|Who Do You Think You Are?
Author: DarknessRising10 PM
Sunstreaker left Sideswipe on Earth without a second thought then stellar-cycles later, after Sideswipe has relocated to Cybetron, Sunstreaker returns to him. Is it too late and why did he leave? In the meantime, Bluestreak has been Sideswipe's rock but is that enough for the sniper? Rated M for dark content in later chapters. Various mech pairings. Aug 2012:Writers pen name changeRated: Fiction M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Sideswipe & Sunstreaker - Chapters: 10 - Words: 92,456 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 31 - Updated: 08-27-12 - Published: 11-06-11 - id: 7528470
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N: AUG 2012:
For those who do not already know, I have had a pen name change. I was known as Light Our Darkest Hour but now, as you can see I am writing under the name of DarknessRising10. Sorry for any confusion with your notifications if you are thinking, who the pit is this!?
Chapter reposting: For readers that have been following this already, during the writing of chapter 10, I had a read though of all previous chapters to this to have a recap and I decided I really needed to rewrite the other chapters. It is nothing major, in chapters 1 - 7 just tried to make the writing flow a little better as looking back it seemed slightly stilted and the chapters just seemed really basic compared to the last 3 chapters (and I'm not saying they are any better but I feel just a little better about them). It probably does not help that the earlier chapters are really very short until we hit chapter 8. Chapters 8 & 9 I just made a few minor corrections. The main thing is, if you have already read the first 9 chapters, you will not need to re-read as nothing essential has changed.
Original A/N So, this was only supposed to be a one-shot except the story evolved as I was writing it and suddenly I had to break it into chapters as there was no sign of a natural ending in sight.
The sentiment of the story is inspired by the song Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri and for me, it fits the situation perfectly from Sideswipes perspective. I've added the lyrics below to help set the feeling. The title of the story is taken from one of recurring lines in the song.
In the main, the story is told from the two different POV's of the twins, and I really hope this has worked as it took a lot of constant re-reading of each segment to tie it all together.
Any chapters containing anything onerous will have content warnings. Story content does allude to twincest as well as a three way pairing.
Anyway, enough incessant chatter from me, I've clearly been taking lessons from Bluestreak!
Disclaimer: I do not own the Transformers
Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri – of which I own no rights!
I know I can't take one more step towards you, 'cause all that's waiting is regret…
and don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore? You lost the love I loved the most.
I learned to live, half-alive, and now you want me one more time…
And who do you think you are? Running 'round leaving scars, collecting your jar of hearts, and tearing love apart…
You're gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside your soul, so don't come back for me. Who do you think you are?
I hear you're asking all around, if I am anywhere to be found, but I have grown too strong, to ever fall back in your arms…
I've learned to live, half-alive, and now you want me one more time…
And who do you think you are? Running 'round leaving scars, collecting your jar of hearts, and tearing love apart...
Dear, it took so long just to feel alright. Remember how to put back the light in my eyes…
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed, 'cause you broke all your promises,
and now you're back you don't get to get me back…
And who do you think you are? Running 'round leaving scars, collecting your jar of hearts, and tearing love apart…
Chapter 1: Unexpected Reunion
Astro-Second: Seconds: 1 equiv to 0.498 Earth Seconds
Breem: Minutes: 1 equiv to 8.3 Earth Minutes
Joor: Hours: 1 equiv to 2 Earth Hours
Solar-Cycle: Days: 1 equiv to 1 Earth Day
Deca-Cycle: Weeks: 1 equiv to 3 Earth Weeks
Stellar-Cycle: Years: 1 equiv to 1 Earth Year
Sideswipe wandered down the corridor leading to the rec room of the Autobot base in Iacon. He had transferred from Earth four deca-cycles ago, and had been given a position of command over the front line troops here.
As he continued down the corridor, a few mechs scuttled away, nodding as they passed but not making optic contact. He did notice their behaviour,but thought nothing else of it. It was not that any of these mechs feared or disliked the passing Lieutenant, in fact they held him in high regard but they knew something that he didn't and he was about to find out what.
As he rounded the corner, Bluestreak came out of the rec room, door wings arched high and tense. The young Autobot paused as if to speak but then with a strange expression on his face he nodded his helm and walked away from Sideswipe. This time Sides stopped to turn around and watch the retreating mech, 'now that was strange' he thought to himself.
Not only could one rarely get the sniper to stop talking but they had become inseparable and it was very unlike Blue to not stop to chat to his friend whenever the opportunity arose.
It was Bluestreak who had helped see Sideswipe through a dark time back on Earth and the sniper had remained by his side when Sideswipe's anger at what had happened, hit and the front liner took it out on any mech within his optical vision, Bluestreak included. Then when the anger abated and Sideswipe lost the will to live, Bluestreak's friendship never wavered and thanks to the energetic sharp shooter's patience, Sideswipe came through that time, throwing himself into his duties and eventually earning a new respect from his fellow Autobots. He had even given up on the prank playing too, as it just didn't seem fun any longer!
As Sideswipe watched on in confusion, he saw Mirage walk down the corridor towards them only for Bluestreak to put a hand on his arm to stop him and quietly speak. Mirage looked up at Sideswipe stood at the opposite end of the corridor and with the same strange expression Sideswipe has just seen from Bluestreak, Mirage turned and walked with Bluestreak in the direction from where he had just come from.
Sideswipe stood watching the empty corridor for a breem, not sure what to make of what had just happened. He lifted a servo and rubbed his chest in the spark area, it had started to pulsate quite strongly a few joors ago and now the pulsations were getting stronger. He put it down to the training session he put his front liners through earlier that solar-cycle, it had been quite rigorous and he had taken part and decided that maybe he was in more need of energon than he realised, so he proceeded to enter the rec room.
As he entered the room another strange scene met his optics, a completely empty rec room. There were times when it was quiet but it was never empty and aside from the end of solar-cycle bustle that usually filled the room with socialising mechs, this was usually one of the busiest energon break periods.
Forgetting the feeling in his chest he thought back at the strange scenes in the corridor and realised that all the mechs he passed were carrying numerous energon cubes. Maybe something was preventing the other teams from leaving their duties so they were going to take their energon at their stations and although he noted not even his own troops were here, he was sure that this was the reason for this strange behaviour of the other mechs, so he made his way to the energon dispenser and filled a cube.
The Lieutenant decided that he would take the opportunity to catch up with some TV transmissions from Earth that they managed to hard wire into the rec room media centre and he made his way into the seated area. He realised he wasn't completely alone as he approached the back of a large recliner, when he just saw the very tip of a black helm over the top of it so he cleared his vocaliser as to not startle the mech.
As he stepped forward he saw pair of arms stretch above the top of the chair, followed by legs extending out in front. For an astro-second all his internal processors glitched, causing him to drop his energon cube, shattering it as it hit the floor.
The mysterious mech had been sat in the rec room for the last half a joor waiting, smirking to himself as he watched mech after mech quietly enter the room, fill a number of energon cubes each and glance at him before leaving. Most he did not know but the few he did just glared at him, however all walked back out in silence leaving him to continue his wait.
He was now becoming a bit bored with waiting so he swivelled the recliner that he was sat in so the back was to the rec room, half shuttering his optics in order to take a light recharge. He looked at the screen in front of him in a haze as the pictures of an Earth movie played in front of him, sound now muted.
'Couldn't they have left everything human behind when they returned to Cybertron!' the stranger thought.
He had hated everything about Earth during the time he was forced to stay there and he certainly didn't want any reminders now he was away from there, however he left the movie play in silence as the moving figures on the screen seemed to help lull him into recharge. Not too long after he shuttered his optics he heard a shuffle behind him. He knew that it was not whom he sought but he decided to give them his attention anyway. As he turned to face the mech who stood there, another smirk crossed his lips.
"Bluestreak, it has been a long time"
The optics of the grey and red mech in front of him never left his face. "Not long enough." Was the short reply.
The seated mech raised an optic ridge. "It would seem that someone is…lost for words..." with his elbows on the arm rests, he clasped his servos across his chest in contemplation "…do you not have a warm welcome for an old…friend?"
Bluestreaks door wings bristled at the emphasis at the end of the visitor's sentence, even though once upon a time they had been more than friends he had not thought of this mech as even a friend for a long time and, although he always knew that he was still around, Blue had never stopped hoping that he had crawled under a pile of rubble and off-lined.
At this thought Bluestreaks optics flickered, he always tried to see the good in everyone and he had once been close with the object of his silent wrath, so thinking this ill thought did not sit right in his processor.
Both just continued to stare at each other and when the silence became too much for the smaller mech to handle, through gritted denta he simply stated "You hurt him again and you will have me to deal with!" before turning on his pedes and leaving the rec room.
The recliner swung back around as a chuckle escaped the visitor's vocaliser; he was pleased to see he still had some effect on the little mech. He then re-shuttered his optics and continued his wait. That wait had finally come to an end as his spark danced in his chest detecting that energy, familiar only to him; however he remained still and listened to the movements behind him. Eventually pede steps moved towards the back of the chair and as they stopped, he heard the clearing of a vocaliser.
With that he stretched golden and black arms above his helm and extended his long golden legs in front of him. Receiving the reaction he was after on hearing the smash of an energon cube on the floor, the mech slowly turned the chair around to face the one he had so patiently waited for.
Sideswipe's optics flickered back on but remained a darker shade of their usual cobalt blue as the mech in the chair swung around to face him. Matching cobalt optics stared back and neither mech moved a circuit.
Eventually Sideswipe broke the silence. "Sunstreaker!?" He growled almost in question.
"Sides, it's good to see you!" Sunstreaker replied; the corner of his mouth almost twitching into his signature smirk but now he had seemed to have slightly lost the edge to his self-assuredness.
Okay, so he didn't expect his twin to throw himself at him, not after what he had done but neither did he expect to see the cold expression on the face that he came to see. The only thing that belied what was going on in Sideswipes processor, and spark, was that his optics remained a dark blue, instead of the warmer shade of Sunstreaker's cobalt blue that they usually were.
"Are you not pleased to see me?" Sunstreaker continued, bemused at having had to ask for the second time this joor as to whether or not his presence was a welcome sight!
"Do not call me Sides!" was all he received from Sideswipe and jerking his helm back in confusion and all he could manage in response was "Eh!"
Suddenly Sideswipe turned around and stormed towards the rec room doorway, he was clenching and unclenching his servos in order to try and stop the anger that was building up inside his frame. His spark started to pulsate erratically and he felt that it might break out of its chamber.
Sunstreaker jumped up and ran to stop him from leaving the room, "Sides" he shouted as he grabbed at his arm but lost his grip when his spark pulsated in unison with his twins. The sensation shocked him as it was a feeling he had not experienced in the stellar-cycles he had been away. Yes his spark had always yearned for the one he left behind, as he imagined Sideswipes had yearned for his, and although he no longer felt his twins' emotions, Sideswipe's tight clamp down on his end of the bond ensured that, neither could stop the spark connection.
As Sunstreaker regained his composure, Sideswipe glanced back at him and with a flash in his optics he coldly stated "I said do not call me Sides!" before he promptly left the room.
By the time Sunstreaker collected himself and left to give chase to his twin, Sideswipe was nowhere to be seen and as he wandered down the empty corridors, he came across Bluestreak talking with Optimus Prime.
"Ah, Sunstreaker, I heard that you had arrived" said Optimus. "Now I do not believe our meeting is for another solar-cycle so take this time to reacquaint yourself with the base, after all, apart from the few joors you spent here before you left, it has been over 4 million stellar-cycles since you last saw the place fully."
"I am taking the opportunity to catch up with fellow 'bots" The front liner replied with an edge to his vocaliser, all the time feeling Bluestreak glaring at him.
Optimus could feel the tension between the two mechs and he vented some air. He knew that this would be difficult if Sunstreaker came back but he felt he could not miss out on the opportunity to have one of his greatest, if hot headed, front liners back on the team. Turning to walk back to his office, the Autobot leader commanded. "I suggest that you also take the time to have this out now, as come the next time we meet, I expect this not to be an issue, and that is an order!" He hated to be unsympathetic with his mechs, but he felt that if it wasn't dealt with rapidly that the problem could spiral out of control.
As soon as Optimus Prime was out of audio shot, Sunstreaker hissed at Bluestreak. "Where will I find him?" He now had the mech backed up against a wall.
"What did you do to him?" Blue hissed back, door wings quivering.
Sunstreaker darkened his optics at him but he did not threaten him. Partly out of the memory of their old friendship, and partly as right now, this was the only mech that could help him.
"Nothing" he growled. "He left the room before I could speak to him.'
Bluestreak vented while he tried to process his options. He was faced with a not very happy Sunstreaker, who could snap at any astro-second but on the other servo, if he led him to Sideswipe, would the latter feel betrayed!?
Suddenly Sunny laughed in his face "You still want him for yourself don't you!?"
Bluestreak's expression on his face did not change but the slight flicker of optics gave him away. Sunstreakers face was now so close to the snipers that the smaller mech could feel every little vent from him.
"You've had your time and now it is time to give him back to me and if you are a good little mech, then maybe we will let you tag along like the old days!"
"It…it's not like that." Bluestreak flushed. "We are just friends! I took care of him when he was broken." He flinched as he said that, unsure of the reaction he would get.
"Blue, the three of us were more than just friends before I left, do you really expect me to think that you didn't... comfort him afterwards!"
All of a sudden Bluestreak pushed him away. "He needed a friend nothing more!" He growled deeply. "Something inside him changed when he heard you were not coming back, it was as if a part of him died and I don't think you being back will change that. Some things cannot be repaired but I would not expect you to understand that!" And with that Bluestreak walked away without a backward glance.
Sunstreaker left him to walk away whilst he processed what the younger mech had said, then pushing any thoughts he had about that last statement aside, he decided that he knew where he could find his twin; he just had to find out which quarters were his. As luck would have it, a mech he didn't know wandered into view and putting on his best charm offensive, he approached the stranger.
A breem later he was making his way to the south side of the Autobot base, where all quarters were. Before he returned to Iacon, he knew that Sideswipe was a now an Officer, commanding a team of front liners but he still could not get his helm around this and as he made his way through the corridors, he wondered how it had happened.
Now he stood outside the door to Sideswipes quarters and just as he was going to palm the intercom, the door slid open. He expected to see the crimson torso of the Lieutenant stood in front of him but the doorway was empty. Looking up and down the corridor, he stepped into the room, closing the door behind him.
As Bluestreak stormed away from Sunstreaker, his own anger bubbling inside him, he decided to make his way to Sideswipes quarters. His friend didn't spend a great deal of time there as he found the quietness too much, felt it gave him too much time to process thoughts, but occasionally, when he needed some time alone and to be out of the sight of other mechs, he would retreat there and Bluestreak believed that this would be one of those occasions.
He felt an immense guilt pushing down on his frame, why did he not warn his friend that his twin was on the base!? He had stood by and let him walk into the rec room to face his biggest spark break, alone. Now all he wanted to do was make sure that Sideswipe was okay. He could not bear it if he started to sink into that depression again, just as he did on Earth, or was it something else that worried him?
The words Sunstreaker had said played over and over in his processor, not the ones that implied that he and Sides shared more than friendship, but 'now it's time to give him back to me.'
His spark twisted at that comment as, regardless of what went on between the three mechs prior to Sunstreakers departure, it was a friend Sideswipe needed in the aftermath but that still didn't stop him quietly hoping from afar, and now Sunstreaker was back, Bluestreak knew that there was a chance that Sideswipe would eventually welcome him. After all, it was not as if the bond between the twins could truly be broken.
Before the sniper approached Sideswipes quarters, he was comm-linked by his own commander down in the weapons vault. He considered not answering but when his comm. pinged a second time, he relayed a response and carried on through the corridor to the rear elevator. For now he would just comm. Sideswipe to check he was okay and he would call by later.
As he walked around the corner and out of sight at one end of the corridor, Sunstreaker had entered at the other end.
Sideswipe told Bluestreak over his comm-link not to worry his processor about him, that he was in the training arena putting a group of front liners through manoeuvres and he would catch up with him later.
Bluestreak, happy that Sideswipe was keeping himself busy, and relieved that he had not ignored him, continued onto the weapons vault.
Sideswipe relieved that he would not have to face the grey and red mech quite yet, switched his comm-link off and sat motionless in the darkness of his room, the only light coming from his optics. He had not planned on replaying certain memories, and some he refused to access, but he did let his processor drift back to when he first transferred to Cybertron.
He had been thinking of requesting a transfer back for a short while but unsure that it was the right thing to do, he kept his thoughts to himself until an opportune moment sealed his fate. Optimus Prime had decided that, as the Autobot leader, he had a duty to return to Cybertron after being away for too long and following a video-link conference between Earth and Cybertron, he approached Sideswipe with a proposition.
He had told Sideswipe that they were all greatly impressed in the way he handled his duties, both in the Ark and out in the field, over the last few Stellar-Cycles, although it had pained Optimus to think of what the mech had been through leading up to this change. He offered Sideswipe the opportunity to become a Lieutenant and command a team of front liners based at Iacon City, where the Prime would also be stationed. He wasn't sure that the offer would be welcomed, as his estranged twin was on the planet, but he still put the proposal to him.
Sideswipe was initially shocked at hearing what Prime had said but his processor kicked in and all manner of thoughts spewed out. He had asked if he could take the solar-cycle to think about it but as Optimus left him to his thoughts, he already knew what his answer would be, as for some time now, he harboured a desire to see Sunstreaker.
He had never spoken of it with anyone, not even Bluestreak. The mech had been so good to him, so good for him, that he didn't want to see the disappointment in the face of his closest friend if he admitted to how he was feeling.
Sideswipe had put a manner of firewalls in place in order to shut off the pain that was still hidden there but there were some feelings he could not completely shut off. He knew that these barriers made him a less emotional but it allowed him to function and perform his duties, almost a bit like their tactician Prowl but only a tiny bit like him though, as Sideswipe was not ruled by logic alone.
The following solar-cycle he informed his Prime of his decision and plans started for the transfer. After leaving the office of Optimus Prime he immediately comm-linked the team sniper, asking him to meet him on the edge of the woodland overlooking their base. He wanted to tell Bluestreak of his new position and move before it become Ark gossip, however he did keep one secret from him.
Bluestreak was taken aback when he heard of Sideswipes intention to go back to Cybertron. "B…but I thought that was the last place you would want to be…" he started, "things have been going so well here, the other mechs respect you, we need all the mech power we can have here…" and he continued to list reason after reason why the taller mech in front of him could not leave Earth, but all the time avoiding the two things that were running through his processor, 'he is there, somewhere' and 'I will miss you.'
Suddenly Blues optics were wide with thought and hesitantly Bluestreak asked. "H…how would you feel if I transferred with you?" He saw a flicker in Sides optics "W...well I don't h...have to." he stammered "I j…just thought that you might like the company…" he trailed off.
Sideswipe studied Bluestreak's face to see if he truly meant it, if anyone had thought Cybertron would be the last place he himself wanted to be, Sideswipe thought that case would be even more so for the smaller mech stood in front on him. Yes they would be going to Iacon City but that did not mean that it would not bring back the memories that tortured Blue, after all, being on Earth had not completely stopped the nightmares.
Being the changed mech that Sideswipe was, he realised what Bluestreak was offering to do, to continue being the friend he was and not to let him down as someone else had. With that Sideswipe gave his friend a sloppy smile and he hugged the nervous looking mech in front of him.
If this was what Bluestreak felt he needed to do then he would not stop him and then he thought for selfish reasons too, that it may be good for him, however he still would not admit his intentions but he silently promised himself that he would try his best not to hurt his friends feelings when he put his plan into action.
Now back on Cybertron, he remembered how grateful he had been to have Bluestreak with him as although he hadn't filled his dulled spark with too much hope; he had not expected to have that small hope shattered so soon.
He spent the first half a deca-cycle attending meetings, reacquainting himself with Iacon City and meeting the team he would be commanding. Everything was going well but all the time he could not ignore the yearning inside him, threatening to breakdown those firewalls. Sunstreaker could be on the other side of the planet for all he knew but just being on the same planet seemed to do something to his spark.
Then one solar-cycle he walked in on two mechs talking in the training arena, they nodded in acknowledgment to him and continued their conversation. It was not yet time for their training session to start so he left them to it and whilst he started to open up training battle plans on the screen not far from the talking pair, he listened to their conversation.
The larger grey and black mech commented. "I heard that that our latest little recruit had his spark broken by that whore of a mech from some small city outside Kalis, apparently he knew of his reputation and he thought he could be the mech to change him!"
The second, smaller mech laughed "There is always one who thinks that and it is usually one of the younger ones, one day they learn though."
"I also heard that the, Golden Wonder, as the mechs refer to him as, just is not interested in anything long term." The first mech continued. "And while most mechs only get to share his berth once, twice if they consider themselves lucky, he occasionally invites the lesser experienced back for further encounters, claiming he is teaching them something invaluable. Apparently the spark broken mech was kept on longer than usual which is probably why he thought he was the one to change him."
What Sideswipe was hearing made his energon run cold. Surely they could not be talking about who he thought they were! His servos started to shake and trying to still their reaction, he forced himself to continue listening.
"He certainly taught me a thing or two." The second mech smirked, completely unabashed. "And I wasn't exactly inexperienced either!"
The grey and black mech's jaw dropped at that comment and laughing at his friend's shock, the smaller one continued. "I was stationed at Kalis several stellar-cycles ago, to help protect the 'bots working on the reconstruction. I remember he wore the Autobot insignia but he wasn't in active service. He was taking some time out for some unknown reason but he didn't seem to have any glitches. He was an artist and threw many exhibition parties. I met him at one of his legendary parties and rumours were that he had a bond mate that he upped and left without a word or a second thought, even left him on another planet."
Once the larger mech had composed himself after his friends confession, he asked, "And did it not bother you…that he was sparkless enough to leave his bond mate!"
"Pit, no!" The mech laughed. "I was there for some much needed R&R. We had had several solar-cycles of a small group of Decepticons trying to undo the construction work being carried out and after we finally sent them packing with their afts in their servos, I needed to kick back and have some fun!"
The larger mech still slightly shocked by the confession and looking over the blue armour on his friend, enquired "Is it true that whilst he isn't particularly..." he cleared his vocaliser, 'choosy…" he continued "that he prefers to go for red armoured mechs?"
The other mech looked down at his mostly blue frame and shrugged, "Not always, but mostly so I heard. Some believe his bond mate wore red armour." As he made that comment, a mostly red frame with white upper arms and legs walked into the training arena.
It would be an elegant frame if the young mech did not walk around with such an air of sadness. "Here comes our spark broken mech now." And with that, the two mechs ended their conversation and made their way towards him as more front liners walked in.
Sideswipe, relieved that the conversation had ended, vented the air he had been holding. He really did not feel good but right now he had a training session to give, so he pulled himself together and got to his pedes. Making sure all his firewalls were firmly in place, he called the group forward to show them the training battle plan.
After the session finished, Sideswipe found himself outside Bluestreaks quarters. He shared with another mech and Sideswipe prayed that he would be alone so he comm-linked him from outside to check. It wasn't uncommon for Sides to kick back in this room, as he preferred the sound of the incessant chatter from the grey and red mech to that of the silence of his quarters, so Blue wasn't surprised to see him but he was concerned to see the dull light in his optics.
He did not have to ask what the matter was, for Sideswipe slumped down on the stool near the desk in the corner and just broke down in front of him, the whole story pouring out. The reason he had returned here and what had happened a few of joors earlier. Bluestreak had just stood with his arms wrapped around his shaking shoulders, not uttering a word.
When Sideswipe looked up at Bluestreak's face, he could see traces of hurt there but what he saw was mainly concern and none of the disappointment in him that he previously worried about when he decided to keep his plans secret.
Suddenly his shoulders were released, and Bluestreak moved to the opposite side of the room. Sideswipe saw something flicker across his face, and after a few breems, Bluestreak vented deeply and proceeded to tell of the stories he had heard about his twin from mechs on the base.
Now, a few deca-cycles later Sideswipe was reliving those stories.
A/N So, for some reason, Sunstreaker left Sideswipe a broken mech and now he is back, he assumed his twin will be happy to see him…if only life were that simple!