|The pen is mightier than the sword: The Evil Gods
Author: BookObsesserNumberOne PM
I comment on the Prayer Warriors series, chapter by chapter. If you are a fan of My immortal commentaries, and despise Tomas Brown, read on.Rated: Fiction T - English - Parody/Fantasy - Chapters: 18 - Words: 17,498 - Reviews: 40 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 10-21-11 - Published: 09-28-11 - Status: Complete - id: 7420125
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Well, since I am a lazy person who can't be bothered to write something original, I am starting what I believe to be the beginning of a long fanfic (or possibly fanfics, if he holds on long enough) of commentary, parody, and cynicism. Of course, this idea could never get off the ground without Tomas Brown, but now that he has returned I intend to mock him since I am too lazy to answer all of his posts. I have also censored this into a T rating and cut out the Bible verses for length.
Believer in Christ: Hello Jesus! (Um, if I met Jesus, I would be burning up. I guess you're special.)
Jesus: Hello my son.(Wouldn't that be my brother?)
Believer in Christ: Am I saved by writing this story.(Some babies were dropped. You were obviously thrown at a wall.)
Jesus: Yes my son.(Because it's that easy.)
Believer in Christ: Good. Now should I go hunt down those Satanists.(Just to get this out of the way, fictional characters.)
Jesus: Yes my son.(Yeah, sure little bro, go kill some fictional characters, fine by me.)
Disclaimer: I do not own the Bible, God does. I will not feel sorry for using Percy Jackson as it is evil and should not have a disclaimer.(I have Mr. Riordan's lawyers on line one.)
Being Together (In) The Army
I am Jerry and I am a prayer warrior. I am a servent of the lord and will do anything to get rid of evil Gods. Lately the Satanic leader Percy Jackson has taken over much of the land, along with his Satanic Army and his girlfriend whore. She has sex with other people just to get Satanic money.(First of all, Annabeth is a virgin. Secondly, how is money Satanic?)
That means that I have to get an army together of Christians, so that we can defeat the servents of Satan, and defeat his evil puppets, the false greek gods, who are in fact a lie created by Satan to poison people`s mind.(That's a nice philosophy. They exist but they don't exist.)
"Hello my fellow Christian" I told Mary, who is named after Jesus`s Mother. I and her are not dating, if you Satanic scum think that there is something Satanic going on.(In two seconds...) We are dating(just that fast, eh?), but we are not having sex until we get married(You just started dating, way too soon to make love in most western circles anyway. No points there, hotshot.). But because we are 15, it means that it is going to be while before we do such a thing.
"Yes Jerry, how are you. Have you been doing the lord`s biddings?" she asked me. I nodded my head and then she took out the bible and we read the first Chapter of Genesis, which is about the the creation of the world. We talk about how God was so good that he was kind to create a great world as we live in.(Then you spend the rest of the fanfic complaining about it.)
Then we discuss about how Satan had poisoned the world by inventing false gods such as Zeus and Venus, who were sex gods, which is against the Ten commandments. (Zeus may have enjoyed the company of mortal women a little too much, but he was a god of the sky. Venus was a goddess of love. Eros, or Cupid, was the god of lust.)
"I need an Army to defeat the evil leader Percy Jackson" I asked her. I wanted an army so that I could defeat this Satanist and his ungodly army. This is America which is a Christian nation(With freedom of religion), so Satanist, athesit, hindu, muslims, buddhist, and any other non-god fearing people, who worshiped false gods, should not be allowed in this God fearing Nation. We must get rid of them, and make them slaves, if they agree to being a fellow Christian(Yeah, that's going to endear them to you. "Become Christian, and you can be a slave!"). Once they truly believe in God and his son, Jesus, then would we release them to bring glory to God and his son. If they still did not believe, we would burn then, just as their fellow Satanist did when they refused to worship our lord Jesus Christ. "I want to bring Glory to God"
"Then I will show you my Christian friends. You will not find a ungodly one among them. There are as clean as you can get them" she told me. She had a her hair tied back so that it would not get in her and not look like a Satanic whore. She also made sure that her skirt did not show any of her legs, or else it would be a sin for a man such as myself to look at it.(I bet she has a bonnet, too. Pioneer clothing ftw.)
And that was when I got message that a follower of the Satanic leader Percy Jackson. He was there to force people in believing in false gods that made their followers get naked and perform Satanic killings (If that was true, the series would lose half of its relatively innocent fans).
So I went down stair to face the false prophet. He was a believer in false nature gods, such as Pan, who is Satan in disguise. He had big Satanic horns, so that everyone that was Christian could tell that he was a Satanist.(And everyone that isn't wouldn't notice the horns.)
"Believe in my god Pan" said the Satyr. "I am Grover and I am servent of Pan and Satan, who are great gods. They are better then God and Jesus"
(M rated Grover death scene cut because A. He shows up again, and B. It's disgusting.)
So we brought glory to God. We killed a sheep so that we can say thanks to God.(You just randomly had a sheep lying around?) Then we went back church and prayed some more. We read the Bible and how Paul convert many people to God. Then Mary`s friends came and we made them members of the Order of the Prayer Warriors.(Order of the Phoenix!)
Believers in Christ: Thank you for read this and I hope you have turn to the glory of God and his eternal son Jesus Christ, the greatest thing to ever happen to this earth. May all that read this be save.
Jesus: You done me well son.
Believer in Christ: Thank you my lord for giving me live and allow me to write this. Amen.(And for making your software safe from Idiosy. Oh wait.)
Well, I hope you have enjoyed this fic. I'm looking forward to Tomas Brown's troll post, and, good or bad, yours. Yes I know I am feeding the troll... but I want him around a good lost time so I can parody all his fics.