"Nothing I Can Do"

Season of the Witch Fanfiction

Note: This is for my friends' Anna Songfic Contest.

All that I'm living for. All that I'm dying for. All that I can't ignore alone at night.

I hear screaming. It's all around me. Screams of pain, screams of sorrow. It shakes me to the bone. It's so callous; because I'm the one who caused it. My hands are red with the blood of the innocent.

I can feel the night beginning. Separate me from the living. Understanding me. After all I've seen.

I walk over tens of hundreds of dead bodies. My stomach turns. I hate the smell of rotting corpses. And I know there's nothing I can do. Forevermore, the string of deaths will continue.

Piecing every thought together. Find the words to make me better. If I only knew how to pull myself apart.

I just want to disappear. What would come of the world if I had not begun the Black Death? The thought mocks me; for I realize I could not have defended against the Devil alone. He is the most powerful of demons, and I am but a mere girl.

All that I'm living for. All that I'm dying for. All that I can't ignore alone at night.

I wish someone would save me. But still no one comes. The Devil has me by the collar, destroying me from the inside out. I see no point in defying Him; it will only cause me more pain.

All that I'm wanted for. Although I wanted more. Lock the last open door. My ghosts are gaining on me.

I am a reject of the world. "Witch. Whore. Freak." That's all I ever hear. Faces of angry people, haunting me. I never wanted this life. But God, it seems, has chosen it for me. Why? Why would he want His child to be pushed away, to be an outcast? For what reason am I so hated by all?

I believe that dreams are sacred. Take my darkest fears and play them. Like a lullaby. Like a reason why.

I feel numb inside. Everything feels so cold, ever so cold. I dream of freedom, where I can walk the earth without persecution. Sometimes the dreams are so real, and I almost believe it is so. But upon waking, my hopes shatter once again.

Like a play of my obsessions. Make me understand the lesson. So I'll find myself. So I won't be lost again.

I recently met Behmen and Felson. Can it be? Can they really bring me peace? It is all I've thought about. I can nearly see the bright light in my path.

I guess I thought I'd have to change the world. To make you see me. To be the one.

I tried to make myself known, the real me. Hopeful that they would see through the Devil's disguise, I did everything I could to get their attention. But alas, they trusted me not. And as they began to really question my innocence, my heart began to break.

I could have run forever. But how far would I have come without mourning your love?

I was losing my first and only love. But I suppose I was used to losing. For just a fleet moment I had felt uplifted, elated. I didn't feel so lost. To be with him was but a mere fantasy, but I accepted it for what it was.

Should it hurt to love you? Should I feel like I do? Should I lock the last open door? My ghosts are gaining on me.

I wasn't quite sure if falling in love was appropriate, considering my situation. I had been found, yes, so what could I do? I fought with myself. I told myself I don't want to love anyone. But my feelings overpowered my reason; I ended up falling in love with Behmen anyway.