After reading Shounen Onmyouji novel 9 and reading the translation of the Drama CD, I am now convinced that the next few novels are going to be angst-filled and painful to read (though not in a bad way). That being said, I wanted to get this out of the way before I start bawling my eyes out at the unfairness of Masahiro's life and Touda's cruelty.

For those of you who have no idea what the fudge happens after the anime, the basic summary is this: Touda loses his memory, and Masahiro loses the ability to see the Shinshou (with the exception of Touda's mononoke form) or any ayakashi at all. Genbu, Tai'in, Kochin and Rikugou are up in the mountains protecting him while he recovers, and the entire time Touda's being an ass, questioning the powers of "Seimei's Grandson" and calling him weak. It's breaking Masahiro's heart and killing him bit by bit. There's more, but I'm not gonna spoil it. GO READ THE DAMN BOOKS. Or listen to the drama cd (or if you don't speak/understand Japanese, go find a translation and read THAT).

The bit at the beginning is from the Drama CD summary.

Disclaimer: I do not own, for if I did, things would be much happier in the Abe household.

Summary: It would take Touda thirteen years to realize that there was something, or someone, missing.

Missing

"What's wrong, Masahiro?"

Masahiro took a deep gasping breath of air, trying to stop his eyes from stinging and his heart from hurting. "There's…something I've wanted to ask. Touda….the Touda of now and then, why is he so different?"

Kochin's gaze seemed far off, and for a long moment she did not reply. When she finally spoke, her voice was soft, but she did not look at Masahiro.

"The reason…is that he met someone who trusted him. Before then, he was just as strong, and more stubborn then Seiryuu, and more standoffish than Rikugou."

Masahiro looked at his hands. "That's…the only Touda everyone seems to know…"

Kochin nodded. "Yeah. Even back when he became Seimei's shikigami, it was the same then, too. He's changed, though. But it wasn't through Seimei's new name that this occurred."

"Thirteen years ago," Kochin continued, "a baby was born. That's the reason Touda changed."

Masahiro looked up sharply, feeling a lump starting up in his throat again. "A baby?"

"That's right. That baby was you. You changed him, through thirteen years worth of passing."

"Thirteen years…"

"Don't give up…don't lose…Seimei's grandson!"

"Then, if thirteen years were to pass…if the same number of years were to pass…will Touda look at me again? Will he call my name like before?"

Kochin nodded sagely, this time looking directly at the heir. "That's right."

Thirteen years.

Thirteen long, arduous years had passed by without the ability of sight. It had been hard, but Masahiro had managed thanks to Genbu's help. Genbu and Tai'in had agreed to be his eyes, and help point him towards ayakashi each night when they went out.

Seimei was still alive and well, although his skin was now a bit paler, and his eyes were sunk a bit deeper. But they still twinkled with mischief, and he still did things that made his grandson angry at him.

Touda was still distant, and still a bit cold towards Masahiro. He taunted the boy about the fact that he needed another's help to see, and point-blank called him "Seimei's ultimate failure." That little incident caused Kochin to go off on him, and Seimei intervened before too much blood could be shed.

"He's not worthy of the title! He's weak!" Touda barked in his mononoke form, baring his teeth at the boy in question. Masahiro, used to such words, merely sighed heavily and turned away. The last battle had drained him, and he wasn't up to dealing with this much drama right now. But Touda hadn't stopped there. The next morning he'd dropped from the ceiling onto Masahiro's head. Masahiro, unused to the sudden weight, found himself falling face-first onto the cold wooden floor. Touda pinned him to the ground, flattened his ears, bared his teeth and hissed in the boy's ear, "You are an absolute weakling. You won't ever be good for anything, except target practice, Seimei's grandson!"

And at that moment something rose up inside Masahiro, something that had been buried for the past thirteen years, since that fateful day "Guren" had ceased to exist. He was tired of having to lie down and take Touda's words because Guren was no longer there. He was tired of being told he wasn't good enough, that he was weak, and he was especially tired of being called Seimei's grandson.

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!" Masahiro bellowed, throwing Touda off of his head with all the strength in his body. Touda leapt forward, twisting in mid-air and landing on the rail. Hackles raised, a rumble growing in his throat, he faced down a now-pissed Masahiro.

"My name is Abe no Masahiro! I won't tolerate such disrespect from a mononoke like you!"

"How dare you, insolent brat? I am no mere mononoke! Don't you know who I am?"

"I know who you are, Guren! The question is whether or not you do!"

"Stop speaking such nonsense! And stop using that name!" Touda snarled.

"I won't! Guren, Guren, Guren, Guren, GUREN!" He shouted the last word with all the force in his body, as though expelling a great evil from himself.

The last word echoed all around the house, and suddenly things seemed quieter than before. Masahiro stood panting, waiting for Touda to strike back with something.

But there was nothing. Touda stood there, hackles no longer raised, eyes glazed over. His brows furrowed, and he seemed disturbed by something.

"Who…? Who…is that?" he whispered. The mononoke shook his head, as though trying to clear something, then turned and sprinted away.

"Guren!" Masahiro started to follow.

"Let him go." Kochin's voice drifted to him from the rooftop. "You've started the chain reaction of his old memories. Let him go."

"What? But I thought the memories were erased?"

"Not erased, just stored away. Your words were the key to the door that holds his old memories as Guren."

"Are you saying…that my Guren still exists?"

Kochin nodded. "And judging by the look on Touda's face, I'd say he's started to remember you. Quite vividly in fact." She sighed. "It won't be easy. He'll remember trying to kill you. Seimei was bad enough, but you too…" She shook her head. "It's going to be tough for him."

Touda paced the ground beside the lake restlessly, his heart pounding. The brat's screaming had brought something back, made him feel something inside that he had never felt towards anyone before. It was as though something inside of him was trying to claw out, and he kept hearing a voice in his head telling him to protect Masahiro. Why? Why was this happening? What was going on?

He shook his head again, growling when the feeling only intensified. Images flashed through his mind, almost all of them of that boy, that idiot…

"Masahiro! Don't do it! Masahiro!"

He gasped, drawing up short as the full memory came out.

Demons. They were everywhere, and Kyuuki had Masahiro trapped. Even as Masahiro began to chant the spell for the thunder god, Guren knew that it wouldn't be enough. They were in over their heads here, and it was getting worst the longer they stayed.

Kyuuki…as in the great demon of the east? When had they…

"By the power of Kifune, strike this demon down!" Masahiro yelled, plunging the sword deep into Kyuuki's breast. Guren watched as the light began to envelope both boy and demon, and for a moment he feared that Masahiro wouldn't be able to withstand the power…

"Ma…sa…hiro?"

"Guren?"

The soft voice came from behind him. Still enveloped in memories as they came forward one after the other, Guren didn't respond right away.

"Mokkun?"

"My name's not Mokkun, Seimei's grandson!"

"Don't call me grandson!" A gentle smile. " You're Mokkun, when you're in this form!"

Gentle hands picked him up and cradled him to a warm body…

"You're so warm, Mokkun."

As the visions began to move faster, and more of the darkness came out, Mokkun began to struggle in Masahiro's arms. He didn't want to be near this boy, not after…

"G-g…uren…" Masahiro's body fell forward, blood trickling from the seam of his mouth. Picking him up, Guren threw the body towards the other Shinshou. Tai'in screamed as he fell, sending a blast of air towards Guren. He dodged back, and Rikugou caught Masahiro in his arms, face pale.

"What have I done?" Mokkun whispered, eyes widening.

"Mokkun? Look, it's okay, it wasn't your fault-"

"What have I done? I'm a monster! Get away from me!" Transforming, he vanished from Masahiro's sight, shoving the boy back as he gazed at his hands in horror. Dear gods above…he had…almost…oh gods.

"Get away," he whispered, backing away from Masahiro. He couldn't be near the boy. Not after what he'd done. Turning, he ran away.

"Guren, wait! Damn, I can't see!"

"There he goes again, running away as always. You'd think being the master of hell's flames would actually incite him to fight his problems head on." Kochin's voice came from beside him. Masahiro looked up, but could still see nothing.

"Kochin, did you see which way he went?"

"Yes."

"Can you guide me to him? I need to talk to him."

Kochin smiled. Even at twenty-seven years of age, Masahiro was still such a child. Stubborn and refused to back down, no matter what. She wrapped her hand around his arm and pulled him to his feet, then tugged him towards Kifune Mountain, where Touda had headed.

"C'mon then. Let's go see if we can't get Guren back."

A.N. – I may or may not post a second chapter to this, and I may or may not extend it. For right now I feel its fine, although like I said I may want to change some things later. You can make up your own scenario of what happens after.