|Not Like the Movies
Author: sistokid PM
SLASH. Because you can't just break someone's heart, tear it out of their chest and stomp it to bits, and expect all to be forgiven. This is reality, and James can't charm his way out of this one. Kames and some fabulous Cargan.Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Drama - James & Kendall - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,775 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 27 - Updated: 02-11-12 - Published: 12-01-11 - id: 7599942
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
So I was totally down to publish this yesterday and finally get this story off of One-Shot status, and then FanFiction had to be a butthead and not allow me to log in for the entire day. But it's all good now. Which is fantastic, because I'm lazy and have been neglecting the dozens of stories on my laptop that are bitching to be published.
This... hm. I already have a bit written for this story, but it's not finished. But I figure that I can update it here and there, and leave it at points where it could be considered the end of the story, in case I completely forget this exists.
Warnings: Perhaps just some cursing. Prolly. Getting a little more relaxed with it now.
Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush, or the characters. If I did (or owned any other television show) everyone would be pansexual and having massive group orgies everywhere. Which is why I don't own any shows.
Reviews are appreciated (but not demanded), especially with multi-chap fics. They remind me that, well shit, I have a story to update.
Flamers be flaming. Although I've actually never had someone shit talk my stories. Hm.
Carry on then.
Just two weeks after the big blowout with James, Kendall started seeing someone new. His name was Elliot, and he was a great guy.
If James had been in a considerable depression before, he was borderline suicidal at this point.
Not only had Kendall originally told him that he was pretty much attracted to girls, and that James was and would ever be the only exception, but Elliot was nothing like James. He wasn't some obvious replacement, with similar features or a conceited personality. In fact, he was the nicest guy Kendall had ever met. Elliot was a college hockey player with jet-black hair and dark eyes that almost looked black as well. He was Kendall's height exactly, with a thicker muscular build and a smile that was a little crooked but so charming and sincere, it made Kendall's heart flutter. Elliot also had a deep tan complexion, even a few notches darker than Carlos. And he genuinely cared about Kendall, and got along wonderfully with his friends.
And James was miserable, because Kendall was falling again. And this time it wasn't with him.
"Please just leave me alone," James muttered, curling into a tighter ball on his messy bed. Logan and Carlos exchanged a glance, because frankly this was a little terrifying. James was deathly pale, his hair was hastily clipped away from his face but was clearly tangled and not recently washed, and his pajamas were scarily baggy on his frame, when they used to be a perfect fit.
Logan hesitantly reached out and picked up the hem of his shirt with a pointer finger and a thumb, and gently dragged the material upward. He swallowed hard, hearing Carlos's strangled gasp behind him.
James hadn't been eating. And at first, Logan just thought that he was eating less, but now it was clear what James's intentions were, judging by how much each rib popped out and how pointy his hipbones looked and how his stomach and sides were completely sunken in.
He was starving himself to death.
"Jamie..." Logan began softly, examining the exact degree of his condition. It wasn't good. "Look. I know... I know that this is really hard on you, and I know that your life pretty much turned itself upside down. But this isn't the way to fix it."
"Just leave," James mumbled, turning his face further into his pillow. Logan reached blindly behind himself and grabbed Carlos's hand, towing him over and sitting him on the other side of James. Carlos and Logan looked at each other for a moment, begging one another to come up with a brilliant idea. Of course, usually that was Kendall's job, but they would have to substitute.
Taking a deep breath, Logan decided to just go for it. "James, you're never going to win Kendall back if you kill yourself," he stated simply, and the crumbling body beneath him tensed. Slowly, like it was too difficult to go at a more reasonable rate, James turned over and sat up.
"I'm never going to win him back anyway," he said, dull eyes boring into Logan's.
Carlos cleared his throat, picking at a loose thread on James's blanket. "Well... you don't know that for sure. But if you... if you d... die," he stammered, seeming emotional at even the idea, "th-then you'll definitely never get him back!"
"Carlos is right. Look, at first we didn't want to help you, because what you did was terrible and wasn't an easy fix like you'd thought it would be. And how you could ever treat a best friend like that, I'll never understand." James started looking more forlorn at Logan's words. "But," he continued, waiting until James peered back up at him. "But, we can obviously see that you know what you did was horrible, and that you clearly feel more than sorry for it."
"It doesn't matter, anyway. He's with Elliot, and I've never seen him happier," James said sadly, bowing his head and shoving his fingers into his hair. Carlos and Logan glanced at each other.
James waited for more, looking up through his palms when nothing else came. "What?"
Logan shifted hesitantly. "We've seen him happier."
James sighed heavily. "Okay, maybe, like, when we won the State Champs-"
"No, stupid!" Carlos interrupted, resisting the urge to smack James's abnormally pale forehead. "He was happier when he was with you!"
They sat in painful, uncomfortable silence for a few minutes, while Logan and Carlos held their breaths and James tried to process what his friend had said.
"James, I know this is hard for you. I can't even imagine what it's like to see the person you'd give up everything for kicking you out of their life and finding someone else to be with. But, although Kendall is happy, he was so much... I don't know. He was madly in love with you."
"Yeah, and then he stopped," James sulked, flopping backwards onto his pillow. "He even said that it was the fastest he'd ever fallen out of love."
Logan sighed. "James, you can't fall out of love that fast."
"No, he didn't. James, I'm not going to lie; a huge part of him hates you for hurting him. But that's just it. He's mad because he's hurt, because his heart was broken. If he had really fallen out of love with you completely, he wouldn't still be hurt." Logan ran a comforting hand along James's shoulder, swallowing roughly at how he could feel the exact outline of the bones.
"He just hates me now," James muttered. "He's not hurt; he just doesn't want anything to do with me ever again. And he is happy with Elliot. He's falling for him."
Carlos huffed, because, seriously? Even he knew what was going down in Kendall's mind. "James, stop. You don't know, because you've been holed away in your room for days. Yeah, at first, Kendall wouldn't speak about you, and sort of pretended you exist. And he ignored every single thing you tried to do to win him back. But..." He glanced to Logan, and James envied how they had a wordless conversation.
"James, I'm not supposed to tell you this, but I'm going to do it anyway, because there's really not much more anyone can do to ruin what's between you and Kendall." He took a deep breath, and James nodded to show that he was listening. "Kendall broke up with Elliot two days ago."
James stilled, and for a moment, Logan thought he hadn't heard him clearly. But then the tallest boy's hands slid down his face, and his wide eyes seemed to be a little less glazed. "What?"
"He made us swear not to tell you, but... we want this fixed as badly as you do," Carlos explained. "And two days ago, he and Elliot were... um... doing things," he said awkwardly, and James whimpered, feeling stomach acid working its way up his throat. He and Kendall had gotten as far as kissing, and James had decided to wait patiently until they were both six hundred percent ready to go all the way. James thought that their one-year anniversary would be the perfect time, if not later. Clearly, that wasn't how Kendall was with Elliot, and it made his chest squeeze tightly.
"And," Logan continued, noting how James's face somehow turned even paler than before, "apparently, Kendall sort of... didn't say Elliot's name when he... you know..." He trailed off, waving his hands around in emphasis. "He, um... well, it kind of sounded more like yours."
The silence that overtook the room was a little suffocating, but James didn't even notice. He sat up, much more quickly this time, and only teetered a little from his less-than-okay health. He opened his mouth, trying to speak, trying to ask something, anything, but words wouldn't form.
"James, he still wants you, even just sub- subcans- subcone-"
"Subconsciously," Logan spoke up helpfully.
"Right. Subconsciously," Carlos said quietly, and James turned to face him, still unable to spit out any words.
They let it sink in for a few more minutes, and then Logan stood up, pulling Carlos up by his hand. They each turned to James and held out one hand, palm up.
"James, if you want to get Kendall back in your life, then you have to wake up and stop letting yourself rot away. You have to come to my house, get something to eat, and start figuring out how you're going to get him to listen," Logan informed seriously. His nose scrunched a little. "And maybe take a shower."
James didn't smile, but his eyes seemed to be livelier than just moments ago. He glanced up to Carlos, and then to Logan, eyes finally resting on the two hands stretched out to him. Taking a deep breath, he decided to risk everything for the slim-to-none chance that Kendall would ever be with him again.
He reached out and took both hands.
The moment they arrived at Logan's apartment, Logan had sent him to take a shower. But just moments after the water turned on, he and Carlos heard a series of loud thumps and rushed off to the bathroom in a panic. Logan nearly broke the door on his way in, dashing for the tub when he saw James sprawled in it, shower curtain ripped down and tangled around his body. The taller boy's eyes were wide in shock, and it looked like he was about to cry. Logan immediately started checking him for injuries, and Carlos shut off the shower, instead putting the stopper in the tub and starting a bubble bath. Logan finally pulled away, having checked for breaks, lacerations, or major bruises that looked like internal bleeding.
"You seem okay. But no showers until you have the strength to stand, okay?" Logan said, gently unwinding the shower curtain from around James, and with Carlos's help, the two smaller boys shifted him around to sit long-ways in the tub, watching carefully as he sunk down into the warm water and thick layer of foamy bubbles. "Carlos, keep an eye on him, okay? I'm going to go make him some soup," Logan said, pushing himself to his feet and making his way to the bathroom door. He had to pause just outside of it, holding back a loving smile as Carlos whipped out his basket of favorite bath toys he kept at Logan's apartment, and couldn't help but chuckle as he heard the tan boy begin a thrilling story of how Godzilla and My Little Pony had to go rescue Cheap Generic Racecar from the wrath of the evil Squidward Tentacles.
James was seated at the kitchen table, hair combed nicely and his entire body smelling like strawberries. He was slowly sipping chicken and stars soup, under the watchful eyes of Logan and Carlos the entire time.
"So, how are you going to get Kendall to listen?" Carlos asked suddenly, leaning his chin on his palm and staring in rapt attention at the scarily thin brunette.
James's hand stopped mid-scoop, and he slowly put his spoon back in his bowl, letting the handle rest against the side. "I... I don't know. I've tried everything, guys. I got him every material good that's romantic, I got him things that weren't so romantic, but were things he'd really like, I've given him things from my heart, and I've even tried just talking to him and letting him know how I really feel. None of it worked." He stared down at his soup, wobbly appetite slipping away.
"Well, before you didn't have our help. And I have to say, the first thing you did wrong was try to win him back in a romantic light right away," Logan stated, nudging the soup bowl towards James a little, hinting that he needed to keep eating. James picked up the spoon obediently and scooped some chicken and vegetables into his mouth, looking at Logan in confusion.
"How's that bad?"
Logan sighed. "Look, James, I'm not going to sugarcoat it. You broke Kendall's heart. And if you want him to be back in your life again, you need to start small. He's not going to automatically throw himself back at you. One, he's too stubborn, and two, he's way too hurt."
James sighed swirling his soup around sadly. "So what do you suggest?"
"You need to be friends again, first!" Carlos chirped, smiling a little when Logan nodded in agreement.
"Exactly. He doesn't even trust you as an acquaintance right now, so he'd never go for a relationship right away. You need to work your way back up. And first, you need to get him to talk to you."
"But he won't."
"That's where we come in," Carlos replied proudly. His smile faltered and he turned to Logan. "That's where we come in, right?" he whispered, and Logan smiled and nodded. Carlos beamed, glancing back to James. "Yep, that's where we come in."
"So here's what we need to do. Carlos and I are going out with Kendall today for lunch, and we're leaving in about ten minutes. You need to stay here and keep eating soup every four hours. An entire bowl, at least." He caught James's sulking stare. "Don't look at me like that. You're too thin. Technically, we should be taking you to a hospital, but if you have soup every few hours, you'll slowly start to get better. Your stomach will bloat out a little, but that's just because it's not used to eating, and plus there's no muscle or fat on you to cover it. Okay?" He waited until James nodded, and then pushed his chair back and stood up. "We'll be back in about two hours. Maybe more if things don't go so well," he added seriously, and gave James a sideways hug before walking off to get his shoes. That left Carlos and James sitting there, and James was very much aware that the other boy was staring at him.
"I never told Logan this," Carlos began quietly, and James raised an eyebrow.
"What, that you like him?"
Carlos's jaw dropped, and his cheeks flushed red. "What? No! Of course not," he hissed, although the way he looked panicked for a split second said otherwise. "No, I mean... I never told Logan that... Kendall came to me a week ago, when he was still with Elliot." James stopped swirling his soup and looked up. Carlos fidgeted with his fingers, a little nervous about letting a secret slip. Usually, he did so in the presence of Logan, so that the smarter boy could stop him if needed and filter out information that shouldn't be shared. But it was just Carlos now, and he wasn't sure that it was entirely okay to be telling James this. "He... he looked so lost, and when I sat him down and asked what was wrong, he started crying." James blinked. Kendall rarely ever cried, and it was even less frequent for him to go to a friend and lean on their shoulder throughout it. "A-and, he said that he was so confused, that he didn't know what to do. He really did love Elliot, but something was keeping him from falling in love."
"Wh-what was it?" James asked weakly, leaning forward in his seat. Carlos sighed, closing his eyes just in case this was wrong and telling James was the exact opposite of a good idea. "He said that... that he couldn't fall in love with Elliot, because... his heart had already been taken. And he never quite got it all back."
James slumped back into his chair, eyes wide and unfocused at that. "I... I still have Kendall's heart?" he whispered, and Carlos nodded.
"A little itty bit." The shorter boy opened his mouth to say more, but at that moment, Logan walked over to the table, feet clad with sneakers and hand clutching a pair for Carlos.
"You ready?" Logan asked, and Carlos nodded quickly, standing up and taking the shoes with a thankful smile. They left James at the table, dazing somewhere above his neglected soup, words running through his head. Even if it was a tiny, microscopic sliver, so small and fragile that one wrong step could crush it forever, James Diamond still had a chance.