Author: FallenAngel218 PM
Sam isn't sleeping...at all. Dean is having nightmares from hell. Takes place after 4x02 "Are You There, God? It's Me, Dean Winchester" . I have also included spoilers for later on in S4. Beware! Rated T for language.Rated: Fiction T - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Dean W. & Sam W. - Chapters: 7 - Words: 7,948 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 31 - Updated: 04-05-12 - Published: 12-15-11 - Status: Complete - id: 7639290
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N: As always, they boys will find refuge at Bobby's during the recuperation. As we know, from season 4, Sam is never really himself again, so I am going to play on that. Enjoy!
Disclaimer/Spoiler: Possible spoiler for the beginning of season 4. As always, I do not own Supernatural or any original storylines. I like to write between the lines and bend my creativity…
Sam was released from the hospital a week after he woke up. The doctors insisted on keeping him there a few extra days than Dean had planned, just to make sure he was going to be all right. Dean had to practically force them to print Sam's release papers for him to sign.
The ride to Bobby's was quiet. Sam wasn't feeling up to talking, and Dean wasn't going to push him. The kid still looked tired, though he spent a lot of his time in the hospital asleep.
Sam was relieved when they finally pulled up in front of Bobby's house. He was feeling trapped in the car. He needed to get away from Dean. As soon as Dean put the car in park, Sam got out of the car and started walking away from the house.
"Whoa Sam, where do you think you're going?" Dean asked as he got out of the car.
"I need to take a walk," he stated simply.
"You just got out of the hospital. You look like shit. Come inside and get some rest."
"I will," he lied. "I just need to be alone for a little while. I won't go far."
Dean nodded and went inside.
Sam made his way to a wooded path he'd discovered along the edge of Bobby's property. He walked a little ways into the woods, and stopped at a familiar clearing. He sat himself down on a tree stump, and rubbed the back of his neck. After all of the drug-induced sleep he'd gotten in the hospital, he still felt tired. He felt like his body was a sack of bricks. He felt as if his body wanted to give up working. He felt like he wanted to give up living.
He reached into his coat pocket and produced his .45. The cool metal felt so foreign to him, though he'd owned the gun for the better part of 15 years. He checked to make sure the clip he'd loaded into it last week was still there. With a shaking hand, he took the safety off and held the gun to the side of his head. He had to do it. All of this was just too much. He was done.
As he shakily pushed the gun into the side of his head, he heard a fluttering noise behind him. He turned to see a man in a trench coat standing there.
"Who the hell are you?" he said, turning the gun on the intruder.
"An Angel of The Lord," he stated simply. In an instant he laid two fingers on Sam's forehead, and he fell to the ground, unconscious.
Bobby was deep into a lore book when Castiel appeared in his living room, holding Sam's body over his shoulder. He quickly introduced himself to Bobby as Dean came running downstairs. Castiel plopped Sam onto the couch.
"Cas? What are you doing –" Dean stopped when he saw Sam on the couch. "What the hell happened?"
"I found him in the woods, with this." He handed Dean the pistol. "He was aiming at his temple," Castiel added.
"He was going to kill himself?"
Castiel only nodded, and promptly disappeared. Dean tucked Sam's gun into the back of his jeans for safe keeping. His gaze fell on Sam, who was still unconscious on the couch. Why would he still want to kill himself? What was so bad that Sam didn't think he deserved to live?
"Dean," Bobby's voice was normal sounding, almost soft. "Wake him. We're all going to talk this out, right now."
Dean nodded and sat on the couch next to his brother.
"Sam, wake up dude," he said softly. Sam's eyes flew open and he sat up quickly, almost knocking Dean off the couch. It took him a second to realize he was at Bobby's.
"How did I get here?" he asked, a little more than confused.
"A damn angel brought you home," Bobby said, getting up and coming into the living room. He sat down in his favorite easy chair, across from the couch. "He told us what happened, Sam."
Sam looked down at his hands. Damn angel ratted on him. A few more seconds of peace, and he'd be dead.
"Sam, we need to talk about this," Dean said, sitting down on the couch next to his brother. "You don't have to hide anything from us. We're a family. A seriously dysfunctional family, but still a family. You don't have to be scared."
He could never tell them about Ruby. About what he was doing with her. About the demon blood. That was a secret Dean and Bobby would never understand.
"It's not that easy, Dean. I just feel so tired. I don't want to do this anymore. I'm just, done."
"You're not done, Sam. We have an apocalypse to avert, here. Angels brought me back from hell to stop this thing. I can't do it without you, Sam."
"You and Bobby – "
"Me and Bobby can do the job just fine, but we need you." Sam looked down at his hands again. Dean grabbed him by the shoulders. "Look at me, damn it!"
"You really need me?"
"Yeah, we do."
Sam sat back on the couch, silent. They needed him. He was wanted. He didn't feel like he deserved to be wanted. Nevertheless they still wanted him. Loved him. They were his family. For the first time in a long while, Sam smiled. It felt good to be wanted again.
When Dean finally went to sleep that night, Sam snuck out of the house to call Ruby. He needed a fix. When she didn't answer her cell, he got nervous.
"Ruby, pick up the damn phone. I need more. Call me back." He hung up and slipped the phone into his pocket. His family made need him to stop the apocalypse, but he still had some secrets they would never know.
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