Author: Mach68 PM
This crack-fic was inspired by "The Blood", an episode from Season 9 of Seinfeld. Relax: this story has no violence. The content is entirely unrealistic, so don't be alarmed at the amount of blood Ash loses and subsequently gains!Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Fantasy - Ash K./Satoshi & Duplica/Imite - Words: 943 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 07-30-11 - Status: Complete - id: 7236643
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Hello. This story is a tribute to the Seinfeld Episode "The Blood". This time, Ash is the one who loses blood.
Disclaimer: I do not own Pokémon, Seinfeld, or Naruto. Satoshi Tajiri and the corporations hold ownership of the Pokémon franchise, while Seinfeld is the property of Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David. Naruto is the property of Masashi Kishimoto. T
This is fan fiction, where anything can happen. Therefore, don't be alarmed at how much blood Ash loses. After all, anime characters can hold up to 12 gallons (i.e. 48 quarts) of blood in their bodies. Now, on with the story!
"Pikapi!" Pikachu shouted cheerfully. I just woke up from a deep slumber.
"Oh hey Pikachu."
"Hey Ash. I'm glad you're alive and kicking." The voice came from Brock, my surrogate brother. His face displayed an expression of concern and relief. His girlfriend, Holly, shared the same facial expression.
"What's up Brocko? I'm happy too." I then thought about my flight from Unova to Kanto. The Boeing 747 suffered an explosive decompression just before landing. "Why did Flight 28 explode?"
"A terrorist from Team Galactic sabotaged the plane. From what the FBI could pull together, the terrorist planted a bomb inside a trunk. The bomb exploded in the rear cargo while trying to land in Fuchsia City," Holly responded.
"No wonder why the jumbo jet crashed while it was landing." I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed in despair. "This is my fault. Team Galactic probably wanted revenge on me for defeating them last year."
"Don't beat yourself up over it Ash, because it's not your fault." The voice came from Paul, my Sinnoh rival. It's funny how we used to detest each other, yet now he is one of my best friends. "Team Galactic did not even know you were on the jumbo jet; they just randomly selected Flight 28 to test the bomb." Paul was shivering at the thought; apparently he was supposed to take the same flight to Sinnoh.
"Besides, all 365 people managed to survive the flight, including both of your parents," said Maylene, Paul's girlfriend. "Professor Oak is keeping an eye on them if you're curious."
"Well that's a relief. I was worried."
"It's also a good thing there were doctors and nurses on board Ashy-man," said Duplica, my current girlfriend.
"Why is that?"
"A portion of the fuselage sliced off a portion of your leg. You lost a shit-load of blood." The voice came from the doctor. He stood about 6 ft 2 and resembled Volkner; the only difference being three whiskers on each cheek. "How much blood did I lose Dr. Uzumaki?" I asked the doctor.
"Hello Ash. Can you please call me Naruto next time? You lost about 8 quarts of blood and half of your hamstring, in addition to sustaining a fractured femur. It's a damn miracle you survived such an ordeal Ash; your body nearly violated Dr. Ein's Law of Hemoglobin Capacity."
My jaw dropped; I would have easily kicked the bucket within 20 seconds if it weren't for the laws of anime biology. Sure I am a 5 ft 9, 146 lb adolescent (I am now 17), but even I should not have lost that much blood.
"I guess that makes me an alien then." I said lightheartedly. Everyone chuckled at the comment, including me.
"Anyways I feel somewhat different." I turned to Brock and Holly, who had bandages on their elbow pits.
"I know the two of you were the first to give me blood. I can actually feel your blood borrowing contents from my blood."
"Holly and I weren't the only two who donated blood," replied Brock. At that moment, I noticed everyone else had bandages on their elbow pits: Paul (who donated a full pint), Maylene, Duplica, Anabel, Misty, May, Dawn, Iris, Cilan, Tracey, Max, Gary, Nando, Ritchie, Harrison, Zoey, and Todd. Jessie and James also donated a cup of blood. Even Dr. Naruto chipped in with 2 full quarts (he has a ton of blood).
"Well, I truly owe you one. I'm glad I have friends like you."
"Hey, that's what friends are for!" Iris commented.
"We're more than friends now. We're blood brothers and sisters." This comment caused everyone to laugh.
"That reminds me. There wasn't enough human blood, so Pikachu and I donated some of our blood too," Meowth chimed in. Pikachu voiced his approval. I then noticed Paul's Honchkrow, Brock's Croagunk, and Dr. Naruto's Vulpix pop out of their Ultra Balls. Mewtwo also appeared in the room and greeted me, pointing out the bandage on his elbow-pit. All of them apparently chipped in their blood.
"Oh yeah; you got a fucking pint of Honchkrow in you, buddy." Paul replied calmly while pointing his finger at me.
This wiped the smile off my face. I figured out why the fuck some of my blood samples were blue; I had Pokémon blood in my veins. I screamed in horror:
Brock, scared out of his mind, was the first to join me. "WAAAAAAAAGH!" Everyone else looked at us as if we were lunatics.
Paul, Dr. Naruto, Meowth, Mewtwo, and Pikachu followed. "GAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Soon enough, everyone got the message. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Wow. Writing this story was awkward. Please read and review so Cilan can bake more cookies.
Everyone except me and Cilan: COOKIES!
Cilan: Why me?
Brock: You're a better cook than I am.
Ash: I'll pay you $70 an hour.