|Cartoon Confessions 2: Sheep
Author: Drone person PM
Sheep comes by to the Toon Tavern and shares what has happen in his life and others since the show ended.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Parody - Words: 1,811 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 08-06-11 - Status: Complete - id: 7258328
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Sheep in the Big City, or any of the characters in the cartoon. All Copyrighted material and Rights to Sheep in the Big City belong to Mo Willems and Cartoon Network Studios.
The use of names and/or characters that are non-fictional or copyrighted to anyone else in this story is purely coincidental and accidental.
This is the Toon Tavern, a classy, luxurious bar in no place in particular. Here the Tavern has normal patrons, and then there are the usual cartoons that come by to have a drink. However, some of these toons we know and love may sometimes do, done, or say things we never thought they would do. And, of course, some bar tenders just tend to see such things with their very eyes. One in particular is named Edgar.
Cartoon Confessions: Sheep from Sheep in the Big City
So, I was working the bar, it was around 7:37pm, when in walks someone I have never seen in a long, LONG time, Sheep! He had that same old look and awesome white wool, he didn't seem to age or change a bit. I was excited, I mean, I grew up watching this guy, so you better believe I was gonna serve him! Lucky me, he comes up to yours truly and orders a drink.
So I say, "Mr. Sheep, you're one great character I haven't seen on the TV in a long while! How ya been?"
He says, "Pretty good, very good, in fact."
And that's where I had a mini 'WTF' moment if you will. Why? Sheep never talks, he never says an English word, was all bleats with him! Yet right then and there he just spoke!
So I asked, "Did you just talk?"
He says, "Yeah, why are you surprised?"
And I say, "Uh, well for one, thing all the time I seen you on your show, you never said a comprehensible word. Well, I mean, there was that one episode, but that was nightmare sequence, so yeah. What happened?"
And he says, "Well after Cartoon Network discontinued the show, a lot of the cast decided to explore different interest. I for one decided to learn how to speak. I mean, I already know how to read and write, why can't I learn to speak?"
Couldn't see a counter argument to that, I mean what else would you do after you were cancelled? Then I asked, "So, if you pursued an interest in speaking English, what did the other characters do?"
He says, "The narrator went on to become a multi-narrator impersonator. You name a narrator, and he'll sound exactly like them. You ever seen March of the Penguins? Morgan Freeman had a cold during one of the production days and they had the narrator play his role. He sounded exactly like him, couldn't even hear the difference!"
Pretty amazing, considering he was a narrator for an old kids cartoon, but still, if that was the truth, very impressive.
So he keeps going, saying, "General Specific and Private Public decided to join an actually military organization."
I asked, "Weren't they already in one of those?"
He says, "A secret organization whose sole purpose is to capture me in order to power a ray gun? Yeah, if you qualify that as a military organization, than you need to get into mental institution, 'cause you must have lost your mind, completely!"
He started to get a little anger in his voice. I asked, "You alright? You look little steemed there."
He said, "Sorry, he just set my life back so much…I mean sometimes I wish he was here so I can chop off his head, shove it up his butt, and force-feed his neck hole laxative!"
I said, "Okay, that definitely came out of a point of anger. Uh, you were saying?"
He says, "Oh right, anyway, they joined the real military and, believe it or not, they were one of the teams who spearheaded the attack during Operation: Desert Storm."
I said, "Wow, I never knew they would do something so…so…real, I guess."
He said, "Yeah, Public actually got a purple heart during the war."
I said, "Really, he got shot?"
He says, "Exactly ninety-eight bullets, and downright threw himself on a grenade. Shouldn't be a surprise to anyone that he took all the abuse just to protect Specific. Amazing he survived, I mean, you see him now, he looks like nothing happen him, but believe me, he got SO filled with lead, it was crazy."
I said, "Okay, yeah, but what I meant was, you cartoons can actually get hurt in the real world?"
He says, "Just because we're cartoons, that doesn't mean we're indestructible, yes, we can get hurt severely hurt. And those who think the other way are stereotypes."
I felt kinda awkward after he just said that, I actually felt intolerant. So I tried to make the atmosphere light again and ask, "So, did you and Swanky ever get together?"
He says, "Oh yeah, definitely, in fact, look at this." He showed me this bracelet he had on his wrist, said it was a wedding bracelet. Never knew they made those, but then again, he is a sheep, so you can't use a ring on a hoof.
Anyway, I say, "Holy crap, you two are married? Congratulations, I knew you two would finally make it official someday!"
He says, "Oh, we did more than just 'make it official'."
I asked, "Uh, what do you mean?"
He says, "On our first actual date, we hit it off right away, I mean, I thought she wanted to take things slow but man, during that night, it was hard to tell which one of us was a regular animal and the other the beast!"
He goes on about how they both went crazy on each other, talking about how they did it doggy style, once you go bleat you never go back, took her to wool town, took him fur town, downright hot, hot, hot…I can't even finish that sentence, I'm sure you'll know what I mean.
So I say, "Wow you two don't screw around in bed, don't you?"
He says, "What makes you think we were in bed?"
He tells me they did it right there, where they met up for the date! In the middle of the restaurant they were meeting at! I am not even close to joking when I say that! Just imagine, doing all that in front of so many people on the spot, almost makes you…almost makes you wanna catch it on camera and put it on YouTube, really.
I say, "But Mr. Sheep, you're more respectable than that, what could have possibly caused you to 'do it' right there?"
He says, "Animal instinct. Only way I can explain it." He then get's another one of those bitter tones and says, "Plus that was the only time Richington wasn't there to ruin everything, so you better believe when Swankey barked, 'let's do it' I went in for the kill before that woman ruins everything for me again." He then stomps the floor below and goes like, "You hear me, Richington? Good luck trying clonk me over the head again with that stupid metallic wig of yours and I bang your dog while you're burning in hell!"
I think my heart skipped a beat when he said that little snippet. I asked, "Uhm, what was that last thing about Richington?"
He says, "Oh yeah, she died. Believe or not, then again she was always an annoyance so of course she HAD to be there, but anyway, she was right there in the restaurant. Apparently Swanky couldn't take her oppression of me anymore and wanted her to watch. The MTs said that the combination rage and shock caused her to keel over and before anyone could call an ambulance, she was dead. My guess, she probably didn't wanna live in a world where me and her poodle were together. So she might be happier this way."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing, first of all, Sheep swore, and second, he and Swanky indirectly murdered somebody. Well okay, it was more or so like man slaughter, but it still sounded intentional!
I asked, "Uh…um s-s-so you married huh?"
He says, "Yep, beautiful wife, nice house, and two wonderful kids." He pulls out a wallet from his…wool pocket, and showed me a picture of a male poodle and a female sheep pup.
I say, "They're really adorable!"
He says, "Yeah, beautiful, huh? Both of them are still learning how to speak, though. Takes longer to teach a pup to speak English than it is for human babies."
I say, "Aw, that's cute. No problems or anything?"
He says, "Well this is a really, REALLY crazy coincidence, but General Specific got married too, now has a son, and both him and mine are going to the same school!"
I say, "My god…General Specific got married?"
He says, "I know, I'm just as shocked as you are. Who would marry a short, jaw-clenched guy, whose previous occupation was to capture a sheep, right?"
We both laughed at that joke. I never imagined laughing alongside THE sheep! It was one of the best moments of my life.
I then asked, "So what happened to Angry Scientist, I'm guessing he followed a career in the actual field of science?"
He got this real disturb looked on his face and says, "Why are you asking?"
I say, "I was just asking—" Then he cuts me off and says:
"I was never here, you hear me? You never saw me at all, okay?" He pays for his drink and runs out of the bar!
Next thing I know, Angry Scientist come up to me from somewhere in the bar and asks, "Was that being the Sheep?"
I say, "Uh…no. Why?"
He says, "I'm am just asking." Then he walks away. From there on, I always wondered why Sheep left in a hurry. I guess it'll be one of those mysteries that'll come back to bite someday…I gotta stop getting mixed in crazy situations.
I love cartoons. They're awesome, funny, and fill my heart with joy. But, when I work here, I see them act out of character. WAY out of character. But, hey, it's just another day and another patron at the Toon Tavern.
A/N So, thoughts? Any at all? Is there anybody who still remembers this show reading this?