|Drabbles from a Twisted Mind
Author: Crackinois PM
An in-progress file for some shorter ficlets. 7th fic, a re-working of the ending of episode 3.07 "Crazy For You."Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Drama - J. Rizzoli & M. Isles - Chapters: 7 - Words: 11,076 - Reviews: 117 - Favs: 66 - Follows: 108 - Updated: 07-19-12 - Published: 12-03-11 - id: 7604951
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Author's Note: A post-ep for 3.08 "Crazy for You." All my post-eps for this season will take place on Maura's couch. I jest. I don't jest though if Janet Tamaro keeps writing terrible episode enders on Maura's couch that just must be fixed. Please note – a very small rape mention.
The black mug was piping hot and steaming as she wrapped her fingers around it. A medical conference logo was worn and barely visible on the side from years of too many washes and clasped hands in need of a comforting beverage. Jane held the mug to her nose and let the tendrils of steam carry the spiced fragrance of cinnamon, vanilla and warm milk to her nose. She'd really wanted a beer but one beer might lead to two beers might lead to the whole six-pack. Not drinking to excess in the aftermath of trauma, it was something the therapist had talked about with her after the last brush with Hoyt almost a year ago. Jane took a sip. She hadn't had warm milk since she was a child. It was strangely refreshing and comforting at the same time, reminiscent of nights in her father's lap when she couldn't sleep and he sang a soft tune in a gentle baritone that few knew he possessed.
Maura came, carrying her own mug and eyed Jane ensconced under a blanket on her sofa before lifting the corner of the cover to settle down directly beside her.
"There's a whole sofa, ya know," Jane set her mug aside and looked at her friend who stared blankly ahead.
Maura didn't respond except to reach forward and put her mug on the coffee table and then let her head fall to Jane's shoulder as she tucked her feet to her side under the blanket.
"I always wanted to go to Hawaii. My head looked good there, didn't you think? The company could have been better." Levity. Something light to break the silence. Jane knew she could either laugh or she could cry. She really didn't want to cry. Again.
Maura nuzzled in closer, "We'll take vacation in the late spring. I'll take you there. There's a lovely resort on Oahu I've frequented several times. Very rustic, not overly touristy. There's some beautiful hiking…horseback riding on the beach…"
"Can I stay here…" Jane interrupted. She hadn't expected Maura to take the comment and go anywhere with it. She didn't want to talk about Hawaii, about the vacation she almost never got the chance to take. "Until I find a new apartment?"
"Of course. You're welcome to stay as long as you like," Maura ran her thumb lightly back and forth across Jane's forearm.
"I just, you know, didn't want to violate your one guest rule for too long," Jane joked, giving her shoulder a little lift to rouse Maura out of her somberness.
"You're not a guest, you're mi…" Mine. It almost tumbled out in a way that would have been utterly inexplicable. Maura caught it, eyes slamming shut as she took a deep breath, "…my…you're my…" Tears.
Jane turned and pulled Maura into her arms, felt her shaking like she did when she was trying so hard to be unemotional. Jane held her tighter, buried her face in Maura's neck and twined Maura's ponytail around her fingers as Maura clawed and wadded handfuls of Jane's disheveled hair in her grasp.
"Wanna talk about it?" Jane asked reluctantly. She didn't want to talk about it. There would be plenty of talking about when she once again found herself in the department shrink's office. The shrink should offer frequent client miles. That trip to Hawaii would be paid for.
"No," Maura muttered as she sniffled and tried to control her breathing. Everything had been so out of her control recently. And then to almost lose Jane…again. There was only so much one person could bear; Maura was sure she was nearing the break.
"Really?" Jane asked, pulling back.
Maura shook her head, wiping at the tears in the unique way she that had. Jane cocked her head with a small smile as Maura brought the back of one finger to each eye and swiped. "No, because I know you don't want to."
Biting her lip, Jane sighed, "I do, if you need to."
"It's just…" Maura paused and closed her eyes. A moment of stillness, that's all she needed. "This was worse than Hoyt for me."
With her elbow propped on the back of the sofa, Jane rested her head in her hand. Maura reached out and ran the tips of her fingers through Jane's hair and then mimicked her pose. She watched Jane's hand picking nervously at the blanket and let her own fall over it. Her hand calmed and turned to allow Maura's to fill it with a reassuring squeeze.
"I didn't want to watch. To see him hurt you the way he was going to hurt you," Maura began. "At least with Hoyt, he was going to rape and kill me first. I wouldn't have had to see you suffer the same."
Jane closed her eyes and balled up her fist, bringing it to her mouth so she could bite down on her knuckles. If she could make it hurt somewhere else, maybe the weight of Maura's words wouldn't seem so devastating. But, it didn't help. She opened her eyes as the tears she had so masterfully held back until then began to trickle down her face. "And can't you see…that's exactly why that day in the infirmary with Hoyt was worse for me."
A loose curl shifted and splayed across Maura's face. Jane reached for it, running her fingers down the silky strand as she gently pushed it back and tucked it behind her friend's ear. "Why does this keep happening?"
The sheer ridiculous bad luck of it all was becoming more and more perplexing. The nature of Jane's work was dangerous; Maura knew that. Being so close to Jane naturally drew her in. But the totality of the recent storms they had weathered alone and together were taking them beyond the realm of random statistical probability.
"Bad karma…from a previous life," Maura offered, trying to keep a straight face as a thin smile played at the corner of her lips.
"Ah," Jane nodded, "bad karma…previous life. Of course. Who do you think we were?"
Maura pondered and then regarded Jane with a raised eyebrow, "Perhaps you're a descendant of Odysseus. Your penchant for being lured into vans is retribution for your ancestor's Trojan Horse ploy."
Jane chuckled, "Witty, Dr. Isles. Witty." Her head fell to the back of the sofa and Jane closed her eyes, a small hum escaping as the back of Maura's hand stroked lightly down her cheek.
Jane nodded and opened her eyes, "Afraid to sleep though."
"No one can hurt you here," Maura reassured her.
"Dreams can." Jane sat up and swung her feet to the floor. She glanced at Maura by her side and sighed, "I can't stay awake for ever though, can I?"
"Prolonged sleep deprivation can mimic psychosis including hallucinations and heightened paranoia."
"Nightmares it is then," Jane stood and looked down at Maura with solemn eyes that needed no words to speak of the need for company.
Maura stood to join her. As Jane turned she reached back and wiggled her fingers until Maura answered by sliding her hand into the expectant grasp.
They left the table lamp on by Jane's side of the bed at her request and settled side by side on their backs under the downy comforter. With her fingers locked together across her abdomen, Jane stared up at the ceiling. It made her think about her apartment and that little crack with the flap of peeling paint right over her bed that she'd been trying to get the landlord to fix for months. That didn't matter anymore. When she closed her eyes it wasn't Dominick that she saw in the darkness. It wasn't Hoyt either. That was something to be thankful for. What she did see ignited a different kind of fear. Maura. Her voice, panicked, drifting down the hallway of the hospital. Where is she! The look on her face as she blew past a nurse and burst into the exam room. In that moment, when Jane looked up and caught her eyes, her friend's face was torn between the gripping fear of the ordeal and the relief that they were no longer looking at each other across a computer screen. She wasn't even mad or embarrassed that a nurse was in the middle of her rape exam.
I'm ok, Maura, Jane nodded. Maura took a deep breath and apologized, I just needed to see you. But, Jane knew that she wasn't ok. And the reason for it wasn't Charles Hoyt and it wasn't Dominick Bianchi either. It was everything unspoken. Yet, the words were almost more terrifying than a scalpel at her throat or the gruff baker's hands from earlier on her body.
Jane rolled over, scooting into Maura's side as she laid her head on her friend's chest. "I…needed to see you too. Earlier. In the hospital."
Maura again found comfort in the strokes of her fingers through Jane's hair. She ran her other hand down the arm Jane had draped across her and strained to kiss the crown of dark hair just within reach.
"Face me," Jane asked softly, almost meekly, as she lifted her head and gave Maura a little tug until she acquiesced and rolled onto her side. "No nightmares like this," she offered as she rested her forehead against Maura's and settled into the tight embrace.
"How can you be sure?" Maura lifted her chin and pressed her lips to Jane's brow.
"Because…I didn't have any after Hoyt when you stayed with me that night." Deep breath. As trite as it was, Jane considered that perhaps the old saying on fear was true. The real terror was the fear of fear. "You're mine…that's what you wanted to say…a little while ago in the living room. Wasn't it?"
No words. Maura nodded, forehead and nose skimming across Jane's with the motion.
That wasn't so scary. Jane opened her eyes, smiling at how Maura kept hers shut in one last-ditch effort to shield herself. She ran her thumb across the perfect arch of Maura's eyebrow, down her cheek until it ghosted lightly over Maura's lip. When her eyes finally opened, Jane pressed their lips together. It was a still kiss, slow and controlled. There would be a time for passion, for exploration later. Now was the time for something that could convey the words theretofore unspoken.
Jane slowly let the kiss wane and their lips fall apart, "I am. Yours."