|Ramblings of a Disgruntle Teenage Boy
Author: Blondie121147 PM
After an incident at school, Tai is forced into therapy sessions twice a week. After refusing to talk, his counselor makes him write down his side of the story in a non-censored, tell me how you're feeling, journal of sorts. More inside. Tai's POV.Rated: Fiction T - English - Angst/Friendship - Taichi Y./Tai K. - Chapters: 15 - Words: 107,322 - Reviews: 176 - Favs: 43 - Follows: 46 - Updated: 04-15-13 - Published: 09-06-11 - id: 7359756
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer - I don't own anything.
This is a shorter chapter. Not too terribly much going on but certain feelings will be recognized. Hopefully you'll enjoy it more than I did.
"The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past as better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be." -Marcel Pagnol
Knock, knock, knock.
I'm awaken from my heavy sleep and sit up quickly, only to regret it five seconds later. I lay back down and hold my head as everything spins. I slowly open my eyes and see multi-colored blankets strung above my head. Did I build a fort last night?
Knock, knock, knock.
Where is that knocking coming from? Better question: where am I?
"What happened?" Mimi asks, dazed, as she sits up and blinks until everything is clear.
I look over at Mimi, who is naked and wrapped in a sheet. There are feathers everywhere, even stuck in Mimi's hair, which is tangled and sticking out in random directions. I see the bottle of Captain Morgan -empty, mind you- lying amongst the mess. I also, am naked. Oh. Poop.
"We can't keep getting drunk together. Bad things happen," I say, searching for my clothes that are buried in between pillows and blankets.
"My head hurts so bad," Mimi says, leaning forward and holding her head.
Knock, knock, knock.
"I can hear you breathing!" A voice shouts from outside the door.
"Go away!" Mimi shouts back.
Bang, bang, bang.
"I'm going to kill her," Mimi says, clutching the sheet to herself and stumbling toward the door.
She unlocks it and throws it open with force, "What do you want?"
"Answering the door in a sheet. How classy," I hear Kayleigh say from the other side of the door.
"Oh, and look, Tai's naked too. I hope you two used a condom."
Mimi proceeded to slamming the door in her face at that point.
"Breakfast is on the table, in case you're wondering. Don't make me have to explain why you two skipped out!" Kayleigh shouts. I hear a conniving laugh following as she walks away.
"I hate her," Mimi says, gathering her clothes.
"She's just trying to piss you off," I reply.
"Well, it's working."
"Why is she so out to get you?"
"It's a long story."
Once again, I don't push it. Mimi has made it very clear (once again) that she doesn't want to talk about it. I just wish I knew what it was. It would help me understand why they're so bitter toward each other.
Mimi and I begin gathering our things and pick up the room. We managed to destroy whatever cleanliness the room once held. Between blankets and feathers (which came from a ripped pillow - how that happened I'll never know) it took a pretty good amount of time to get everything organized. She didn't really say anything the entire time.
It's moments like these I wish I could read minds. Mimi's mind works on such a complex level I just never know what she's thinking or how she's feeling. She's upset, I've gathered that much, but there's more to it than that. It's more like she's been betrayed and is dying to tell someone about it but she doesn't want to get into it because it will bring up painful memories.
I fear for her in that way. She never talks about her problems. She keeps them bottled up inside. I'm scared that one day it's all going to come to a head and she's going to just explode. In one instance, it will be nice to watch her get her frustration out, but in another... Mimi turns into a scary monster when she's mad. Let's just hope she doesn't explode on me.
"So, are we just planning to stroll up to the breakfast table like nothing happened?" I ask as we make our way to the golf cart.
"No," Mimi replied.
"So we're not going to breakfast at all then?"
"Can you just trust me? I have this figured out."
"Well, if you'd tell me I wouldn't ask so many questions."
"Just... be quiet."
Mimi is in a mood. I really wish we were home, thousands and thousands of miles away from here. No more awkwardness, no more lying and trying to impress people that I don't want to talk to, no more... tension. I'm ready to get back to my life. I wonder what everyone has been up to since we left? I wish my phone had service out here. I miss my friends. I miss Hikari, as crazy as she makes me some times. Heck, I even miss my parents. Can I go home now?
We get settled on the golf cart and Mimi drives us back toward the house. She pulls off the trail and makes a loop toward the front of the house. Everyone is sitting outside at the patio table. It doesn't look like they've started eating yet; they're mostly just conversing. I wonder if breakfast is like lunch yesterday: just a kind of help yourself come and go thing. I also notice there are men in the process of setting up a massive white tent; probably for the party tonight. I guess when someone in this family reaches a certain age it's kind of a big deal.
Mimi pulls up to the front steps of the house and drops me off. She then takes off toward the garage to park the golf cart. I wait for her, in fear I might fall trying to get up the stairs on my own. Instead of Mimi, I look up to see Kayleigh standing there. Great.
"Good morning," she says cheery.
"Hi," I reply, less chipper.
"Need some help?"
"No, I think I've got it."
She stands there staring at me for a minute. I'm not moving, obviously.
"Let me help you," Kayleigh says bouncing down the stairs to my side.
"It's fine, really."
She latches onto my arm, giving me no other choice. She literally starts dragging me up the stairs. At least when Mimi helps me she's patient with me. She never rushes me or tries to push me to get somewhere. Does Kayleigh not understand what a broken leg is?
"Leave him alone, Kay," Taylor, Kayleigh's little brother, says appearing at the front door.
"I'm helping him. Back off, Taylor," Kayleigh spits back.
"He doesn't want your help. Look at his face. You're freaking him out."
"I am not freaking him out! Just leave us alone!"
For whatever reason she let's go of my arm and I lose what little balance I had left. I end up stumbling backwards and fall -hard- on the concrete below the steps. I didn't hit my broken leg, which is a relief. Most of the fall was caught through my hands, which I'm pretty convinced are scraped and bleeding now.
"Ow..." I moan, rolling over on my back and watching the sky spin.
"Look what you made me do!" Kayleigh started shouting as she and Taylor both rushed to my side.
"Don't! Don't touch me," I say as their hands reach out.
"What did you do?" I hear Mimi shriek.
"It was an accident! I didn't do it on purpose," Kayleigh defends.
"Oh, right. Because nothing is ever your fault," Mimi says, falling to her knees and grabbing my hand, "Tai? Are you okay?"
"I'll survive," I say.
"Your hands are all scraped up. Taylor, can you go find the first aid kit?"
He nods and rushes into the house.
"What can I do?" Kayleigh wonders.
"Nothing. Just go away. I think you've helped enough," Mimi says.
I see Kayleigh flinch and she actually listens to Mimi and takes off. Okay, so maybe Mimi was being a little harsh... but Kayleigh is kind of the reason I'm lying on the concrete right now. So much for the let's-pretend-I'm-a-smoker-so-Kayleigh-backs-off thing. That plan obviously didn't last long. Or maybe she is still repulsed by me, she's just doing it now to piss off Mimi.
"Can you sit up?" Mimi wonders.
"Yeah," I reply and she slowly helps me up, "Ouch."
I look at my hands and sure enough they're cut and bleeding. It's not that bad but it's enough to leave a couple of scabs later on.
Taylor arrives again moments later with a first aid kit in hand. He also managed to scrape up a cup of hot water and some towels.
"Here," he hands Mimi the supplies, "Do you need anything else?"
"No. I think I can take it from here. Thank you," Mimi says with a smile.
He nods and leaves us alone. Mimi gets right to work cleaning and bandaging my hands. She's so gentle and careful that I barely feel anything.
"Don't take this the wrong way or anything, but you're going to make an excellent mother one day," I say.
She laughs, "What makes you say that?"
"This kind of thing comes so naturally to you."
"I'm just bandaging your hands, Tai. It's not rocket science."
She finishes bandaging my hands and helps me up off the ground. After some patience and time, she gets me up the stairs and I'm good to go.
The interior of the house is virtually empty. I poke around the corner and see everyone sitting outside. I don't know what's worse: making a late entrance or them knowing that we didn't sleep in the house last night. With my luck, Kayleigh probably already informed them of our drunken escapades in the horse barn.
Only one more night of this. I just have to keep reminding myself of that.
By the time I'm finished making myself presentable, most everyone has finished eating and have moved on to other things. Nana is reading a newspaper on the porch, Kayleigh's mom and Mimi's mom are doing dishes and the men are nowhere to be seen. I make my way to the breakfast table glad I avoided any confrontations.
"Good morning," I tell Nana with a smile.
She looks up from the paper and smiles back, "Good morning, dear. Sleep well?
She goes back to reading the paper and I help myself to the food. I don't bother staying outside though. Let's face it, Nana looks comfortable by herself and I don't want to interrupt that by making her feel obligated to talk to me.
I walk back inside toward the living room and see Taylor perched in front of the TV with an xbox controller. I fall into the couch next to Mimi and begin devouring my food.
"I'm going to see if my mom and aunt need any help. Will you be okay in here?" Mimi asks.
"Yeah, I'll be fine. Do what you need to do," I reply.
"I won't be long."
She walks away leaving Taylor and I alone.
"I want in next game," I managed between bites of food.
"Could be a minute. I'm pretty good at this," he responded.
"I can wait."
Just as I dig back into my breakfast, a sniper from the opposing team takes out Taylor's character and ends the round. Taylor's head falls forward and he grunts in frustration. He slowly turns in my direction and I just shrug.
"You lost. Fair and square," I say and he reluctantly hands over the controller.
I back track through the pregame options and pick my character attributes accordingly. I don't want to brag or anything, but all those weeks of being grounded have made me a top gamer. Taylor stands up from the floor and joins me on the couch.
"You sure you know what you're doing?" He asks, disapproving of some of my choices.
"I got this. Trust me," I reply, "Game on, bitches."
I'm not sure how much time passes between Taylor and I taking turns on the game, but we've managed to gain some admirer's. I'm not sure who any of these kids are, but there's a lot of them and they're all under the age of twelve. My assumption is cousins.
"Watch out, Tai! There's a guy on the balcony!" One of them shouts.
I turn my attention to the guy on the balcony and quickly shoot him down before moving on to the next target.
"Good eye, bud!" I say and we high five.
I see Mimi enter the room from the corner of my eye. The kids are gasping and holding their breath as Taylor and I take out enemy targets one by one. We switched to team play shortly after my first round ended.
"Kids, it's lunch time," Mimi says but no one even flinches.
"That shot was epic!" One of the kids shouts and everyone cheers.
"Um, hello?" Mimi says again, "Lunch time!"
"Yeah, yeah. We'll be there in a minute, babe," I reply, only half paying attention.
That apparently was not what she wanted to hear. Next thing I know, Mimi is fumbling around behind the TV and all of a sudden the screen turns off. The room turns so silent you could hear a pin drop. Well, before everyone started protesting after the initial shock wears off.
"I don't want to hear it! Outside. NOW!" Mimi says and stands her ground as everyone groans and walks outside.
"Alright baby, you made your point. Now, help me up," I say reaching my arms out.
"You have two legs. Help yourself."
I look at Taylor who gives me a 'Oh, burned!' look. He then shrugs and heads outside with the others.
"What's wrong with you?" I ask once we're alone.
"Nothing," she replies, obviously lying.
"It's nothing, Tai. Stop pushing."
She ends it with that and walks back outside, leaving me stranded on the couch. I sigh, frustrated, and wiggle my way off the couch. I grab my crutches and make my way outside with everyone else. The kids wave me down to come join them. I smile and walk toward them.
Lunch basically goes as follows: I get introduced to everyone that has made an entrance in the last couple of hours. From what I've gathered, Mimi has aunts and uncles from both sides of her family. Between all the families there are ten cousins, including Mimi, Kayleigh, and Taylor. Those three, however, are the oldest of the group. Everyone else ranges from ages three to eleven. I've also managed to gain admirers from some of the younger ones. Especially this one little girl. Every time I talk to her, she blushes. It's kind of cute. Who knew five year old's could get embarrassed?
Everyone is chit chatting when I spot Mimi across the porch. Her eyes lock with mine and she is suddenly the center of my attention. She gives me a small smile but I can still tell something is bothering her. She turns to walk inside the house and I feel the need to follow her.
"Excuse me, everyone," I say, and make a quick exit.
The house is empty; everyone is still outside. It's quiet, which is actually kind of a nice change of pace. I see Mimi turn down the hallway and follow her. She walks into our bedroom. I walk up to the door and see her sitting on the bed, holding her cell phone and looking discouraged.
"Mimi?" I say, entering the room and shutting the door to a crack behind me.
"Oh. Hey, Tai," she replies, completely oblivious that I had been following her.
"Is everything okay?"
Instead of answering, she just sighs.
"You can talk to me, you know," I continue.
"It's stupid," she says.
"Nothing's stupid. What's going on?"
She shakes her head, almost as if she can't believe she's letting herself get so worked up over whatever it is.
"It's Michael," she finally says.
"What about Michael?"
"He texted me."
"He said he misses me and keeps pushing me to try and talk to him. I don't know what to do."
"Mimi, you have got to stop believing everything that comes out of his mouth. You can't keep living your life wondering what would have happened if you two had worked out. He's out of your life for a reason and from what I've seen, it's for the best."
"I know, Tai. Believe me. I know. I have been trying so hard but he just keeps pushing and it's making me confused. I just don't know what to think any more."
"You have got to ignore him. You're never going to let him go completely until you realize that he is no good for you. You're not planning to go back to him... are you?"
She gives me a disgusted look, "Hell no. You really think I'd go back to him after everything he's done to me?"
I shrug, "I don't know. You tell me."
"I wouldn't touch him with a ten foot pole."
"Good. Just keep telling yourself that."
"I don't think it's really him that I miss. I think it's the wanting to feel like I'm loved by someone as much as I thought he loved me. That's the greatest feeling in the world and I miss it. That, and always having someone to talk to."
"You can talk to me. And lots of people love you, Mimi. I mean, not so much in the 'I'm in love with you' kind of way but you are loved. You just have to remember that."
"It's just really hard..."
Her voice cracks and tears begin falling from her eyes. I freeze. I don't know how to respond to girls when they cry. It makes me really uncomfortable and awkward. I manage to suck it up though because I can clearly see that my friend is hurting. She needs comfort and I'm the only one around the give it to her. If her family knew that she was crying over her stupid ex, they'd probably question our whole "relationship".
I walk over to the bed and sit down next to her. I lift her chin so that we're looking each other in the eyes.
"Listen to me," I say, wiping away her tears, "You are one of the most beautiful people I know; inside and out. You are a wonderful person with so much to give and so much to offer. There's is nothing about that asshole that should be making you cry right now. Crying only means you've been defeated. You haven't been defeated. You will never be defeated. Do you believe me when I tell you that everything will be okay? This will get better, I promise you. It may feel like the end of the world but it's not. You'll pick yourself back up and in the end you'll realize that leaving him was the absolute best decision that you've ever made. I promise you that."
She doesn't say anything, just looks me in the eyes. If I'm reading into this correctly, she's not even thinking about him any more. She's taking in what I've said and trying to process everything. There's a longing in her eyes too; like she wishes that more guys like me existed. For the first time, she's realizing that I'm right.
"I'm sorry," she says, "This is so stupid. You are right. I shouldn't be crying over him."
She takes a deep breath and wipes the tears off her face. She then puts on a smile, be it forced or not, and tries to maintain a more positive attitude.
"Thank you, Tai," she says.
"For what?" I ask.
"For just being you. I seriously could not ask for a better friend than you."
She smiles again and puts her hands on both sides of my face. She stares at me for a minute before slowly leaning in and kissing me on the lips. I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a spark when she kissed me. She pulls away, staring into my eyes again and begins playing with my hair, something I've noticed she enjoys.
It's moments like these that really make me question whether or not Mimi and I should be together. She's perfect. A little loud and confused some times, but otherwise truly perfect. Well, in my eyes at least. I've known Mimi for a long time. I've seen the good, the bad, and the ugly throughout our friendship. She started out as an immature selfish brat that got her way with everything and has evolved into a beautiful, caring person who just wants to see everyone else happy. The two of us... well, together, it could be magic.
"Mimi, I like you," I blurt out.
"I like you too, Tai," she says.
"No, I mean... ugh. What I mean to say is... I really like you. Probably way more than I should and I was wondering, if it wouldn't be too weird or anything, that maybe we could try to... I don't know, see if maybe this could work out for real. You and me, I mean."
She just stares at me. The smile that once held her lips is now gone. I've managed to render her speechless. Great.
"Tai, I-" she's cut off when someone knocks on the door and enters the room.
"Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt," Nana says.
"No. You're just fine. What's up?" Mimi asks.
"Could you possibly come out and help guide the party planners a little bit? It's mostly a bunch of younger men and I'm not sure they really know what's going on."
"Of course. I'll be there in a minute."
She smiles and shuts the door back. Mimi turns to me, never answering my question.
"We can talk about this later," she says, standing and leaving without another word.
I feel like I've just made the biggest mistake of my life. She's probably going to reject me; tell me that what we are doing now is as much as it's ever going to be because she's not ready to commit to anything at all. Stupid me. Actually believing that Mimi had feelings for me that were strong enough to go to the next level.
I spend the rest of the day wallowing in self-pity. I try playing video games with Taylor and the kids to distract me but it's not working. I keep losing my train of thought and end up having to forfeit the controller. Mimi hasn't talked to me since our conversation in the bedroom. I mean, granted she's been helping set up for the party most of the day and I haven't really seen her but still.
I get up off the couch and make my way outside. I sit down at the patio table and put my broken leg up on one of the padded chairs. I watch the people working in the yard, getting the massive tent ready for the party tonight. There are tables set up and the DJ is here putting his equipment together. I also see all of the women in the family running around like chickens with their heads cut off. I see Mimi decorating tables while some of the worker boys, probably around our age, stare at her every time she bends over. It kind of makes me mad so I try to focus on other things. It doesn't help.
Mimi walks out from the tent, after having nothing left to decorate with, and comes back toward the house. She notices me sitting alone and decides to come join me.
"Why are you sitting out here all by yourself?" She wonders.
I shrug, "I needed some quiet."
"Is everything okay?"
She looks at me, knowing I'm lying, and sits in the chair next to me.
"Is this about the conversation we had earlier?" She asks, "Listen, I've been thinking a lot about what you said and to be honest, I don't think we're ready yet."
"We aren't ready or you're not ready?"
"We aren't ready, Tai. You're just saying all this because we're far from home and vulnerable. As soon as we get home and you see Sora you're going to change your mind."
"This has nothing to do with Sora. How I feel about Sora doesn't even matter. She and I will never be anything more than friends. I've come to accept that. I don't know why you haven't."
"Because you're in love with her, Tai! How can I possibly commit to you knowing you have that strong of feelings for someone else? Until you stop having those feelings of being in love with another girl, you and I cannot move forward. Do you understand why I'm so hesitant about this?"
"Yes, I understand."
"Then why are you still pushing it? I don't want to be your distraction from the feelings you have for her. In all honesty, yes I was using you as a distraction from my own life too but the more time we started spending together and the more passionate everything got... the harder it's been for me to tell you no. I want to make you happy and I want this to work... but it's just not the right time."
"I want to be with you, Mimi. Hands down. I don't care about anything else at this point."
"I'm sorry, Tai. I can't."
"Then I'm done. I'm not going to keep playing pretend and lie to your family like we're the happiest couple in the world because we're just not."
I stand from my chair, her still staring at me in disbelief. I've made up my mind. It's all or nothing now. She either wants to be with me or I'm done. No more fooling around, no more lying to people, no more anything. If we still remain friends after this then so be it but I refuse to play this game any more. I've officially managed to let my feelings get the best of me and now its come down to this.
"I'm calling a cab. I'm going home," I say, leaving her alone and walking toward our room to collect my things.
My name is Yagami Taichi, and I'm the biggest idiot in the world.
To be continued.
For the record, I hate this chapter. I seriously considered deleting the whole thing and just not even finishing this story but I had to get over this hurdle. Hopefully I can find the will to continue from here. Sorry for such a long wait. It's been crazy in my world. Please review!