|100 Things England Is Not Allowed To Do
Author: jimmynovakuumcleaner PM
As it says in the title, this is a list of 100 things England is not allowed to do.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - England/Britain - Words: 1,539 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 2 - Published: 11-28-11 - Status: Complete - id: 7591456
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Someone has probably made a list for England before, but I am English, so I wanted to see how many decent ones I could come up with! So here it is~!
100 Things England Isn't Allowed To Do
1) I am not allowed to challenge Denmark and Prussia to a drinking contest.
2) -I WILL lose, no matter what I think.
3) America can't see Flying Mint Bunny or any of my other friends, so I should stop trying to indroduce them.
4) -Last time I tried this, he almost booked me into a mental hospital.
5) On a similar note, when I go to see Japan, I should keep my voice down when I talk to the spirits at his house.
6) -It creeps him out...
7) Getting drunk in the presence of either France or Hungary will end badly for me.
8) -France because... Do I really need to say why? That frog will probably rape me or something!
9) -Hungary because she REALLY wants me to go out with America, and I doubt I'd say no if I was drunk...
10) I am not allowed to punch China and demand that he gives Hong Kong back.
11) -That will make him even less likely to give him back.
12) I am not allowed to cook for anyone.
13) -America still hasn't gained a sense of taste since I cooked for him when he was little.
14) -...What's wrong with my cooking...?
15) -Dude, you gave me food poisoning last time I visited!
16) -A-America? Stop writing on my notes!
17) I am not allowed to tell America, Ecuador or...Who was it? Oh, Canada. I can't tell them that martians are invading.
18) -They actually believed me.
19) -Quite a few of their people commited suicide.
20) Fighting with France at meetings is not allowed.
21) -"But he started it!" is not a valid excuse.
22) -Neither is "But he said I can't cook!"
23) -If I want to fight with France, we have to go to the fighting island so we don't get in the way...
24) I am not allowed to punch Hungary if I find her stalking me and America or me and France with a video camera.
25) -Punching ladies is impolite.
26) -And Hungary would beat me with her frying pan even if I did.
27) Suggesting to Norway that Flying Mint Bunny and his troll become friends is a REALLY bad idea.
28) -Same for Brownie and Pixie.
29) -That troll tried to eat them last time, and that git Norway still won't apologise!
30) I am not allowed to threaten to go pirate on people when they annoy me.
31) I am definitely not allowed to bring up Francis Drake in front of Spain.
32) -He gets angry.
33) -...Spain is scary when he's angry...
34) I am not allowed to ask America for a rubber if I make a mistake.
35) -Because I definitely won't get one...
36) I am not allowed to argue with Iceland about who can fish where.
37) -Or slap him with a cod.
38) -Because Norway is very protective of his brother...
39) I am not allow to claim that I invented tea.
40) -Yeah, you're not! Tea originated in South Korea!
41) -...Why are you even here?
42) I am not allowed to let Sealand into meetings.
43) -He's gotten even worse since being adopted by Sweden, because Denmark babysits.
44) -Although why Sweden trusts Denmark to babysit, I don't know.
45) -The other reason is that Sealand isn't even a nation, so he's not allowed anyway.
46) -I am too a nation, jerk England!
47) -GO AWAY, YOU LITTLE GIT!
48) I am not allowed to give in to Sealand's rants about how I should recognise him as a nation because he saved the world.
49) -4 people and a goat live there! Why would I recognise a place like that?
50) -And that Christmas was a dream...
51) I'm not allowed to laugh at France because William of Normandy fell on his face when entering my country.
52) -He ended up being my boss anyway...
53) I am not allowed to get on Russia's bad side.
54) -...Not that I'd want to.
55) Getting too close to Russia is also a bad idea.
56) -Because that would mean Belarus coming after me.
57) I'm not actually sure which of the two above are worse, so I'll just try to avoid Russia.
58) I'm not allowed to tell France that I actually like his cooking.
59) -I'd never hear the end of it...
60) I'm not allowed to slap America for butchering my language
61) -He won't listen anyway...
62) Also, I'm not allowed to slap America if he says he speaks American.
63) -Even though it's really annoying...
64) I'm not allowed to make fun of Canada because of Justin Bieber.
65) -Or America for Rebecca Black. I think he actually likes her music anyway...
66) -And worst of all, I can't make fun of Norway for Tonje Langeteig. Not if I want to live...
67) I am not allowed to tell Hungary that Norway gives me a Christmas tree every year.
68) -Because she'll think there's something going on...
69) I am not allowed to join Denmark in laughing at this number.
70) -It is not the kind of thing a civilised gentleman would do.
71) I am not allowed to show America or France photos of me from me pirate days.
72) -Not that I'd want to.
73) -America would just laugh, and France would probably molest me or something.
74) Similarly, I can't show them photos from when I was a punk.
75) -For the same reasons.
76) No matter how much Russia insists, I am NOT allowed to go into his house alone.
77) -Some people have never come out of there alive...
78) -Or so I've been told.
79) If Sealand gets on my nerves, I am not allowed to shove him in a parcel and send him to Russia.
80) -That's just cruel, even for that annoying git...
81) -He's Sweden's problem now, anyway.
82) I'm not allowed to puch Denmark for banning Marmite in his country.
83) -How can you even eat that stuff? It sucks!
84) -DENMARK! SHOULDN'T YOU BE ANNOYING NORWAY?
85) -Oh yeah, I guess I should! See you later! Oh, and Sealand told me to tell you that you're a jerk! Ahaha~!
86) -JUST GO AWAY, YOU WANKER!
87) I'm not allowed to laugh at Grandmano- I mean Romano.
88) -He's been giving Lithuania death glares for just staring at him...
89) -Also, Spain is very protective of Romano.
90) -As I mentioned before, angry Spain is not a good thing.
91) I am not allowed to have any photographs of America, or anything that belongs to him on display when Hungary, Japan or America visit.
92) -Hungary and Japan because that would be perfect blackmail material for them.
93) -And America because... I don't want him to know that I still think about him...
94) If I find myself alone in a room with a drunk France, escaping is the sensible thing to do.
95) -Even as little as five seconds is enough for him to do... something... to me...
96) -...I don't even want to think about it...
97) I am not allowed to let Hungary introduce Wales to New Zealand.
98) -Although it would be interesting to see if they could get along.
99) If I break any of these rules, Hungary is allowed to set me up with whoever she wants to...
100) -Even if it's France...
And here are the explanations if you're confused:
17-19: Has everyone heard of War of the Worlds? If you haven't, it's a science fiction novel by the English author H.G. Wells in which aliens invade the world and stuff. Anyway, when they made radio broadcast versions of his novel for people in other countries, the Americans, Canadians and people from Ecuador actually thought it was really happening... And they started giving away their stuff and committing suicide... Even the Canadian army was fooled!
31-33: Spanish Armada~! I don't know an amazing amount about this to be honest, even though I had to do a presentation about Francis Drake a few years ago... Look him up!
36-38: The Cod War between Iceland & the UK! Yeah, they were really fighting over who could fish where...
51-52: William the Conqueror landed face first on Pevensey beach after getting off his ship... And then he got straight back up again and said he'd beat us anyway. Which he did.
82-86: Yep, Marmite is banned all over Denmark! Apparently, its added vitamins and minerals break food safety laws.
97-98: They both love sheep. I'm sure that's enough of an excuse for Hungary.