I'm not writing fem!Hibari for once! Then again, this isn't romance, either.

This is obviously a parody of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. I apologise for the shortness of the chapter(s) in advance.

Note: My sister advised that I should my interactions as the narrator with the characters in italics, but I thought it was a little weird. I heeded her advice, though.

Another note: This should be updated weekly on Fridays or Saturdays.

I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn and the story of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.

Once upon a time, there was a queen who was with child. That winter, she sat in the snow-covered gardens of the palace on a bench of black ebony wood, sewing. In her state of carelessness, she had pricked her finger on the sharp needle.

"Do I really have to?"

Have to what, Kyoko-san?

"Prick my finger. Don't you usually use fake blood for these things?"

We usually do, but we'll use CG to cover up for it later.

"Okay. So all I have to do is pretend to prick it, right?"

Please do.

And so, the Queen pricked her finger.

"Ouch!"

Watching as the drops of scarlet red blood stain the pure white snow, the queen spoke, mesmerized by the sight before her.

"Oh, how I wish for a child with hair as dark as ebony wood, with lips ae red as blood and with skin as white as snow!"

And a few months later, she gave birth to a child with hair as dark as ebony wood, with lips as red as... Well, you know what I mean so I won't repeat over again.

"You lousy narrator! Do your job properly!"

Oh, shut up and be quiet, Octopus-head. It's not even your turn yet.

"What did you call me?"

" Go-Gokudera-kun! Please calm down."

"Well well, at least he shows that he's energetic about this."

"What is happening to the extreme?"

"It's none of your business, lawn head!"

"What did you say?"

"Gokudera-kun! Yamamoto-san and Big Brother as well! Sorry to trouble you, Narrator-san."

No problem at all. Now, where were we? Oh yes...

When spring came, the Queen gave birth to a child. Her name... was Snow White.

Snow White grew up to be a beautiful girl, envied by all. Many princes from far-away lands travel to her small kingdom just to catch a glimpse of her. She was a kind and gentle girl, spending her days singing and dancing in the gardens with the small animals...

"Hey, herbivore."

Yes, Snow White?

"Call me that again and I'll bite you to death."

... This is the story of Snow White. As the name of the story suggests, my dear princess, your name has to be Snow White.

"Do you think I care?"

And Snow White doesn't carry tonfas around. I'm pretty sure she doesn't.

"Whatever. Get my name right. Or else."

Whatever you say.

"And get me out of this hideous thing."

That 'hideous thing' that you call is known as a dress, my dear Hibari.

"In case you haven't noticed, I am a man. Male. Get it?"

... Will this story ever continue?

"Did you just ignore me, herbivore? Do you want to be bitten to death?"

That's the second time I heard that threat today. I'll do something about the frock, so deal with it for now. We need to continue.

So, Snow White...

"Ahem?"

... I mean Hibari grew up to be the fairest person in the land. This made her stepmother...

"Since when was there a step-mother in this story?"

Did I forget to mention that the Queen died shortly after giving birth and that the King remarried?

"You forgot? Why you..."

"Gokudera-kun!"

"Hahi~ Haru doesn't want to play the stepmother!"

Haru-san, please bear with this...

"B-But..."

(insert loud, crashing sound of something breaking here)

What was that sound?

"The Prince just tripped over his cape and crashed into the sets to the extreme!"

Sighs... Just how many sets were broken?

"Three, I think. The dwarves' house, the forest and that one for the last scene are broken to the extreme!"

"His cape tore in the process, too. Well well, at least he's only appearing much later."

"Hehehe! Lambo wants candy!"

"Don't go running about when it's not your turn, stupid cow!"

"Kufufu..."

"Geez! Stop it, guys! Quit making a racket!"

"Make sure you act with your dying will, Tsuna."

"Just how long are you herbivores going to crowd here?"

... Will this story ever continue? Find out in the next instalment of Snow Whi...

"Ahem?"

... I mean Hibari Kyoya and the Nine Dwarves! See you next time!

"Hold on a darn minute! We're ending it here?"

Well, we have broken sets, torn costumes, angry actors... How do you expect us to continue?

"You lousy excuse of a..."

"Gokudera-kun!"

And now, a message from Snow- I mean Hibari Kyoya.

"Review or I'll bite you to death."

Stay tuned, folks!