Author: DemonColours PM
MAJOR SPOILERS FOR IF I DIE. Nash expresses his point of view on the whole thing in this one shot. Hurt, betrayal, guilt: he can't escape what he feels for Kaylee. Soul Screamers c Rachel Vincent, one shot c me. R&R is appreciated, but make sure to enjoy!Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Tragedy - Words: 713 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Published: 10-16-11 - Status: Complete - id: 7468418
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
I can't let it go. I can't forget what I did. I can't make you forgive me because I know I don't deserve it.
But it hurts me to see you with him. I asked what was going on between you and you said there was nothing. And I believed you.
You turned against me. You were what I had wanted - no, desperately needed - and you left me for someone else. Someone I also thought I could trust.
I can't let this go, not now that your life is suddenly so short, and everything is so messed up. I want to make things better. I want to go back and change the past before it could affect the future.
You don't see it, do you? The way he looks at you. Everyone can see what he wants but you. That's kind of ironic, isn't it?
All this turmoil, all this pain. It's crashing down with such a weight I can't stand against it. I don't know what to do.
She is there, but she is merely an obstacle. I don't want her.
I want you.
But you don't want me, anymore. You want him.
I know it. He knows it. You know it. But why?
I am not good enough? Are you still bent on holding a grudge? Everything was so good; so back to normal. But then you started spending more time with him than with me, and every time you abandoned me for him you always came back with him at your side, a smile on your face! How does he do it? Why does smiling come so easy to you when you're with him?
It's because he's pure, right? Not like me, the tainted, broken, insane addict that you once loved. No, other than the looming fact that he's dead, he's perfect. Funny, charming, happy, always there for you when I was unavailable...
I'm sorry, ok? I'm sorry that that hellion got the better of me. I'm sorry I couldn't help you, and ended up hurting you instead. I wish I could take it back and start anew.
But you already did.
With him, not me.
You two laugh together, talk together, crack jokes and go anywhere and everywhere together. There are times when you just forget me and focus on him instead. He's my replacement, isn't he? A substitute for a happier, shinier, not wasted me. But he isn't me.
As much as you think you love him, he's not what you think. He's death, and he couldn't save you.
We've saved each other. We've been through everything. I put my own life on the line to protect yours when you out playing hero. I went along with whatever you were trying to do just to make sure you didn't get hurt. I stuck by through thick and thin because I thought we had something special.
And when I became addicted and needed you most, where the heck were you?
That's when she came in. She comforted me, and talked to me. I was looking for a distraction, and she gave me more than just one. She saved me this time.
But she's not the one I want.
Before, I asked for a second chance. You gave it to me. But then he came along and you forgot about me completely. I can't take this. I can't let you be together, knowing that the only reason you two know each other is because of me.
He's not what you think. You can't be fooled. He is not me.
Don't trust him like you trusted me. Don't love him like you loved me.
I am afraid of losing you, and my fears have come true.
Both of you...gone in an instant.
What happened? What had it happened? Why had I been a second too late, and only arrived to see the end result?
I want you back more than ever. But I know you won't return to me.
Don't forget about what we used to have, Kaylee Cavanaugh.