Author: Pikachumaniac PM
Songfic inspired by the duel on top of the castle Yami thinks about Yuugi’s decision to give up the duel… and their relationship in general. First Yugioh! story.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Angst/Drama - Yami Yūgi & Yūgi M. - Words: 3,709 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 2 - Published: 04-20-02 - Status: Complete - id: 732580
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: Yu-gi-oh! is the creation of Takahashi Kazuki.
Kody: Probably only one of many fics inspired by the 3rd part of the Ultimate Dragon stuff; Yami thinks about Yuugi's decision… and their relationship in general. Gah! Remind me never to write character pieces again….
Authors Notes: This is inspired by the Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon arc, specifically the end. It was originally a songfic based on matchbox TWENTY's "Kody", but due to the new rule, the lyrics have been removed. Which means all the chapter breaks are removed, the entire song is pretty much gone, and whatever. Yeah, I'm slightly bitter, but whatever. I'll live, and if you want the original version of this story, e-mail me.
The toys lay scattered on the ground, shining with a dull light. It seemed like ages since he had last came to this room, so cheerful and filled with childish memories and innocent dreams which refused to be put down. A direct contrast from himself, of course… He, who lived in the darkness, sitting on the single chair as he contemplated his situation.
It was quite strange. He was quite strange. When the world around has turned cruel and cold, how could this teen keep the fragile dreams alive? How could he allow his entire life to be spun like sugar frosting, so light and delicate? How did he manage to survive on such idealistic terms?
He sighed as he picked up one of the toys, a fat Pikachu, and grimaced. How on earth did such things show up in the soul room?
Yami carefully set the giant plush toy back on the ground, wading his way through the bright and colorful sights. It was not possible for his soul room to be anymore different from this one, he was absolutely sure of it. The game king looked balefully at a stuffed seal with immaculate whit fur, staring back at him with still brown eyes.
Light and dark, yin and yang. While Yuugi allowed his life to be so… innocent… he himself was a pragmatic. The conflict between two beings sharing the same body with such different ideologies was mind-boggling.
"I would have won," he mumbled rather incoherently as he looked at the seal expectantly. The seal continued to watch him, as if silently taking in the information, Look at me. I'm talking to a stuffed animal.
"But he stopped me."
Since he figured he was already going insane, he plucked the seal out of the pile of toys, holding it up at eye height, and made the seal nod its furry head.
The end justifies the means. This was the way he had lived his life, even as a pharaoh… although it was true that he did not remember much of his previous life beyond that. It would not have mattered to him if Kaiba had fallen… well, perhaps it would have a little… but…
He had killed before. He had destroyed minds and lives alike, and accepted it with an almost calm indifference.
"I bet you've never seen death before."
The seal shook its head, and he smiled dryly.
"Perhaps I've simply seen too much of it."
It was kinda funny, seeing the King of Games holding up a stuffed seal with a perpetually worried look on its face. For some reason though, he was feeling a little bit better while speaking to an inanimate object.
"What would you have done?"
The little flippers moved in what was an unmistakable shrug.
"That's what I thought."
Yami smiled slightly… what would everybody else think if they saw him making such a fool of himself, acting as if a silly seal would have the answers to his questions? He just didn't really understand what was going on… Yuugi had surrendered the fight to Seto Kaiba.
Why? To save him?
"He wasn't really worth it, you know," the violet eyes narrowed as he pressed a finger against the seal's nose, which was also soft (why?), "But I guess Yuugi saw it differently.
"I don't really know why though."
"It just wouldn't have been right, I guess.
"Not that this necessarily means that I think Yuugi was right, mind you," Yami admonished the little seal. He had now set it down on top of some toys as he sat on another pile, as if the two were deep in conversation.
"Kaiba was being ridiculous when he pulled that stunt," he muttered bitterly, "If he just fought it out like a normal battle, I would have won. Yuugi would be able to rescue his grandfather. I wouldn't be here talking to you.
"Not that it's your fault or anything," he added hastily, "I'm not blaming you. That would be just a little strange, although not much stranger than all of this."
He reached out to make the seal nod in agreement. If Jyounouchi could see this, he would have been laughing his head off, he just knew it. But there just had to be something comforting about doing this… or he wouldn't be doing this anymore.
"I guess it's because you won't judge me. Although you are not really listening to me either, hmm?"
"I can understand Kaiba wanting to get Mokuba back, of course. But how is it different from Yuugi wanting his grandfather back? It was not necessarily to force this decision. It didn't have to be that way…"
Yami frowned, "This must be hard for you to understand. You've never had to worry about such things… never had to make such decisions. I guess I underestimated Kaiba in a way. I didn't understand that he was that desperate to save Mokuba. Still… I don't understand why Yuugi decided to end the battle.
"Of course, he did not wish to see Kaiba hurt. Although Kaiba would never have done such a thing for him, never. I guess I wouldn't either. Well, actually I didn't.
"It might be that the only reason why he's alive is because of Yuugi."
The seal tilted its head as if looking at him questionably, causing him to chuckle grimly.
"That's Yuugi for you. You probably know who I'm talking about, right? I'm not Yuugi, this isn't my soul room. This is Yuugi's soul room. But he's so different from me. Talking to you is probably something that he would do, not me.
"Yet I'm doing it anyway."
If I was thinking properly, I would end this.
"Kaiba made him choose. Made us choose. But he also opened the door on our relationship.
"I'm not Yuugi. I'm not even a part of him. I'm a completely separate person, and there's now a rift made by this decision."
He felt a little pain as he gazed deep into the seal's eyes.
"He's scared of me now."
"He's an idealist. He lives in a world made of spun sugar." The words were spoken calmly, without rancor, no longer speaking to his silent audience but himself, "He manages not to open his eyes to reality. Because reality is pain."
The white seal was looking at him with such worried eyes.
"Why are you so worried? Well, besides the fact that this expression has been stitched onto your face."
As expected, there was no answer.
"It must be nice living in a cotton candy land, if not terribly realistic. Even I don't want to see the day when Yuugi realizes that.
"The expression on your face seems to ask why he needs to realize it. Well, it's because we'll all grow up someday… except you, I suppose. You with your big wide eyes and stitched expression. You don't grow up because you do not understand time beyond creation and destruction, if even that."
He tapped those eyes.
"What do you see with your eyes?"
It would be very interesting if the seal could speak, although that of course was not possible. Yami would have enjoyed seeing that, even though he would never admit it. He supposed that Yuugi's soul room said it all… he wished to stay in his childhood. The toys would never grow up… perhaps Yuugi wished to remain that way as well.
"I guess I would feel bad if I came back here and realized that you were gone. You've been a good listener."
How would he feel if he entered the room and found it like… his?
"Well…" It was quite impossible and farfetched… but he believed it, "I suppose it wouldn't be too bad if Yuugi stayed this way forever… except it'd probably never happen."
But do we truly ever grow up?
Look at himself! He was the one chatting idly with a mere toy. Of course, nobody would be able to figure that out by seeing it… they probably would have thought that the seal was a reincarnation of a long-lost lover.
"I don't really like him being afraid of me though," he admitted, nuzzling the seal against his face, feeling the soft fur against his cheek. It felt childish and ridiculous, but at the same time it felt really… nice.
"It's probably just as hard on him then it is for me. I doubt he understands me… if I can't understand him, how can he?
"But do you think it hurts him as much as it hurts me?"
Yuugi frowned as he looked into his soul room. It seemed so… different. He absentmindedly patted the giant Pikachu (how on earth did that get there?) before realizing a change. Some of the toys looked as if they had been placed into a pile to act as a chair, while sitting across from the 'chair' was his white seal.
Oh, the things the seal could tell if he was able to speak. Able to hear! How must it feel, knowing that somebody has poured out so much truth into their words, but not being able to speak them to the person who needed them most? How must it feel to be the poor seal, who could only sit in silence, the worried expression on his face no matter the circumstances. Did he want to jump up and down, try to call out? Try to tell Yuugi what Yami had said, what Yami felt? Did he feel the barest hint of tears in his eyes when he realized his words would forever be silent?
"What are you doing here?" Yuugi asked, picking up the seal as his Yami had done before. Looking into his eyes as his Yami had done.
How it must feel! How it must feel when one wanted to make things right but couldn't speak! To want to tell the truth, to explain the pain and do away with the silent agony? The payment for the gift… or curse… of never having to feel pain, this impeccable silence that could never be broken.
I wish I could tell you.
Yuugi looked confused as he contemplated the move. Last he checked, the toys weren't able to move on their own… he didn't think they could at least! Or could they? That would be weird, like that American movie with the spaceman and cowboy toys. He wondered what the little seal would say if he could speak.
If Yuki… for that was the seal's name… could have, he would have smiled. Although Yuugi's eyes were so much more childish than Yami, it was quite funny at how similar they looked with that confused expression on their faces! There was so much more in common between the two than a similar goal and looks… deep inside, they really were the same.
But even if he could speak, he wouldn't have. The barrier between the two beings must stay up for a while longer… but he was sure that it would eventually fall, piece by piece. Yes, it was true that the two were different people, but how different? They shared the same complex emotions, the same questions, the same need for an answer.
They would never be one. Yuki accepted that. But he knew that with time, understanding would come.
As he turned and walked away, leaving those pesky brats to comfort the midget, the angry words still ringing in his ears, he thought about exactly what had happened.
He had won. He knew victory would have come. He had been surprised when his ultimate blue-eyes white dragon had nearly been defeated, but he still won. He was still one step closer to victory.
However, he nearly died. That was not assumption nor possibility, it was fact. He had nearly died. He had allowed everything to ride on the fact that Yuugi could not order the attack that would have demolished his life points… and his life, for even if the resulting shock had not sent him off the edge, his mind would not have allowed him to live knowing that he failed in rescuing Mokuba. It was a gamble, a gamble that had paid off.
But for one moment, it was as if Yuugi would destroy his dragon.
If that girl hadn't stopped him, would he be walking into the castle?
The only answer he received was silence, an irritating fact. He scowled angrily, still in a bit of shock, as a nasty voice in his head finished the question.
If that girl hadn't stopped him, would he be walking into the castle?
Or would he be a splattered corpse on the rocks below?
I could have been. It was a disturbing thought. He had thought it would be an obvious victory… but Yuugi seemed so unsure of himself, fighting himself. It should have been simple. In the perfect world, Kaiba would have watched as Yuugi obediently put down the cards and backed off.
But he had ordered the Celtic guardian to attack.
And when he had fallen to his knees, the dying sun reflecting the tears, it had not been because of the loss or failure in his attempt to save his grandfather.
Yuugi cried because he had nearly kill… Me?
How could he walk so confidently? How could he walk without guilt or care in his face? Not only had Yuugi saved him from… whoever he was fighting… but Yuugi felt guilt not because of his failure to his grandfather, but because he had nearly killed Seto Kaiba.
Why don't you feel?
Again, silence… an eternia of silence that never faded.
I can't answer that.
Pushing away the silence, pushing away the doubts, pushing away the tiny sliver of sympathy he felt for causing Yuugi such pain, he readied himself to save Mokuba.
Realizing with impassable certainty that he would never tell Mokuba what he had done.
It was silly, but he couldn't help but wish he brought the seal with him to his lonely soul room. Deep down, he had always known he was going to lose it someday… apparently, this was it. After all, spilling your heart out to a wad of stuffing wasn't exactly what he would call a show of sanity.
And he hadn't gotten anywhere anyway. For something that didn't talk, the seal had made him more confused with its wide, sorrowful eyes! Heck, was that even possible? He found it rather hard to believe that a stuffed animal could make him feel that way…
He still didn't understand what Yuugi had done. They had been so close! It was really all Kaiba's fault! Except… would he have done the same thing if he had been in his opponent's position?
Of course not! He scowled angrily. He would never be that stupid!
Yuugi was too kind for his own good. He was too innocent, too naïve. It was remarkably annoying, if not at the same time endearing. That was the first thing that Yami thought of when he thought about Yuugi, with those sorrowful eyes. Even when he glared, you still felt light and happy, as if floating in the cotton candy that made up little Yuugi's world.
Spun sugar and cotton candy, things so delectable and sweet. But life wasn't sweet.
Perhaps if you had been happier when you were alive?
Yami sighed as the pain sunk in.
But he was getting used to it. After a couple moments more, the pain would once again seal itself away as only the proud Game King could dictate it to.
However, as for the present moment… in the dark cold of his soul room, he wished that he could have some type of companion…
Even if it was nothing more than a silent, incessantly worried seal with brown eyes and a fuzzy nose.
"You don't feel," Yuugi stated, a bit sadly and sympathetically. Yuki just stared back, persistently so. The teen couldn't help but smile, he liked the seal because it always looked so worried! Even if there was nothing for him to worry about. It was as if he was worried for the sake of Yuugi himself, except stuffed animals can't feel.
It was kinda funny…
"I can't deny that I'm afraid of him," Yuugi told Yuki gently, "I'm afraid because he's so different from me. I can see that he cares for me though, but it doesn't stop my fear. I don't expect you to understand, of course."
He grinned foolishly.
"He probably feels bad right now though because of me. I don't really like it when people feel bad," Yuki listened attentively at the confession, "Especially because of me. But I couldn't let Kaiba die. Even though he probably detests me, it's not right to kill somebody else. I felt sorry for Kaiba too, I guess. He looked so helpless, as if he wanted to die.
"So," he paused, lying down with his face resting on his hands as he looked into Yuki's eyes, "What should I do?"
Yuugi could have sworn the seal smiled.
Yami frowned as he heard somebody approach his soul room. This simply would not do! The last time he had allowed somebody in his soul room had resulted in a game where he had freaked out the poor soul half to death (season 1… it was a weird ep).
What if it was Yuugi?
He paused, half out of his seat, no longer sure if he wanted to get up. Granted, he was quite afraid of what would happen.
After a few minutes, he got up.
And saw no one.
Except for a little seal with round brown eyes.
Yami felt his heart jump into his throat as he picked up the seal, looking at the note scribbled in Yuugi's easily recognizable… scribble.
His name is Yuki. That means snow in Japanese. :) Please take good care of him.
The Game King blinked, still wondering if it was nothing more than a very elaborate hallucination. He looked at the note, then at the still unceasingly worried expression of Yuki.
"Well," he frowned, "I guess that means I'm stuck with you."
Yami reached out a tentative finger to make Yuki nod affirmatively.
"I suppose it won't be that bad," he sighed distastefully, making Yuki look at him with the same baleful expression he had first given the seal, causing him to laugh.
Yuugi smiled as the door closed. He had been right after all.
He had decided that since Yuki had almost made him happy, he figured that the seal would be able to make the ancient spirit happy too. Of course, he had harbored some doubts since he doubted that the ancient being knew what a seal was, but his worries had been happily misplaced.
Oh, he was still afraid. He was still confused too. He didn't know what was going to happen to their relationship, now that they had so obviously been brought into the light.
But there would be time for that later. He needed to figure out what he was going to do with his future now, since he no longer wished to play Duel Monsters. He was afraid that one more game like the one he had with Kaiba, and somebody really would die.
Hopefully though, he wouldn't feel too bad anymore. Yuugi liked everybody getting along together!
There was still a long path ahead.
However, the first step needs to be taken before progress can be made. Yuugi needed to accept his situation, needed to understand. If he had accomplished that, he did not know, but he was getting somewhere.
It was only a matter of time now.
PM Falls over: Finally! Done! smiles cheesily Now I feel a little bit better… I hate this stupid flood thing. Dumb sewer lines. Stupid 'have to disconnect hot water for five weeks' scowl.
Jyou: Anyhow, you can pretty much see that PM was ready to fall over by the end of the fic… now she's just happy it's done though.
PM glaring: I have a right to be happy!
Yue: Nobody said you didn't… as long as it doesn't involve torture of myself and certain other characters.
Dark Magician hiding behind Yuugi: Don't tempt her…
PM: Humph! I am done with this fic… I bet it could have been a lot better. Yuki is property of myself! He's really a ty beanie baby that my sister bought for me at collage! hugs him He is just so kawaii! I love him! Anyhow, I think this is the last time he'll show up in my fics… I have this obsession for seals. P As if you couldn't tell! Anyhow, I hope you enjoyed the fic. I know it's not my best work… but I did work on it for about 4 hours or so… I think… um… thinks some more Okay, so I'm not really sure.