closed leather cover. The toddler wriggles on her lap, his small tuff of red hair shining. She smiles, planting a kiss on his head.
The little boy reaches his fingers out towards the diary, playing with the leather strip that holds it together. He giggles, making Ally smile.
She wonders how long it will be before he asks about his father, but Ally knows she will be strong enough to tell him, because everyone will remember September 11th, 2001. She wonders how Caroline is doing in high school, how Mr. Hawkins is doing in his new office, how Mrs. Hawkins is in her social worker job. Ally will see her in a few days at work either way.
She smiles as the little boy coughs, tugging at the leather strip, giggling again.
She closes her eyes, imagining Tyler sitting where she is now, writing franticly in this notebook, shut away from the world. She opens her eyes slowly, finding the little boy is staring up at her, his thumb in his mouth, his blue orbs glistening happily. She can't help but smile.
"Dad?" He squeaks, pulling his thumb from his lips.
Tears come to Ally's eyes. She nods.
"Yes, Michael... Dad is here always." She points to his heart. Michael smiles.
"He'll be 28 in May.."
Ahh, now I'm crying :/ Hope you enjoyed.. and sorry if I made you cry too... Dx