|A Different Girl
Author: elitemassacre6 PM
Faye's loved Diana for so long that when she finally gets over her, she isn't sure who she is anymore. Cassie volunteers to be the help she needs to figure it out.Rated: Fiction M - English - Angst/Romance - Cassie B. & Faye C. - Chapters: 6 - Words: 9,412 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 28 - Updated: 10-28-11 - Published: 10-03-11 - id: 7433303
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A Different Girl
Elitemassacre6 aka Britt
Ch 1- A New Life
As she stares into the full length mirror she stands in front of it's her own eyes she tries to peer deeper into. She's always heard that if you want to see into someone's soul you have to look into their eyes. But now Faye understands that you can't really do that to yourself. And that only certain, special, human beings can do that to others. The only person she can always see into is Melissa, and she wishes she couldn't do that. Because the lies hurt so much more when you know the truth.
The brunette looks down to the tiled floor at the shower water collecting into a puddle at her feet. She standing before that mirror naked, trying to recognize herself underneath this other woman that she created to protect her heart. The body, she recognizes. But something seems off. Everything seems off.
It was a year and a few months ago when the change started. She'd found herself in a pridicament she didn't know how to escape from. She was in love with Diana Meade and it had crept up on her over the years and that last year had been the boiling point. Faye was unpredictably lovesick and it was becoming obvious to outside observers. Melissa had started to look at her strangely, asking her what was wrong. She brushed it off. After the group was finished studying on the book and their magic, Diana had pulled Faye aside to talk to her. When the tall brunette askes the question all Faye could do was deny, to say no, you don't know what you're talking about. Because what could she say?
'Yes...yes okay? I'm in love with you Di. And it's making me sick because it's all I can think about...you're all I can think about and I wish it would stop. I just want it to stop. "
Faye wasn't stupid and from the moment she'd known she'd also known there was no chance that she'd ever have Diana. It was something she had accepted and had to accept again everyday. The taller girl gripped her shoulders to stop her pacing and swearing looked her in the eyes. The combination of guilt and pity and sorrow in her eyes made the shorter girl sick to her stomach. Diana simply shook her haid and said 'I'm sorry.'
Faye had shaken her off and yelled for the only person besides her mother and Melissa that she'd ever loved to not touch her, to never touch her again. Her eyebrows up high and her beautiful eyes open wide she cried out.
"Faye wait! Please wait! I'm sorry okay? It's just that...he has me okay? He really has me, and I wouldn't know how to escape if I even wanted to. I'm sorry."
"Why couldn't you all just leave it alone and let me be? I never talked to you about it, I never asked you to love me, because I knew it would never happen. Why couldn't you just let me get over it in my own time?" Her hand was on the door now, and she opened it, ready to leave.
"You...it...it was making Adam uncomfortable. I'm sorr-"
She walked out the door and shut it loudly, cutting the words off and escaping from at least the source of her pain.
As Faye pulled a leather jacket over her shoulders and started doing up the buttons she wondered who she was. It had been so long since she'd been not in love with Diana that she didn't know how to be that person, but she was sure she would get it. She'd been healing for more than a year. And for the last couple months she's started to feel whole again. But when she examined her life she wondered how she let it fall apart so drastically. Her best friend had been lying to for months, and had just within the last month and a half come clean about sleeping Nick. So Faye did the right thing and gave Melissa and Nick what they both wanted. Her mother was constantly lying to her, hiding something the green eyed girl wasn't sure she wanted to know about.
The only thing that had come in her life that was positive was one Cassy Blake. Who garnered the whole towns attention but wanted none of it. She was beautiful, kind, polite, tough. All the things Faye both wished she could be and wanted in someone else. For awhile she'd been caught by the same net Diana had long ago found herself in, but as far and the brunette could tell, she'd either realized that she wasn't the homewrecker type of girl, or had talked to Diana and realized how much the brunette loved the boy who seemed to too easily procure the things Faye wanted.
The brunette stuffed her hands into her pockets and walked towards the chevy cruse the blonde had just pulled up in, slowly sliding into the car and fastening her seatbelt. She looked around the leather-clad car. It smelled pretty new and she turned towards the blonde with her eyebrow raised.
"Rental. Insurance said it's gonna take another week or so for my new car to get out here, so they paid for this. It's okay, I guess, but I kind of love Subarus. They can handle anything...aside from magical car fires. Anyway, what's wrong Faye? Something's bothering you."
"Should I be honest?" Her brow furrowed, she looked over at the blonde.
"Only if you want." Cassie looked back to the road when as they drove down main, looking back over once she was parked.
"I want. Have you ever loved someone so much and for so long that you don't really know who you are when you don't?" They've hopped out of the car now, and are walking towards the coffee shop.
"Not really. I lost my mom, and since I isolate myself from other people so much I didn't have many friends. She was all I had. And then I came here, and there's no one but you really. So I guess in a way, yes. Because I'm this whole other person now. This person with friends and this secret to keep. Why do you think you are now?" They're sitting down now and the brunette dished out a smile because Cassie demanded to pay for both their drinks and food.
"For a really long time, I was in love with this person, and by the time everyone started to realize I was inlove with this person, it was all I knew, all I thought about. So, a year and a while ago, they pulled me aside and told me that they loved someone who they were with already, and that they were so inlove with their person that even if they wanted to get out, they wouldn't know how to. It sounds alot like me, really. Anyway, they said sorry so many times, but it didn't matter. I knew from the beginning I could never have them. But it's been so many years. I was so young in the beginning. I don't know who I am now. This Faye...me and her, we're strangers." Cassie has been staring into her eyes the whole time, and Faye wonders if she's one of those people
"This...person...is Diana." That answered her question.
"Yea. How'd you figure that out, huh?" She watches pale blue eyes as the girl watches her, sipping from her cold tea.
"I figured out it was a girl because you used they and them and non gender specific pronouns. When I thought about it, I couldn't think of anyone you've known for that long that you actually talk to besides Melissa, and you've never looked at her like that. I remembered my conversation with Diana about Adam, and it just fit together. I get it though. And I have an idea." The blonde bit into her croissant and smiled at it's taste, never taking her eyes off the beautiful brown across from her.
"Yea? Shoot." Faye wouldn't mention it if Cassie wouldn't, but the fact that the blonde hadn't made any reaction at all to the fact that she was gay was putting her in a pretty good mood. She took part of her cookie and placed on the girls plate, taking a peice of the croissant and eating it quickly.
"Would you let me help you figure this out? I know Melissa's your best friend, but you're mine. I want to help you figure out who you are and who you want me to be. I...I want to be a part of the life you're figuring out." Cassie isn't really accustomed to putting herself out there like this, but Faye needs her and she needs Faye. She'd do anything for the brunette. She'd tell her if she would just ask. The blonde steals the rest of the fudge cookie from the brunette and hands and orders another croissant for the brunette.
"Yea, Cass. We can do that. How are we gonna do that?"
"Let's go, I wanna show you something." She grabs her tea and finishes the cookie, dragging the brunette out and into the car by her wrist.
(6 hours later)
"We're you going to show this to us?" Faye flips the page, looking down at at the revealed information and then up at Cassie.
"Yea. I just kept remembering the way you talked about Diana because of the book. I didn't want you to resent me like that just over the book. Sorry...that was..."
"No, it's cool. She's ridiculous about the book and the circle. I understand." She closed the book and layed down on the bed next to Cassie. She rose her eyebrow when the blonde turned off the lamp, plunging them into darkness, then saw the stars.
"Just wait a sec." when she did, the starts seemed to move, and all of a sudden they were flying past some of the stars as the ones in front rearranged.
"Yea. I wanted you to see. It freaked me out the first time and the few after that. She cast a spell on them or something but I don't understand. I thought you might, and if you didn't we could figure it out together. We'll do the magic stuff together, and go get coffee or lunch a couple times a week, hang out. Build a life that you like, that feels like it belongs to you." Cassie has pulled up the brunettes hand and is playing with the fingers and then the palm, the wrist.
"That sounds awesome, Cass. Thank's for helping me." When she closes her eyes, she breaths in, smelling lemon and vanilla around her.
"If you get sick of me Faye, just say so. I can take it just like I always have." She's playing with the girls forearm now, squeezing well defined muscles and massaging out knots.
"I won't, Cassie. I kind of like you." There's a lopsided grin on her face when she says it and it causes the blonde to laugh.
"Good. I kind of like you too."
The lamp was still off, and it was almost one am, so Cassie figured sleep was good. She slowly slipped up, earning a grumble from her brunette. grabbing two sets of short and tank sets, she handed one to faye before slipping off all her clothes and throwing her on. When she heard that Faye had down the same, she climbed into the bed, pulling her down too. When her eyes closed, her arm was around the brunette, their legs tangled together, the stars shining above them.
"Night, Cass." The brunette wiggled herself as close as she could get to the blonde before sighing and closing her eyes.
"Goodnight, Faye. Before she dozed off, Cassie wondered if it would be her who in a few years would wonder who she was, because she'd loved someone for so long.
A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed that. This is the first chapter in what is my second Secret Circle fic. Not sure if this one will go one-shot or multi chapter. You guys let me know.