|Hey hey, you you, I want to be your girlfriend!
Author: the Klabautermann PM
Somewhat cracky fanfic about two lovebirds that were -not- meant to be. Richard and Cale fluff. This parody is written purely for the laughs, but the actual shipper might enjoy it. ;DRated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 6,194 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 12 - Updated: 09-19-11 - Published: 09-03-11 - Status: Complete - id: 7349218
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Fans of the pairing will actually enjoy this, but it is in first place a parody. :L
Sun didn't quite even got up from its sleep when Richard entered a tiny village, not even a mile away from the camp they set up last night. It has been one of those sleepless mornings, when a person would be wide awake with the first birds. It was quite a nice morning though, Richard told himself. And nothing said „good mornin'„ like a good old human hunt in the early hours before the sunrise.
„Good mornin', good mornin'~
It's great to stay up late,
good mornin', good mornin' to you..."
Richard chanted silently to himself, watching his first victim. An unsuspecting man in a cart, filled with large portions of milk bottles. The first rays of the sun slowly began to peak the trees.
„When the band began to play
the sun was shinin' bright."
With no introduction, he suddenly grabbed the poor man off his seat, tugging on his collar, and looked deep into mans eyes, preparing the fire ball with his free hand.
„Now the milkman's on his way,
it's too late to say..."
Fwoosh. The man's scared, panicked face expression disappeared in the pile of dust and ashes, as he burned in a minute before Richards' eyes, in his very hands. The ashes seeped through his bone-like fingers.
„Good night." Richard finished sinisterly, a smirk audient in his dark voice.
"Where is Richard?" Benny noticed. The rest of the group pretty much ignored the question as they stretched and washed their faces, knowing the warlock was a "free soul", with the exception of Cale – he looked around a bit worried.
"Hopefully he didn't get into some kind of trouble." he expressed his worries.
They left their tents a few minutes ago, half dressed up and still tired from the last night of fighting off trolls, and celebrating the victory with a newly acquired barrel of strong beer. Cale stumbled over the extinguished camp fire as he tried to look around.
"Don't worry Pinky; in the worst case he slaughtered a bit more of population than he needed to." Krunch mumbled as he washed his face in a large bucket of water from the nearby stream.
"He be killing off some human prey, most likely." Pella noticed morbidly, but truthfully, as she dressed herself.
That answer didn't seem to fully satisfy Cale, but not for the murdering reasons Pella mentioned.
"He could've at least left us a note or something." he murmured. The group gave him funny looks.
"Yeah, I can already see it" Benny started, grinning mockingly
"'Dear Cale, I left to kill some people. Coming back soon, love, Dick.'"
The group started laughing hard, with Kruch having to bend over and nearly falling, which only made them scream with laughter more. Cale arched his eyebrow, but an amused smile couldn't escape his expression.
"I guess Dick can take care of himself, really."
"He can also take care of people like you if you don't stop with the Dick nick."
Cale turned around immediately, meeting Richard on the distance of an inch between their noses. He backed out in surprise with a girly yelp, but not before Richard managed to burn his cloak a little.
"Richard!" Amusement was gone from Cales' voice, but showed on faces of Krunch, Pella and Benny. They loved listening to the arguments of the two, be it about the killing of many people, or about petty things like this one.
Richard kept his dark glare on Cale. His clothes and hands were entirely soaked with blood, yet that apparently didn't stop Cale from asking:"
"Just where in the world have you been?"
"I was feeding the birds, isn't it obvious?" Richard replied with his usual doze of sarcasm. Getting over the fact he was on a killing spree once again, Cale got to the core of the "problem".
"Richard, don't just go sneaking off like that, please! We were worried sick!"
"Speak for yourself." Krunch murmured, with Benny snickering by him. Pella seemed amused while she was cleaning her axe. Cale heard his comment, but merely glanced at Krunch before continuing:
"Promise me you won't wander off like that again!"
Richards' eyebrows went up so high the almost hid in his hood. Something like a silent laugh left his covered mouth as he passed Cale on the way to his tent.
"If you continue to pester me like this, I might start thinking of you as my girlfriend." he said jokingly.
The rest of three group laughed, amused, until Cale turned, his eyes piercing Richards back in boiled up anger, and yelled out:
"Why are you saying that like it's a bad thing?"
For the next few moment everybody was staring. Even Sooba, who pretty much wasn't even participating in the amusement of the argument, suddenly looked tense. Cale looked half like he just realized what he said, and a bit like he wanted an answer. Richard stopped in his tracks, and nobody could see his expression.
Then he slowly, very slowly, turned around. It was hard to read his emotions, especially with his mask on, and especially since he had a very weird expression. He seemed surprised yet emotionless.
"I… I mean…" Cale started, but nobody could hear him. They did see his effort in speaking though, but then Richard broke the ice.
Everyone's eyes nearly left their places as the words left Richards' mouth. As if the situation wasn't weird enough, Richard suddenly apologized for reasons unknown. His apology sounded kind of like he was surprised, though. Cale was opening and closing his mouth, like a goldfish on dry. Before anyone could find the strength or words to react, Richard walked over to his tent, and disappeared from their sight.
The strange looks now lay upon Cale, who approached Krunch, Pella and Benny. They seemed both curious and confused. Mostly curious though, as they all had amused small smiles on their faces.
"I… I don't know what came over me…" Cale started slowly "I, I guess I just felt kind of… I don't know."
"Don't ye be worryin' I'm sure ye didn't mean what we thank ye meant." she grinned teasingly.
"Yes, I mean, no, don't-"
"Whatever rocks your boat Pinky, we're fine by it." Krunch also added, not knowing himself if he was serious or not.
Benny couldn't hold it in, and she started to laugh, thought quietly, like a maniac. Cale blushed hard on their words and actions.
"You're acting silly! I'll go there right now, and tell him I didn't mean it like that!" to prove his words to be truth, he marched over to the entrance of Richards' tent, and stopped very suddenly when he needed to get inside. He glanced over to his friends, who looked like they were on verge of laughing. It as obvious that he had troubles coming in after all. Just as he sighed, shot them a courageous look, and wanted to get inside, he once more met Richard on the distance of few inches – Richard was about to come out and bumped into him. He had an odd look in his eyes, half surprised and half… saddened?
"R-Richard…" Cale started, but couldn't continue. Richard, who only went inside the tent to get one bucket, ignored Cale, and went for the stream.
Cale bit his lip.
"If you want to talk to him" Benny finally offered some help, seeing he was troubled "now is the opportunity. At least you'll be alone."
Cale thanked her with a nod, and then followed Richard. Benny sighed as she watched the elf disappear behind the trees
"You think there is something…?" Krunch asked, unsure. Benny herself though, didn't know the answer.
"Maybe." she grinned. "Leave it to them though; it is not like we have anything against it."
"Ye two gonna eat or gossip?" Pella asked as she started roasting the freshly caught boar. Not asking how she managed to kill a boar so fast and quiet, the two smiled and sat down to eat.
"Richard?" Cale called gently as he noticed the hooded thin warlock, bending over a water-filled bucket and washing his face, hands and clothes from blood. He came from behind him, so Richard had plenty of time to put his disguise back on.
He turned around as he fixed his hood, with his usually look of annoyance this time. Almost like nothing happened minutes ago.
"Can't a dead guy wash himself in peace?" he murmured as he spilled the bloodied red water back into the river.
Cale approached him slowly. Richard was eyeing him carefully.
"Richard, listen, I didn't really mean what I said before. I, I guess I was just irked when you put it such way… like I was no good material or, err…" he didn't need to take a look on Richards' face to know that he sounded so silly. Like a little girl.
"I mean, well, that is not the point, it just, it just made me uncomfortable, alright? There is no other meaning behind it, I swear."
When Cale finally dared to look at Richard, he noticed warlock seemed to be confused.
"So, it doesn't have to do with Benny?"
"Benny? What does she have to do with this?"
"So it doesn't." Richard seemed even more confused. "I was convinced you were simply disliking the idea of being mocked like that constantly in front of a person you, err… fancy. Especially since I said something like that. That IS why I apologized after all."
"Benny and I merely shared a bed here and there, there isn't much behind it."
"But if that isn't the matter… then what is?" Richard took a step forward, suddenly intrigued.
Cale stuttered. "W-well I told you Richard, I was just a little irritable this morni—"
"No." Richard interrupted, suddenly looking very satisfied with his 'discovery'.
"No, you were clearly mad about me not taking you in consideration as a… lover." the world rolled of his tongue with an enjoyable tone, as if he found great pleasure in pronouncing it in front of flustered Cale.
"The Hell?" the redness of Cales' face could match the bloodied water Richard spilled into the river.
"It is OK Cale. To comfort you; I can say that I'm not taking anyone, ever, in consideration."
"Richard, that is definitely not the—"
"Oh, it is not? Really?" Richard suddenly got close. Too close. Their noses were practically touching, and Cale could see every single little wrinkle around his fiery eyes. He couldn't look away. Those bright, shining eyes were almost hypnotizing. His breath stopped, and his heart raced, and he couldn't quite say why.
"W-what are you doing?" he asked in a small voice.
Richard first said nothing. Then he so abruptly started laughing that Cale fell down in the grass.
"It was such a pleasure seeing your face all flustered and confused." Richard noticed with a positive glee in his voice and eyes.
"I'm going to kill you." Cale said, suddenly upset and relieved at the same time.
"That is for making me apologize to you for no good reason." Richard noticed darkly. Cale got up, cleaning his clothes from dirt. He shot Richard an unsure look.
"So… everything alright between us?"
"As always, my dearest." Richard watched with amusement how embarrassed Cale got. Serves him right, nobody would make him apologize for nothing and get away with it.
The two returned to the camp and sat down, both getting curious looks from their friends.
"Ye finished with yer soap opera?" Pella asked bluntly, but jokingly, biting a large piece of boar meat.
"Actually, due to proclamation of undying love for each other, Cale and I are now engaged."
The piece of boar meat flew through the air as shocked Pella tried to get some breath, and Richard once more got a good laugh out of it.
"Richard, please." Cale face palmed as Benny and Krunch looked at them. They both seemed like they wanted to laugh.
"You're going to be at his mercy from now on, Pinky." Krunch noticed.
Cale gave him a weak smile, still unsure about why he felt so warm on the words of "undying love".