|Alternative Ending to Very Good, Jeeves
Author: hoglee PM
"Jeeves" I said. "Thrash your brain no longer for the solution to the Tuppy stew. I, Bertram Wooster, have formed the most topping wizard of a plan that even you Jeeves, will think it whizzo. Angela and Tuppy will be firmly manacled in holy matrimony"Rated: Fiction K - English - Romance/Humor - Bertram/Bertie W. & Jeeves - Words: 833 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 09-01-11 - Status: Complete - id: 7344953
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
I was lying in the bath when the brainwave came to me. After a rather rousing rendition of Putting on the Ritz which Jeeves himself admitted was startling, I pondered on Aunt Dahlia's predicament.
I was, as I have mentioned, dashed fond of Aunt Dahlia and generally considered her daughter Angela to be a good egg as well.
Suddenly a flash of ingenuity struc and I callled out to Jeeves at once.
"Jeeves" I said. "Jeeves, thrash your brain no longer for the solution to the Tuppy stew. I, Bertram Wooster, have formed the most topping wizard of a plan that even you Jeeves, will think it whizzo. Haul out the banners of celebration and bring in the cucumber sandwiches, for Angela and Tuppy are as good as firmly manacled in the cast iron bonds of Holy Matrimony".
"I am most gratified to hear it Sir". As you may be able to tell, Jeeves was not one for paeans of exultation.
"Yes Jeeves, we Woosters may not be great lovers ourselves, but by gum, when we see two young hearts torn cruelly apart, we will not rest 'til the birds are roosting together once more".
"A most stirring speech Sir. May I inquire what the plan is?"
"You may Jeeves, you may. I feel like Cheops surveying his thingummy".
"The Great Pyramid Sir?"
"Yes that's the kiddie Jeeves. It is a monument to survive my lifetime. People will remember Bertram Wooster as a man comparable to... to..."
"Exactly so Jeeves. Einstein".
"And the plan Sir?"
"I shall invite Tuppy and this opera woman to join me in the baths at the Drones. I shall then bet him that he cannot swing himself across by the ropes and rings. Spurred on by her presence, Tuppy will take on my bet to prove his worthiness of that nobles of titles, gentleman, and will swing across only to find the last ring looped back out of his grasp. And Here comes the genius of the plan Jeeves".
"I cannot imagine what Sir."
"Then Jeeves, Tuppy will be forced to drop into the water and swim, in correct evening costume, to the other side, thus appearing foolish in the eyes of the beloved. As soon as he has been given the bird by her, he will return straight to the comforting bosom of Angela".
"A rather optimistic plan, if you'll pardon the expression, Sir".
"Well Sir, a lot depends on Mr Glossop accepting your wager".
"Oh but he will Jeeves, he will. You underestimate the influence of the aforementioned beloved. Tuppy will have to. His inner lion will forbid otherwise".
"No Jeeves. I'm afraid that in this circumstance you will have to trust me. After all, Bertram Wooster is not a stranger to affairs of the heart". I said the last bit kindly to show Jeeves I was not snubbing him, so imagine my affront when the blasted man said in a rather doubtful tone;
It was about a quarter to ten, and having adjourned to the Swimming baths, Tuppy, the opera woman and I were strolling along, speaking amiably. Tuppy was trying to make an impression on the fierce, buxom woman, however seemed to be making about as much headway as he would have been pushing a brick wall. Less in fact.
"I say Bertie, do you remember that time I bet you you couldn't swim across on the ropes and I'd looped the last one back?" Hound and wench guffawed loudly.
"Alright Tuppy, I'll give you ten shillings if you can do it. You're a tough baby but the muscles left more to we Woosters"
"Oh is that so Bertie?" Tuppy moved as though to take the first loop and I signaled to Jeeves on the other side of the pool. He gave an imperceptible nod, much like a drowsy woodpecker. Tuppy stepped back and laughed.
"You first Bertie. Let's see those muscles chap. Dashed if I'm going to swing like a monkey with you safely on land".
I hesitated for a moment. "Right-ho then. I'm not a prune". I was rather proud of the challenge in my voice but Tuppy merely snorted. I took the first loop and began once again to swing across. As I reached the far end, I saw that the last rope had been looped back.
"Jeeves!" I sputtered.
"Sir?", he replied in a tone far too mild for the occasion. "I was given to understand that Mr Glossop was the Gentleman you intended to dive in".
I spluttered once more before my grip slipped and I fell into the water.
On resurfacing, I saw Tuppy and the opera woman walk out, arm in arm and laughing in what I considered very bad taste. I climbed out rather disgruntled. Tuppy was a blasted dolt.
I turned to Jeeves, shivering. "Jeeves", I said. "Einstein was overrated".
"Undoubtedly Sir", he replied solemnly.