Author: Jgheko Fett PM
After the death of Emperor Meningitis, Neuralgias forms a splinter cell to kill Orthopox. Follows the tales of Neuralgias, Myelomeningocele, Trisomy 13, and Toxoplasma Gondii.Rated: Fiction T - English - Sci-Fi/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,061 - Updated: 09-05-11 - Published: 09-02-11 - Status: Complete - id: 7347753
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Note: All words and phrases inside 's are translated from the Russian and Nexosporidium tongues.
May 24th, 1979
Neuralgias was a patient Furon, but not too patient. He had waited around for seven hours for the arrival of others who thought Orthopox should be killed on accounts of treason.
The first delegate to arrive was Trisomy 12. He was an expert card player and usually stayed on the 3rd Ring of Furon, but now he realized he was here to make one of the most important decisions of his life, something that could actually help Furon and the entire population. However, Trisomy usually went by the name Spandex, because of his odd desire of tight suits that, ironically, were not made of spandex.
And soon after Trisomy's arrival, the others came through the doors of the abandoned Gorta Military Repository. There were plans to be made, so Neuralgias did not hesitate in addressing the audience.
"It is a great honor to have you all here," Neuralgias said. "As we all know, Orthopox 14, Cryptosporidium 139, and two unidentified Furons collaborated in a coup against the Great Emperor Meningitis. I hereby brand Cryptosporidium and Orthopox traitors to the Furon Empire; we have no proof on the others. Crypto and Orthopox are hereby accounted with seven different accounts of treason. Punishment for this crime: Assassination. If you are willing to join me in the fight against Orthopox, fire your ammo in the air. If you are not, leave immediately or share the traitors' fates."
All fifty of the Furons who assembled depleted one clip of their weapons.
Neuralgias had already heard enough loud blasts in his life, so he ordered the cease-fire.
"Now that we are all in agreement," Neuralgias began, "I shall divide us all into squads. Trisomy, you're with me. The rest of you should be comfortable reading this sheet.
Neuralgias threw the squad sheet into the crowd as Trisomy walked onto the podium. He and Neuralgias went out the back door as the other rebels divided into their respective squads.
"What do you want boss?" Trisomy asked as he and Neuralgias walked towards their Furox-model limousine.
"I need you to go with me to Furon's Prison Moon to rescue an old colleague," Neuralgias answered in a calm, but stern, tone.
"Oh, Gondii, right. Yes."
"We need a demolitions specialist if we want our plan to work out," Neuralgias replied. "Orthopox will never know what hit him."
June 27th, 1980
"Can I get another briefing?" One of the many agents had not heard what Neuralgias said to do during the mission.
"You really should pay more attention to me when I'm speaking," Neuralgias told the agent. "We infiltrate the prison, pose as guards, and break out Gondii, escape. Happy now?"
"I think it's a good plan," Trisomy said. "But you're forgetting about the probability that Gondii's been executed"
Toxoplasma Gondii was sent to the prison moon for nine different accounts of fraud, two forging attempts, and for (almost) nuking a Furon Navy Depot. Toxoplasma was a master at demolitions and a pyromaniac straight to the core. Neuralgias was going to test Gondii, let the beast run wild in the middle of Gorta. There, while Gondii posed as a distraction, Neuralgias would kill Orthopox.
As the ship got closer to the prison moon, Neuralgias reminisced on his former encounters with Gondii. The first one had been during the Nexosporidium Outrider Case back in 1943. Upon encountering him, two Nexo slavers knocked out Neuralgias and ripped out his right eye. Though the Nexos succeeded on that part, Gondii (who was posing as Neuralgias's sergeant) killed the two Nexos and pulled Neuralgias out of there. Gondii was then sent to the prison moon to serve a sentence of two years for impersonating military personnel. He was released two months later on good behavior.
As the ship arrived at the prison's docking bay, a guard ran up and tried to get rid of Neuralgias and his troops unless they presented an ID card.
"I'll show you my ID card," Trisomy said with a slightly menacing tone in his voice.
Trisomy had pulled out his Furotech AKWE-367 light machine gun and fired shots at the guard's eyes. Trisomy then proceeded to knock out the guard and steal his uniform. Instead, he left the honor to Neuralgias, who knocked the poor, blind guard off the ledge where he hit a support pole. The guard's skull blew in half as his head whacked the pole.
Neuralgias then walked into the prison with his new uniform. He completely bypassed all the security measures and found the cell of Toxoplasma Gondii.
Finally, Neuralgias thought, I can get him out and get out of here. Hopefully uninjured.
"What do you want," an impatient Toxoplasma Gondii asked as Neuralgias approached the cell. "You want to slap me in my face with your stun baton? Or slam your nightstick into my knee? Why don't you just execute me? Oh wait, that's right, Orthopox, err Emperor Orthopox, got rid of the execution punishment."
"Gondii," Neuralgias whispered. "Shut up. It's me, Neuralgias. I'm here to bust you out."
"Let me get my equipment," Gondii said.
A guard had seen Neuralgias talking with Gondii and walked over there to check it out.
"Everything alright over here," the guard asked. "You know you can't stop and talk to prisoners while you're on patrol, right."
Neuralgias had taken his gun out of the uniform and stuck it right next to the guard's mental cavity.
"That's not a standard issue patrol gun," the guard said.
Neuralgias took his time putting the silencer to his pistol as the guard began to freak out.
"Some"-BANG! The guard never finished his cry for help as Neuralgias sent a bullet straight through the unfortunate man's head. He took an access code from the dead body and input on Gondii's cell lock.
At last, Toxoplasma Gondii was free. However, Neuralgias's victory was short lived when an alarm blazed throughout the complex. Guards surrounded Neuralgias and his newfound ally. Then it got quiet. There was a loud clang as something large and metallic fell onto the ground.
One guard raised his stun baton and received a bullet- moreover a volley of them- through his mental cavity. Neuralgias looked to his left and saw Trisomy and a few agents.
"Screw the prisoner," one guard shouted. "We've got a maniac with an AKWE! Take cover!"
The guards were not fast enough to dodge the rebellion's firepower. They were shot with volleys of bullets and plasma as Trisomy and his squad opened fire. Then, a Furon with a gattling gun went into the room and opened fire. Gondii pulled out his rocket launcher as he and the others retreated. He pulled the trigger, but missed his target by a long shot. Instead, a new alarm sounded. Gondii had hit one of the support beams.
The prison collapsed, crushing the elite guard and reducing the place to a giant ruin. Neuralgias went to the outer asteroid clusters as Trisomy and Gondii headed for the Third Ring of Furon.
June 21st, 1982
"Trisomy, do you copy? I repeat Trisomy do you copy?" Neuralgias had been trying to contact Trisomy for the entire week, but was beginning to accept the fact that the outer cluster signal wasn't strong enough to reach the second ring.
Lately, the rebellion had done nothing, but today was their big moment. They had recruited the pyromaniac Myelomeningocele. Neuralgias quickly coded the new recruit as "Photon" for the latter's love of lasers. Now Neuralgias was on the outer clusters because he was going to destroy Cryptosporidium 139, who was returning to Earth to continue the DNA harvest.
Neuralgias had connections as well. He had hired two of the best bounty hunters in the entire Proxima Centauri system: The Red Scares. Even though the twins were Nexos, Neuralgias hired them because they were the best of the best. At least, that's what he heard.
"Trisomy 12 to Neuralgias 3," Trisomy buzzed in on the commlink. "Do you copy Neuralgias?"
"Loud and clear, Spandex," Neuralgias replied. "I've been contacting you for this entire week. Is the signal jammed?'
"Actually it is," Trisomy replied. "Pox has prohibited any form of communication from Furon to the outer clusters. Now what's so important if you've been trying to contact me for a week?"
"I've hired the best hunters in the system," Neuralgias said happily. "The Red Scares."
"You'll deplete our Furo supply on those fools!" Trisomy yelled. He then cursed under his breath in Russian.
"I've got something in store for them too," Neuralgias continued. "You'll see."
Neuralgias shut off the commlink as the Red Scares arrived.
"Where is Cryptosporidium? You promised he would be here so I could blow his stupid head out of the sky!" The Nexo on the right said in his native tongue.
"Have patience," Neuralgias said calmly. "There he is now." Neuralgias pointed to a silver and blue streak coming toward the asteroid.
"I see him!" The Nexo on the left yelled as he loaded his arm mounted sniper rifle.
The other Nexo readied his arm mounted gattling gun as Crypto's saucer moved into range. The sniper shot went right through the saucer's cockpit and disabled the shield.
"What the"- Crypto was cut off as the other Red Scare pelted the saucer with blaster fire. The saucer was sent spiraling toward a nearby asteroid as Crypto tried to dodge some RPGs hurtled by the sniper.
While Crypto and the Nexos fought, Neuralgias was rigging explosives inside the Red Scares' ship.
"We want our money," the sniper demanded.
"Here take it," Neuralgias said, handing over the platinum case filled with over 950,000 Furos.
The Red Scares ran for their ship, looking through their money at the same time. They made it to the cockpit as Trisomy's voice buzzed on the commlink. Neuralgias opened it so Trisomy could see. Neuralgias pulled out a detonator as the Reds were entering liftoff. He pressed the button and sent the ship up into a ball of flames.
As the Red Scares cursed at each other for meddling with a Furon, their ship exploded and the reward money fell from the sky.
"Impressive," Trisomy said.
"Here are your new orders," Neuralgias said.
December 31st 1985
Besides the rebellion, Neuralgias had another life: Emperor Orthopox's chief advisor. Sure, to Myelomeningocele, it was ironic, but it supplied the splinter cell with its information. Neuralgias figured he could get more allies working at this kind of job. All that he got, however, was a secretary who thought he was cool. Because of this, Neuralgias got knives and all sorts of weapons for the rebellion.
This woman is going to do anything I say, Neuralgias thought. But this can't go on forever. Other priorities, people to kill. Eh, just not worth it.
Her latest gift to him had been a steel blade from the cloner Endometriosis. Neuralgias knew he could kill his secretary tonight, if only he just had the guts to do it.
I won't kill her, Neuralgias kept this thought rushing through his head. I'll stab her, sure, but not anywhere that could end her days. Not like Crypto.
He approached his secretary and asked to speak with her in private.
"Neuroblastoma," Neuralgias began. "Uh, do you want to, um, well… I dunno, stay overtime with me? Or something like that." Neuralgias slammed his head onto the wall.
Crap! I don't know how to talk to her.
He felt tempted to rip the blade out of his pocket and stab her now, but he resisted the tantalizing urge to do so.
"Sure," Neuroblastoma said. "Whatever you say, boss." She went back to work.
Neuralgias knew his plan was working and waited that night for her to return to his office. It was around seven pm when she came.
Neuroblastoma checked out the cosmetics she had applied before she even looked at Neuralgias, who sharpened his blade whenever her back was turned.
Neuroblastoma had repeatedly asked him what the noise was and every time Neuralgias blamed his nervous breathing.
Neuralgias had spent fifteen minutes sharpening the blade that he had received earlier this month. He finally deemed it as sharp enough and quickly stabbed Neuroblastoma in her left shoulder.
"Promise you won't speak of this?" Neuralgias attempted to say calmly, but rage began to fill his words. "Ever?"
The pain of the knife in Neuroblastoma's shoulder was unbearable. As it dug deeper into her bone, more and more streams of blood trickled down her arm. If she could use psychokinesis, she already would have, but she never was too good at it. She finally detached herself from the pain and held back whimpers as she said "Yes".
Neuralgias left the room without saying a word. As he walked away he kept thinking What have I done?
"That was the old Neuralgias," he muttered under his breath. "He's dead."
Photon came on the commlink saying he was near the asteroid belt dividing Mars and Jupiter and would be about two more years before he reached Earth.
October 2nd 1987
Helicobacter was a former cloner. He was now a very popular musician among the humans. He could body snatch any male musician he chose and record a perfect hit.
His close friend, Hyperplasia, would do the same, except become a female musician.
None of them knew that Myelomeningocele was on his way to kill them both.
A loud boom echoed across the nightclub as all the humans ran.
"What the heck?" Helicobacter asked himself. He activated his shoulder mounted Ionica as he went to inspect the noise.
Hyperplasia followed and they both saw a crashed drop pod with a Furon.
"That's not one of our allies," Hyperplasia asked. "Is it?
"Osteoporosis is in Russia at the moment," Helicobacter answered. "So no."
The Furon pulled out a shotgun and locked on Hyperplasia.
"Drop the gun, Helicobacter," the Furon said spitefully. "I'm Myelomeningocele, and I don't want you in the middle of this."
"In the middle of what?" Helicobacter said.
"In the middle of this!" Myelomeningocele shouted, spitting in Helicobacter's face before slapping it with the shotgun.
With Helicobacter out cold, Hyperplasia ran from the assassin, psychokinetically throwing random objects at him. However, she ran into a dead end.
Myelomeningocele did not hesitate to fire. Helicobacter awoke from his injury and sent Myelomeningocele spiraling towards the drop pod.
Helicobacter then proceeded to call Orthopox and bring a medical ship into orbit.
-Meanwhile on Furon's outer cluster-
"You killed her?" Neuralgias asked Photon with the commlink. "I must say, excellent work."
"It was too easy," Photon replied.
"That's just the beginning, Photon," Neuralgias said.
April 23rd, 1989
Neuralgias was becoming more aware of Orthopox's cleverness. Recently,
Myelomeningocele had completed his mission to eliminate at least one Furon on Earth. Neuralgias was even aware of the fact that Cryptosporidium had been recloned, reaching the 140 mark. Crypto was more durable, more prepared, and had a stronger will. He was able to withstand most attacks.
Neuralgias was getting pretty ticked at the fact that his job wasn't able to supply the rebellion with enough funds to kill Orthopox. Crypto was the only thing that stood between Neuralgias and his victory. Well, Crypto and Neuroblastoma, but she was going to die tonight, after Orthopox's death.
Crypto walked into the room and saw Neuralgias standing there looking out the stained-glass windowpanes of the royal palace in the Center Cluster of Gorta.
"Shouldn't you be advising, or something?" Crypto asked.
"Oh," Neuralgias began. "I'm just admiring the view."
Neuralgias left the room as Crypto stared at him with an awkward look. Once he left the palace, Neuralgias walked towards the Human Study Center and saw Pheochromocytoma working with his students on human study. Neuralgias asked Pheochromocytoma if he was willing to join the rebellion.
"Absolutely not," Pheo replied flatly.
"It's your choice," Neuralgias said back.
Neuralgias pulled out his gun and made a neat hole in Pheo's head and kicked the unfortunate victim off the edge of the building. Neuralgias looked to the left as the students ran away. He saw Crypto flying towards his position. That's when Neuralgias vanished from view.
Underneath the city, Neuralgias contacted one of his insiders, Royal Guard Designation 2346.
"2346, do you copy," Neuralgias said into his commlink.
"This is 2346," a calm voice said back. He seemed to have a sophisticated way of saying things and was commonly number 1 on Neuralgias's list of contacts.
"Inform Cryptosporidium 140 about the rebellion," Neuralgias said. "Give him these coordinates."
Crypto returned to the palace only to find a royal guard waiting for him at the door. Crypto had nothing to remember except for PK techniques, music, and past loves. He usually put the last one behind him, because he lived to serve, not like the original Cryptos who would usually focus on other things. Pox usually compared him to 137.
"Crypto," The guard said, faking a British accent, "Inform the Emperor about a rebellion out to kill him."
"Fine," Crypto replied. "I was cloned to serve. It's the least I could do for good ol' Poxy."
As Crypto walked into the palace, the guard made contact with Neuralgias, informing him that Pox shall know of the organization in a few moments.
Crypto entered Pox's throne room to see him talking to Gastroenteritis 1000. Crypto cocked his head to the left as he looked at Gastro for possibly the first time after the Russians destroyed the mothership. Pox dismissed Gastro after he saw Crypto had entered, knowing that something was wrong.
Pox jumped down from his throne and grabbed his custom made staff. The cloning of his fixed body, dubbed Orthopox 14-2, had gone wrong as well because Endometriosis had put the wrong age card in the cloning mechanism. Orthopox still had all his memories, but was now only 16 years old and, surprisingly, taller than the average Furon. However, Pox didn't pay much attention to his new body. In fact, he thought anything was better than the monkey body that he got back in '79.
"Crypto," Pox said, "Why have you come? Is this a dire emergency?"
"Indeed it is, Emperor," Crypto said. "A type of splinter cell is out to kill you."
Pox was fully aware of the changes that could occur when the cloning process takes more than seven years, but he knew nothing of a "rebellion". He could hardly think about it, since his implants were the past, and had been destroyed along with Orthopox 13.
"I'm going to find this 'rebellion'," Pox said, slinging his staff on his shoulder.
"It's too dangerous, Emperor," Crypto said. "Let me go instead."
"No Crypto," Pox said sternly, "I have to do this alone."
"You go do that," Crypto shot back. "I'll see you in pieces."
"Not funny, man," Pox said with a hint of humor in his voice.
Pox went through the corridors of the palace, greeted by royal guards until he reached the exit. He looked through his mind and the thought occurred to him that the rebels would hide in an abandoned building, so he set off. The doorman contacted Neuralgias for the third time that day.
Pox reached the building and mentally broke down the door. The room was completely dark, but Pox saw a plasma slug fly towards him as he entered. He threw his staff to the direction the bullet came from. Pox was outmatched and outnumbered, but he saw light shining through a window nearby. His staff flew back as he ran to the window and slammed a rebel through it.
Pox ran back to the palace as fast as his legs could carry him.
Crypto was right, Pox thought. I shouldn't have done this.
When he was right in front of the palace, an airship with rocket launchers tried to bombard Pox with RPGs. Pox rolled into the palace and prepared himself for another encounter with the rebels.
April 29th, 1989
Neuralgias was waiting for Pox inside the palace. Neuralgias told Pox the location of the rebels that Pox had been preparing to defeat. Neuralgias said that the rebels were establishing a hideout on a military drop point just outside Gorta.
Pox moved to the drop pad that delivered secret messages to Gorta from the military base on the Third Ring of Furon. Just as Neuralgias said, the pad was filled with rebels. The rebels fired plasma and bullets at Pox, who dodged them with superior accuracy. He bested a vast majority of the rebels with staff skills, and grabbed the remainders, one by one, by their throats with his staff. He quickly snapped the staff shut, breaking their traitorous necks.
Pox, knowing he had struck a fatal blow to the rebels, returned to the palace to see Neuralgias in the same place he was before.
"I'm surprised you haven't left," Pox said, dropping his staff on the floor.
Neuralgias pulled out his pistol and pointed it at Pox's neck. Pox was four feet tall, with Neuralgias standing at 3'10.
"I've been waiting for this moment for almost ten years now," Neuralgias said. "Goodbye, Emperor."
Neuralgias's bullet went straight through Pox's neck. The emperor slumped over on the floor as Neuralgias left. He pulled out a remote detonator and pressed the ignition switch. The palace went up in flames.
Crypto saw the palace and rushed inside, hoping that Pox was alive. He saw Pox's lifeless corpse on the floor in front of the throne. Crypto stooped down low enough to grab the bullet out of Pox's neck. He grabbed out a DNA tracer that would trace the bullet to its launcher.
"Neuralgias," Crypto whispered to himself. "I shouldn't have left, Pox."
Crypto ran outside to see lots of rebel resistance.
"DIE MONKEYS!" Crypto shouted furiously as he unloaded clip after clip of disintegrator ray onto the rebels.
Crypto grabbed Pox's body after dispatching the splinter cell members. All Crypto had to do now was find Endometriosis. Then Neuralgias.
Crypto reached the cloning outpost on the edge of the city.
"Hmmm," Endometriosis pondered. "Someone killed Pox. Don't worry; I'll get him up again before night falls. If you want to track this psycho, you can borrow my car."
Crypto took Endometriosis's car, and crashed it into a condemned building short after. Crypto flew to the top of the building and looked through the skylight. He saw Neuralgias and another Furon.
So, Neuralgias has resorted to killing female Furons, Crypto thought.
"You're pathetic, Neuralgias," said Crypto as he busted through the skylight.
He fired plasma slugs at Neuralgias before the rebel retreated. Crypto rescued the captured Furon, which forced Neuralgias to detonate yet another bomb.
Crypto and the Furon ran for the exit as fire blazed toward them. They got out as soon as the building collapsed. Crypto landed on an asteroid nearby.
"So," Crypto said, "What's Neuralgias got against you?"
"He said he wanted to finish what he stared four years ago," she replied with a calm tone.
Crypto looked directly at her and saw the look in her eyes, a look of pure sadness, loneliness, and, worst of all, hatred. Probably Neuralgias's work, Crypto thought. He loves making people cry.
That's exactly what the Furon did next. She leaned on Crypto's shoulder and nearly cried herself to death.
"Don't worry," Crypto assured her. "I'm going to kill that guy right now, whether he prefers it or not. He's just a weak fool who dwells on the past. Just so you know, he's already dead."
Crypto flew in a path towards the cloning facility where he saw Neuralgias on a platform.
"We meet again, Crypto," Neuralgias said with a twisted sneer on his face. His visage was pure evil, and Crypto just wanted to blast it into oblivion.
It was a one-on-one standoff. The battle was long than the both of the competitors thought it would be, but Crypto caused Neuralgias pure strain and agitation. As Neuralgias reached for his gun, Crypto picked up the traitor by his neck demanding to know why Neuralgias was so dumb to challenge him. Crypto slammed Neuralgias into a pole, and held him over the edge of the platform.
"I wanted Meningitis back," Neuralgias said. "You overthrew him."
"Because he was a corrupt, tyrannical megalomaniac," Crypto responded coldly. "You've done too many unforgivable things, monkey. You made a rebellion, you killed the emperor, and then you go out and torture women for five years. I have no pity. You know what they say, right. It goes a little like this: Everybody wants to rule the world."
With those words, Crypto let Neuralgias plunge to his death. The rebels were defeated and Endometriosis had just recloned Pox, who sent Crypto on another mission to Earth.