|Denying the Feeling
Author: Shrimp Mayo PM
A friendship of ten years ago, and a hidden love since they first met. Santana Lopez finally acts out on her feelings, while Quinn is still denying hers. The question is: who does Rachel choose? Pezberry/FaberryRated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Drama - Rachel B. & Santana L. - Chapters: 6 - Words: 21,341 - Reviews: 59 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 81 - Updated: 04-20-13 - Published: 09-17-11 - id: 7388434
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
I'm back with the second chapter. I made it long to make up for the long break. :) This chapter might get confusing...
10 years ago…
A seven year old brunette wearing an argyle sweater and a bright yellow headband sat on a small chair at the side of the classroom. Twelve rowdy children began playing tag in front of her, ignoring her existence completely. Her gaze fell to the five girls playing on one side of the classroom with a dollhouse. They constantly giggled and laughed with themselves and the brunette tried not to look jealous. Sighing, she tore her gaze from them and began reading the storybook she placed on her lap, her topaz eyes scanning the brightly colored pictures of knights, dragons and princesses. She was getting to the end of the story when she felt a slight tugging at the hem of her sweater. Hesitantly, she lowered the book to her lap and looked up to see a pair of bright amber eyes looking back at her. The girl had blonde hair that fell to her shoulder like gold silk and had a bright smile that gave the other girl a warm fuzzy feeling at the pit of her stomach.
"Hello." The blonde greeted with a voice of wind chimes.
"Umm… Hello." The brunette offered shyly. It wasn't like her but she didn't know how to act in front of this girl.
"What are you doing here all by yourself? It's recess time. Why are you studying?" The blonde asked, taking a look at the book on the brunette's lap.
"If you should know, I'm not partaking in any academic activities. I am merely providing myself with entertainment from this story book as no one has invited me to mingle with them." The brunette answered with an almost bitter tone.
The blonde stared back at her, not being able to understand some of the words the other girl said.
The brunette sighed but couldn't help but smile at the blonde's adorable expression. "What I'm saying is that I have nothing to do."
The blonde's lips formed a small 'o' in understanding. "Well," With a small smile, she held her hand out. "You can play with us."
The brunette stared at the extended hand, incredulous that someone like the blonde would invite her to play with them. "Do you really want to play with me?"
"Of course! That frown doesn't look good on you and here I am to replace it with a beautiful smile!"The blonde declared and the brunette couldn't help the smile forming on her lips.
Hesitantly, she reached a hand out to grab the blonde's but the other girl beat her to it.
"I'm Quinn, Quinn Fabray." The blonde introduced as she helped the girl stand up, holding the hand firmly in her own.
"I'm Rachel Berry." The brunette introduced, flashing one of her bright smiles. With that, Quinn whisked her off from her chair and led her to the four girls playing around a dollhouse. As they approached, a dark haired Latina looked up and grimaced, her eyes on the entwined hands of the two.
"What are you doing, Q?" She asked. "Why did you bring the freak here?" As she said that, the other three looked up as well and grimaced except for the blond one who just gave them a small smile.
"What are you saying Santana?" Quinn asked, glaring at the Latina. "This is Rachel and you shouldn't call her a freak!"
Santana stood up abruptly, making the other blonde, whose hand she was holding, stand up as well. "There's no way I'm playing with that freak. She might her gay germs on me or worse, she might try to kiss me." She stared at the two entwined hands again. "So are you her girlfriend now, Quinnie?"
Quinn's glare intensified. "Back off, Santana."
The two were posed to fight, both having a very pissed aura. But the bell rang signaling the end of recess and the students began to whine about going back to class.
Santana smirked. "Saved by the bell, Fabray. I can't wait till your father hears about this." She began walking towards the chairs, tugging the blonde with her. "C'mon B. Let's leave these two."
Quinn clicked her tongue angrily then turned to apologize to Rachel for Santana's behavior when she saw the shorter girl crying. "Oh God, Rachel. Don't cry, please. Santana was just being stupid. She didn't mean what she said. Please don't cry."
Rachel began to quickly wipe the falling tears but she couldn't clear them all. "I…I'm not… I'm not a freak." She hiccupped, the tears streaming her cheeks more. "She… She shouldn't…. make fun… of… my parents like that." She said between hiccups.
Quinn wiped a tear from the corner of Rachel's eyes. "Don't cry, please. Santana is just stupid. She doesn't know what she's saying." She began to soothingly rub the girl's back. "You're not a freak, Rach. And I won't let anyone call you that anymore. I'm here for you, Rach. I'll protect you."
Slowly, the brunette lifted her head and stared at her smiling friend. "Really?"
"Really." The blonde said with a nod. Then she held out her pinkie. "Here, I'll pinkie promise to you."
Rachel stared at the held out pinkie before hesitantly raising her own. Quickly, the blonde entwined it with hers. Smiling widely, she spoke her words of promise.
"I'll always be here beside you, Rach. I'll always protect you. I won't let anyone harm you. We'll be best friends forever, Rach!"
Rachel couldn't speak and her eyes began to tear up again at the girl's words.
"Yes. We'll be best friends forever, Quinn!"
Rachel Berry walked into the glee club wearing a new plain white shirt. The fact that her clothes were different than the one she wore that morning. No one even noticed that her eyes were puffy.
"Hey Rach!" Finn greeted as he saw Rachel enter the room.
Rachel inwardly grinned at the nickname but still kept a straight face as she took her usual seat beside the quarterback. "G-Good afternoon, Finn." Her voice was shaky but her ex-boyfriend didn't seem to notice and instead he proceeded to rest his arm on the back of Rachel's chair.
"So I was wondering Rach. Are you free this weekend?"
The brunette thought about it. This was a chance to rebuild her broken relationship with the quarterback. But a nagging feeling in the back of her head said that he might just play her again and leave her once the blonde cheerleader gives him signs that she's interested in him again. Still, being the optimistic one, Rachel decided to ignore that feeling.
"Why, yes I am Finn." She paused when she remembered something. "Unless, of course, Mr. Schue decides to give us an assignment for next week."
"Well then we should hang out, you know, as friends." He says with a goofy smile.
"We should." Rachel replies with a warm smile.
Just at that moment, the three cheerleaders entered the room. Brittany was the first to take her usual seat while Santana gave a slight sneer at the two before taking her place beside the blonde. Quinn was the last to enter and her eyes immediately darted to the two, then to Finn's arm, and finally settled on the two's loving gazes. She wanted to puke at the sappy display and there was a feeling at the pit of her stomach that she couldn't quite place. She rolled her eyes and did what she usually did. She ignored that feeling and walked over to her place.
Shortly after that, Mr. Schue entered the room, with the black hat in his hand.
"Okay guys. As you can see, I have the hat of fate again. You can probably guess what that means." When they kept quiet, he continued. "We'll be having another duets competition. You'll select your partner from the hat and do a duet about what you your relationship with that person."
"What if who we pick is a person we don't particularly like?" Tina asked.
"Then I guess you can use this assignment to try to work it out." Mr. Schue answered sheepishly. "You'll have an even number to work this out since Mike has excused himself for next week because he'll be going to China."
Mike flashed his girlfriend a small smile.
Mr. Schue let his gaze wander around the group of teenagers before holding out the hat again. "Now, who's first?"
They all shared looks, watching who would stand first. No one budged for a few minutes before Puck thought of becoming the man and stood up. He boldly walked over to Mr. Schue and pulled out a piece of paper from the hat.
"Lauren!" He announced triumphantly. Said wrestler just smirked.
Next up was Mercedes who luckily picked her best friend, who somehow seemed a bit disappointed yet happy nonetheless. Santana was next to stand up but Artie, amazingly, beat her there – as if he knew that he would get lucky enough to pick Brittany. And he was lucky because he did get Brittany, who seemed upset that she didn't get Santana as her partner. Next was Sam who picked Tina. Kurt whispered something to Mercedes which sounded a bit like, "Weirdest pair ever." The only ones left were Rachel, Quinn, Santana, and Finn, and it was Rachel who stood up first. As she walked towards Mr. Schue, she crossed her fingers and repeated the mantra of "Please Finn, please Finn" in her head. With shaky fingers, she pulled out a neatly folded piece of paper from the black hat. As she opened it, a gasp escaped her lips that caught everybody's attention.
"S-S-Santana…" She stuttered the name written on clear fine handwriting on the paper.
A dark silence fell over the room, something that rarely happens, and all eyes turn to the Latina sitting at the back. Quinn counted the beats of her heart. Eight hundred and still no one said anything. She looked over at her friends. Mercedes and Kurt kept exchanging incredulous looks. Artie, Mike, Sam, and Tina seemed neutral but still shocked. Brittany's eyes were shiny and Quinn knew she was trying really hard not to cry. Puck had a slight smirk on his face, as if he knew something that the other did. Lauren had a smirk too, as it was obvious that if Puck had a secret, he would share it with her. Finn looked betrayed and slightly annoyed, probably because Rachel had picked Santana. He probably still hasn't made sense of the possible danger of pairing those two together. Quinn's eyes fell to the Latina next. Her face was blank, the look Quinn knew she had whenever she wanted to avoid the topic. She noticed that her lips were moving, ever so slightly, that no one else noticed them. She could make out the word "Why" being repeated over and over again. She looked over to the Latina's eyes. Unlike their usual cold and piercing gaze, they were hazy as if she was in a trance. Still, Quinn had that feeling in her stomach again and this time it was directed at the Latina. Finally, Quinn looked over to Rachel, who stood there, frozen with disbelief. She felt sympathetic for her.
As if snapping out of a trance, Santana blinked a few times before abruptly standing up. "What the hell is that?" She shouted.
"S-Santana. It was not Rachel's fault that-"
:Not Rach – RuPaul's fault? She was the one who picked my name with that grabby Manhands of her!" Santana began to shout and Quinn narrowed her eyes at her. It was rare for the Latina to explode like this.
"Now Santana, there's no need for name calling." chastised her. "Rachel is your partner and I think this assignment will get to know each other better and might put a stop to all this."
"No! She will pick again and it will not be me!" Santana demanded with acid in her voice that even made Mr. Schue flinch. "I will not spend next week with that freak!"
Rachel, who was quiet and unfazed all those time, suddenly came back to life at those words. It struck her hard with nostalgia about the first day they met and how the Latina said something similar to those words to her. She didn't know why but it made her chest clench. She felt horrible. Santana's insults never got the better of her so why now? She should be thinking up of a smart rebuttal to the girl's insults. She shouldn't be crying. Once she realized that she was indeed crying, she took to her heels and made another perfect diva walk-out although now, the rest of the glee clubbers know that it was something serious. After a few seconds, the tension around the room lessened.
Mr. Schue cleared his throat. "Ahem. Ah Santana. I'm very diss-"
Suddenly, at their teacher's voice, Santana's eyes lit up. She looked around the room and found that there was a presence missing and her eyes immediately darted to the door. "Oh shit!" She cursed loudly to herself before running out the room and following the little diva.
Eyes trailed after the Latina, unsure of how they should react to the little scene. Quinn's eyes narrowed further if that was even possible.
"Okay, what the hell just happened?" Mercedes blurted out.
No one spoke. How could they when they didn't know how to answer.
"I guess this makes Quinn and Finn partners." Mr. Schue said in a final attempt to calm the room.
Santana walked down the almost empty hallway, ignoring the students completely. Her eyes darted around, searching for that lob of brown hair. Which restroom could she have run off to? Santana asked herself and her eyes darted to the one on her right. Pushing two girls out of her way, she walked inside. It was empty and all the stalls seemed vacant except for the last stall.
"Ra- Berry." She called out, choking back the name.
There was a choked sniffle coming from the last stall and Santana felt her heart break a little knowing it's her fault. Get a grip Lopez. You can't lose it. Not now. Not after everything.
"That walkout of yours there truly was something." She wanted to sound cocky and offensive but it just came out as a sort of compliment.
"Why do you care?" More sniffles.
"I don't." I'm lying.
"Then why are you still here Santana? To maul me and render me unable to attend classes the following week so you have a reason not to partner up with me?" Her voice was hard as stone and it kind of shocked Santana.
"No." I never wanted to do any of those things. "Berry…" She looked around, making sure they were alone. "I'll…I'll perform with you."
There a brief pause from the sobbing on the other side of the stall and Santana panicked. "J-Just, you know… You have an awesome voice and I wants to get my breadsticks."
Rachel blushed furiously. It was the first time she ever received a compliment from the Latina and it felt so sincere too.
"A-And… Maybe it would be nice to sing with you." God! Mouth filter, why aren't you working properly today?
The stall door was opened unexpectedly and Santana almost fell inside as she was leaning on it. She now got a good look of the brunette standing in the middle of the rather spacious stall. Her eyes were puffy and her hair a slight mess.
"I'm sorry." It fell out of Santana's lips even before she could stop it, she didn't even know she's said it until the brunette gasped.
"I-Is this some kind of trick?" Rachel asked defensively, playing with the hem of her skirt.
"No." Again mouth filter? You disappoint me. "I won't do that."
"H-How can I trust you?" Rachel arched her eyebrow questioningly.
Santana's heart fluttered. Why is she so damn adorable? No. This is wrong. I can't. I shouldn't.
"See. You don't even answer."
Why does her lips look so kissable? God, no. I can't do this. I shouldn't do this! I've worked so hard up to now. I can't just lose that.
Even with those words in her mind, she leaned forward, grabbed the unsuspecting girl's waist and pulled her closed, closing the space between their lips. Rachel's eyes were as wide as saucers at the other girl's action but she couldn't deny that it felt so good.
Body! Why am I doing this? God, her lips feel so good. So damn tasty. They taste like cherry. "Rachel." She moaned into said girl's lips. Then at that moment, Santana's eyes snapped open. She realized what she's doing and what she'd given up. Hesitantly, she pushed Rachel away, letting her hand rest on her shoulder a second longer than necessary.
"Sa-" Rachel began to say but she was cut off when Santana pinned her to the wall of the stall. The Latina's eyes were fiery and not of the passion in her lips mere moments ago.
"This doesn't get out Berry. I'll sing a song with you but this doesn't get out. Understand?"
Rachel nodded almost robotically.
"And… I'm sorry…" Santana looked down. "…You know, for kissing you."
"Why did you do it?"
Santana involuntarily gulped. Mouth filter. Please work! "Because… Everything I said… I never meant it." Good job, mouth filter. "I don't hate you, Rachel." Shit! I called her Rachel! "I never did. I never wanted to hurt you. I never have." Oh god. I need to stop now. Please mouth, stop talking… Thank you.
Rachel's eyes welled up but she still closed her eyes and looked like she was preparing for something.
"Where's the punch line?"
Santana was taken back. "There's nothing."
Rachel laughed hoarsely. "You actually expect me to believe that. I have a guess that there are two Cheerios armed with ice cold slushies out there for me the moment I go out."
Santana choked back her words and only managed to say, "No."
"After all those years of torturing, all those insults, both emotionally and physically… You mean to say you never wanted to hurt me. I laugh at the irony of it all."
"Then… Allow me to prove myself. Put a little trust in me and let's meet up tomorrow, your house or my house. It's your pick. And we look for a song for the assignment." Santana didn't know where all this was coming from. Ten years and she's told herself she would never say these words to Rachel Berry. Ten years since she kept silent of her wish to be friends with the brunette. Ten years since I've kept my feelings trapped.
Another gasp echoed around the tiled walls of the rest room and Santana realize that she spoke the last part out loud. Actually no, she spoke all of it out loud.
"W-What do you mean by that?" Rachel asked.
Santana closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Now or never. "What I mean is that… I'm asking you on a date for tomorrow. And maybe we can deal with all of this then. A school restroom is not my planned scene, you know."
She opened her eyes and saw that Rachel wasn't in front of her anymore. The girl was making her way to the mirror to fix her looks. "Can you be at my house by noon?" Rachel smiled at Santana through the mirror.
Santana couldn't help the smile playfully tugging on her lips. "Noon sounds good."
Everyone from glee club was about to pack up when the two returned. Everyone's eyes were on them but most of all, on Santana's arm on Rachel's back as if to support her.
"I think I'll go through with this assignment Mr. Schue." Santana announced.
This roused up more incredulous looks from the glee clubbers. Quinn's eyes narrowed again and Puck had an ear to ear grin.
"A-Are you sure, Santana?" Mr. Schue asked.
"Yeah. I figured I'd get to win this easier and have my Breadstix on. Also, you did say we might work out our problems through this assignment. Here's our first step."
"O-Okay then." Mr. Schue replied before walking out. The day had been too weird for him.
"So. You two chicas okay now?" Mercedes asked.
"Not quite." Rachel said.
"But we're working things out." Santana followed.
With that, the rest of the glee club gave them another weirded out look.
"Okay, what is up Santana?"
Quinn slammed the Latina's locker door shut after she placed her last book in it.
"What?" Santana feigned innocence.
"Don't play dumb. What trick are you playing?"
"Trick? Nothing." Santana smiled softly. "I'm merely doing what you were too cowardly to do."
"And, pray tell, what's that?"
"Stand up for what you truly feel."
Santana gave the speechless blonde one last look before making her way to the brunette who was talking with Finn.
"So are we still going tomorrow?"
Rachel closed her locker door before turning to face Finn. Somehow the thought of her wanting to get back with him less than an hour ago seemed foolish. Obviously, he doesn't listen.
"Sadly, no, as Santana has agreed to participate in the assignment." Rachel answered.
"Ah… Maybe Sunday then?"
Before Rachel could answer, she was cut off by a husky voice.
Finn turned around to be face to face with the Latina.
"I said, she's busy." Santana repeated.
"How would you know?" Finn demanded.
"Because we're going to get practicing to win us that dinner at Breadstix." Santana rolled her eyes as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"I wasn't talking to you. You don't get to rule her life."
"Actually Finn. She's right. You know I take Mr. Schuester's assignments seriously and I don't want to postpone a rehearsal if Santana is actually the one insinuating it." Rachel explained.
"Well. Some other day then."
"Yeah, Finn. How about the day after never?" Santana cut in once more and now Rachel had to stifle a laugh at Finn's irritated look.
Before Finn could reply, Rachel grabbed Santana's arm. "We have to go now Finn. I'll see you on Monday." She called over her shoulder as she walked arm in arm with Santana, who had the brightest smile on her face. Students gawked at them but they just ignored it. Both just happy at the new development.
Okay, what's happening with those two? Santana's reaction earlier was surprising but what happened after is even more mind blowing. And what does she mean by doing something I'm too cowardly to do? Is it being friends with Manha – Rachel? I was the one who first befriended her. I wasn't the one who called her a freak all those years ago. Heck, she's even the reason I'm not friends with Rachel anymore. So why does she still get her?
Quinn Fabray reached into the back of her locker, where a small picture was safely hidden. She caressed it softly before turning to look at the two girl's direction, her eyes full of spite for the Latina.
I was the one who was there for her first. Not her. Not Santana. It was me. It was me Rach, right? We promised, right? And just like that, memories of that tragic day begin flooding back up her mind.
"Why were you so mean earlier, Santana?" demanded seven year old Quinn.
"About that freak? Of course I did that. Did you want your father to see you befriending someone like her?" seven year old Santana asked as she stopped swinging from the swing in the park.
"Rachel is a nice person. Why would daddy not want to see me with her?" asked Quinn.
Santana smirked slightly. "Because she has two fathers!"
"Two fathers? That's not possible." Quinn said, disbelieving.
"Yes it is and we have proof. She's Jewish too." Santana shook her head. "Now do you see?"
"So what? Rachel is still my friend and I promised her we'll be best friends forever." Quinn huffed.
"Promises are meant to be broken."
"No they aren't. I don't believe that."
"Well… Do you want me to tell on you?" teased Santana.
"Go on. I'm not scared." challenged Quinn.
Santana's smirk only grew. "I bet he won't let you play with that stuffed lamb of yours. I think he's name was Charlie."
Quinn's eyes grew wide. Charlie is her favorite stuffed animal. "He wouldn't."
"Yes he would. My father warned me about that freak so I know." There was a sparkle in Santana's eyes that Quinn's grown to feel afraid at. "Want to try it?"
"W-What should I do?"
"Just don't talk to her. Or make her life miserable for more fun."
"I wouldn't do that to her!"
Even though she said that, she found herself one of the girl who cornered Rachel the next day.
If you don't understand it then here's a summary:
"Rachel and Quinn were friends but Santana told Quinn not to be friends with Rachel because of various reasons whish Quinn believes so she doesn't befriend Rachel anymore and to make it worse, she mimicked Santana at bullying Rachel. Ten years after, Santana slips up in her facade and sorta tells Rachel she likes her. Rachel shows signs of reciprocation too."
This was kinda rushed because it's almost time for me to sleep :P
Santana seems different here, don't you think? Much more emotional...
I might need a betareader or something but I don't know how that works...