This is it. Longest chapter with 5360 words. or more, i ain't sure.

Naomi's POV

I stare at the scenery outside my window, the trees passes by in a blur as the train trudges on towards its destination. The last week took a heavy toll on me. Emily moved back in her parents' house and decided to shut me out. I couldn't blame her, I guess she doesn't want me hovering over her all the fucking time.

I'm trying to be strong. I force myself off the bed every morning, get dressed, go to work, go home at night then repeat the process again when the sun goes up the next day. I spent most of my nights crying myself to sleep. Alone, cold, lonely. It was all I could do to be able to show up in the office without breaking down in front of everyone.

I miss her so much. So fucking much it's paralyzing.

Effy and Cook are always around when I'm at work, trying to engage me in conversations and asking me to go out with them after work but I can't bring myself to do it. I know they're worried about me but there isn't much they could do to stop me from feeling shit every day.

Emily's what I want. She's what I fucking need.

I play our phone conversation in my head from last night. It was an hour or two after I fell asleep when my bloody phone started ringing. Blindly, I answered it without checking who it was and gave the caller a mouthful. Hearing her voice on the other end, at first I thought something bad happened because of the inconvenient time she called. But once she confirmed there's nothing wrong, I'm back to aching for her.

I was surprised when she asked me to go to London since she left Bristol without pretty much telling me. It left me confused and disoriented. I don't know what to feel. Should I feel excited about this trip?

But what if she asked me to come so she could tell me we're over, that she's breaking up with me? I bit my lip and shook my head, hoping it's not the case.

But if she doesn't want me anymore, what else is there left to do?

What are you going to do about it Naomi?

I don't know.

Nothing.

Fucking nothing.

X

The train arrived in London fifteen minutes after ten. I slink my bag over my right shoulder and drag my small trolley out to the station, its wheels squeaking against the platform. There are a lot of people, rushing to get in and off the trains.

I saw her first. She's beside a pillar waiting for me and I drew a breathe at the sight of her. Amidst the sea of people, her hair always makes her stand out of the crowd. Her fiery red locks I first get a glimpse of at Effy's wedding. It felt like many years ago.

She's wearing a leather jacket over her pink dress, a scarf's around her neck. She turned more beautiful after days of not seeing her. She sees me and waves and I might have looked like a twat just standing there not moving while other passengers knock over me. But I can't bring my feet to move.

"Hi," she said with a smile once she's in front of me. I just look at her.

I missed you.

I watch as she takes a step forward and wraps her arms around me. Suddenly she's very close that I can smell her perfume and the scent of her shampoo.

"Thank you for coming," she whispered and pressed her lips on my cheek.

"Uhm, it's not- I don't- it's no problem," I stuttered and I felt like I went full retard. She broke away from me with a grin and she looks down at my trolley.

"Let me get that," she said reaching for it.

"No it's fine I can carry it myself."

"Come on, it's the least I could do," she insisted and I didn't have much of a choice but to give it to her. She pulls the trolley with her right hand while the other reached over to hold my hand. "Let's go then?" she asked and I only get to nod my head because I can't focus enough to speak. All my senses are zeroing in to the fact that her hand is wrapped around mine.

I didn't speak while we make our way out the station and neither did she. She gives me glimpses though, as if to make sure I'm still there which is ridiculous since she's holding my fucking hand.

I at least have a slight hope flicker in me that Emily holding my hand is probably a sign that she won't break up with me. At least not now with all these people around.

There's a car waiting for us outside with Anna on the driver's seat.

"Hey Naomi, glad you could make it," she says with a wink as I get in the backseat. I was expecting Emily to sit beside Anna in front but she slid in next to me after putting my baggage in the hood of the car.

"I didn't give her much choice really," Emily answered for me.

"You did," I find my voice. "I did want to come."

Emily smiles radiantly and took my hand again, weaving my fingers with hers.

"Where to Ems?" Anna asked after grinning at us, facing the front again.

"Back at the apartment, Naomi can use some rest," Emily answered, moving our hands over her lap and keeping it there.

I spent the ride looking at her. I didn't even fucking tried to hide that I was staring. Emily, as cool as she always is, didn't mind at all that I'm practically undressing her with my eyes. Her thumb traces a circle at the back of my palm and I shudder. She looks at me when I did.

"You alright?"

"Yeah, m'fine."

She smiles and goes back in looking out the window. I caught Anna's eyes at the side view mirror and she smiles and gives me another wink.

Anna drives around the city until she stops in front of a grey bricked building. The street is a cluster of apartments and theirs are on the end of one row. It's two floors high with big windows facing the street.

"I'm going to the gallery to make sure everything's all set for tomorrow," Anna says as she closes the hood of the car after we took my bags out. "I guess I'll see you back here tonight ladies."

"Thanks for the ride," I say.

"No worries Naomi."

Emily opens the front door the same time as Anna honks once before driving off.

"The living room and the kitchen are down here. There are two bedrooms and one bathroom upstairs," Emily says wheeling the trolley inside. She stops and looks at me. "You won't mind if we share one bedroom do you?"

We had sex Em, of course I won't mind.

"Yeah, I don't mind."

Emily showed me our room. There's a queen sized bed in the middle, a closet on the side, a writing desk by the window. There's blue carpet on the floor.

I drop my bag on the bed and walks toward the window. Outside, the sky is getting dark, grey clouds starts shielding the sun and I knew it's gonna rain in the next hour or so. Maybe sooner. I stand there looking at the traffic light turn from green to red before I peel my eyes away from the street. Emily's shedding her leather jacket when I turned around. I leaned my back on the window and crossed my arms in front of me.

"Emily."

She looks up as she slides her scarf off her neck. "Yes?"

"Why did you ask me to come here?"

"Like I said, I wanted to see you."

"Why?"

To break up with me? I need some answer dammit.

She gives me a look and sits on the edge of the bed. "I remembered something."

I uncrossed my arms and dropped my hands to the side, hoping she remembered the good times. "Tell me."

"It was- I brought you to the festival. I think that was our first date. You were wearing a polka dotted blazer."

She remembered something. Does this mean she's not breaking up with me after all?

"What else did you remember?" I urged her.

"Well," she says, hanging her head to the side. "I remember showing up too early and you were still in your bathrobe when I came for you. We rode my moped to get there. We got fake tattoos and I bought you ice cream. Then we rode one of the hot air balloons and we kissed."

I found myself hanging on to her words even if I knew exactly what happened that day.

"And then there's this guy who wanted to seduce you with his balloon."

I grimaced, not remembering that part for one moment and then I realized she's talking about Dylan. "Dylan was… charming," I offered.

"Oh that thing has a name?" she asks, furrowing her eyebrows. "He wasn't charming at all, what are you talking about?"

"I thought he was quite cute," I shrugged.

"No. Stop," she said so gravely that I laughed. Emily frowns at me before joining in. When our laughter died down, she regards me with a serious look. "You know what else happened that day?"

There's still more happened that day but I'm guessing those little things weren't what she meant so I shook my head. "No. What?"

"I fell in love with you."

I did a double take. "What? What did you say?"

She stands up. "I said I fell in love with you." She closes the distance between us until she's too close that she's almost pressing me against the window. "I love you, I'm sorry I forgot."

"Oh my god," I say breathlessly. Is this happening right now? "Say it again," I pleaded.

"I love you Naomi."

Oh god. Oh fucking Christ. I never thought I'd hear her say that ever again.

"You remember…"

"I did."

"I thought you were going to break up with me, that's why I'm here."

She almost looked angry. "No, fuck sake no. I won't do that." She wraps her arms around my waist and pressed her body against me. "Sorry for being a coward and chose to avoid you instead of letting you help me remember."

I blink away the tears. "I missed you so much," I say desperately.

She smiles. "I'm here now."

I kissed her then. The craving of my body made me kiss Emily so hard I'm sure her lips are bruising but I can't make myself slow down, not when I haven't kissed her for so long and not when she's responding with the same vigor. Her hands moved from the small of my back to my hair, bunching them up and tugging it.

I broke our kiss to let her breathe and moved my lips to her neck, kissing it tenderly before I suck on it, hard. Emily lets out a shaky sigh.

"Fuck… I want you now Em." I drew away to look at her, her eyes black and dilated and she's looking at me with so much hunger it felt like my knees are going to give out.

"You can have me," she whispered, as I reach behind her and finding the zipper of her dress. "I'm all yours."

I pull the zipper down and Emily had to break away from me to step out her dress. She stands with only her bra and knickers on and my heart starts to beat out my chest. She comes back and kisses me while her hands pushed my coat off my shoulders. I shrugged it off and help her undo the buttons of my shirt. I smirk at the scowl on her face as she tries to fight with one pesky button that won't come off.

"You're not going to wear anymore button up shirts woman," she grunted as she moves on to the last button.

"I didn't know I'm supposed to undress for you."

The button comes off and she smirks at me victoriously. Using my body, I pushed her backwards. She's forced to sit down once the back of her knees hit the edge of the bed. I stand over her as I remove my shirt. Once I did, she leans over to unbutton my pants, kissing my stomach in the process. I kick my pants away and climb the bed, hovering over her.

We lie on our sides facing each other, taking our time just kissing. Her hand travels over my back, finding my bra straps and undoing it with one swift move. She pushed it aside and palms my breast, making me sigh against her lips.

Emily moves her lips from mine and traveled down my neck. The lightest touch of her lips on my breast sends great amount of shock to my body. She kisses my nipple before enclosing it in her mouth and sucks; my mind spins out of orbit at the sensation.

"…Fuck, Em…" I groaned and she cushions the slight pain I felt with her tongue. My breathing gets erratic as she repeats the process on my other tit. I watch as she takes my right nipple in her mouth, her eyes fluttering up to meet my gaze as she swirls her tongue around it. "Jesus," I gasped, my head hitting the pillow as I drag my fingers over her back.

She leaves a trail of kisses across my torso: on the bridge of my breasts, my stomach, dipping her tongue on my belly button, before she reached my knickers.

I watch with my lip trapped between my teeth, my chest heaving, as she kneels up and slowly slides the last garment over my legs, throwing it on her back as she frees it completely. Her dark eyes roam my whole body as I lie before her, completely naked, until she locks her gaze with mine.

"I love it when you look at me like that," I whispered. She smiles for me, sweet and sexy at the same time, before stretching the length of her body to meet my lips. A whimper escaped me between our kisses when I felt her fingers slide through me. "Emily," I sigh as she finds my clit.

"Yeah babe?" she asks moving her fingers around it.

"Don't stop."

"I fucking won't," she promises, pressing our lips together.

Outside, it started to rain.

X

Emily let out a drawn out moan as I curl my fingers inside her and pressed my tongue on her clit as she rides out her orgasm. It's the third time I made her come and my heart still clenches every time she loses control. Her hips jerk as I run my tongue over the length of her.

"Fucking hell," she says, her voice soar and raspy once she had finally come down and her breathing turns back to normal. I climb back up the bed and rested my head over her chest, my arm circling her waist. "That was- shit, it was amazing. You're amazing," she says and I smile.

"I missed doing that."

"You used to do it a lot?"

"Uh-huh." Her fingers stroke my hair and the sensation plus the sound of rain drumming on the roof are making my eyelids heavy. "Ems?"

"Yes baby?"

I roll my eyes but can't help the grin that followed after. I admit, I do enjoy her calling me like that.

"You never told me that you loved me since our first date. Will you tell me what made you love me? I mean what exactly happened that day that made you realized."

"Let's see," she says, moving her palm up and down my arm that's hugging her waist. "When you agreed to ride on my moped, when I held your hand while we visited those booths, when that guy started to flirt with you and all I wanted to do was bite his head off and spit in the whole, when I kissed you while we were airborne, when we're sitting under the tree eating our sandwiches."

"So which one?"

"What do you mean?"

"Which one of those made you realized?"

"All of them."

"Are you fucking for real?" I raised my head to look at the expression on her face.

"I'm serious. I fell in love with you multiple times that day."

"Oh." I ease my head back to her chest. "That's nice to know," I say nonchalantly but inside, I'm melting into a puddle.

"I fell in love with you multiple times this day."

"Now you're being ridiculous Fitch."

"I'm not being ridiculous. Seeing you in the station and the looks you were giving me alone in the car…" I moved my head and peer at her through my heavy eyelids. "I love you," she says sweetly instead of finishing her sentence, reaching down and kissing my forehead.

I shudder and snuggled closer to her. "I love you too."

Emily reached for the duvet that's been kicked to the floor and laid it over us, the softness of it and her warmth makes me hum appreciatively. Life can't get better than this.

"Say, you still have those blazer and shorts with you?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You'll have to wear it for me again."

"I thought you like me better naked."

"Oh don't get me wrong, naked Naomi is the best Naomi."

I smile and pressed my body closer to her. "I really missed you," I mumbled against her collarbone.

"What's that Naoms?"

"I said," I say clearer and louder. "I really missed you. I missed waking up with you and kissing you and laughing with you and just… being with you. I missed being with you."

She pushed the hair out my face. "I missed you too. When I remember our first date, all I wanted to do was see you again." A big yawn escaped me before I can stop it. "Are you sleepy baby?"

I close my mouth after the drawn out yawn. "Little tired."

"Get some rest and go to sleep yeah?" she says, stroking my hair the way I like it.

I shook my head defiantly and lowered my gaze. "No."

"Why not?"

"Because."

Her hand goes under my chin and lifts my head so I'm looking at her. "What is it?" I only pout at her. "Naomi."

"I don't want to wake up and you won't remember me again."

My biggest fear. Since she told me she loved me again, I can't completely abandon all my worries and be ultimately happy. What if it's only a relapse and she'd be back in not remembering me, worse avoiding me, when I wake up? There's only enough pain I could bear. Especially now that we're lying here as if no memory lost had happened only to be snatched away from me, leaving me cold, alone, and lonely once again.

The grin she was wearing when I was pouting is gone, her eyes softens. "That's not going to happen."

I look down. "You don't know that."

"Naomi, look at me please?" Slowly, I did what she asked. "I'll be right here when you wake up. I promise." To prove her point, she tightens her arms that are currently wrapped around me. "Go to sleep babe, I'm sure you're tired from your trip."

Reluctantly, I give in, burying my face on the crook of her neck and inhaling her scent before I close my eyes.

Emily's hand stroking my hair is the last thing I felt before sleep took me.

X

I woke up from a honk of a car outside. I look at the window and the rain had stopped, the light tells me it's already midday. Then I realized I woke up in the same position as I fell asleep. Emily's still here with me, her arms still wrapped around me and I relaxed. I moved my head to rest it on the pillow to see that she's awake.

"How's your sleep?"

"Best one I had in a long time."

We lie there staring at each other for a stretch of time sharing the silence until I lean over and kiss her. She responds and it gets heated in seconds until my stomach rumbled. Emily giggles against my lips and drew away.

"You hungry babe?"

"Not really," I said dismissively and moved to kiss her again only my stomach churned before I could get to Emily's lips.

"You're obviously hungry. When's the last time you ate?" I give her a dirty smile and open my mouth to share my equally dirty thought when she cut me off. "I didn't mean it like that Naomi."

I close my mouth and frowned before answering her. "I ate a sandwich in the train."

She props herself up. "Let's get you something to eat yeah? There's a coffee shop in the corner."

"No, no, no," I protested as she stands up and started picking up her discarded clothes on the floor. "Come back in bed."

"You need something to eat or you'll pass out."

"Emily," my voice full of whine.

"Naomi," she replies, strapping her bra back to place. I lie down and crossed my arms in front of me as she goes around putting her clothes back on. She collects my clothes and sat at the edge of the bed. "Come on, we go out, you eat, and then we'll come back immediately."

I knew she won't stop until I've eaten something so with a loud sigh, I uncrossed my arms and took my clothes from her, putting them on as she goes to the bathroom to freshen up.

Fifteen minutes later we stand outside the apartment. The air's cold from the rain and I found myself already missing the warmth of the bed upstairs.

"Come on love," Emily says, holding her hand up to me.

The coffee shop is two streets from the apartment. We had to stop one time for Emily to gush about the blonde baby nesting her head on her mother's shoulder. "She looks like you!" Emily gushes after the mother left but not without letting Emily lightly pinch the baby's cheek first.

"No she doesn't," I say stubbornly, looking at the blue-eyed baby disappear in the corner. Babies look very small and fragile, how do mothers able to raise them to become adults without squishing them or hurting them one way or the other? I made a mental note to ask Gina how was she able to do it.

"I'll want a baby," Emily says as we started walking again.

"What?" I say, half listening to what she was saying before because I'm still busy figuring things out with how babies survive.

"Yeah, I mean why not? I like to have a baby someday." She looks at me, her eyes twinkles at the idea. "What do you think?"

"I- well, I thought about it," I say, finding the whole conversation surreal. This morning I thought she's going to break up with me but now we're talking about having a fucking baby.

We arrived at the coffee shop, the place half- full. I ordered muesli and coffee and sat there eating while Emily looks at me grinning like a loon.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

"I'd give everything to have a baby that looks like you."

"Are we still on about that?" I say, sipping at my coffee. "It's not like you can get me pregnant babe."

"But I definitely love trying."

I choke on my coffee. "Jesus Christ Em," I coughed, grabbing a napkin to dab my mouth with.

"Naomi."

"What?" I say wiping a coffee stain off my shirt that spilt during my coughing fit.

"After the exhibit, I was planning in taking a month or two off."

My hand stilled and looked up at her. "What for?"

"Go on a holiday, visit some countries I always wanted to see."

I ball the napkin with my fist. "Is this why you asked me to come here, to tell me you're leaving? You tell me you love me again and then fuck off for a month or two?" I'm angry. I'm angry at the driver of the van who was the reason of Emily's accident, I'm angry at Emily but most of all I'm angry at myself for letting hope fill me up. "This isn't fair," I say weakly, feeling the tears threatening to fall. "It's fucking unfair."

"Naomi, I didn't mean it like that," Emily says hurriedly but I'm done talking. I stand up and left, Emily grabbed my hand but I shake it off. "Fucking- Naomi! Stop will you?"

I get out the café and started running. I run and run and didn't look back until I couldn't hear Emily's voice trailing behind me, until I couldn't run any more. When I stopped, it feels like I'm drowning, my lungs deprived of oxygen, and my side hurts. I hold onto a wall while I cough and splutter, then inhaling large breathes of air. I feel like puking and crying. I feel like punching someone, no myself, because I brought this all to myself. I didn't cry though, I fucking won't shed another tear anymore.

When I can breathe properly again, I started to walk, more leisurely this time, just so I can do something while chaos whirls around my mind. She's going to leave. What for? Is this her way of confronting the problem? No, it's her way of escaping it. Is she going to leave because of me? But she remembered. She remembered what I really am to her, that she loved me. Isn't that enough reason for her to stay? Apparently not.

Suddenly, the blissful happiness I was experiencing not more than an hour ago and the blinding fury I felt when I left the café is gone, substituted by emptiness. Hollow, I feel hollow and numb. It's like I could get hit by a car and I won't even feel it. I look up to the busy street in front of me, in a split second I wanted to throw myself in front the speeding double decked red bus about to pass by. But I hesitated, thinking about my mum and dad, and Cook and Effy and her unborn baby, and how I will be cool Aunt Naomi. Then the opportunity is gone and the bus had passed me.

I shook my head helplessly, not believing I could be dead right now if I didn't hesitate. My shoulders sag when I realized that all my running was pretty much fucking useless because I don't have any money with me, my purse and all my things are back in the apartment. How am I supposed to fucking go back to Bristol now? I laughed maniacally when I felt water droplets on my head and shoulders, the rain starting again. Why don't lightning strikes me right now and be over it?

Disappointed with myself, I walked back to the apartment, or at least where I thought the apartment is. It took me fifteen minutes to see the café again and by that time, the rain's pouring really hard that I'm soaked down to my bones and shivering. It took me another five minutes to arrive at the front door of the apartment.

I open the door and walked inside, water dripping from my clothes to the floor. "Ems, is that you? Have you found her?" comes Anna's voice from the kitchen. Seconds later, she appears in the living room. "Naomi! Christ, you're all wet."

"Where's Emily?" I asked dismissing the fact that water's pooling around me.

"She went looking for you. Where have you been? You need to get out of those clothes."

"I'm going to change and leave," I simply say and walked towards the stairs.

"Why are you leaving?" I didn't answer and climbed the steps. "Shouldn't you at least wait for Emily first?" she calls out but I ignore her, opening the door the bathroom on the hallway and locking it.

I slowly peel off my wet clothes, glad of ridding the cold texture on my skin and stood under the shower head while hot water cascaded down my body. I didn't know how long I was just standing there but long enough for the hot water to run out and my skin starts to wrinkle. I step out, still shivering, although not from the cold, and grabbed a bathrobe from the cupboard. My hair hangs loose on my shoulder, bids of water dropping from its ends.

I get in the bedroom and found Emily sitting on the bed. She looks at me with worry but I just stare blankly at her before proceeding to my bag to get some clothes.

"Where have you been, I've been looking everywhere for you."

"Does it matter?" I pluck out a grey shirt and a skirt.

"Anna said you arrived soaking from the rain and you're going back to Bristol?"

"Again, does it fucking matter?"

"Naomi…"

"What Emily? Do you have anything else to say that will crush my fucking heart again?" I wheel around and look at her helplessly. "Please Em, I'm barely hanging on."

Emily shook her head. "Naomi please just listen to me. It's not what you think it is."

"What then?" I say weakly. She takes a step forward but I shook my head. "No. Stay there."

She retrieved her step. "I wanted to go to holiday because I need a break and I thought it would be a good way to clear my head."

"Why did you have to tell me this after everything? After getting my hopes up, after you tell me you love me and made love to me and then you tell me you're leaving? Don't you think that's a bit fucking cruel?" I try not to show my emotions but my voice is cracking and I knew my disappointment is shown all over my face.

"You didn't let me finish what I was going to say. I told you about it because I want you to come with me." I jerk my head back. I swallow and my eyes roam her face looking for a trace of lie in there. "Please come with me." She takes a tentative step forward. When I didn't stop her, she takes another, and another until she's in front of me. "Sorry for making you think I'm leaving you. I never meant that to happen."

"Why do you want to go?"

"Because I want to remember every bit of you from you. I don't want to know about it from other people and I thought the trip would be perfect, only if I'll be able to convince you to come with me."

"Will you still leave if I refused?"

"Are you refusing?" she asked, sad and disappointed.

I bit my lip. "No."

She smiles broadly and threw her arms around my neck while I wrap my arms around her waist. "I'm sorry, I'm really really sorry," she repeatedly says while her arms tighten more around me. "I love you so much babe."

"It's okay," I say, my hand sneaking under her shirt to stroke her smooth skin. "I love you too Em. I'm so in love with you."

Emily loosens the grip of her arms around my neck so she could kiss me. I kissed her back and my both my hands are now under her shirt, finding her bra strap and undoing it.

"So does this mean you're not going back to Bristol?" she asks breathlessly before she takes her shirt and bra off in one swift move.

"Oh I'm not going anywhere," I reply lifting her off her feet and bringing her to the bed where I proceeded to make love to her until I'm sure she knows how much I'm desperately in love with her, that I'm willing to leave everything just to be with her.

The End

After some intense debate with myself, I decided to conclude Shutter with this chapter (I may or may not write an epilogue though but I'm still thinking about it). I just want to thank everyone who had read this. I'm really really grateful guys, you've been very great. I enjoyed writing this as much as reading your reviews. It was all been worth it.

Jesus, do people normally get emotional when their fic is finished?

I have another story titled Underneath It All, so I guess I'll see you guys over there. :']