|Epic Video Game RP Thread of Epicness!
Author: Twilit King not Twilight King PM
This zany fan-fiction is an on-going adventure featuring characters from Mario to Sonic to General Shang to Dante to etc... You get the point. This has been edited to the point where it makes some sense.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 18,444 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Updated: 09-10-11 - Published: 09-05-11 - id: 7355931
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Just as they thought it was all over, our heroes walking away, Captain Falcon fell from the rubble of the castle wearing a Flossman T-shirt. He stared in a stone cold demeanor and yelled:
And poof, we're suddenly trapped inside Super Smash Bros. Meelee.
"What the hell just happened here?" Shae demands.
avilonis looks around, showing agitation for once in his life, "My guess is that somebody switched games while we were still inside the system.
"What should we do?" EeveeChick yells.
"Well," I say, cleaning my Sword of Konami, "I guess the one thing we can do is fight our way through this new game and find once and for all what's going on. Who's with me?"
"Sounds like a plan," I said, "It looks like I won't be needing my Pokemon for this."
I took off my Pokeball belt and all the Pokeballs disappeared into storage. I equipped my Sword of Konami, which Steve Colbert had given back to me before he departed a while back. Shae still had her weapons.
"We'll have to split up in two groups for this," I continued, "Purpleblob and avilonis will be one group and I'll partner up with Shae."
A team tournament was getting set up and we signed up our teams. Shae and I were having our first match against Team Link (Link and Young Link) at the Great Bay stage, while Purpleblob and avilonis were having their first battle against Donkey Kong and Bowser in one of the Jungle stages.
avilonis begins by unloading round after round at DK and Bowser. The bullets manage to wound DK but Bowser is still storming after us, his thick spiked turtle shell deflecting all the bullets, only making him angrier and causing the bullets to deflect back at us.
As we're dodging bullets, I begin to feel that we're in a bit of trouble, "avilonis, STOP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING!"
He stores his guns away and takes out his smoke pipe. I try to say "good idea" but before I can, Bowswer slide tackles me. He slams me against a wall and tries to breath fire at me, but I dodge roll away and try to slice at his back with my sword. However his spikes just deflect it. The angry lizard turns around to breath fire at me again, but avilonis steps in between us with a smoke shield. It seems like this strategy is still working until a bloody and pissed off DK storms over, lifts avilonis, and hurls him off the stage. While avilonis is hanging on to the side of the stage, Bowser tries to swipe at me but I dodge away. He then jumps several feet into the air. I prepare and lift my sword straight up, bracing myself for what will surely happen next.
avilonis pulls himself back up just in time to see Bowser body slam me. However, the tyrant king doesn't move a muscle until I manage to lift his body off of me and dislodge my sword from his soft underbelly.
We corner DK, who starts furiously pounding the ground, throwing us high into the air. While we're in the air, avilonis casts a smoke platform high above the stage which we land on. However, DK, being a monkey and all, manages to climb onto our platform and chase us to the very edge of it, which hangs off the stage by several meters. We manage to dodge away from DK's attempt to grab us and end up with his back facing us. avilonis mutters to me, "Prepare to jump." I Sparta-kick DK off the platform. However, the ape's resilient and hangs on. "JUMP!" avilonis shouts. Suddenly, the smoke platform dissipates and we all find ourselves falling. If we hit that ground before DK goes offscreen, then we're done for. I close my eyes and prepare for the worst when suddenly the round ends.
We are victorious.
I clashed my sword with Link's sword and Shae dukes it out with Young Link. Young Link was quick on his feet, shooting Fire Arrows at Shae. She dodges two of them, but the third one hit her in arm. Her damage meter went up 20%. I struck a few hits on Link, bringing is damage level to 25%. Young Link struck me in the back, grabbed me, and tossed me to the side, causing my damage to rise to 50%. Shae attack both Link and Young Link and brought their damage up higher. This kept going for awhile until Team Link had almost 100% damage.
"I forgot, are these rounds timed?" I asked Shae.
"From what I remember, it's five minutes per round." She answered.
I looked at the timer and we still had about four minutes left. I grabbed a nearby Bob-omb and threw it towards them. It exploded both of them off the screen, giving me two points for our team.
The four of us continued fighting. Shae was able to knock out Link, scoring another point, but lost it when Young Link knocked her down. I got revenge by knocking out Young Link. My damage meter at this point was at 105% and I needed some health. I spotted a heart container and grabbed it before anyone else did. We both scored some more points until the round was over. We had won by a landslide.
"Did pretty good, huh?" I asked.
"Yeah, we sure did." she replied, "Let's go meet up with the guys and see how they're doing."
After all of round one for all the teams were over, the winners moved on to the next bracket and was allowed a few hours for break. We caught up with Purpleblob and avilonis and grabbed some lunch.
"So, I see you guys got to round two successfully." I said, smiling.
"It was a bitch," avilonis said, "and a bit messy, but we made it."
"You mean to tell me that you got violent?" Shae asked angrily.
"Oh they're fine," avilonis said, trying to calm Shae down, "After a night at the hospital, of course."
"Enough," Purpleblob spoke up, "You shouldn't have used your guns in the first place."
"Well, gee, soooory." avilonis said sarcastically, "My guns got confiscated anyway, so no more Mr. Trigger Happy. I was told that if I injured one more fighter like that, I'll be disqualified."
"Let's just hope you'll keep it clean from now on, okay?" I asked.
"Don't worry about it," avilonis replied, "Let's just eat."
We finished our two hour break and got back into the tournament. For round two, Purpleblob and avilonis were up against the Ice Climbers and Ness on the Ice Mountain Stage and Shae and I were against Mario and Luigi on the Peach's Castle Stage.
Oh God...Ness and the Ice Climbers...
I don't even want to bother writing out an epic violent action scene for them.
Hmm...avilonis and I curb stomp all three of them and win.
BOOM! WE'RE DONE WITH THAT ROUND!
Or are we...?
For watching the tournament through a security monitor is none other than this story arc's villain!
"Good...good..." He says.
Who are this mysterious creator and administrator of the tournament!
Let's find out in 3...2...1...
It's none other than Master Hand, along with Crazy Hand and John Stewart.
"Dude, this is awesome!" Stewart said with excitement.
"Don't get too worked up, my comedic fellow," Master Hand said, "Once we have the winning team, they'll go up against Crazy Hand and myself."
"Well, what happens if they beat you?" Stewart asked, "Do they win a trophy or something?"
"What do you think this is?" Crazy Hand asked, going berserk, "We're not giving them a chance to win! Hahahahahahahaha!
"No, we won't," Master Hand said in agreement, and then he turned to Steward, "We're going to keep an eye out for Team Eevee/Shae and Team Purpleblob/avilonis. If both of those teams end up being the last two teams remaining, instead of having them fight each other, they'll fight all three of us."
"But, we'll be outnumbered." Stewart pointed out, "We should find one more person to fight along with us."
Master Hand thought about this for a moment.
"We'll find someone," he said, "in the meantime, let's keep watching."
Meanwhile, Shae and I were losing against the Mario Bros. We were down by three points and had two minutes left on the clock.
"Shae, we gotta pick up the pace," I yelled, "If we don't hurry up, we're gonna lose."
"I'm sorry, Eevee," she said, "I'm just no match for them."
I noticed Luigi was about to grab a Maximum Tomato to reduce his damage meter, but I got to it first and then knocked him off the stage for a point. Shae knocked out Mario next, which left us with only one point behind. It was less than a minute to go and a huge party ball appeared. I hit the ball and a few seconds later, four Bob-ombs fell out. Luigi grabbed one and threw it towards me, but I caught it in midair and threw it back at him, exploding the pile of Bob-ombs and threw Luigi off the Stage. Now we were tied.
Shit. We went to Sudden Death. Shae kicked Luigi off the stage, but Mario grabbed her and threw her off. Now it was just me and Mario. Mario grabbed a Beam Sword and tried to swing at me, but I dodged it, sidestepped behind him and hit him with my sword, knocking him off and ending the match.
We all meet up after Round 2.
"So?" I smirk, "That one was a close one wasn't it?"
"Yeah and I guess your's was a walk in the park." Shae shoots back.
"Yeah I guess it was." I respond
"Maybe you shouldn't castigate us for unnecessary bloody and graphic violence when it actually works," avilonis adds dryly.
We prepare for the next round.
Meanwhile, Master Hand, Crazy Hand, and John Stewart are debating who should be their fourth member. Suddenly a ghostly face appears in a nearby mirror.
"Master Hand..." it moans.
Master Hand sighs, "What do you want, Simmons?"
"Sir, I am every so grateful to you for rescuing me from the ruins of Castle Dracula, but I feel your methods are a bit...how should I say...unintelligent..."
Crazy Hand explodes on him, "You fucking Magic Mirror on the Wall wannabe I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!"
Master Hand stops his brother while speaking to the ghostly face, "Go on, Simmons."
"Well, sir. You speak of having all four adventurers fight you in the final round. However, master Stewart does have a point: powerful as you are, if you fight all four of them in the final round, you shall surely be defeated. If, though, you pit them against each other in the semifinals..."
"Yes..." Master Hand ponders, "Good...good... I like that idea. I like it a lot!"
"Then we shall pit these heroes against each other in the semifinals..." John Stewart schemes.
"And after all," Master hand states, "what would happen when you pit powerful, heroic forces against each other, try to guess."
"BLOOD IN THE STREETS HAPPENS!" Crazy Hand laughs maniacally.
"Then we shall enact this plan immediately," Master Hand states.
"Of course," Crazy hand adds as he turns a dial that enables fighters to actually die, "Just have to make one little 'adjustment'..."
"What," I yelled, "our next opponents are Purpleblob and avilonis?"
Shae heard me yell and came over as we both saw the next bracket, which were the Semi-Finals.
"No surprise," avilonis said coldly as him and Purpleblob ran over, "I have this feeling that we're being watched and someone, or something, doesn't want all four of us in the finals."
"Well, it's a good thing that the Semi-Finals will be tomorrow." I said in relief, "They were only planning on doing two rounds today."
"How are we going about doing the fight?" Shae asked.
"The only thing I can think of is one of our teams should forfeit, so we can speed up the process," Purpleblob suggested.
"I don't think we're allowed to forfeit," I said.
"Why," Purpleblob asked.
"Think about it," I said, "if there really is a crooked super villain running the show, do you think he/she would let us do that?"
"No, I suppose not," he answered.
"Wait!" avilonis exclaimed, "I have an idea! Let's meet up at my secret headquarters tonight. I'll discuss it there."
Later that night, avilonis lead us to his secret HQ, miles away from the tournament location. We all sat in beanbag chairs as avilonis went over his plan.
"Okay, here's how this is gonna go down," he began, "since our super villain is bent on having us destroyed, I believe I have a plan to counter his "semi-finals" match up. What I'm going to do is make clones of Team Eevee/Shae so that Purpleblob and I will fight them instead of the real Team Eevee/Shae. While that's going on, Eevee and Shae will go on an investigation and find out who's behind this."
"That's great and all, but I have one question," Purpleblob said, "How are you going to make the clones?"
"I'll extract a small amount of DNA from both Eevee and Shae and combine it with some smoke powers and other things," avilonis continued, "This is a full-proof plan that's sure to work."
"Honestly, that's the best idea I've heard," I spoke up, "We just have to make sure no one catches on to our plan."
"That will be easy," avilonis said, "I already have..."
Just before avilonis could finish, we heard some noises and a scream outside HQ. We all went to investigate and found a tall man wearing a suit and tie, had some grey in his hair, and was hanging upside down in a tree.
"Wow, that worked better than I thought," avilonis snickered.
"You put up a trap?" Purpleblob asked.
"Well duh, you can never be too careful." avilonis said, rolling his eyes.
"Whatever, smarty pants," Purpleblob said, turning his attention to the man, "Now, who the hell are you and what do you want?"
"I'm John Stewart," the man answered, "I was going to eavesdrop on you guys, until I got caught by this trap. Please help me get down."
"Why should we," Shae asked with her hands on her hips.
"I never wanted to join the bad guys," he said, "I just wanted my own TV show called The Weekly Report."
"Wait a minute, why does this sound familiar?" I asked suspiciously.
"I'm friends with Stephen Colbert," Stewart continued, "He's told me about his adventures with you guys."
"Look pal, I don't want a repeat of our last adventure," avilonis said, "How about I just call a friend of ours to beam you away from here?"
"Oh come on, please?" Stewart begged.
The four of us thought for a moment.
"What would you do if we let you go?" Purpleblob asked.
"I'll let you guys into the villains' secret lair, where they watch everything through their security cameras," Stewart replied, "I know the passwords and have access to everything."
"Hmm," I pondered, "I was wondering how we were going to find and get in the villains' hideout, so this is rather convenient."
"Yes, I think that will do just fine," avilonis said, letting the comedic man down, "John Stewart, welcome to our group."
With a new ally on our side, we were more than prepared to execute our plan to expose our foes.
While the clones are still going through the development process back at our base, we and John Stewart find ourselves sneaking through Melee headquarters.
"If I'm right," Stewart tells us, "their control room should be right...here."
Just as we reach the control room, we find it empty.
"Hm," I say, "That's odd."
Suddenly the two Hands appear on a balcony high above.
"Well done, John Stewart," Master Hand says.
"Mimeses," Crazy Hand giggles with glee, "Now they will pay for their treachery! THEY WILL PAY!"
Just then the room fills up with sleeping gas, and the next thing we know, we're all unconscious.
While John Stewart locks us up in a cell, Master Hand and Crazy Hand deliberate.
"Hmmmm," Master Hand ponders, "so it appears they won't fight. How unfortunate..."
"I've got a better idea!" Crazy Hand exclaims, "Let's just KILL THEM ALL NOW! HAHAHAHAHHA!"
"No, no," Master Hand calmly states, "We have to play by the rules, don't we?"
"FUCK THE RULES! WE WANT THEM DEAD AND WE HAVE THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY TO DO IT NOW!"
Master Hand sighs. His brother will never understand.
"What we need," Master Hand goes on, "is an incentive for them to fight...living bait, if you will."
"You mean like a hostage?" Crazy Hand perks up.
Simmons rolls his eyes, "Oh yes, because that worked oh so well last time..."
Master Hand ignores the ghostly face and turns to his brother, "Ever heard of Felicia Day...?"
We turn to the cottage in the forest, where we find our heroine, Felicia Day, sitting on her porch and enjoying the chirps of the birds on this bright, sunny day. She was reading a book about Guilds, when suddenly; Flossman beamed down and scared the crap out of her.
"What's up?" he asked.
"How many times do I have to tell you not to startle me like that?" She shot back.
"Sorry," he apologizes, "I'm here to bring you that apple pie you ordered."
"Thank you," she said, grabbing the pie.
"By the way," Flossman said, "Have you been watching the Super Smash Bros. Melee tournament on TV?"
"No, why do you ask?"
"Our friends are in trouble."
"Wait, what, how?"
"I don't know how they ended up there, but I sense something may have happened to them."
So Flossman and Felicia once again set out on another adventure.
Meanwhile, back at the prison cells:
"Dude, this is fucking bullshit." Purpleblob complained.
"How could we have been stupid enough to believe John Stewart?" Shae asked.
"At least I got my guns back." avilonis said.
"How exactly are we going to get out of here?" Purpleblob asked.
"I don't know, but I would hate to have to agree to their demands," I replied.
"Maybe Flossman can help." Shae suggested.
"Nah, I don't think he would," avilonis said, "He's too busy with other things. We really should get out of here ourselves."
"That's it!" I exclaimed, "Let's just forfeit and go home. There's no reason for us to be here anyway and then we don't have to fight in the tournament anymore."
avilonis groaned at this.
"But that's no fun," he said, "I love killing for flesh and blood."
"Are you kidding me?" Purpleblob asked angrily, "You would rather stay here and run the risk of having two of us killed, just so you can have your blood fest?"
avilonis didn't respond.
"Unbelievable!" Purpleblob continued, throwing his hands in the air, "Well, you know what? The three of us are going to get out and go home, while you stay here and enjoy yourself. Don't come crying to us if you need help."
"Pfft, I can take care of myself." avilonis said with confidence.
So, Shae, Purpleblob, and I looked around the cell to see if we could escape somehow.
Of course, there's no way out. The Hands have developed this whole system, so no matter how much we attempt to escape, we can't get out. We come back to our original holding area defeated to find avilonis smoking yet another doobie.
"Really, avilonis: You're smoking a doobie at a time like this?" I sigh.
"Yeah, I guess so," avilonis says, stowing his pipe, "What you don't understand is that these people are going to make us fight whether we want to or not. I dunno, I guess they're just dicks like that."
"He has a pretty big point," I concede, "And after all, we still have that whole clone plan thing going on. We just have to find a way to switch them with the real ones."
"That's the spirit, Purp," avilonis says cheerfully. Suddenly, he looks rather guilty.
"What? What is it?" EeveeChick exclaims.
"I...might...have...accidentally made them evil..."
"YOU DID WHAT?"
Meanwhile, John Stewart, accompanied by Ganondorf, teleports to Felicia Day's cottage, only to find her gone:
"Shit!" Stewart exclaims, "They're gonna be pissed that we haven't nabbed Felicia Day."
"Well," Ganondorf says, "Maybe we're not too late. Look, let's just teleport back to base and see what else we can do."
They both teleport, but a glitch in the teleportation system causes them to teleport right near our secret base. They spot Felicia Day and Flossman going inside.
"Run, little rabbit, run...but soon our paths will be one..." John Stewart muses creepily.
What results is an intensely awkward silence...
Even more meanwhile, Felicia Day and Flossman are sneaking into our base, only to find it deserted.
"Hello?" Felica calls out.
"Mutha-fuckers?" Flossman tries to summon us. However nobody answers.
They move further into the base and see what looks like EeveeChick and Shae in suspended animation. They suddenly wake up and get out of their pods, advancing towards Flossman and Felicia with their weapons drawn.
"Hey guys, where are the others?" Flossman tries to greet them. However, he is just met with stony silence and more hostility. He instinctively steps in front of Felicia and gets ready for the worst.
"What the hell is going on here?" He shouts.
Then they attack.
Flossman and Felicia dodge out of the way. Flossman shoots his Mega Buster at Fake Shae, disabling one of her arms. Fake EeveeChick tried to give Flossman the Kiss of Death, but Felicia roundhouse kicked the faker in the stomach. Fake EeveeChick bent over in pain. Fake Shae lunged forward to attack Felicia, but Flossman shot at the faker again, damaging the clone even more.
The four of them fought for a bit more until both clones were severely injured. One of the clones blew a hole out in the ceiling of the secret base and both of them escape.
"Shit," Felicia cried, "Do we go after them?"
"Not so fast."
Ganondorf and John Stewart jumped through the hole and landed on the floor.
"We really don't have time for this." Flossman said, crossing his arms.
"Where are our friends?" Felicia asked angrily, with her fists clenched.
"Like we're gonna tell you that," John Stewart snorts, "It would be stupid of us to reveal that your friends are being held captive at SSBM Headquarters in a basement prison cell."
"You fucking idiot!" Ganondorf screamed at John Stewart.
"Hey thanks pal."
With that, Flossman grabs Felicia and they beam out through the hole in the ceiling. Ganondorf was so pissed at John Stewart, that he took the comedic man and encased him in a nearby pod.
"Now you'll die for your insolence." Ganondorf said with an evil smile.
Ganondorf left in a hurry to catch up to the heroes. John Stewart was in a lot of trouble. He struggled to break free, but pounding on the door over and over was not doing him any good. Just then, John Stewart went into his pocket and grabbed his cell phone, typed up a text message, and sent it to his friend, Stephen Colbert.
'God, I hope this works.' John Stewart thought in a panic.
Meanwhile in Comedy Central's World News Headquarters, Stephen was using a socket wrench on John's chair. "We'll see who takes control of the 11:00 PM time slot NOW!" He snickered. Just then he got the text. "GREAT SCOTT, John's in trouble!" He stood up and after pushing his glasses back up on his nose he ran for the ColbertNation Teleporter 3000 O-Tron and teleported to John's location.
"I got here as quick as I could! So...what's up?"
John Stewart kept banging on the pod door to no avail. Steven Colbert pulled the pod hatch and let John out.
"Thank god," John said, taking in deep breaths, "I thought I was done for."
"What the hell happened here," Stephen asked.
"I was with Ganondorf and he locked me in there because I did something stupid." John answered.
"See what happens when you're with the wrong crowd?" Stephen asked, clicking his tongue.
"I guess you're right." John sighed, "Let's just head back to the Comedy Central Station."
They went to the ColbertNation Teleporter 3000 O-Tron and transported away.
At the Smash Bros. Melee HQ, Master Hand and Crazy Hand were growing impatient.
", WHERE IS JOHN AND GANONDORF?" Crazy Hand flailed.
"I don't know, Brother," Master Hand replied, shaking his head, "They were supposed to be back by now, but the security cameras have spotted Felicia Day and some weird guy with a Mega Buster."
"SHIT THAT'S FLOSSMAN!" Crazy Hand panicked, "HE'S POWERFUL AND STUFF."
"Flossman, oh," Master Hand repeated, "we have ways to deal with him."
Master Hand twitched.
"I know what we must do..."
Crazy Hand kept silent.
"We must use his one weakness... hair growth serum!"
The four heroes sat trying to think what to do when suddenly one of the air duct vent covers flew from the wall and in the darkness of the vent all that could be seen was the red hot glowing barrel of a Mega Buster "Sup fuckers," Flossman said as he jumped down.
"Bout time," avilonis said jokingly.
"You knew I was coming?" Flossman laughed after a long winded explanation of their capture and the smoke clones they began to rest when they heard moans coming from some were. Then they saw them; hundreds of Redead coming from every hallway connected to the cell room.
They all drew their weapons except for avilonis who calmly walked out in front of the group he stood quietly for a moment then tossed Flossman his hat, "Take care of this for me, Floss, get them out of here wait for me by the main gate for an hour if I don't make it back leave." Flossman nodded avilonis holstered his magnums and lit his pipe then quickly withdrew two M1887's spun them to cock them both at the same time they could now see his long black hair tied back he let it loose, the group had beamed to the air duct watching him stand there he let his long black duster slide off revealing how much fire power he was truly carrying almost enough to arm a small city they started to walk down the vent only stopping for a moment when they heard avilonis, "LETS GO YOU REDEAD FUCKS!" followed by shots the pressed on.
"Yes of course!" Master Hand moved in a way that may convey the action of smiling, "BRING IN THE SERUM!" After he said this a Smash Ball filled with the serum floated in. Master Hand held the hair growth serum. He gave it to Crazy Hand, "Go find Flossman and administer the serum. DO NOT FAIL ME OR THERE WILL BE DIRE CONSEQUENCES!"
As we're escaping, we look back and see avilonis being mobbed by the Redeads. He's taking them out left and right, yet they're closing in on him. They get closer and closer until the unthinkable happens.
avilonis is killed.
Just like that.
As we watch in horror, Master Hand and Crazy Hand barge in, scattering all of the remaining Redeads. Crazy Hand is holding the hair growth serum while Master Hand is holding Felicia Day.
"Damn it, Felicia!" Flossman shouts, "How the hell did you get captured again!"
"Wouldn't you like to know," Crazy Hand taunts, "You want the girl back? WELL YOU CAN'T HAVE HER! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Unless," Master Hand adds, stealing the hair growth serum away and tossing it to Flossman, "You intentionally inject yourself with this hair growth serum. Then we might consider giving back Ms. Day..."
"Flossman, NO!" I shout.
"We've already lost too many!" Shae yells.
"It...looks like I've got no choice..." Flossman says, defeated. Before we can stop him, he injects himself with the hair growth serum. Already he begins to weaken. Crazy Hand laughs maniacally and pimp slaps the now powerless Floss.
Master Hand floats over, "You are truly pathetic... And guess what? We lied! Felicia Day remains ours..."
He then turns to us, "And if you ever want to see her alive again, you're all going to fight, capisci? If you don't, I'm going to let my brother have his way with the lady here. And it won't be pretty."
Crazy Hand erupts into maniacal laughter again while Master Hand seals our cell door again and flies away with Felicia.
"Damn it!" I pound the cell door, "We were so close!"
"Yeah," EeveeChick says, "Poor avilonis..."
We all mourn for him for a bit. Suddenly, our cell door bursts open! Who could our saviors be?
It is none other than:
The two clones start to laugh and taunt the heroes. "Too bad about the gunslinger he had a nice hat though," Clone Shae said as she put on his own, just as she started to smile both the clones heads exploded causing them to turn to smoke standing behind them was a badly wounded avilonis.
"NO BODY...TOUCHS MY FUCKING HAT BITCH."
"What the hell, how is that possible," Purp gasped.
"We saw you die," said Shae.
avilonis laughed," You saw a clone die. I can clone myself instantly but cloning anyone else takes time and resources, but know let's not cheer just yet if we don't get out of here soon I won't make it...everybody take a gun from my duster." avilonis throws it in the cell after finishing his explanation. He turns and blows the lock off the cell door. "If I don't make it: keep the guns and anything else on me you need, and you keep this if don't make it," he said placing his hat on Shae's head he took his glove off and showed her a triangle glowing on the back of his hand she looked up and he winked the heroes set out to save Flossman!
They ran past everything that got in their way, eventually making it to a large pair of red doors that had a powerful dark energy about them.
The moral of our heroes plummeted instantly, each one becoming less daring and more submissive by the second. Just as all will to fight had been lost, a voice came from the hallway behind, the injured avilonis limping to catch up.
"Come on ya cripples, get the fuck moving!" He yelled.
Everyone else replied at once;
"We can't... it's hopeless."
"Listen, I'm badass but I'm already injured, I can't take two hands at once."
"Then we truly have lost..."
"Don't you understand i... need... some HHHHEEEEEEAAAAAALLLLLPPPPPPP?"
A faint noise began from the path behind; a motor bike with a star on the front zoomed into the room and past our heroes as large figure in black leaped off. The bike crashed through the door and the figure in black stood up straight.
He then announced in a strong stern voice: "I am Agent BA-1: Chieftain."
The heroes pass out from there weakness, they wake up later at avilonis's base he was wrapped up with bandages smoking his pipe as they all awoke he greeted them calmly with water and a warm meal after they were done avilonis walked in just his jeans horrendous scars showing some fresh some old.
"What the hell happened back there?" Purp asked.
"I don't know… Where is Flossman?" Shae asked.
"I don't know," avilonis mimicked"
"What are we gonna do?" EeveeChick asked.
They all looked at avilonis he paused, "That I do know, we're the heroes of this gig, right? What's one of the things heroes do? "The other heroes looked at each other all having the right ideas but holding their comments as they do not want to seem wrong, "They can always make adjustments to the ever changing evil, adaptation, my friends, is the key to victory… temporary or not."
"How do you adapt to that door?"
"Easy, the Agent said going into the Living Chamber, the door is made of an enchanted wood that casts a willpower-leeching field, and what is wood's weakness?" asked avilonis.
"Fire," they all said in unison, with a bit of annoyance.
"What type of small creature can use fire?" This inquiry caused the others to gaze at EeveeChick.
"It looks like I might need my Pokémon back for this." I said, taking off all of my weapons, "Is there a computer I can use to get in contact with one of my professors?"
"You can use mine," avilonis said, pointing to his.
I went over to it and typed a number in as fast as I could. A few rings later, I got in touch with someone I never would have expected.
"Well, it's good to see you again, my dear," said a familiar voice.
"Professor Oak, you're alive?" I asked him, a bit startled.
"Lucky for me, that bite on the neck from that Dracula fiend wasn't as deadly as everyone feared," the good professor said, feeling relieved, "The doctors were able to get me the medicine I needed to make a full recovery."
"Thank goodness for that," I said.
"Now, from my understanding, you stored all of your Pokémon here," Professor Oak said in a more business like tone.
"Yes," I said, "I'm going to need them now."
"I'll send them over right away." Professor Oak said, typing away on his end.
A few moments later, all of my Pokémon and my belt zapped through. I grabbed it and sent out my team; Vaporeon, Jolteon, Flareon, Espeon, Umbreon, and Leafeon. I then turned to everyone.
Meanwhile, both Felicia Day and Flossman were being held captive by Master Hand and Crazy Hand.
"You two are helpless now," Master Hand sneered, "Your friends are nowhere to be found."
"They will all come back for us," Felicia said, "I know they will."
"LET'S TORTURE THEM, MUAH HAHAHAHAHA!" Crazy Hand laughed maniacally.
"For once Brother, I think you may be on to something." Master Hand said in agreement, "Put Flossman in the torture chamber."
Crazy Hand obeyed and after this was done, Master Hand threw the switched and zapped Flossman of all this powers and hair, causing him to revert back to Brentalfloss.
"Stop this immediately!" Felicia screamed.
Will our heroes make it back before Brentalfloss gets fried to death? Stay tuned!
"Move," Chieftain yelled. "Your friend won't last much longer! Good thing i shattered the door with my..."
The shards of red wood flies off the ground and rebuild it.
"Good thing you got your Pokémon back."
"I try not to go without them too long... and wait why aren't you affected by the doors magic?"
Chieftain stopped. "At the cost of all of your trust I must say: That is in fact... classified."
"Flareon, use Flamethrower!"
Flareon's fire burnt down the door with ease. We were all shocked in horror in the state of Brentalfloss. Felicia Day was tied down with chains.
"So, you've all finally arrived." Master Hand sneered, "It's time for my brother and I to crush you!"
Both giant hands were ready to fight. I returned Flareon and sent out Jolteon.
"Jolteon, use Thunderbolt!"
Jolteon shot its Thunderbolt at Master Hand, paralyzing it. Crazy Hand went berserk and grabbed Jolteon. I sent out Espeon and had its Psychic energy freeze Crazy Hand in place so Jolteon could escape.
The other heroes lunged forward and attacked both hands. Shae found a way to free Felicia Day and I had Jolteon free Brentalfloss from the torture chamber, but he was extremely weak.
"Shae, let's get these two out of here," I yelled, "The boys will take care of things. You and I will come back later to finish the fight!"
So, Brentalfloss, Felicia, Shae and I, with Jolteon and Espeon still out of their PokéBall, traveled out of Super Smash Bros. Melee HQ and traveled back to Felicia's cottage.
Meanwhile, Purpleblob, avilonis, and Chieftain, fought the two Hands. The three heroes combined their power to do as much damage as possible. With Master Hand paralyzed, the fight was a bit easier.
The hands fell quickly; Chieftains EBA badge causing the dark magic's of theirs to have no effect.
With Crazy Hand beaten and Master Hand flailing uncontrollably the heroes sat for a rest.
Chieftain took his hat off and threw off his sun glasses, took a deep breath and gasped at what he saw next.
Ganon had arrived! Dun dun dun!
Chieftain sprinted at Ganon, fist back but the king of evil stepped aside and grabbed the agent by the throat, then proceeded to crush said agents windpipe. We all try to reach Chieftain, but by then both Master Hand and Crazy Hand have made a full recovery and pimp slaps us away from saving our new comrade. Eventually, Chieftan loses consciousness. Ganondorf is about to finish the job when suddenly he's blasted from behind by a Mega Buster. We turn around to see our old comrade, nameless Mormon Boy - who has since our last adventure become Josh of the Megas!
"Nameless Mormon Boy!" we all shout with glee.
"The name's Josh now..." he says.
Suddenly, Ganondorf roars and charges towards Josh, but he blasts the evil lord straight in the face with a blast from his Mega Buster, creating a cauterized stump where Ganondorf's head used to be.
"Well, well, well..." Master Hand looms over us, "You're quite the pests, aren't you? It seems that as the supreme overlords of Super Smash Brothers, we're going to have to teach you a lesson..."
"Yeah!" Crazy Hand adds, sticking up his middle finger.
I look at avilonis, "Feel like a repeat of Dracula?"
"Sure thing," avilonis says, "but this time I think we aim for something else..."
Crazy Hand keeps gloating, but suddenly he sees a sword traveling towards him.
Crazy Hand screams in pain while his severed middle finger lands right on Smashfan and, for lack of better words, smashes him.
"You insolent fool!" Master Hand charges towards us, but by then me, avilonis, and Josh have lifted up Crazy Hand's middle finger, aiming it right at Master Hand. Just as the fiend is about to pummel us, we shoot a rocket from Crazy Hand's severed finger.
Direct hit; the rocket goes right through Master Hand, blasting a hole through him.
Master Hand stops in his tracks and looks down at his wound, "I feel...cold..."
And with that ripped-off line, Master Hand drops dead.
Crazy Hand floats over to the body of his brother and then turns to us, even more insane than ever.
"Hehehehhaej;HAS;DIFJHA;SDFJASO;DFJASO;DFJ! HAHAHA YOU KILLED MY BROTHER! HAHA! NOW! YOU SHALL PAY! AND NOBODY CAN STOP ME FROM GOING BALLISTIC ON YOUR FUCKING ASSES NOW! HAHAHAHAHA;SDFJHA;SDIOKFJA;SDKFJA;LSDKFJ!"
With an open palm, he slams us into a wall and then lifts us all up in a clenched fist, slowly sucking the life force right out of us. What will we do...?
Said a voice that seemed to be approaching fast.
All of the heroes look at each other.
Oooohhhh ffffffuck, noooooo, not this again!
Out of nowhere, Madden slide tackles Crazy Hand, freeing all of us.
We all turn back to look upon the gruesome scene: Madden brutally raping Crazy Hand. Crazy Hand begins screaming in agony while Madden keeps screaming touchdown over and over again.
We take this time to sneak out of Super Smash Headquarters. Once we're out, we turn around and face the building. We can still hear Crazy Hand's agonized shouting.
"Josh?" I say, "Would you like to do the honors?"
He supercharges his Mega Buster and aims it at the building, "Gladly."
Super Smash Headquarters goes down, burying both Crazy Hand and Madden to death.
Probably a welcome event for the poor Crazy Hand.
We meet up with our friends back at the cottage, and after the customary greetings a heavenly light shines down on a tree stump. Suddenly there is a blinding light, and we look what have been left on the tree stump:
We went through all that work for a FUCKING TROPHY!"
We all laugh it off though and have apple pie while watching the sunset...
THE END...FOR NOW...
This ending was narrated by Dan Marino.
Still not owning the characters, sorry people I forgot last time.