|Christmas tells ALL!
Author: Animanizanny PM
Title says it all.You ask any cast member of the Santa Clause a question,and they'll answer it!Details inside.Warning...it's gonna be good.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Chapters: 18 - Words: 36,261 - Reviews: 111 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 09-19-12 - Published: 08-01-11 - id: 7242136
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Authors Note: I would like to apologize for leaving you all with my last update a long while back. I feel awful but if I could just have a second to recap my summer: I lost my Wi-Fi, got it back, dropped my laptop, got it fixed, dropped it AGAIN(all on accident), bought a new one, lost all of my stories, and now here I am. I was also nervous about updating because I've heard that it is now against the site rules to post chapters like this. However, this has been up for what? Over a year now? So I'll push my luck and toss in a new chapter. I love this fic too much to give it up that easily anyways. If it does so happen that this is against the rules and the fic is taken down, then I'm sorry. I honestly didn't know whether or not this was against the rules. Thanks for bearing with me you guys and if you decided to read this long paragraph and made it all the way here, then you are all very smart cookies. Henceforth, here have a cookie! *holds out copious amounts of cookies to people* Heh copious. My new word of the day! So enjoy the chapter and TOODLES!
Everyone: GAH! (Multiple heart attacks later…)
Welcome back people!
Santa: Why would you do this to us? We've been waiting for MONTHS!
Yeah well I was busy.
Bernard: (grumbling something very rude)
I love you too. (Smiles obliviously) Now on to the questions! Our first one comes from the always wonderful keacdragon who asks: Hi! We missed you! Lovely chapter! Hmmm...Bernard, if you had to retire, what would you do? And If Jack frost is the winter sprite, who are the sprites for the other seasons? Okay, my mind is fried, that's all for now!
Bernard: If I'm going to have to answer all of these stupid questions, I guess this one isn't so bad. I would probably end up going down into the human world and becoming an accountant…or maybe a lawyer…?
Curtis: I think he'd make a much better circus clown.
Bernard: No one asked you Curtis!
Sigh….okay Mother Nature, would you answer the next question.
MN: Well Amber (from the previous chapter) is the Fall Sprite, and I would be considered the Spring and Summer sprite I suppose. We really don't consider it in sections. Mostly we just all work together to do our jobs.
Next question! This one comes from the beautifully named Aquette Calvin! She asks: hey! awesome so the elf ears are still a mystery, oh well. hey can my OC host, since bernard is so intrigued by her, can my character Aquette Calvin make an appearence? she is 18 years old now, a nice girl, but she has a short temper and hates mr. frost. she gets along ok with bernard and curtis drives her insane. she loves her dad (scott calvin) and her brother charlie. she has water and ice powers on top of being santas kid so she can rival Frost. she is very sarcastic and is entertained by the torture of others. and she hates neils sweaters XD. but she loves cocoa and all the santaness perks. ok questions! so why did the mrs clause not kick in till scott had already been santa for a long time? and when did he learn about the escape clause? and now dares: i dare scott to go to like new york city, dressed as santa and just see what happens. and he cannot talk to anyonejust walk around. i also dare charlie to host a game show quiz thing with neil adn scott as contestants, seeing how much they really know about charlie. so ask them trivia questions about you charlie. and scott cant cheat using his santa knowledge. ok thats all tata for now!
Everyone, please welcome the beautiful Aquette Calvin! Because of a nice request, she will be the host for the rest of the chapter with Santa while I take a nap. Some father-daughter time is always nice.
Santa: Nice to meet you Aquette.
Bernard: YOU'RE Santa?!
Bernard: B-but that doesn't…how can this make SENSE?! (he then fainted from nonlogical overload)
Carol: Bernard needs to get with the times. Women can do anything men can do.
Aquette: Yay! Okay so on to questions, why did the Mrs. Clause not kick in for so long? And when did you learn about the escape clause?
Santa: Well it usually takes some time for the magic to recognize the presence of a new Santa. By the time that the affects caught up with me, I had already been there comfortably for quite some time. I think that the clause may also have been confused about my previous marriage with Laura. I'm the first Santa to have been divorced before so I suppose that the clause was confused. I learned about the escape clause about a year after I had been married to Carol. It was kind of a lot to handle at the time so I just hid it away and figured I would never use it.
Aquette: Nice. Okay so now you have to go to New York. Have fun!
In New York…
Scott(dressed as Santa): This isn't so bad…
Random Jerk: Yo fat guy give me yo sack o' dough
Santa:….(runs away with random jerk on his heels)
Santa: That was AWFUL! There's no cheer there! Just a lot of smelly people that want my wallet…
Charlie: Now it's time for the game show!
Scott: Wait what?!
Neil: I'll ace this!
Scott: Yeah just like how you aced gym class freshman year of high school. By the way Neil, you're supposed to DODGE the ball not stand there and hope it doesn't hurt too much.
Neil: Okay your all-seeing Santa powers are really getting annoying.
Charlie: Are you both done? Okay. My first question is: Last week when I forgot my lunch at home, what type of bread was on the sandwich that I forgot?
Scott and Neil: O.o…..
Aquette: I think they're both clueless Charlie.
Charlie: Shame. It was pumpernickel. You guys should have guessed that.
Neil: Pumpernickel?! But Charlie you HATE pumpernickel!
Charlie: Yeah why do you think I "forgot" it? Next question is: what color sock did I where on my left foot on the first Tuesday of last month? Keep in mind that I like to wear two different socks to "spice up" my wardrobe.
Scott: This is RIDICULOUS!
Charlie: 5 seconds….
Charlie: You're both wrong. The correct answer is….white. Come on, like I'd wear different color socks. What am I? A six year old girl?
Neil: But you said you liked to mix it up.
Charlie: Yeah by wearing one white ankle sock and one white tube sock. DUH!
Carol: Kids and their crazy fads…
Charlie: Next question…
One long trivia game later…
Charlie: And the winner is (drum roll)….NOBODY! You both know absolutely nothing about me.
Scott and Neil: (silent in utter confusion)
Aquette: Okay let's move on while they cool their brains. The next reviewer is none other than Obsessive-Gal, otherwise known as Cathy. For the sake of time, let's just put all of her reviews together into one big paragraph. Ready? Here we go:
I enjoy this show so much! And Bernard is my favorite out of all of them(No offense to my second, Jack). My question is for you,host of this show-Why are you tormenting these poor beings? They're the ones who help me cope with every day life! Bernard has been my favorite since I was little, and I would ask to watch the movie just so he could make me feel better about myself. I still love this show though, please don't be mad at me! Help! My idea for an OC character has been stolen. Not really, but it's cool that all great minds think alike. What I did want my character to be was Charlie's older sister(23, prior to movie #3) who doesnt have friends, besides her family and the elves. Take note, that my dad has the custody thing over me, with visits with mom, like the thing with Charlie. I was a beat up as a kid for believing in Santa Clause, because of my encounter with Bernard at the shopping mall while he was "Checking things out". I've had a major crush on Bernard since I was twelve,and all though I am twenty-three, I look like a sixteen year old girl, seeing as I cant grow up anymore. Enjoy ice-skating, helping out Bernard, and making fun of Neil as much as possible! Please, give me a shot Animanizanny! I'm back, once again. Please don't think I'm wierd(my family already does). I'm also very sorry that I dont have a photo, or a username. I hope that doesnt decrease my chances with my OC or any of my questions speaking of which-(snicker)For Bernard: Do you guys stop growing in appearance at a certain age, do you guys look like kids or teens forever? If so, do the parents of elves look like teenagers? It's a confusing subject on my part,(even though my OC is Santa's daughter). Oh! I have a qustion for Neil too! Where do you get the sweaters? They remind me of my Dad's fancy one he wears for Thanksgiving. And this is not really a question but- Curtis, I am usualy a sweetheart to everyone(I've been on the nice list since birth), but you are a fail. Mostly, I think so because of the beginning of the Santa Clause Two, you were just hanging in the sled, holding a dancing Santa. May I ask why? That whole incident could've gave anyone a migraine. I am reffering to Bernard's eye slightly twitching, because of course I notice those things, I am serious about this stuff. I am very sorry, but I have another question- Charlie, when you were little, did you have friends that didnt believe in Santa Clause? Because I do, and they're making fun of me, and telling me that I'm dillusional. How do you cope with being made fun of? I mostly think that they pick on me because I'm an eighth grader who still believes in the magic of S.C, T.F, E.B, M.N, F.T, Cupid, and yes, even you Jacky.
And finally, another one for Bernard. I can understand why you get so easily angered, I do also. I think that it's great that you try your hardest to make sure that everyone's on task, but do you have any elf friends who don't mind it? I mean nice friends, unlike mine. Yours, the always lonely, Cathie(loving this penname!) Yes, I'm back. I didnt want to, but I was forced by protective instincts. Jack Frost, I have seriously lost every ounce of respect for you! Bernard is the best, so stop picking at him! At least he actually has manners, unlike you! All I here from you is "I'm awsome" or "I am attractive" or "I dont crap icecycles", which I think you would really deserve! By the way, Bernard is way more handsomer than you, in my opinion. And I send my apolgies to Bernard, if I had put my reviews for you down in time, you would've been running the show, not Jack, you definitely dont deserve any pie in the face, or a physically impossible kick in the butt, if anyone should ever deserve that, it would be Jack or me, for I am digging my own grave just by talking sweetly about you. Animanizanny might hunt me down, she obviously loves you. All of what I have said will probably affect my googie-goodie streak(I know, no one likes one, everyone tells me that, trust me, if I could stop I would). Maybe saying that I hope Bernard recovers from his injuries by the hand of a phsycho elf will redeem me? I dont know, I just really hope Bernard is not extremely affected y the internal bleeding, because a woman in "Portals" died from it. Dont leave us Bernard! I am only reviewing because you are lacking recent ones. Jack himself needs to jump off a cliff! And Bernard, my parents say to me sometimes "If she tells you to jump off a cliff, would you do it?"(I am reffering to my younger sister, know her Scott? Of course you dont, Cathie is not my real name. But it means Catherine in italian.)The obvious answer to this question is-"No, I would not jump off a cliff, because I am a rather big fan of life." It doesnt even matter if it was a dare or not! Whoever requested that has serious issues! You better be okay Bernard, you're the only person left on here that I actually find not annoying(no offense Santa and Charlie). I'm back! ZombieUnicorn15, if you want the Grocery store dare to be evil, then have Bernard work at Hannaford for the episode, and then say that he is going over to Shoprite! My dad did this, and they told him that he had ten minutes to gather his stuff, before they called security to get him out of their sight. Basicaly, they fired him before he could even resign. He flipped them off, and now he's one of the assistant store managers in training at Shoprite! And I have a question for Judy. In the first movie, you told Scott that you were seeing someone in wrapping, who was it? Because you are lucky! I havent even had a relationship that's lasted more than a few seconds(darn you Zack)! But I have a few different possibilities for boys, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Hello people! School just ended! Allelujah! :P Anyway, I had to take finals this week, and my head felt like it was going to blow up. Bernard, in the school, do the elves have to take over large tests? Like,500 questions? It hurts talking about it. Another thing, I know that some people ask you for hugs Bernard. I wont ask for one, because I always have this feeing that people think i'm wierd when I give hugs. :( I assureyou, I'm not wierd. But how do you really feel when people ask for hugs? I give them one- yeah, I'm nice like that. I'm too shy to ask you for a hug, I'm afraid that you'd get annoyed. (sigh) I'm back with important info friends, even though I know none of you, and I really doubt you go to freakin' Tamarac(if you dont, you are probably a very smart person, like me and the very few smart people in MS). There is going to be a black out on June 23, so no touchie the site. I mean, you can go on it, but people who've signed the petition for the "trashing of the stories that have sexual activity in them" probably wont. So please do not go on the site tommorrow at all. If you do not believe me, look at LoverofRumpelstiltskin's "Love works in mysterious ways" chapter5, or Zukofan2005's profile, where it will have info for where to find the petition, and if you want to sign it, go ahead and support the cause, we only need like, a thousand more people. Bernard would want you to do it! I have now gone from being the random guest Cathie, to being a member on Fanfiction! Yipee. By the way- PLEASE COME BACK! People are reviewing, along with a very rude one, if I might add. That person needs coal in their stocking. Heesh! I have a question for Bernard- "Why do you have curly hair?" My sister asked me that the other day, and I shrugged, leading to my bruised arm. I say that you're curls are very cute? Although, in retrospect, "cute" my not have been the best choice of words hmmm. I have another one for Bernard- "When people ask you for hugs, do you get annoyed?" Because I'm afraid to ask.
You all have FANS! Except you Jack. She hates you.
Jack: Does it honestly look like I give a snow drift if she likes me or not?
Well let's just sort through this first before we go into all the questions and dares. Apparently we have a girl named Cathie, who changed her name to Obsessive-Gal. She has an OC that I will be putting into the next chapter(whenever or IF ever that shall happen), her OC's name is Cathie, she is hopelessly in love with Bernard. BACK OFF HE'S MINE! (hehe just kidding we can share!)
Bernard: I don't want to share! Why don't you women please just leave me alone?! I just want to get my job done. There is honestly NO attractive quality in me that I can see. Why can't you see that too?
You're just cranky because you haven't had your cocoa yet today. Now, let's get these questions out of the way. Aquette, take it away!
Aquette: Okay first question is for you Animanizanny.
Me: YAY! I got a question! I torment these people because if I didn't then I would be sitting around with nothing to do. This is far more constructive and entertaining. Now, back to you Aquette.
Aquette: Next is for Bernard. Do elves stop growing at a certain age?
Bernard: We generally stop growing at around the age that I am at now. If I were to tell you my actual age, which I would rather not, then you'd know that I'm one of the oldest elves at the pole. And as for child-bearing, there is actually an interesting process behind that. When two elves marry, they may decide to have a child. When they do decide, they must leave the north pole and go down to the human world. There, they mature to look like humans, except for the ears of course. This happens in about a span of four months or so. After which, they have their child and bring it back to the pole. Unfortunately, the parents are now mortal and not allowed to live at the pole with their elfin infant so the infant is brought to our care facilities and raised in a nurturing environment, brought back down to visit its parents when it is older.
Aquette: To speed up time, everybody just read to themselves and then answer the questions in the order asked. Sheesh this job is giving me a headache. Go!
Neil: I get some of my sweaters from my mother and I like to go bargain shopping for my others. I really love them. (hugs sweaters)
Curtis: I was listening to the dancing Santa because I needed to figure out the….mechanisms of….uh….I just liked the song okay?!
Charlie: I had friends that didn't believe. How I coped, I guess I just ignored them and went on with my life. It's not my fault that they don't feel the magic in their hearts that I did.
Bernard: I'm usually too busy for friends but I have always thought of Quinten as a good worker and a nice guy to go out for drinks with. Oh and as for the internal bleeding, I've healed alright. Elves are magical and whatnot so I'm fast to recover, which is a gift considering everything that I've been through.
Judy: Oh he's…well…..we'd like to keep it a secret if you don't mind… (blushes)
Bernard: Well elves do have finals but they're more hands-on than writing. School is for learning basic curriculum and then a lot of the trade like carpentry and needlework. It all depends on what the elf is most proficient in. And hugs? Well I guess it's okay…I don't ordinarily touch people but I don't think of it as a crime to show affections. My hair is curly I guess because my mother has curly hair. It runs in the family. And I don't mind when people ask although I'm STILL not interested in relationships. But hugs are okay.
Aquette: Alright! PHEW! Next reviewer is ZombieUnicorn15 who asks: Hello everyone! I'm new here, but I will absolutely start causing trouble xD Bernard: I dare you to go work in a grocery store for the rest of the episode, to see if you can handle it. Curtis, I think your awesome so, I'm going to give you a cupcake :3 Jack, go sit in a hot spa for an hour :) And one last thing, I dare mother nature and Laura to switch roles for the ep., and for Scott and Neil to switch roles Adios x)
Me again! Let me just say that I work at a grocery store and I can assure you that this the worst (and best) dare ever. Bernard's gonna hate this! YAY!
At the grocery store….
Random old lady: Excuse me sonny I want this cat food in a plastic bag inside of a paper bag inside of another plastic bag inside of another paper bag inside….
Random old lady: Oh and I have coupons! (dumps 5 pounds of coupons onto register)
ROL: Oh some of them might be expired though. Do you mind checking?
Bernard: Of course not….(gritting teeth)
ROL: Good. And I would like to pay for this all in nickels. (dumps out change purse full of nickels)
Curtis: Someone LIKES ME?! YAYYYY! Thankyouthankyouthankyou!(devours cupcake)
One hour later…
(Jack is wheeled in inside a bucket)
Bernard: (grinning) Much better. This almost makes up for the old lady!
MN: Okay. So now I'm Laura.
Charlie: Mom can you wash my jersey uniform?
Lucy: Mom can I have a pony?
Charlie: I'm hungry.
Lucy: Can you braid my hair?!
Charlie and Lucy: MOM! MOM! MOM!
MN: This may be a bit harder than I assumed…
Laura: So now I'm Mother Nature…
Laura: But all I did was SNEEZE!
Neil: Great now I'm fat!
Scott: At least you have better fashion sense now. I look like a circus clown threw up on my sweater.
Aquette: (laughing) O-okay the next is from ZombieUnicorn15 again who asks: Oh, and one last tiny thing! May I have a hug Bernard? :3 Hasta La Vista! :D
Bernard: After you made me work at the grocery store?! Well…..you did melt Frost so I guess I owe you. Sure I'll hug you. (goes into human world, finds ZombieUnicorn15, and hugs her)
Aquette: Okay…. The next is from TheSilvertonguedSherlockian who asks: Hi! Me again! As usual, this last "episode" was as amazing and funny as ever! But before I start with my questions and dares, Bernard: I am so sorry if my question got you hurt! Are you ok? I certainly hope so. Anyway, now for the q's and d's. My first question is for Curtis. How do you like wearing a dress? It certainly looks hilarious, so you're making everyone happy. After all, they say laughter is good for you! My second q is for Judy. For someone like me who doesn't like whipped cream, is there anything else to garnish cocoa that would make it just as fabulous? And to close, I have one last, deviously amazing dare. Jack, I dare you to sit in a steam room for an hour with a winter coat on. *laughs* Well, that's all from me for now!
Bernard: Oh I'm fine. Thank you for your concern.
Curtis: I found the dress to be both humiliating and surprisingly comfortable.
Judy: Oh let me get my cookbook! (pulls out cookbook) Well I'm sure you've considered marshmallows. What I've found to be a delicious treat is stirring in a bit of maple syrup and sprinkling brown sugar on top. It gives the cocoa a very sweet taste if you're up for the challenge. You have to add just enough though so the sugar isn't over powered by the chocolate. I hope you enjoy!
Jack: I just refroze myself! Are you *** kidding me?! (storms into steam room)
Bernard: (laughing) I'll give you a hug too if you want!
Aquette: And the last is from peaceluv26 who says: i dont get it
Well, I'm gonna assume that you don't understand the fic. In short, this is a very fun and moderately stupid way for people to have a good time and for characters to be tormented or just able to answer some really cool questions. Thanks for the review though.
Well that's all for today. Thanks again for all of the wonderful reviews and if I don't update again, I'd just like to say that you have all been wonderful and fun and I've never enjoyed writing a fic more than this one. The fic is only as good as the people who helped make it and every single one of you is responsible for all the fun laughs and "Christmas good cheer" that have gone into all of this. For that, I give you all great big hugs and Christmas cookies. Thank you so very much!