|Pain? You Think That's Pain?
Author: King in Yellow PM
Absolutely true horror story from the delivery room, based on events with the births of my daughters. With Bonnie in labor Ron's self preservation instincts kick in just in time. Never argue with a woman giving birth. Best Enemies seriesRated: Fiction T - English - Family/Humor - Words: 1,000 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Published: 09-05-11 - Status: Complete - id: 7357943
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: The characters from the Kim Possible series are owned by Disney. All registered trade names property of their respective owners. My profile contains an overview of the BE universe.
This is essentially a true story. In these family tales I usually played the role of either Kim or Shego in real life. In this one I'm Ron. Yes, this is what happened at the birth of my first, and second daughter.
Pain? You Want Pain?
Evenings when Bonnie was not directing she and Ron attended Lamaze classes. The goal was a drug-free delivery. Ron felt queasy when the instructor talked about the father's role during birth.
"How about I sit in the waiting room, smoking cigarettes?" He asked as he drove home from class. "It's what they do in the old movies."
"You don't smoke."
"I'm willing to learn," he told her solemnly. "I mean; it's the man's duty."
"Those were the old rules. New rule is if you were there for the conception you have to be there for delivery."
"Any chance I wasn't there for conception?"
"Ron! I'm serious."
"Sorry, just kidding. Kind of scary."
"Kind of scary for you? Do you have any idea how I feel?"
Bonnie managed to finish filming a week before her due date. She planned to begin her editing after the baby was born, and hoped no reshooting would be required. She could have filmed for another couple days. Contractions became regular on Friday evening, two days after the due date. "Ron, don't panic, but I think this is it."
"Panic! Me panic? Why would I panic?" he hyperventilated.
"No joking, at least not now."
"Sorry. Our stuff's in the car. I'll–"
"I'm calling Tara, then you can take me to the hospital. I got her an open ticket and she'll be out for a week."
After thirteen hours Bonnie gave up on earlier plans, "Drugs, give me drugs," she gasped to the obstetrician. Tara made it out to California before the birth.
Labor continued for hours. Ron and Tara stood on either side of the bed.
When contractions hit Bonnie convulsively grabbed the arms of Ron and Tara and held tightly.
Once when Bonnie grabbed Ron's arm during a contraction she managed to get a handful of his armpit hair. It hurt. Ron started to open his mouth to ask her to let go, but thought better. Under the circumstances Bonnie was unlikely to give him much sympathy. He could imagine her screaming, "Pain? You think that's pain? You don't know pain!" and following it up by pulling hard on his armpit hairs. Better to just grit his teeth and readjust his arm between contractions.
Aaron Stoppable made it into the world eventually, to the great relief of both his parents.
"He looks good?" Bonnie asked Ron. "Right number of fingers and toes?"
"Right number," he assured her. "And five and five on each hand and foot. He's perfect. You're wonderful."
"And you're glad you were here instead of smoking in the waiting room?"
"I, uh, didn't say that."
"Ron," Tara directed, "kiss Bonnie. Then go home and sleep. She's exhausted. I'll stay here. You come back after you've had some sleep, okay?"
Ron looked at Bonnie, "That okay?"
Bonnie yawned, "She's done this before. Listen to her."
Tara stayed in California through the bris, although she was uncomfortable about the whole thing.
Kim offered a suggestion, "I've been to a couple for people in Shego's synagogue. Stand behind the second largest man in the room. That way you don't have to watch."
"Why the second largest man?"
"Because you'd have to fight me for the largest. I'll be standing behind him."
Tim Possible and one man from Ron and Bonnie's California synagogue started feeling faint during the ceremony and had to leave the room to lie down. Ron's parents and Hana planned to stay in California for a little while to help with the baby. Tara would fly back to Middleton the next day with Kim, Shego, and their family along with other Middleton friends who had flown out for the ceremony.
Even odder, in Tara's mind, than inviting friends and family to the bris was the party afterwards. During the party Ron told the story of the armpit hair, and how he didn't dare say anything for fear Bonnie would say, "You think that's pain? That's nothing!" and jerk on it.
Ron told the story well, even Bonnie laughed as Ron related his fears. "And I would have too," she told those around her.
"You should do it now," a woman who had gone through childbirth herself suggested.
Both of Bonnie's productions did well. The movie was picked up by a major distributor, and while not a blockbuster hit turned a very nice profit considering how cheaply it have been made. It also brought in more job offers for everyone involved in the film. Her second project brought in absolutely rave reviews from the critics, but grandparents tend to be a sentimental audience and easily won over with spit bubbles and gurgling. Bonnie's mother seemed more enthusiastic over her grandson than Bonnie would have imagined possible.
The rule in Hollywood, of course, is that if a production is a great success you need to follow it up with a sequel.
Bonnie and Ron informed their friends about two years later that a sequel was in the works. The tentative titles were "Aaron's little sister" or "Aaron's little brother."
As the release date approached Ron remembered Bonnie's pain at Aaron's birth, and her willingness to share the pain with him under the circumstances. The best course of action seemed clear. When he got out the shower he lathered up his armpits, and shaved them.