|All That You Are
Author: DarknessRising10 PM
Have you ever thought revealing your true feelings is a sign of weakness? What if time was running out, and that so called weakness is the only strength you have?Rated: Fiction T - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Sunstreaker & Sideswipe - Words: 3,357 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 2 - Published: 10-28-11 - Status: Complete - id: 7502316
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
September 2012: When formatting this story to post on LiveJournal, I spotted mistakes that I could not leave so I have reposted with minor tweaks.
A/N: First attempt at fanfic (published back in October 2011)
The idea for this was born whilst driving and listening to The Goo Goo Dolls song 'All That You Are' for about the millionth time, and as the chorus kicked in, I just had this thought of Sunstreaker relaying these words to Sideswipe. A bit of a random thought when driving, and clearly I had been reading far too much fanfic in my spare time!
Warnings: Nothing for this particular chapter but the spin-off will have mech pairings. As for how far the relationship between the twins actually goes, that is for you to decide, depending on your preference.
Disclaimer: This is a piece of fiction. No harm was intended in the creation of this work. All rights belong to the original creators.
The med bay on the Ark was deathly silent, the only sound being the intermittent beep of machinery monitoring vital signs, telling the medic that there was still life there. What the sound did not give away is that there were two machines beeping, monitoring two lives, sparks beating in unison. The sparks they were monitoring were beating so slow and faint that the astro-seconds between the beeps seemed to stretch for an eternity in the quietness.
The Autobot CMO needed to stretch his tired and aching body after spending joors bent over Sideswipe, working fast to stabilise him on his arrival to the med bay before the extensive repairs could be carried out.
At the same time, First Aid was carrying out the minor physical repairs to Sunstreaker but Ratchet was becoming concerned about him as, as minor as Sunstreakers injuries were, he could not maintain consciousness.
Ratchet had worked as long as he could until there was no more that could be done but wait. The medic had had a short disturbed recharge during the early Earth hours of the morning but now he could no longer recharge, nor could he shake the ache in his limbs or the ache within him. He left the med bay to go out into the cool early morning dawn to help give him a boost and he hoped a little walk would release the ache.
"Damn those wretched twins." He growled to himself as he walked outside. "Will they never learn?"
Sure they were front liners, it was their duty was to go into battle ahead of the other soldiers and he himself had been grateful for their lack of fear in battle as they had saved his aft once or twice. They also did not have a problem with bearing the brunt of an attack either, just so the other Autobots could break through Decepticon lines, but by Primus, occasionally they needed to stop, observe the situation and wait for the tactical intelligence that Prowl had put together. But less than an Earth day ago, they had to go running in without waiting for any instructions from Optimus Prime or either of his SIC's and now they were both in his med bay following an explosion.
Sunstreaker did not sustain any serious injuries but he had been struggling to stay out of stasis. Sideswipe on the other hand had taken the full force of the explosion and lost most of his armour, exposing delicate circuits and his spark chamber.
Both twins had come back from many a battle over the millennia he had known them missing chest armour but as long as the spark chamber was intact and none of their major cables had been severed, they would always be back to hell raising in no time. However, the secondary explosion that went off as Sideswipe got back onto to his pedes had taken advantage of his exposed chest, putting his frame into stasis before he hit the ground.
Ratchet's own frame was now feeling every nano-klik of the time spent working on Sideswipe. His spark chamber had been severely damaged and small shards of metal had to be extracted from his spark and the surrounding chamber. This had been a painstakingly slow and a dangerous process but only then could he begin to repair the damaged chamber and circuits.
The spark beat had been barely detectable and this was the reason that Sunstreaker had been falling in and out of stasis himself. The bond that the twins shared was unique and Ratchet knew that although Sunstreaker was a picture of health compared to his twin, he was fighting to save both of their lives.
"Fragging, slagging, glitches!" He growled again as his tried to clench the tension out of his servos. "Well they've got their death wish now!"
The twins drove him up the wall. Sideswipe with his over enthusiasm married with Sunstreaker's bouts of dark moods, was a handful enough. Then there was the constant stream of pranks and although Ratchet was always threatening each repair would be the last that he would do for them, as the next time they could just 'slagging rust in Unicron', he would never admit out loud how distraught he would be if they were ever deactivated.
For now though, although Sideswipe still required extensive repairs, he was stable, they were both stable.
Back in the med bay blue optics flickered online and as they tried to adjust to the darkness, they flickered from the darkest blue hue to their usual cobalt and back again. Sunstreakers confusion of where he might be, along with the uncomfortable sensation in his chest, kept his optics unfocused and dark.
He stared at the ceiling and he knew that he was not in his quarters, had he been captured by Decepticons!? For a nano-klik panic started to rise in him but as he released air through his vents and allowed his processor to take charge, he heard the intermittent beeping of machinery. He knew that sound and as he rested his servo on his chest where it ached, he could feel cables protruding through the slight opening in his chest armour.
"Slag!" He muttered. "What have I done this time?"
As he tried to access his memory banks, he slowly turned his helm and allowed his optics to settle on the lights of a second machine, he had not noticed a second monitor beeping. As his optics finally started to focus, they followed the cables running from the monitor to a crippled frame on the next berth. His processor did not instantly recognise this mech but his spark did, causing his monitor to make irregular beeps as it lurched wildly in his chest whilst a strangled sound escaped his vocaliser, "S…Sides" he croaked, but when he could not say his name loud enough he tried to send a pulse through their bond.
The pulse from Sunstreaker was very weak and there was no response from Sideswipe. Now the ache in his spark chamber became painful and his panic returned as his memory banks finally flashed an image of an explosion, followed by an image of dust settling and finally a vision of the mangled body of his twin settled in his processor.
With this memory his spark beat became erratic, sending his monitor haywire but Sunstreaker ripped the cables out of his chest and as he pulled himself into a sitting position, he pulled the power cable out of the machine in order to stop the off-line whine that came from it once it could no longer detect his spark beat. Managing to lift himself off his berth, he stumbled across the short space between him and Sideswipe but as his spark beat slowed down to mimic that of his twin, he slumped onto the edge of the berth.
After not moving for what seemed an eternity to him, he managed to drag himself up on to the berth and manoeuvre himself so that he could lift Sideswipe's helm into his lap. Leaning against the back of the berth in pain and fatigue, he somehow summoned up all the strength that he had so that he could send a strong enough pulse to his twin.
The pulse was still weak so he held the air in his vents while waiting for a response. Finally he slowly released the air as he was sure he felt the faintest pulse beat back at him, the monitor however did not relay this and kept a continuous slow beep…beep…beep
'What do non-living machines know?' He thought to himself.
The sun had started to rise outside and the morning light filtered through the dark hallway from the doors to the outside that Ratchet had left open. This light crept through the med bay door windows, just barely illuminating Sideswipe's broken frame. Sunstreaker's spark almost stopped as the damage become more visible and his still darkened optics swept over the limp frame, taking everything in.
The spark chamber with welding scars, temporarily repaired cables and circuits and the lack of the beautiful red armour that usually hid Sideswipe's very being. This sight twisted his spark with a ferocious pain. Both of them had lost their chest armour on many occasions but to see next to no armour left to protect the fragile frame, caused a sob to rise in his throat. As he gulped in air through vents to help keep the panic away, he started to stroke Sideswipe's helm, willing him to wake.
"Please don't leave me" he whispered. "I am nothing without you."
Deep down the twins knew that if either one of their sparks were extinguished, the chances of the other surviving were very slim, probably non-existent. Had they been run of the mill twins, two sparks that had happened to have been sparked at the same time, then as painful as it would be, one could survive without the other. But a split spark, one beating source giving life to two separate frames, from what had been experienced when either one of the mechs were only injured, then one twin deactivating could surely only bring deactivation to the other.
This however did not stop Sunstreaker from fearing the prospect of ever being left behind if, Primus forbid, Sideswipe was ever deactivated. He believed that should they be able to survive without each other, Sideswipe could survive without him, but if it were to be the other way around…well that thought was too much for him to contemplate.
Generally, Sunstreaker had a lot to say on certain matters and never held back on his vocals when something irked him but he was a mech of very few words at other times, especially when it came to his feelings for his twin. Their relationship went much deeper than anyone could ever imagine and although he knew that Sideswipe always knew deep down he loved him, as he sat there praying and willing his twin to come out of stasis, he realised that what he gave was not enough.
He continued to stroke the helm in his lap and as tears silently slid down his face, he accessed one of his storage files and started to flick through data contained within until he found what he was looking for.
Only audible to him, the opening bars of a song started. Sunstreaker had never particularly paid much attention to Earth music, that was Jazz and Blasters domain and they had been instilling this vibe for music into Sideswipe, who in turn was pushing Sunstreaker to get into the 'groove'.
His mouth tried to smile as he remembered Sideswipe once draping his arms over his shoulders during a rec break.
"Sunny" he crooned, "Jazz says there's a song out there for every moment and music is the best way to express yourself!" Then with a smirk, Sideswipe had dragged his twin to the computer console in the rec room and demanded he flick through Earths World Wide Web and listen.
Sunstreaker had rolled his optics and humoured him but, unbeknownst to Sideswipe, sometime later Sunstreaker had come across a few songs that he chose to upload to his file banks, songs that made him think and feel and as the intro of one particular song kicked in, Sunstreaker used what energy he could muster to transfer the sound of the song across their bond, hoping that his beloved Sides could hear.
'And I feel, all the faint morning light, filled with hope 'cause you're here in my life...'
As the morning light slowly moved across the floor of the med bay, Sunstreaker filled his faintly beating spark with the hope that Sideswipe was still fighting to be with him.
'...and we've gone, from the edge of our souls, made it back to a place we call home...'
The twins had lived through many experiences over the millennia. Some were good and full of promise but others were spark destroying and filled with violence...horror...anguish. But now living a very different life far from the place they knew as home, even though Sunstreaker was not enamoured with Earth's inhabitants, or the mud, the fact that Sideswipe was here with him, he considered nowhere else to be home.
'...you, see me through, I was alone in the dark and the fear was my truth...'
Sideswipe was the only mech who could calm Sunstreaker down in his darker days. He was also the only mech that saw him at his lowest, when he could not see past the darkness and fear. Violence had coursed through his energon, his optics almost black with murderous intent but Sideswipe had brought him through it. Now he was in control of that fear but occasionally, like times such as this, it came back to haunt him.
'...yeah, all the things that you are, beautifully broken, alive in my heart and know, that you are everything, let your heart sing and tonight, we light up the stars, all that you are...'
As Sideswipe lay broken in his arms Sunstreaker knew, that as weak as it was, life still coursed through his twin. Regardless what that glitched monitor told him, he could feel him in his own spark and it would not be long before that fighting spark would shine bright again, brighter than any star they had seen in all the places they had been.
'...I feel wrong, I'm so human and flawed, I break down even though I'm still strong...'
Sunstreaker believed that he, a big strong mech, was far more superior to the humans. He felt that they were weak and full of flaws, that they hid their true selves from others and everything was an act to disguise what they truly felt, whatever the feeling…but that was just what he had been doing, only showing others how strong he was on the outside, hiding his need to be loved and his real need to love back.
'...and time, will make fools of us all, builds us up and then laughs when we fall. You, pull me through, when I'm alone in the dark and the fear was my truth...'
As long as Sideswipe was there beside him, he knew that no matter what was thrown at him he would survive, he had a reason to survive.
'...yeah, all the things that you are, beautifully broken, alive in my heart, and know that you are everything, let your heart sing and tonight, we light up the stars, all that you are...'
Sideswipe was his everything, his very motive for being...
'...you're the sound of redemption, the faith that I've lost, the answers I'm seeking no matter the cost, you opened the window, now I can see, and you taught me forgiveness by giving your love back to me...'
…and now it was time for Sunstreaker to do the giving, to prove that he was truly worthy of his twins' love. Sideswipe had taught the golden mech how to feel again and he was no longer going to switch off. He was after all, a sentient being, and whilst being cold and unfeeling had served its purpose at the appropriate times, now it was time to be alive.
As the words played on, Sunstreaker found the energy to gently slide the damaged frame further up his body so that he could now cradle Sideswipe's helm in his arms. Gently stroking the exposed spark chamber, he planted a kiss on the dark helm and sent pulses of love and need.
He was so wrapped up in the words of the song and what he was doing, that he had not realised that his spark pulse had become slightly stronger, that the pain in his own spark had ever so slightly dulled, he just continued to send his love over the fragile bond.
'...Oh I feel, all the faint morning light, filled with hope 'cause you're here in my life...'
As the song came to an end, Sunstreaker gave a shaken vent, "Sideswipe, you are my life!"
A pair of azure optics watched through the med bay door windows. All was silent from where they watched but sensors detected the pain and love that emanated from behind those doors. From the corner of the optics that were trained to watch for even the slightest change in vital signs, the small change in the blip on the monitor screen was seen and not daring to move, they continued to watch.
Then they caught sight of what they had been waiting for, what the owner had been praying for, a slight flicker of blue. It was ever so slight but it was there and the azure optics did not move as they willed that flicker of light to come again...
...Sunstreaker continued to stroke Sideswipe's spark chamber and cradle his helm, never taking his optics off the lifeless ones below him. Suddenly his spark pulsated as he saw the faintest flicker of blue. It was only an astro-second but it had happened. He wanted time to stop in that moment but he sent his own pulse to his twin in the hope that he would see that flicker again.
There it was, still faint but a few nano-kliks longer and this time it was accompanied by a surge in the monitors beep. Sunstreaker felt it but he continued with the soothing strokes, afraid that if he stopped he would stop what was happening. He did not care how long it took, he would not move and he would be the first thing his twin would see...
...the secretly watching optics saw the second blue flicker and slowly, a cherry red servo moved up and touched against glass in a white chest plate over a beating spark, the ache that plagued it earlier was still there but behind it a familiar feeling pulsated. The white and red frame relaxed as air was dispelled from vents in relief and although the desire to walk into the room was overwhelming, the mech knew that he could not disturb them for there was no room in this moment for anyone other than the twins.
Finally Ratchet switched his optics off for a nano-klick in order to clear his processor. Moving his frame away from the door, a slight smirk curled on his mouth and he walked up the hallway to inform the others that the terror of the twins would haunt the Ark once more.
A/N: So there it is. I can finally breathe!
Writing Sunny's feelings/thoughts/memories in response to the lyrics was harder than I thought it would be, and I really struggled with that 5th section of the song regarding human flaws, I must have written that bit a dozen times and I hope that it isn't too corny.
There is now a spin off from this story which is told from Ratchets POV…Mending Broken Sparks.