|Kenny Bangs Cartman's Mom
Author: Dixie Chicken PM
Like the title says, a 17 year old Kenny McCormick is Banging Cartman's mom...and might be falling in love for the first time! But guess who's not happy about it? Also, Cartman has is own little secret affair...Kenny/Mrs. Cartman and Cartman/Butters.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Romance - Kenny M. & Eric Cartman - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,861 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 11-11-11 - Published: 09-09-11 - id: 7368382
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
The rest of the day had been agonizingly long. But to be fair, that was probably because the very death-prone boy didn't usually last past 7th period, in addition to be antsy as fuck to bone Cartman's mom.
BUT 9th period eventually came went, and Kenny was the first to race out of the classroom. And before you can say "the author was too lazy to write a good transition", his beat-up old pick-up truck was parked in front of Cartman's house.
After a few minutes of internal debate, he finally rang the doorbell. After checking his hair for what seemed like years, she finally answered the door.
This time, in her regular attire but it still hugged her tight body oh-so-sexily.
"Eric? You're home early, I thought you would be on your- oh hello Kenny! Won't you come inside? I made cookies!"
"Thanks, Miss Cartman."
"Oh aren't you a sweetie. Please, call me Liane."
"Alright then, Liane...I'd love to come inside and have a cookie."
And so Kenny followed her into the kitchen, grabbed a chocolate chip cookie (Christ they were incredible! No wonder Cartman was such a fatty!) and propped himself up against the stove, trying to play it cool and perhaps over-compensating a bit.
Shit, why was he even trying this? He knew she would shoot him down...she was so...EXPERIENCED and he was not. Why would she waste her time trying to teach a dorky little kid?
"I'm afraid Eric isn't home right now, but would you like me to leave a message?"
Kenny was pulled out of his self doubt by the angel herself...well, he was here. Might as well give it a shot.
"Uh, actually...I didn't come to see him. I came to see you, Liane."
"Yeah...I've been thinking about last night all day and...I just wanted to say that, I had a really great time. You're an amazing woman. High school girls just aren't like you and...I was wondering if you...do you...wanna be fuck buddies?"
"Oh dear, I don't know. Last night was a lot of fun, the most fun I've had in a while, but...my poopykins was really upset when we found out..."
"Oh, don't worry about Car-Eric. I talked to him about and he's totally supportive!"
"Really?" Somehow, Liane doubted that. She knew her son well enough to know that conversation didn't work on Eric's temper tantrums.
"...well tell you what, why don't we just not tell him?"
Liane tapped her chin, weighing the pros and cons. It's not like she had much to do today with her baby spending the night with the Stotches boy. And it was quite flattering how smitten her sons friend was with her, and she could still teach him a thing or two...
"Alright. C'mon hun, let's go to the bedroom."
Kenny McCormrick was a smart kid...he didn't need to be told twice!
The. Sex. Was. Amazing. AMAZING!
"God damn...!" Kenny whispered, to no one in particular, as Liane rolled off of him.
"You're not so bad yourself there, hun. You must do very well in school...you follow directions really well." The older woman teased, ruffling his dirty-blonde, shaggy hair.
Kenny responded by burying himself in her ample, jiggling breasts.
She purred...Kenny mumbled a muffle reply.
"Don't tell me you're tuckered out already! 6th times the charm, sweetie!" She giggled. Kenny managed to rip himself away from her boobies (a great feat indeed, I know)
"...you're insatiable!" Kenny laughed, before feeling a slender hand creep up his naked thigh. "Nnngh, hang on...c-can we just do you? Maybe I am a little 'tuckered out.'"
"Aw poo...I guess that'd be fine. Have you ever gone down on a woman before?"
Kenny practically dived under the covers, but poked his head back out when he heard a door slam.
Then thumping up the stairs.
Then another door slam.
Then...moans. And a squeaky, squeaky fucking bed.
"What was that about?"
"Oh, don't worry about it hun...that's just Eric and his little boyfriend Butters."
"Cart-Eric's gay! When did this happen?"
"Oh sweetie, didn't you know? At first I thought my little woogums was just exploring his sexuality like I did when I was his age, but they've been together for almost a year now – and I think it's the real thing! Butters is such a dear too, and he's just been so good to my Eric! I couldn't have picked a better boyfriend for my son." Liane sighed, while Kenny...processed this new information.
So ol' lard-butt was a fag...well...that wasn't really all that surprising. He had lost count of how many times Cartman had dressed in drag sometime in middle school. And he always figured that Butters was at least a little fruity but...wait...why HADN'T he realized those two were butt-pirates until just now? Cartman was always weirdly possessive of Butters and Butters was always so eager to please him, even if that meant getting in trouble (and it always did.) They were always going on gay little dates and sitting together and texting each other during class...they were fucking inseparable! Kenny briefly wondered who topped...
Ew, never mind...he didn't want to know.
Horrible mental images aside, he would have to use this information to his advantage...but first...
"So...you went through a sexy-phase in high school, Liane? Go on..."