Author: TehBrovakiin PM
A request by Shooting star rider, CruzxSolvaRated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Romance - Cruz/Yamada S. & Solva - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,529 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 02-04-13 - Published: 08-15-11 - id: 7290326
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
This story is for My friend Shooting Star Rider. I have not been able to work on it so I feel obligated to increase the length and make a chapter story. Paring: Cruz and Solva. Warning : certain parts contain adult humor. I do not own Needless.
Solva is your average girl, she texts to her friends, has a ungodly amount of stuffed animals, giggles about guys, likes chocolate, and plots to take over the world
Yeah typical 16 year old girl
Cruz is your average guy, he likes video games, he's a good cook, looks up to his older sister, and is the hired bitch to a pervert priest , his stripper friend, and Dr. Wily
They have almost nothing in common
Except for the fact that their both going to be trapped in a run down church for the next week
Cruz was scared
No, he wasn't just scared, he was piss and shit himself scared, in fact he had already gone through 5 pairs of pants… make that 6
Why was he so scared? You ask. Well it was all because of a girl. Not just any girl, but a girl with silver hair, split personalities, and magnet powers. Even saying her name made him cringe. Solva
There he just did it
He was all alone with the most psychotic individual he had ever met… except for ,well, the Dante wannabe with a god complex. She made Tira look sane, And he couldn't leave the house because of the pouring rain outside
'How Is it even raining in the fricken black spot any way 'he thought . he decided to check the weather channel to find out when the rain would stop and his friends would come home from…god knows where and save him
"good news folks, the rain should be over tomorrow" Cruz let out a sigh of content
"however it shall be replaced by a blizzard/hail storm, more weather threats are expected so civilians are advised to stay indoors until the week is over, in other news it seems a large amount of inter dimensional portals are…"
Cruz shut the TV off. An entire week with no one but Solva. He made a mental note to kill that weather man, then kill Mr. priest for leaving him all alone
Blade sneezed 'hmm, it feels like someone wants me dead, ah well'
He turned around and started to hump the air while singing "if you want my body and you think I'm sexy come on baby let me know" a doctor walks up to him "excuse me sir, but what are you doing to those new born baby girls" Blade smashed his forehead into the doctor's and screamed "HA, NOW I HAVE YOUR DOCTOR POWERS, SURGERY ACTIVATE" "but I'm not a surge…ACK"
A nurse ran up to Blade and said "great, now you're the only one qualified to deliver the new prince of the forest ,follow me"
Blade's adventure shall be continued next chapter
Back at the church…
Solva was pissed, at first she had been happy but now she was pissed
When she woke up she planned this awesome plan to TAKE OVER THE BLACK SPOT using an army of the most destructive creature known to man… but that was all ruined thanks to that stupid weather report, and Seto wasn't even around to talk to, only that whiney Yamada kid, well at least he was cute and she'd have a week to amass her army
Cruz was very uncomfortable. How uncomfortable? The kind of uncomfortable that you feel from looking at Voldo too long on the character bios of any Soul Calibur game. He had been watching TV, the show about that obnoxious sponge with a hamburger fetish, when Solva comes downstairs "whatcha watchin" she asked "SpongeBob" he replied
Unexpectedly she shrieked like a little girl, launched over the back of the couch, took the remote, and turned up the volume. "let's watch it" she said and began to sing the theme song
Cruz was stuck. He didn't want to get up and leave. She might take offense and do something to him. Though she was in a good mood and pretty engrossed in the show… ah, to hell with it, he was going to do it.
"I SAID F**KING AYE AYE YOU DEAF PIECE OF S**T, CAN YOU F**KING HEAR ME NOW, MOTHER F**KER"
Or maybe not
After hours of watching SpongeBob, Cruz was ready to kill himself
'damn TiVo' he thought
Solva had been watching the same one over and over again. Cruz now felt compelled to open a charity clinic for people with extreme chocolate obsessions that made them prone to violent rampages. Suddenly, Solva turned off the TV
"I'm bored, lets do something else". Cruz gulped at the word 'lets'. As in 'us' not just 'me'.
"W-w-what do you want to do" he asked
He nearly pissed his pants at the evil grin he got
"PRE PARE FOR THE ULTIMATE ASS KICKIN' YAMADA" Solva yelled as she rushed towards Cruz with a assault rifle
He tried to run away but she whipped out a pistol and shot at him. He booked it in the other direction, but found himself in a corner, his pistol forgotten. She slowly advanced on him and drew her AR. Cruz blindly shot at her, but he missed every time. She cackled with glee as she approached, until a small, round object rolled in between her and Cruz. Her eyes widened as the small flashing light on the object began to flash faster. She only had time to mutter one word
The grenade went off. Frying not only Cruz, but her too. They both went flying into the air like rag dolls. The owner of the grenade ran over to their carcasses and tea bagged them individually before running off.
"Dammit" Solva yelled as she threw her controller to the floor "Halo sucks, the same prick keeps killing us, what's his player tag… RockyourBriefsoff. What the hell kind of a name is that, do you know this guy Yamada"
"Y-yeah, that's my friend Briefers Rock"
She looked at him as one might look at somebody who asked what a power saw did… in a furniture store
"Briefers" she asked
"Y-yeah, but he never plays this aggressive, it must be that girlfriend of his, Stocking, she's probably on another sugar induced rampage"
"whatever man, I'd love to hear about your idiotically named friends but I've got things to do"
Solva stomped away into the kitchen and Cruz scrambled into his room
Solva mentally kicked her self for letting herself get distracted from amassing her army. She began to get to work opening a secret compartment in the wall and pulling out several large sacks and vials of various ingredients. She pulled out a old recipe book and flipped to a marked page she took out a large pot and began to heat it on the stove. She turned back to the book when she felt a odd sensation on the top of her head she looked up only to be hit in the eye with a drop of water
"YAMADA" she screamed
Cruz rushed down stairs and presented himself to Solva
"THE F**KING ROOF IS LEAKING"
"I figured this would happen, considering Gido is to cheap to renovate the church"
"I DON'T CARE, FIX IT NOW"
"but it's danger…"
She dragged him over to the door and punted him upwards onto the roof followed by a bottle of water proof roof sealant. He began to army crawl towards the direction of the kitchen to avoid slipping. Until a loose shingle flew up and hit him in the face. He shook it off and kept crawling. When he got to the leak area he took a few minutes to search for the leak. He heard Solva scream
"WHAT THE HELL IS TAKING SO LONG" and resisted the urge to answer back in away that would offend many people in Scotland.
'How the hell am I supposed to find it with all this fricken rain spraying all over the place, man I knew I shouldn't have grown my hair like this, good for the 1st opening, but bad for deadly situations where sight is key, and not to mention my embarrassing condition' he thought
Eventually he found it and fixed it, he crawled over to the chimney and stood up. He was going to climb down the chimney and enter through the back door so he could sneak into his room and avoid Solva's bitchiness. However another shingle hit him in the face and he slipped, performing a split on the crease of the roof and crushing his Joy Factory. He muttered out in a voice that would make Alvin the chipmunk tell him to lay off the helium three words "damn…you…Gido" and slid off the roof busting his knees on the hard wasteland ground "OW…MY KNEES…I CAN'T FEEL MY F**KING LEGS…HELP ME"
Solva waited until the screams of pain died down before going outside with a umbrella and dragging Cruz back inside
"took you long enough" she said
Cruz looked very uncomfortable…and wet
He began to blush
"M-my skin condition"
"my skin is super delicate. S-so it chaps easily"
Solva said nothing. Cruz expected her to burst out laughing but was surprised when she reached into her dress pocket and pulled out a small tube with a man in camouflage and a shock of wild red hair printed on it. It said "Saratobi Sasuake's recommended skin lotion, for all those 'dammit, now I'm all wet' moments. Warning: do not apply during battles with samurai that wield six swords, giant swords/anchors/drills, or wield any kind of weapon whatsoever(including fists)"
She held the tube out to him and said "this is the kind I use"
He took the bottle, their hands brushing together
"now get out of here before I puke"
He went back to his room, a small smile gracing his lips thinking
'wow Solva has the same condition as me, maybe she isn't as bad as I thought'
He was pulled from his thoughts by loud cursing downstairs
I hope you enjoyed. Once again this story is made for Shooting Star Rider, I'm sorry this is so late but chapter 2 will come soon. I do take requests so feel free to ask.
P. S if you don't get the lotion joke, it's from Sengoku Basara 3 in flooding Ueda castle(Yukimura's stage) if you open the final water gate Sasuake's clones get washed away and he complains about getting wet and how 'it will chap his delicate skin'
Shroom signing out