|The DecLie Complex
Author: GoldStarGrl PM
Everyone has their secrets. Especially Howard, Leonard, Raj, Amy, Bernadette, Penny and yes, even Sheldon. Ten secrets the each keep.Rated: Fiction T - English - Friendship/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 7 - Words: 6,160 - Reviews: 67 - Favs: 91 - Follows: 60 - Updated: 04-20-12 - Published: 12-09-11 - Status: Complete - id: 7622188
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
The Dec-Lie Complex
1. He doesn't lack a Ph.D. by choice.His father walked out on him when he was eleven, leaving Mrs. Wolowitz to raise a sixth grader on a part time cashier's salary. From middle school until he turned seventeen, Mrs. Wolowitz saved every penny she made for Howard and his education. She was determined he wouldn't be a loser like his Pop. Howard understood her sacrifice, and worked even harder to make sure it was worth it. He studied every night for hours, pulled straight As, got every scholarship that was available. He started working two jobs as soon as he turned fifteen. All he did for those seven years was study and work.
But even with both of them trying as hard as they could, there just wasn't enough money for everything they needed, let alone wanted. When Howard graduated with his masters-He also graduated with hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. He wanted to earn a Ph.D, but he knew he and his Ma just couldn't swing another four years of school.
He tells his Ma most engineers don't get .
He couldn't handle making her feel guilty.
2. He HATES that he doesn't have a Ph.D.
He always laughs along with his friends, but really, the teasing gets to him. It gives him flash backs of being bullied in middle school for not being tall enough, athletic enough, or cool enough. One night Sheldon pushed him so hard he actually went home and cried.
Apparently he wasn't smart enough either.
3. Bernadette was his first real girlfriend.
He'd hooked up with a couple of girls in college, and had his friends with benefits deal with Leslie Winkle, but Bernadette is the only girl he's ever been able to really hang onto. One who'll sleep with him regularly, who'll lie on his roof with him while he points out constellations, and the only one who continued to say 'Yes'.
4. He's Bisexual. 7. He didn't lose his virginity to his cousin Jeanne.
He figured that out when he was in high school and couldn't stop staring at the captain of the soccer team's as; the BOYS soccer team. He's still into the ladies...QUITE a bit, but he knows he overdoes it sometimes. It's only so his friends won't notice that he was drooling over Shia Lebeuf instead of Megan Fox during their Transformers marathon.
What did Dr. Hofstader call it? Classic Overcompensation?
He laughed her off, but he knew she was right. The Hofstaders had always been pretty damn smart.
5. He starts to speak a new language every time Raj can't.
He loves Raj more than life itself, and it breaks his heart to see him struggle to open his mouth and do what comes so easily to all his friends; talk.
When Dr. Gabelhouse first introduced him to Raj, Raj didn't only clam up around girls: He wouldn't talk to ANYONE. Every day at lunch he'd sit alone and look down at his lap when approached. Howard had assumed he didn't speak English.
Once and awhile, he caught sight of Raj's sparkling, beautiful brown eyes. They made Howard's stomach explode and twist up all at once.
And that was enough to make him decide to help out Rajesh Koothrapalli.
He stayed up all that night learning and memorizing Hindi phrases. He ran up to Raj in the cafeteria the next day and said breathlessly;
"āpse milkar bahut khushi huī. Mera nām Howard hai. App phit milan Gae."
To which Raj furrowed his eyebrows and whispered softly.
"You speak Hindi?"
Howard dropped his lunch tray in outrage, squeaking something along the lines of "You speak ENGLISH? Are you fucking KIDDING me?"
Raj had bitten his lip and looked down, nervously.
"I'm sorry." He squeaked. "I-I don't know why you're angry-"
Howard was about to launch into a tirade about how much time he'd spent trying to learn Hindi just so he could make friends with this-this boy-
Who had the most beautiful brown eyes.
Eyes that were currently filled with fearful tears.
Howard felt any annoyance drain from his body as he realized this.
He bit his lip guiltily and stuck out a hand.
"I...I'm sorry. I-I'm just surprised. Can we start over? As friends?" He asked shyly.
Raj looked at him nervously. He slowly raised his own hand to shake Howard's.
"Hello." He whispered. "It was very nice of you to learn Hindi." He gave a tiny smile at that. Howard's stomach plunged at the sight of it.
He spent the following two weeks studying Hindi every night. By the next year he was fluent.
Whenever Raj gets upset or ashamed or frustrated because of his shyness, Howard cracks open a dictionary and starts learning a new language.
He tells himself it's to balance things out, and that it's his responsibility to speak because Raj can't.
But really, he just knows Farsi and Russian and Sign Language because of the way Raj smiles when he starts speaking.
He'll do anything for that smile.
6. He's terrified of the dark.
Not just scared or annoyed by it, but legitimately terrified. He feels like the darkness is crushing him, swallowing him whole.
Once the power went out when he was at work and he had a panic attack. His two colleagues were nonplussed by the crying, hyperventilating, terror fit that sparked out of nowhere.
When the lights came back on, he wiped his eyes and told them it was an epileptic episode. They pretended to believe him. That night, he put in two new lightsaber lamps over his bed.
7. He didn't lose his virginity to his cousin Jeanne.
He tells everyone he did because the ridicule is less severe than what would he' go through if he told them the truth.
That it was with a boy named Jacob in a camp shower when he was seventeen.
Like the stereotypes suggest, Howard spent all his summers growing up at a local 'Jew Camp'. It was free, so his mother was able to send him there. He and Jason were the last one showering after a particularly exhausting nature hike. Howard was rubbing his sore ankles when he felt a larger, warm hand cup around his own. He looked up to see Jason hunched over him, his hot breath tickling Howard's neck.
"You look exhausted Howie." Jason whispered, running a hand up Howard's leg. His small, dark eyes were full of lust. Howard let out a tiny gasp as Jason leaned forward and kissed him. Howard's stomach started tingling as he himself deepened the kiss, jumping up and wrapping his sudsy legs around Jason's sturdy, stocky body...
It's been nine years since that day, and Howard has denied it's existence for every one.
Although it's gotten harder since he met Leonard.
The day he met short, dark eyed Leonard, he almost passed out; He was a splitting image of Jason Rosenthal.
Sometimes he thinks the universe likes to test him.
beat Sheldon at a game of chess once.
Sheldon attributes it to the fact he was tired and had a cold and wasn't really trying. Regardless, Howard has the pride of knowing that, even if just for a minute, he was smarter
than Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
He wouldn't trade that for all the brisket in the world.
9. He goes to temple almost every Saturday.
He jokes about being a bad Jew, but he drives down to his favorite, quiet little temple in Hollywood as often as he can. The praying, the silence, the long beautiful Hebrew blessings are what keeps him sane. At Temple, he's not obnoxious or creepy or stupid or clumsy. He's just Howard. And he loves it.
10. He looks just like his father did when he was twenty six.
And that scares the living hell out of him.