melt away by planet p

Disclaimer: I don't own Fringe or any of the characters.

Author's Note: My computer had one of those failed to save document crises which was totally driving me nuts. Anyway, I recovered part of my file from the APPDATA»ROAMING folder thing (in "backup") and added a bit on the end. A bit icky, but I guess that's how it goes. Computers have a mind of their own - or they just don't like people who don't have much money to service them and stuff. Ick! :)

Anyway, this is a Christine/August poem, sorta. Hope you like it, but if you don't, tots okay. :)

Dried and broken

Dressed in the colours of death and decay, of deep slumber

Fallen leaves

Dance in front of me

Dancing, rolling, rollicking

At my feet

Fleeing with the twisting winds;

Take my hand, I'll go with you

Dancing across concrete and bitumen

White and black, cream-sweetened and grubby

Cracked and melted-oil smooth

Dances the leaves, dances the breeze.

I can't think, I can only breathe

This beautiful, terrible song

Just for me

Is driving me crazy

Making me just mad

Missing you is like an illness

I'm dying but I'm living

Living without you

Kills me each day

Each new dawn;

I never knew your name

But my heart, my soul

Looked into your eyes

And it knew

I knew your heart, I knew your soul so well

The storm lying in wait, tempered only by the tenderness

Of a whisper, of a soft glance

Your eyes made promises

Your heart could not keep

For the heart stops beating

One day

And the soul leaves this earthly plane

And the dancing leaves

And flies away.

I reach out my hands

My heart is open, bleeding

Come back

Come back to me

I'll keep you safe and always think of you

I'll look out for you when you're too old

To see the world before you

The shadows and light

I'll hold your hand, if you'll please hold mine;

Baby

I reach for you

But I'm clasping empty air

I can't feel you around me

Anymore.

Where are you?

I want you back

We will watch the dancing light together

The shifting seasons

I'll hold your hand and you'll hold mine

The fallen leaves

Call for you

As I do

Silently, deep within my soul.

Can you hear me, my darling

Do you hear

The way my heart aches

My soul breaks

To be apart

Do your eyes cry

For me, too

Does the world

Turn to shades of grey

Without love to warm the hearth

Of your heart

Or have you forgotten

All you once held dear?

Has the life you once lived

Now gone to ash

And dust upon the wind

In a far off corner of the universe?

I whisper with no words

But just my life's breath

I could have loved you, darling

I could have been the one

I could have loved you well

Please come back to me

And you will see

I'd never break a promise

If you looked at me

If you looked into my eyes

And my soul

Oh, I'd love you

Love you so well

I'd love you

If you loved me, too.

I would not be cruel or cold

I would fill up with life, with laughter

My eyes could dance again

With delight

My heart could feel again

The rain would bring a rainbow bright

After the storm has waged

The ground would smell so nice

The air so fresh and buzzing

The world would be so real

If we could share this life together

My love

If I could miss you less.

Last night

I wished I could let you go

And know

You were safe

And happy

That the pain had subsided

From your memories

And you were smiling once again

I think I cried

But my eyes were dry

When I woke to sunshine-kissed eyelids

My cheeks burnt and cracked

My throat was too dry

I didn't cry

Only in my heart;

I tried to fool myself

That I was doing okay

That grief is just a stage

That comes before understanding

Through which I'd pass

But the silence only made me miss you

All the more;

I think I broke down again

Silently

On the floor.

When I lie alone in bed

Or stand in a doorway

To a cold room

Or a draughty hallway

On the corner of the street

And it's so cold

My thoughts get so strange

But they're not confused or clouded

They tell me exactly what I need

The only problem is

I am here

And you are not;

You're somewhere far away

Where I cannot go

And you cannot come back from;

I'm cold when I'm alone

And I could tell you just how much

I'd love to wrap you up in my arms and keep you warm

But my words would mean nothing

Because you're not here to hear them

And I'd be talking

To thin air.

I feel so cold

In those moments

So cold, so hot

Stifled by everything that is

Everything I have no bearing on

The very idea of.

How did it all come to this?

Why do I miss you

When I never even knew you?

I can fantasise all I like

And make believe we had this connection

But what if we were both just playing dumb

And fooling ourselves all along?

What if we were just lonely

And we made up these images

In our minds

Of what we most needed

In our lives

And somehow

That thing we needed

Turned out to be each other?

If I believed this

Would I miss you less?

Would I be able to tell myself

I never even knew your name

Or anything about you;

You could have been a good person

You did save me, I think

But that's no reason

To go losing my head.

If I believed this

Could I make the hurt go away

And tell myself

I'm not really different

At all

And the only thing I lost

Was some of my innocence

Some of my faith

In the workings of the universe

And added a little more confusion

That's not the way the world is supposed to work

After all;

I didn't lose my heart

Along the way,

I never really knew you:

How could I?

When I can't sleep

This is what I tell myself

As though the repetition

Will help me believe it;

But I still think

If I could

I'd tell you:

I miss you, sweetheart

And I wish you well.

The detritus of the city stirs at my feet

Roaming freely in the streets

Overflowing in the gutters and storm drains, where the elements have forced it

And the sizzle of the air sings of the changing seasons

That will come and go

I will watch them alone, I guess

And I'll be okay

In the end.

I guess I shouldn't

Get so down-heartened

I'm the one who lived

And the world will go on

And maybe one day

We'll meet again.

I know I shouldn't hold my breath

But I think you were the first one

To steal my breath away

And make me think

Maybe that was okay;

That's the way it was meant to be.

It's just a thing that happens to me now

Whenever I think of you;

It's not a bad thing

It's just a thing;

I like to think

It reminds me how we're never really alone:

It may feel that way

But if it's possible to look up, to look around us

There may be someone who looks back

And says "yes, I can help";

"I'll be your friend".

I think

That's what you were for me

I just never got to say

"Thank you"

And "I'll be there for you, too".

I feel like I used you unfairly

And then you died

And it makes me feel like such a traitor

To everyone around me

And even though I know you wouldn't want me

To feel so down

And I could never be angry at you

I'm angry at me

Because I only realised how much I needed a friend

When you were gone;

I only realised

You might have been lonely, too

When I was alone.

So I hope everything's fine

Wherever you've gone

And if not

Don't hesitate

To look me up;

I'll still be here

Waiting for something to happen, something to change

And maybe

I'm really just waiting

For you to knock me off my feet.

The morning sunlight is soft and weak

It barely touches my skin

But it's gonna be okay, you know

And I'll smile anyway

Because life's not a write-off

When you've got something good to look forward to

And I'll be here

Looking out for love

And when I find what I'm looking for

I'll be sure to think of you fondly

And send a little goodness your way.

I won't forget

You saved me.