Alright, good news everybody! It's eleven o'clock at night! And I've got Hermione sitting here and trying to doze off!

Please, please kill me. I'm so tired.

I'm sorry, Hermione, but it's just for a chapter.

Chapter lengths can vary, George!

Oh yeah…anyway, in this chapter, we're here to tell you how to run away from creepy folks.

Neither of us have ever figured it out. Goodnight.

Hermione, you promised this would be the pick-up line chapter!

I thought the book was called 'How to Fend Off Freakies!'

Hermione, pleeeeeaaaaassseee?

Fine. Go ahead.

Thank you. Now, in this chapter we're actually going to teach you how to pick up a bird, and Hermione will tell you how to pick up a bloke.

Noooo, let me go to sleeeeep.

No. Now –

NO! I have it now! Instead of picking up people, what about how to drive away people who are trying to pick you up?

Will this be the only way you won't kick me off the couch?

Yes.

And we're going to tell you how to drive away people who are trying to pick you up!

Now, for the girls, the cheesiest pick up lines are the easiest to throw back into their faces.

And that's putting it nicely.

Moving on, if a man is trying to pick you up, you're going to want to think about what he says and then say the first snarky, witty, clever comment that pops into your head. But not too cruel or else he'll spread the word and you'll never get another date in your life. However, if his pick up lines aren't as cheesy, and are actually pretty clever, you're going to want to make something up and fast. Too bad all pick up lines are cheesy, so sorry boys!

Now if a girl is trying to pick you up…you're not going to want to get rid of her, now are you? Unless you have a girl or she's ugly. Then you just say you have a girlfriend. Problem solved!

And now we're just going to sit here and write to you. Hope you don't mind.

So, Miss Granger, what are some of the worst pick up lines you've heard?

Oh, I've heard plenty. Let's see – "Hey, Baby, why don't I put my wand in your Chamber of Secrets?"

That's disgusting! Who said that to you? I'll kill them.

You said that to me, George. You and Lee got so drunk that you actually said that to me.

I am so sorry, Hermione. Quick – go get rid of all of the alcohol in my apartment!

You know for a fact that I can't reach half the things in your apartment.

I know. OW, HERMIONE, DON'T KICK ME!

You were being a prat!

Tell us more pick up lines while I go look for an icepack. My knee is shot now.

You made fun of my height, you deserved it. Anyway – another one I've heard is "Interested in making some magic together? My wand is at the ready." "Do you want to head over to the Shrieking Shack? We can do some shrieking of our own." That one, I think, will embarrass Remus more than anything. And - "I must have had some Felix Felicis, 'cause I think I'm about to get lucky."

Who came up with all of those vile, immatu – I came up with them when I was drunk, didn't I?

Don't worry, Georgie – I know you were impaired at the time. A few of those were actually quite sweet.

But they're stupid aren't they!

"Being without you is like being afflicted with the Cruciatus Curse" was undeniably cute. So was "If I were a Seeker and you were a Snitch, would you let me catch you?"

Now you're making me a pansy.

Watch it – I might miss your knee next time.

Alright – I am now throwing out all of my alcohol in my apartment. If you are of legal age, check the trash bin behind Weasley's Wizards Wheezes – although you might want to mind what you touch.

He's the reason Crookshanks had no hair for a week.

The cat shouldn't have run away.

He didn't run away! He was exploring.

He was running away. And he landed at my place. And he was hairless for a week before dying a few years later. Rest in Peace, Squish-Face.

George!

Sorry, sorry, I'm really sorry.

I would like to inform all of you that he's curled up in a little ball and has switched to putting his head on my feet. Doesn't he know that I can cause brain damage that way?

I've got enough brain damage that there's nothing left for you to inflict upon me. Too true. Who's being mean now, hmmm?

Still you.

Ahhh – yes. Of course. It's still me.

You're writing really slowly.

Well, I am curled into a little ball at your feet. I am not going to be the fastest writer in the world, Hermione.

But I love you anyway, George. With all of my heart.

Sarcasm gets you nowhere, my love.

Hypocrite.

How so? Sarcasm really does get you nowhere.

You say this as you're mumbling to yourself sarcastically. How many times did you get hit in the head when you were a Beater?

Fifty-seven times – and counting!

Quidditch is an awful sport. It's just people flying around on brooms and throwing balls around and beating them and catching them. You could do that on the ground with the right people.

Take it back!

No! That is my opinion and this is my half of the book so I may write what I want to!

Take it back or else!

Or else wha ~

Note: pinning Hermione down into the couch and tearing the book out of her hand is very effective. Tickling her makes her laugh but attempt to kick you off.

[Present Time]

"George Weasley!" Hermione laughed, finally stopping in her quest to kick her assailant off of her, "Stop!"

"What do you say?" he questioned with a grin.

She huffed, "Quidditch is the best sport in the world."

"And?"

"And?" she wrinkled her nose, "What else is there?"

"And?" he prompted once more.

She sighed, "And George Weasley is the bravest, handsomest, nicest, funniest man in the world."

"Good girl," he grinned as the fire roared with the arrival of the Potters, "Ah! Harry, Gin! Lovely to see you!"

"And you're doing what to my friend?" Ginny asked as Harry dusted himself off.

"We are writing a book!" he proclaimed with a grin, still pinning Hermione into the couch.

"Uh-huh," she hummed, "It doesn't look like it."

"Oh?" he said, falsely innocent until Hermione beat him in the head with a pillow, "Ow! Hermione, watch it!"

"When our friends walk in, it is best to get off of me, no matter what position we were in or whether we were doing anything or not."

"Uh-huh," Harry hummed and grinned slyly at them as George shoved off her.

"Oi," she shook a pillow at him, "Watch it, Potter, or I'll be throwing one of these at your head."

"You'd do it anyway, no matter what I said," he chuckled.

"You're fun to throw things at!" she grinned.

…I totally forgot why I wrote all of that….