Darren: *grumbles* I don't like this chapter.

Me: Sorry, Darren. It's got to be dramatic.

Darren: But it's not FAIR.

Steve: No, I was supposed to be in this chapter! That's not fair!

Me: Look, Steve, you can be in the one after next.

Steve: NO! I want to be in THIS ONE!

Me: Well you can't. So go run along and cry to Gannen about it.

Steve: I hate you almost as much as I hate Darren.

Me: Fine. No chapter.

Steve: ...almost as much as I hate Madame Octa? That's slightly less than Darren?

Me: *sighs* Completely missed my point...anyway, I obviousy don't own Harry Potter or Darren Shan-

Harry: Yeah, um, when am I going to be in a chapter?

Me: SOON! YOU WILL GET CHAPTERS WHEN I SAY YOU DO!

Evra: Can I have one?

Me: No! You're not even in this story!

Evra: That's not fair...can I be mentioned?

Me: I don't know! Anyway, here's the story!

"Just put your hand over it, and say 'up'," Ron said in a bored tone. I looked down at the broom in disbelief.

"But how does that make it go up?" I asked. "It's a broom! It is literally a stick with some other little sticks poking out one end! How does it fly? It makes no sense."

"I don't know how it does it, it just does," Ron snapped. "Now say up!"

"Fine." I looked down at the motionless broom and rolled my eyes. "Up." Nothing happened. "I said UP." Still nothing.

"Try again," Ron said.

"Can't I just pick it up?"

"No."

"For crying out loud," I muttered, then glared at the broom. "Up. UP. Up! MOVE YOU STUPID PIECE OF WOOD! UP!"

"Yelling won't really help-"

"Up!" I said desperately, and the broom shifted slightly. "Up! Up! Levitate! Up! UP!" The broom suddenly flew upwards. "Yes!" I exclaimed, but then it whooshed up into the sky. "NO! Down! Come down!"

Ron stood with his arms folded, looking bored, while I ran around the Quidditch pitch, swearing and screaming at the broomstick. We had left the school under the cover of the invisibility cloak, and taken some of the brooms the school supplied. Hermione was clearly trying to get us to bond over the game, but so far, it wasn't going very well.

"That stupid broom!" I yelled, kicking the ground angrily. I pointed a finger at the broom angrily as it flew around wildly in circles. "COME DOWN HERE! NOW!" I whirled on Ron after failing to get the broomstick down. "Is there no spell that you could try?"

"Hmm," he said thoughtfully. "There's always Accio. It's a summoning charm. Just say 'Accio broom' and it'll come to you."

"You never thought to mention this before?" I snapped. He shrugged.

"Must've slipped my mind." He was unbelievable. I used the Accio spell, and the broom came down right away. I snatched it up and glared at him.

"Thanks," I snarled. He narrowed his eyes.

"You're welcome," he snapped back.

"What next?" I asked through gritted teeth.

"Sit on the broom like this," he said, demonstrating. "And kick off from the ground." I copied him. It felt weird on the broom-not to mention painful! I really wasn't happy about flying, but it was for Hermione's sake. I was sure that's why Ron didn't whack me over the head with his broom.

"Now, kick off!" Ron commanded, and kicked off himself and rose into the air effortlessly. I did the same, and gripped the polished wooden handle tightly as I flew upwards. I was flying! On a broomstick! There was just one small problem.

"How do I steer?" I shouted as the broom whooshed upwards. "RON?"

"Tilt the handle and sort of lean! It's not hard!" he yelled back, then did a loop the loop in the air. Show off. I leant to the right, and the broom jerked sharply in that direction. "Lean forwards!" Ron called to me. So I did. "NOT THAT FAR!"

My broom sped through the air like a speeding bullet. I tried to pull up, but the force kept me flat out on the broom. I filled with fear as I saw where the broom was heading-the goal posts! I was going to crash! I tried turning the broom, but it just rolled over in a circle, with me clinging on for dear life as it spun round and round like a corkscrew, still speeding towards the goal posts.

"Hold on!"

"I AM!" I managed to slow the broom a little, but there was no time to turn-I was about to hit to the goal post. Before I even knew what I was doing, I had put my feet up on the broom's handle, let go and jumped.

"DARREN! SHIT!" I heard Ron's shout, and a loud crunch as my abandoned broom hit the goal post. But I didn't. I didn't fall either. At the last second I had seen the only option I had left, and jumped for the goal hoop above me, my arms stretched up in the hope I'd reach it. Through an amazing amount of luck, I felt the cold metal under my hands and I hung on to the hoop tightly, breathing silent prayers of thanks to the vampire Gods as I hung there. The remains of my broken broom tumbled down to the ground, and Ron sped towards me, his face white.

"I thought you'd had it!" he gasped.

"So did I," I said shakily. "Can you get me down now?" My arms were really starting to ache from holding on. Ron flew beside me and I got onto his broomstick, my heart still thumping at an amazing pace after my near-death experience. We flew down to the ground in silence, and I jumped off the broom as soon as we hit the muddy pitch. I was never, EVER getting on a broomstick again. Ron got off his broom and looked at me.

"You suck at flying."

I truly did.

After the disaster that was me on a broomstick, me and Ron went back to find Hermione. She wasn't in the library, but in the common room. She was strangely quiet about what she had been researching-when we asked, she simply replied 'things that don't concern you' and hastily steered us right back out of the warm common room to go and see Mr Crepsley.

"My arms ache," I moaned as I held up the cloak as we walked across the grounds to the dark of the trees. "Can someone else hold the cloak?"

"I'm not surprised they hurt," Ron snickered. "You hanging from that goalpost was the funniest thing I've ever seen!" I glowered at him, and Hermione sighed.

"So Quidditch didn't go very well then?" she asked.

"No," I grumbled. "It didn't."

We reached the forest and found Mr Crepsley waiting at the edge in the shadows of the trees. We got close then pulled off the cloak.

"Finally," he snapped as we revealed ourselves. "I have been waiting for hours."

"Sorry," I said. "Hermione had something to do at the library. What actually was that, by the way?" I asked Hermione, who was staring at Mr Crepsley with an odd expression. She didn't answer. "Hermione?" Suddenly, she stepped forwards and slapped Mr Crepsley hard in the face!

"Hermione!" I gasped, and Ron's jaw dropped so far I thought it was going to hit the floor.

"What was that for?" Mr Crepsley roared, more surprised than anything. Hermione sniffed.

"Darren happened to tell me his life story earlier."

"…Oh."

"'Oh' indeed. That was all, I just needed to do that." Both me and Ron stared at her, mouths open, while Mr Crepsley glared at her. Hermione glared at him. Ron glared at Mr Crepsley for glaring at Hermione. I glared at Mr Crepsley too for glaring at Hermione. Mr Crepsley glared at me for glaring at him. Hermione glared at Mr Crepsley for glaring at me. Ron glared at me because Hermione was glaring at Mr Crepsley because he was glaring at me.

In a nutshell, there was a lot of glaring.

"Er…so, today was um…good," I said, breaking the silence. Mr Crepsley coughed awkwardly and lowered his eyes from Ron and Hermione's intense glares.

"Yes. So, what happened?" he asked. I shifted uncomfortably.

"Um, when I said it was good, it was more…eventful," I said. "And yesterday."

"What happened? Did you discover anything?"

"I discovered that Darren is a bad friend," Ron muttered bitterly. I sighed heavily, and Mr Crepsley frowned.

"What happened?"

"He was a bastard!" Ron exclaimed angrily at the same time as I said "Ron overreacted!"

"Oh for goodness sake," Hermione snapped. "Darren got locked in a dungeon, we went to find him and I kissed Daren on the cheek, and Ron practically blew up. Darren got all awkward, they had a fight. Today Darren got tortured, found out he's terrible at Quidditch and…and well quite frankly it's been a disaster!" she practically screamed. "OK?"

"No need to shout," Mr Crepsley sniffed. "Darren, what did you do to end up in a dungeon?"

"I kind of shouted at the teacher."

"Why?"

"She was…well, you had to be there!"

"We are supposed to be keeping a low profile!" he snapped. "And to do that you have to keep your mouth shut!"

"I learnt my lesson, thanks!" I snapped back. "Funnily enough, being tortured tends to put things in perspective!"

"The damage has already been done, you now have to tread even more carefully-"

"Well, I'm sorry, but I DON'T have a time machine and I can't go back in time and tell myself to shut up-"

"Oh, be quiet both of you," Hermione snapped. "You're both acting like children."

"You just slapped me in the face, Miss Granger, you are hardly in a position to chastise us about behaving immaturely."

"But you are! And you're bullying Darren! He was hanging from a dungeon wall by chains! The LAST thing he needs is you having a go at him!"

"And he's really bad at flying a broom," Ron piped up, clearly desperate to make me seem as lame as possible. "That's got to me humiliating."

"Shut up, Ronald. Anyway, the point is, cut Darren some slack every once in a while!" They both narrowed their eyes at each other. Mr Crepsley did not like getting orders-I had to admire Hermione for talking to him like that.

"Miss Granger, let me explain about Darren. He is rather like a dog-you have to keep him on a short lead, or he will most likely run off and get hit by a car."

Well. He cared, I suppose.

"But-"

"We have finished this conversation," Mr Crepsley said. "We have more pressing matters to deal with. Darren and I have not fed in far too long-we will be going up to the castle tonight to feed." He looked at me as he said that, and I forced a smile.

But in my mind I was mentally screaming and swearing, and I wanted nothing more than to go and smack my head against a nearby tree trunk until I knocked myself unconcious and could no longer feel pain. But I had to put on a front and pretend everything was fine.

"Good," I said as lightly as I could. "I could do with some blood." Hermione glanced at me worriedly, and Ron wrinkled his nose in disgust.

"Just don't kill any of my friends, OK?" he snapped.

"For the last time, we do not kill those we feed from," Mr Crepsley said, looking like he wanted to strangle Ron.

What he didn't know that there was a very high possibility that I could kill someone. I couldn't let that happen…

Darren: ...

Me: Sorry.

Steve: *laughs* Ha ha, Darren, you crashed your broomstick! And now you have to find a way out of the horrible situation you're in that threatens not only your life, but other people's! I loved this chapter.

Me: Um...good, I guess.

Hope you liked it! Reviews will be greatly appreciated!