|His Greatest Challenge
Author: mmooch PM
**Part of the 2011 LiveJournal's Twisted Shorts August Fic-A-Day** series. House finally meets a mystery he can't solve.Rated: Fiction T - English - Supernatural/Humor - & G. House - Words: 962 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 7 - Published: 08-08-11 - Status: Complete - id: 7265062
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
August 8, 2011 – His Greatest Challenge
Summary: **Part of the 2011 LiveJournal's Twisted Shorts August Fic-A-Day** series. House finally meets a mystery he can't solve.
Challenge: for the livejournal 2011 August Fic a Day Challenge. And #6471 on TtH.
Timeline: post-'Chosen' for BtVS (before Spike reappears), but with the original ducklings for House.
Disclaimer: BtVS and AtS characters belong to Joss Whedon / Mutant Enemy. House, MD characters belong to David Shore and Fox. I claim no rights to any copyrighted material. Please do not copy or take this story without my permission.
Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital, New Jersey
Normally this wouldn't have happened because Clem tended to avoid humans who didn't know about the supernatural. But he didn't see the banana peel on the patio when he was chasing the kitty that got loose. He slipped, falling into the barbecue grill, managing to stab himself in the neck with the fork – boy, Buffy would never let him live that down if she found out – then hit his head on the glass patio table hard enough to knock himself out.
The noise drew the attention of the homeowners who immediately called the police and an ambulance. Without knowing if the person in the backyard was a hobo or criminal, though, they remained inside where it was safe. No point in making themselves vulnerable to any accomplices he might have in the shadows.
Several hours later…
The medical personnel couldn't have known that Clem would have a bad reaction to the saline solution they gave him to replenish his fluids. Hell, he wouldn't have known because he never had the need for trying it. Whether it was true of all his species or just him was unclear, but Clem slipped into a coma before he could get away or tell them anything about himself.
A search of his belongs didn't turn up any ID – which led them to believe he was a transient – but they did find a business card with a phone number and the world 'Slayer' handwritten on it.
House insisted on being the one to call this person because the questions this patient raised were too far out there. When a female's voice answered, he demanded in his usual snarky manner, "I need to speak to Slayer. By the way, is that some strange kind of code name? If so, he or she needs to get better taste in music."
"Who the hell is this?" she demanded right back.
"My name is Dr. Gregory House from the Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. We got a patient in last night and he had a card with this number and the word 'Slayer' written on it. Now I need to speak to this Slayer person," he re-demanded.
Her voice turned thoughtful, "That's in New Jersey, right?"
"It's great that our educational system has worked such wonders!" House snarked, getting annoyed that she refused to either hand the phone off or tell him that she was Slayer. "Yes, the hospital is in New Jersey."
"Would he happen to look like his wrinkles have wrinkles?" she asked.
Finally, they were getting somewhere – even if it was going slower than molasses. "So you know who he is?"
"Yeah, that's Clem. What happened to him?"
"I can't tell you that unless you're family or you have his medical proxy," House replied, wanting to see how she would respond.
"That's going to be a problem then, because he doesn't have family that I know about and there's no way he'd have a medical proxy. He stays as far away from people as he possibly can. I'm surprised you even got him to the hospital," she tacked on after a momentary pause.
House decided to tell her what he knew, hoping to shock her into revealing something. "His physiology is all wrong for a normal human, and every time I take blood to test, it comes out a different color. Was he involved in some weird radioactive spill? Or did he get bit by a spider that was mutated? Maybe he's an alien?" he guessed, not really expecting her to answer 'yes' to any of his questions.
"Something like that," she answered. "Umm, the best thing you can probably do is nothing. Take any IVs out and don't give him any medicine. I'm on my way with one of our…doctors," she added hesitantly, as if doctor wasn't the word she planned to use.
When she arrived a couple hours later, it wasn't her appearance that surprised him…much. It was the fact she actually had a medical doctor with her to assume custody of his patient. The patient who happened to wake up an hour after they removed the IVs and looked around worriedly when he found out he was in a hospital. Clem only calmed down when House told him that Slayer – whoever she was – was on her way with a doctor.
It drove him crazy that they refused to answer any of his questions or let him run any further tests on Clem. They just paid cash for his bill and walked out. Even worse, he could have sworn he heard Clem ask the blonde woman before they were out of hearing range if they could pick up a couple Siamese and a tabby for dinner.
Many years down the road, when he was stuck in a nursing home, House kept muttering to himself, "Rainbow blood; how does he have rainbow blood?"
A/N: Doesn't have a lot of Clem in it, but he's just there as a mystery to solve.
Tomorrow's (hopeful) fic: Connor/Bones.