|In the Light
Author: Kennedy's Friday Night Delight PM
*follow up to Shadow based off of Too Little Too Late* While waiting to find out if their friend and babies were okay. Ajay and Chris mend their relationship and Ajay is brought back into the lighter side of things. Chris/AjayRated: Fiction T - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chris Sabin - Words: 3,116 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 11-23-11 - Status: Complete - id: 7577402
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/n: Here is the follow up to Shadow hopefully its up to par with that. I own Ajay, Joey, Kenzie, Gran and Bill. Aiden and her family and Lexie belong to cherrybomb13.
Ajay was sitting numbly next to her brother watching the screen where Aiden was shown at her. She had a millions thoughts going though her head, she was scared that something was going to happen to Aiden and the twins.
She knew she herself couldn't handle it. She barely handled it the last time when she found out Aiden was in a coma, she felt like it was all her fault that she fell into the coma.
She wanted to do nothing more then to take a running leap off of the top of the hospital. Jay rubbed her back again she turned her head to look at him. "It's going to be okay sis"
"I hope so Jay, I haven't this lost in years" "Lost?" he asked tearing his eyes from the screen and looking at her.
"Lost like in I don't know what I am going to do with Chris do I still want to be married to him? I am going to be this left in the shadows weak woman? that's not me Jay"
"I know it's not Ajay, I was so proud of you when you stood up for yourself the other day and walked out like that'
"I am a horrible mom for leaving my babies there though, I feel like how I acted I am no better then our parents" Ajay pulled her legs underneath as Jay turned his attention from the screen to his baby sister.
"I never wanted to be like them Jay and leaving Joey and Kenzie makes me feel like I am them."
"You aren't them. You still called and checked on them. You made sure they knew you loved them every night that's more then they ever did" Jay said, 'you miss him don't you?" Ajay looked down almost ashamed of herself for missing her husband even though he hurt her.
"Its okay to miss him Bug. I know you love him. You love him more then you thought you could never love Bobby"
Ajay rubbed her stomach, "I do miss him, I don't want to think that he doesn't love me, sometimes I know he does but him doing this leaving me out in the shadows pushing me away for Aiden makes me feel like a damn fool for falling in love with him from the beginning. He would never do that for me. He would never ignore anyone to focus on me. "
"He has to a point though sis" Jay said, "It may not have been to the lengths he went to with Adam for Aiden but it was with Bobby and he did what he had to do to keep you safe"
Ajay looked at him knowing exactly what he was talking about.
"He saved you from getting raped and beaten again. He loves you Ashton I saw it the first day I saw you two together when Adam, Jericho and I came to surprise you before I joined TNA. And I know you, you love him. Don't be scared to let him in all the way"
"What if he hurts me again?" "Then I hurt him and you and the kids can move in with me and Denise" Jay said. "I wish it were that easy" Ajay muttered mostly to herself.
"Things will get easier" Ajay shifted her position taking the pillow the nurse had given her upon seeing her own pregnant state and laid it on Jay's lap. Jay smiled to himself and grabbed the blanket and covered her up.
"What if he can't let go of this unhealthy obsession with her go?" she questioned in a quiet whisper that Jay almost missed. He didn't know how to answer her, 'I don't know Buggy, I just don't know'
Ajay fell quiet playing with her wedding rings her eyes going back to the screen.
He almost thought that his sister had fallen asleep until he heard the quiet sniffles. He rubbed her shoulder and played with the ends of her ponytail. Ajay didn't know if she was crying because she was fed up with her situation and she missed Chris or if she was scared for Aiden.
Or if it was both She had an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach that things were going to get worse and she hated that feeling. She vaguely wondered how things were going to be when everyone showed up.
Every time the elevator door dinged open her heart would drop and freeze in fear. The door dinged open again and she heard the familiar voice of her Gran and her kids.
She pushed herself up from where she had been laying groaning feeling her son move. She sat up and looked over her shoulder at them; Joey and Kenzie were bouncing excitedly seeing their mom.
Ajay felt a smile pulling at the corner of her mouth. Those 24 hours she had been away from her kids were the worse she had in awhile. She wanted to scoop them up in her arms and hug and kiss them even if her swollen belly prevented from her doing so.
She sighed to herself having to explain to Alex what was going on, she grew slightly scared of the look on his face and grabbed a hold of Jay's arm while Jay defended her and what was going on.
Aiden' father steered Alex out of the room while Ajay went to her kids trying to ignore her husband who was looking hopeful in her direction hoping she would look over at him.
She knew that he wanted to make it right between them she just didn't want to get hurt again or seem like she was giving into easily for falling into his arms the second she saw him.
She didn't want to be that weak woman who gave into easily to the man she loved she wasn't that person. She couldn't help herself she looked at her husband as Joey started pulling on her hand to go sit down so he could snuggle with her.
Kenzie was whining impatiently to be held by her mother. Jay picked her up and carried her over to the couch for Ajay.
Chris watched his wife with their kids, they were both sitting as close to her as possible. Joey was leaning against Ajay's right side while Kenzie was sitting on her lap babbling excitedly her bright blue eyes never leaving Ajay's face.
He could feel her uneasiness, nervousness and hurt from here. He knew the hurt was from him and the uneasiness and nervousness from Aiden's family being there. His wife must have a million things going though her head right now.
Ajay hunched down in her seat as best she could, not only was she worried about Aiden but now she was wondering what it would be like to have the parents that Aiden did.
If they would have sat in the waiting room with Gran waiting to hear about her and the baby and if Pops would have still been alive would he have clipped Bill upside already for being an ass?
Kenzie patted her cheek, "Mama no cry" Ajay smiled though her tears and kissed her head and sat her on Jay's lap. "Mommy will be right back" she didn't want her kids to see her cry it only made them upset and she didn't want to upset them not with what was going on.
She stood up and stretched her back out her eyes going to her husband who was sitting by himself in the middle of the room. The group was seemingly divided Aiden's family was onside of the room with Lexie and Alex and Jay, Gran, Ajay and her kids were on the other side.
He had his hood pulled up and his hands folded on his stomach, his face was full of worry his blue eyes flashing with mix emotions none of which Ajay could tell.
She felt that sudden need to go sit down on his lap and kiss him and feel his familiar arms wrapping around her and holding her. She shook off the feeling and walked to go to the bathroom.
Chris stood up seeing her leaving the room, he wanted to talk to her and tell her he was sorry and hold her in his arms getting the comfort he got from holding her in his arms.
He followed her to the bathrooms and stood outside of the ladies room waiting for her to come out of the bathroom. She came out of the bathroom and stopped seeing him standing there.
Her hands came out to shield her stomach her wedding rings flashed at him and he felt a surge of hope go though his whole body seeing them. He went to reach out to touch her face.
"Daddy" Kenzie's little voice from the doorway to the waiting stopped him from going to his wife. His daughter had her mother's timing; he went over and picked her up letting her rest against his shoulder.
It was not long after Ajay sat back next to Jay the screen went black and a crippling filled her body she whimpered and curled into her body as Jay stood behind her getting ready catch her if he needed too.
She was terrified that Aiden was going to be gone or that she could into another coma. She felt like it could be her fault for not being more pushy and saying no saying it wasn't the smart thing to do.
Jay put his hands on her shoulders and started steer her to the couch. "Mommy what's wrong with A-ten?" Joey asked his blue eyes wide with tears. 'She is going to be okay baby" Ajay muttered sitting down on the couch wishing it was Chris next to her and not her big brother.
This was like a bad dream; everything seemed to be going in slow motion since Adam came and got Alex to go into OR for Aiden's c-section.
Joey was whimpering not wanting to go to sleep, her head was starting to hurt, the quiet sniffles and scared whispers from the corner where Aiden's family was sitting.
Jay leaned forward from where he was sitting behind the couch, "Joey if you do what Mommy says and go to sleep later today I will take you to get a puppy" A excited smile formed on the little boy's face as he laid down on the couch as he laid on the pillow.
Ajay looked over to check on Kenzie who was sleeping curled up in her father's arms. She sighed to herself before she started humming more to herself then to Joey.
Gran's own humming joined hers seconds later, Jay smiled and reclined his head back listening to the humming it reminded him of when Ajay was little and she had a nightmare. To them it was like a nightmare they couldn't wake up from.
The fear of the unknown and the need to have the love, comfort and strength that her husband's arms helped push her to where her husband was sitting with their daughter.
She needed him, she couldn't explain it, he was her rock, her strength the one person she knew she needed to get though it. She managed to choke out that she needed him before she started crying hugging herself.
Her heart seemed to stitch itself back together as soon as she fell into his arms after he laid Kenzie down on the couch next to her big brother. She moved herself deeper into his arms enjoying the familiar warmth.
'He moved" Chris exclaimed putting his hand back to the place where he felt the baby move. "He has been moving since this morning" Ajay explained, "He is a lot more active then Kenzie was' Chris nodded his head before resting it back on her shoulder.
Another tense fear filled hour past with more questions and worrying, a bed came wheeling past. Ajay couldn't help herself seeing who it was in the bed she started giggling, 'I knew it' she whispered to Chris before holding her hand out to Jay demanding he paid up.
She got some strange looks from Aiden's family for laughing at her brother. She pushed it aside wanting to know abut the babies and Aiden.
As soon as the word nursery left her brother's mouth she was out of Chris' lap and down the hall peering into the window, her Gran came to a stop next to her, Caroline and Nana were on her other side.
Chris stepped up behind his wife and peered into the nursery over her head, his brother in law behind him.
What excitement that they had about seeing the twins for the first time was dropped when they heard from Alex that it wasn't good for Aiden, she wasn't out the woods yet.
Just like that the nightmare was back. Joey had wandered down the hall towards them rubbing his eyes. He had woken up alone and went to find his family before Kenzie and Lexie woke up and were scared with not being with the adults.
Ajay's heart stilled hearing her son's soft spoken statement of the baby boy looking like him. How were they going to explain to him that Kenzie and his baby brother that he was so proud of weren't his actual siblings but the newborn twins were his half siblings.
Ajay felt her shoulders slump as Jay carried Joey by. The Carlton family went back to the waiting room trying to keep their worry to themselves. Gran squeezed her granddaughter's hand before she too walked away.
Chris moved to stand next to her waiting for her to start talking he knew that their relationship wasn't in the clear yet.
"I don't want to be with you if you don't love me Josh" Ajay spoke her eyes still on the newborn babies in the nursery sure they had made up when they had found out that Aiden was having another c section. But she wasn't ready to put her heart back on the line for him.
"I do love you Ashton" Chris said turning her to face him. She looked up at him not wanting to believe him. "Everyday I wake up and think that I am lucky to have someone like you." Chris stated, "How thankful I am to have you Ajay. I am thankful for you, and Joey, Kenzie and this little guy."
He rubbed her stomach a smile forming on his face feeling their son move. He pulled her away from the window and to where they were sitting on the bench not far away from the nursery.
'When I said I couldn't live without you I can't. I know we both have tried to live without each other and can't. I have tried picturing my life without you and our three miracles' he said, "And I couldn't do it. My life wouldn't be complete without you. That night you were gone was the worse 24 hours I had since you went to up to Gran's house to get the kids after Aiden woke up
' Ajay stared at him with wide eyes. "All I kept thinking about when I found out was first how I was going to explain it to you then I thought about it. What if it you were this loving amazing creature that I get to spend my life with? I mean you have been my other half long before Aiden came into our lives, I would be lost with you so would our kids."
Ajay looked down as she wetted her lips. "Babe?" he asked taking both of her hands in his. "Would you have fought for me if we were the same situation that they are in?" she asked quietly her eyes on their clasped hands, "Would you have supported me if I decided to have the babies?"
Chris was quiet for a few minutes thinking over it his thumbs rubbing over her knuckles not sure on how to answer it. Ajay looked down feeling stupid for having asked that. "You are god damn right I would have fought for you. I would have gone to the ends of the world for you and not just in a what if situation I would fight for you any day of the week and twice on Sunday. The only thing stopping from going after you when you left was our kids'
he paused and looked at his wife, "and for the other thing I would learn to be okay with it. I have seen the way you are with Joey and Kenzie. And if it meant that you could be a mother again I would side with you even if I hated the fact that the baby you were carrying wasn't mine"
Ajay managed a smile at him. "Why did you do it?" she questioned quietly. Chris sighed he knew this was coming, "I didn't like him being in the position to hurt Aiden. I know that she is your best friend, she is a huge part of our lives"
she looked confused at him freeing her hand to rub her stomach where the baby kicked her at. Chris reached out and put his hand on top of hers. " I know it doesn't make it right but I did it mostly for her safety and to save you from getting hurt again. But by doing that I ended up hurting you anyways"
"You know what hurt the most Josh? It was you putting me in this shadow that I had no way of getting out of. Sure it was great when you were paying attention to me and to our family but as soon as Aiden came over or we were over there it was like I didn't matter anymore" she said not bothering to fight off of the tears.
Chris pulled her to him, "I am sorry I am not going anywhere, I am yours from now on. You, Joey and Kenzie you are in the light from now on baby, I swear"