|A Moirail's Advice
Author: Warrior-of-Riverclan PM
Karkat somehow gets himself into a rather sticky situation and has to rely on the people he hates to help him out of it. AU-ish, I guess. SolKar, Karkat/Sollux. Rating will change, probably. I have no clue wtf I'm doing with this yet.Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Friendship - Karkat V. & Sollux C. - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,176 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 37 - Updated: 08-08-12 - Published: 11-15-11 - id: 7554569
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
AN/ Sup. Yeah. Homestuck Fanfiction. There is in no way enough of it. So I'm attempting to write some. Hopefully there will be more than a few chapters written out by the time I have to get off of the Computer, but bluh. I haven't exactly finished reading Homestuck, but I'm pretty close to EOA5, so I think I have a pretty good understanding of what's goin on.
== Your name is Karkat Vantas. You do not wish to be portrayed in the third person point of view. So we switch to second.
A boy with tousled, messy, black bedhead sat at his husktop, one hand supporting one pale gray cheek as he let out a disgruntled sigh. His lips were a slightly darker shade than the rest of his skin, and they were set in a deep, unhappy frown. Why? Because of the conversation he was currently having with the biggest assholes in the history of all of Alternia:
His moirail and his future self. In a memo on Trollian, the text was filled with nothing but screamed abuse between the same person while a clown higher than a kite just popped in randomly to comment on how miraculous the wall was for being solid.
What fuckasses. They weren't even who he wanted to be talking to.
carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened the memo "Fruity Rumpus Asshole Factory" at 19: 43.
CCG: HEY FUCKASSES WHERE ARE YOU
terminallyCapricious [TC] replied to the memo "Fruity Rumpus Asshole Factory" at 19: 44
CTC: HeEeEeY bEsT fRiEnD :o)
CCG: AW FUCK
CCG: NOT YOU.
CCG: GO AWAY FUCKASS I WANT TO TALK TO SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLY MATTERS.
CTC: WhAtS uP aNd GoT yOu So WoRkEd Up BrO :o?
CTC: mAyBe Ol GaM cAn HeLp
CTC: hOnK :o)
CCG: SHOVE IT UP YOUR SHITSTAINED NUTRITION SHUTE AND GO FUCK YOURSELF
CCG: I WANT TO TALK TO SOMEONE WITH ROMANTIC EXPERIENCE NOT SOMEONE WHO MAKES OUT WITH HIS DISGUSTING POISON PIES ON A FUCKING DAILY BASIS
CCG: BUT NONE OF THOSE FUCKASSES ARE ON. SO FUCK YOU.
CTC: wHaTeVeR yOu SaY bRo :o) JuSt LeT iT aLl OuT
CCG: FUCK THIS IS GOING NO WHERE
CCG: IS TAVROS AT YOUR HOUSE? YOU SAID SOMETHING ABOUT BEING IN HIS QUADRANTS BEFORE. HE HAS EXPERIENCE WITH VRISKA AND YOU AND ALL THAT SHIT SO HE REALLY CANT BE USELESS WITH EVERY FUCKING THING
CCG: FUCK, NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT YOU GUYS PUT HIM THROUGH A LOT
CTC: nAw, He LeFt A wHiLe AgO
CTC: eVeR nOtIcE hOw PrEtTy ThE oCeAn Is? I cAn SeE iT oUtSiDe My WinDow :o)
CCG: OH FUCK NO
CTC: mOtHeRfUcKiN mIrAcLeS bRo :o)
CCG: OH MY GOOOOOOOOG SHUT UP OR ILL FUCKING BAN YOU YOU INSUFFERABLE DOUCHE. WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO DESERVE YOU? JUST... FUCK I CAN'T THINK OF ANYHTING WORTHWHILE TO SAY.
CCG: THIS ENTIRE CONVERSATION HAS ABSO FUCKING LUTELY NO PLOT
CCG: FUCK FINE
CCG: ILL TELL YOU WHATS WRONG
CTC: mOtHeRfUcKiNg FiNaLlY bRo :o)
CCG: ITS ABOUT TEREZI. I DONT FEEL RED FOR HER ANYMORE. FUCK THERE I SAID IT IN A MEMO THAT ANYONE CAN READ. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON ALL I KNOW IS THAT
CCG: HOLY SHIT IT FELT SO GOOD TO SAY IT
future carcinoGeneticist [FCG] replied to the memo at 19: 57
FCG: ALRIGHT FUCKASS STOP RIGHT THERE
CCG: OH FUCK NO NOT YOU AGAIN
CCG: GO AWAY NOOKSUCKER NOBODY WANTS YOU HERE
CTC: wOaH, tWo BeSt FrIeNdS aT oNcE :o)
CTC: mOtHeRfUcKiN cOoL bRo
CCG: NO NOT COOL YOU FUCKASS THIS IS TERRIBLE
CCG: THIS SHITBAG IS GOING TO START UP UNNECESSARY RUCKUS ALL FOR THE SICK PLEASURE HE GETS BY MAKING MY CURRENT LIFE SHITTY. SO YOU KNOW WHAT FUCK YOU
FCG: FUCKASS YOU SOUND LIKE A RETARD JUST LISTEN TO ME FOR ONCE
FCG: YOURE ABOUT TO TYPE SOMETHING YOULL REGRET FOR THE REST OF YOUR SHITTY MISERABLE LIFE SO SIT THE FUCK DOWN AND PREPARE TO BE SCHOOLFED
CCG: OH NO MOTHERFUCKER YOURE THE ONE ABIUT TO BE FUCKING SCHOOLFED
FCG: OH REALLY?
CTC: WoAh DuDe DiD yOu KnOw WaLlS aRe SoLiD?
CTC: MoThErFuCkIn MiRaClEs :o)
CCG: YEAH REALLY!
FCG: LETS HEAR IT. TROLL ME. I HAVE SO MANY NEW ACES UP MY SLEEVE THAT OUTSHINE YOURS BY FIVE GREEN SUNS
FCG: FUCK I REMEMBER TYPING WHAT YOURE ABOUT TO SO DONT WASTE YOUR TIME
CCG: FUCK YOU IN THE NOOK WITH A TEN FOOT RUSTY OLD POLE ON TWELFTH PERIGEES EVE ON ERIDAN'S LAWNRING WHILE EVERYONE WATCHES THE CANDY RED TEARS STREAM DOWN YOUR BABY BOTTOM SOFT CHEEKS IN THE FURTHEST RING WITH THE CREEPY ASS TENTACLE GODS HELPING SHOVE IT UP IN THERE SO FAR YOUR BACK BREAKS AT MIDNIGHT WHILE ERIDAN GETS OFF ON ALL THE MOANING AND GROANING YOUR MAKING BECAUSE IT FEELS OH SO GOOD UNTIL YOU END UP FILLING A BUCKET IN FRONT OF EVERYONE AND THEN MAY YOU LIE THERE NAKED AND DIE OF EMBARRASMENT WHILE I LAUGH DOWN AT YOU AND EXPOSE YOUR DISGUSTING BLOOD COLOR TO THE WORLD.
FCG: OH MY GOG I DID NOT TYPE THAT
FCG: THAT WAS THE WORST ATTEMPT AT TROLLING MYSELF IVE EVER MADE IT WASNT WITTY AT ALL JUST IRRITATING TO READ
CCG: AND LET ERIDAN BECOME YOUR MATESPRIT
FCG: OH NO YO
future carcinoGeneticist [FCG] was banned from replying to the memo.
CTC: tHiS wAlL mUsT bE fLuShEd FoR mE iT jUsT sAvEd Me FrOm FaLlIn In ThE hOrN pIlE aGaIn :o)
CCG: FUCK YOU CAN E GET BACK TO THE TOPIC AT HAND
CTC: SuRe BrO wHaT wErE wE tAlKiNg AbOuT?
FUTURE future carcinoGeneticist [FCG] replied to the memo at 20: 12
CCG: OH GOG
FFCG: DONT DO IT MAN
FFCG: ILL BE NICE NOW JUST WHATEVER YOU DO DONT DO IT
CCG: DO FUCKING WHAT
CCG: I DONT KNOW CUZ IT HASNT FUCKING HAPPENED YET
CCG: GO THE FUCK AWAY FUCKASS
FFCG: NOW YOU LISTEN TO ME SHITSTAIN
FFCG: IM FROM THE FUTURE SO I KNOW MORE THAN YOU DO
FFCG: YOU ARE ABOUT TO MAKE A DECISION SO BAD IT WILL FUCK UP YOUR LIFE SO MUCH YOULL WISH YOU HAD BEEN KILLED WHEN THAT ONE FUCKASS STABBED YOU ON THE PLAYGROUND
FFCG: YOU WOULD RATHER WATCH ALL THE NICHOLAS CAGE MOVIES JOHN OWNS WITH HIM AND VRISKA FOR WEEKS STRAIGHT WITH NO FUCKING BREAKS AT ALL THAN LIVE THIS LIFE
CCG: I DO EVERYTHING WITH PERFECT CONVICTION I AM ME AND I KNOW WHATS BEST SO FUCK YOU DUNKASS
FFCG: DONT YOU DARE TOUCH THAT BUTTON
FFCG: I WAS YOU AT ONE POINT SO I KNOW WHATS GOING TO HAPPEN
FFCG: YOURE GOING TO HIT THE BAN BUTTON AND CUT ME OFF RIG
Future future carcinoGeneticist [FCG] was banned from replying to the memo.
CCG: AND A BIG FUCK YOU TO THE MES OF THE FUTURE
CTC: tHiS wAlL iS mAkiNg EyEs At Me
CTC: ItS mAkiNg Me SeVeReLy UnComFoRtAbLe :o(
CCG: FUCK YOU
FUTURE FUTURE future carcinoGeneticist [FCG] replied to the memo at 20: 22
FFFCG: ILL BEG YOU ON MY KNEES
FFFCG: I WILL LAY PROSTRATE FOR HOURS KISSING YOUR FEET
FFFCG: THE GROUND YOU WALK ON
FFFCG: TO STOP THIS MEMO RIGHT NOW
FFFCG: JUST DELETE IT
FFFCG: ALL OF IT
CCG: OH WOULD YOU LOOK AT THIS MY CURSOR IS SLOWLY INCHING TOWARDS A BIG RED BUTTON WITH THREE LETTERS ON IT
CCG: CAN YOU GUESS WHAT IT IS?
FUTUREFUTURE future carcinoGeneticist [FCG] was banned from replying to the memo.
CTC: wOaH tHe WaLlS aRe ClOsInG iN oN mE :o(
CCG: FUCK YOU PLEASE LET ME BE UNINTERRUPTED NOW
CCG: I HAVE SOMETHNG IMPORTSNT TO SAY
CTC: oH yEaH
CTC: hAvE yOu ToLd TeReZi YeT
CCG: ILL WAIT FOR THAT
CCG: CUZ HONESTLY IM SCARED SHELL LICK ME TO DEATH OR SOMETHING NASTY
CTC: JuSt Go WiTh WhAt FeElS rIgHt BrO
And this is where we pick back up. Honestly, Karkat had no idea where to take this. His brain was so frayed that he couldn't even form a well thought out insult.
It was all so pointless. Everything was. A wave of depression hit him like a freight train carrying a load of shit bricks. He absolutely dreaded telling Terezi that he no longer wanted her in his quadrants. Gamzee was a useless moirail, the sopor clouding his judgement so that he gave the most useless advice, though he did have his moments. And to top it all off, the object of his newfound red affections hated his guts almost to the point of kismesisitude.
Sollux Captor, lispy, nerdy, half-and-half bipolar, tech wizard, snarky, douchebaggy, already taken Sollux Captor, was Karkat's hunky dreamboat man.
CTC: oH rEaLlY? ThaTs GrEaT tO hEaR :o)
"Fuuuuuuuuck," the black haired boy groaned, then sighed, closing his tired eyes. He really needed to man the fuck up. It was just Gamzee he was talking to, no big deal right? And maybe telling him would feel just as good as talking about Terezi had. The clown was his moirail after all, and that had to mean they connected somehow.
CaligulusAquarium [CCA] replied to the memo at 12: 29
CCA: gam? kar?
CCA: wwhat the fuck is this
Without raising his eyes to look at his computer screen, Karkat jabbed the caps lock off and held down shift, then proceed to poke his finger down on the letters, then sealed the deal inside a huge manilla envelope then topped it with a fancy ribbon once he slammed his fist on the enter key.
CCG: ITS SOLLUX. GOODNIGHT
carcinoGeneticist [CCG] ceased replying to the memo.
Well, I hope you like it so far.
To me, it's kinda iffy, I don't really have much plot to it yet. But I have an idea on what I'm going to do.
Please review and tell me what you think. Anything, even something short, would suffice :)