Mr Death

Who is Touta Matsuda, Mr Death? What did he live for? What was his life?

Touta Matsuda, Mr Death, is Confused.

Touta Matsuda, Mr Death, asks himself Questions.

Questions like: What is Light Yagami?

Light Yagami is a body, a bullet, the words on page, stark black, stark white as they contrast each other, a record, a footnote; a lost idea, an abandoned ideal of an illusory perfection, oh, yes!

Light Yagami is cracked memory in cracked minds, whispers through a graveyard, of a wasted life, of wasted potential (he could have done so much! they say).

Potential - potential! Potential like an unexploded bomb has potential!

Bright young college students graduating from university with a degree in Law, they don't have potential, they have Paths, and Pointers, and Expectations, and Non-Choices. Those are nice, those are safe, aren't they?

(we're so proud of you, Touta, doing what your father did! we know you'll make us proud!)

Am I my own person, or aren't I? Touta Matsuda asks.

He wanted to do it though - police work. It was what he wanted (wasn't it? no, no more questions, don't start this again) and he was happy and eager and if there had been something else, if there had been Potential before his father and his father's Plans for him, then it was dangerous, dangerous and wrong, like Light Yagami, like the unexploded bomb.

BOOM!

Touta Matsuda, Mr Death, wanted to be everyone but himself, you see.

He wanted to be Aizawa, with a devoted wife and a devoted family and he wanted to be Mogi, to be strong and silent and useful and he wanted to be L, with a darkdeadly mind, and he wanted to be Light, he wanted to be Light Yagami so much, because Light was bright and brilliant and who wouldn't want Soichiro as a father?

Everyone was perfect, everyone was sososo perfect, everyone was perfect but him.

Touta Matsuda, Mr Death, thinks in boxes.

It's easier that way.

It was, when he started, in the Kira Hunting Taskforce.

(secret agents going after Kira!)

See, Soichiro was the Wise One, the Brave One, the Father, the Leader, and Aizawa was the Blunt One, and Mogi was the Strong One and L was the Smart One who was still Human Really and Matsuda was the Hero, like in shonen manga, where the heroes are bumbling and stumbling, but they're Brave Really and they'll go on to Catch The Bad Guy and Save The Day and then they'll Find The Girl Of Their Dreams and everyone Loves Them.

Yes.

That's what would happen.

Touta Matsuda had his Boxes, and he was happy.
But then Light came, and he was confused, for a while, because he couldn't really be the Hero with Light around, could he? But it was all good, all good, Light was handsome and brilliant and charismatic, he was the Hero and Misa, pretty and perky and so, so devoted, she was his Love Interest and Soichiro was the Wise One, the Brave One, the Father, the Leader, and Aizawa was the Blunt One, and Mogi was the Strong One and Matsuda was stumbling and bumbling, but he's Brave Really and he'll go on to Catch The Bad Guy and Save The Day and then he'll Find The Girl Of His Dreams and everyone will Love Him.

Yes.

That's what would happen.

Touta Matsuda had his Boxes, and he was happy.

L didn't quite fit, not into this equation, because L and Light stared at each other like they couldn't decide whether they wanted to take a knife to each others throats or tear off all the other's clothes and have angry sex on the floor.

Maybe both. Maybe both.

Touta Matsuda, Mr Death, has blood all over his hands.

It drip drip drips down his shaking fingers onto a white white page and he stares at it there while his mind scrawls excuses and ways out and accusations against letters, accusations written in blood that looks like ink and ink that looks like blood.

There's smoke and screams and the bullet of a gun and it's all across hands in the bitter faces of old friends and a rusty box made of desperate screams.

What, will these hands never be clean!

(L had said that once, or Light, he couldn't quite recall, they blurred into one thing in his mind. LandLight. LightandL. And anyway, Light never did have blood on his hands, did he? Only ink.)

It was Light's fault, really.

He broke the Boxes.

Light didn't fit, because he couldn't be the Hero, but he couldn't be the Villain, so Matsuda just put him in the same place he put L after he died - in the Geniuses-who-we-don't-understand-and-don't-care-about-because-they're-much-too-clever-for-you-so-leave-them-alone-and-don't-be-sad-about-them-because-they're-dead-and-it-doesn't-matter-no-really-it-doesn't.

It was a box which had two members and they both blurred together in his mind.

L and Light. Light and L.

Same thing, really.

Touta Matsuda, Mr Death, doesn't like to give up.

He tried again, with himself as Prince Charming and he just knew, with all his heart, that if he kissed Sayu Yagami's chapped, frozen lips she would rise from her charmed slumber and they'd go off and Get Married and Live Happily Ever After.
It didn't happen.

Suppose he was just deluding himself.
He's good at that.

Touta Matsuda is a survivor, Mr Death.
He's one of the one's left behind.

A/N: I've seen people doing these little notes in the past, so I'll try.

Questions people might have, yes I realise. One such question might be, who the hell is Mr Death? He's, you know, death. Big guy. Cloak and scythe. You must have heard of him. Why is he here? Beats me. Ask him (Think of him as death from 'The Book Thief', if you've read that book). Why does death want to know about Matsuda? Again, no idea. It's irrelevant. Who's telling the story? One of...death's...helpers...you know...his little wizards. Those guys.

Does this story make any sense at all?

...no. No it doesn't. If you want to leave a review saying 'This makes no sense!', feel free to do so. It would be good if it made some kind of sense to somebody though.