Yes, yes I know. Another side story. But at least read it...it's my second attempt at a purely humorous fic. Got the idea from xXShikigamiXx so go thank him...or her, whichever, if you like this.

On a side not, I have a black eye! Bastard that gave it to me got a broken nose, a bruised rib and a sprained neck so...I guess we're even!

...Nah, I totally won that fight...

He felt like shit.

Actually, he may have felt way less like shit and more like that time he had gotten trashed by the numerous girls in the den after they had somehow gotten the idea he had peeped on them. He seriously didn't by the way...peek. He wasn't a pervert.

...

Okay, so maybe he did see a little bit of cleavage...and underwear...but mostly cleavage. But it wasn't like he was the only one! Kota, Shun and Tatsumi dragged him into it! On a side note, he didn't know who had bigger boobs; Alisa or Kanon...

Back to the point, right...

"My fucking head..."

His door slid open, Wolf turning away in his pitiful state as only one person would do that without knocking.

"Aww," A familiar voice cooed, "Is little Wolfy sick?"

"Shut up, Kanon."

Said pinkette grinned wryly at his miserable form, the blonde not even trying to figure out exactly how she got into his room after he clearly remembered locking the door. Stuffing his head into his pillow, the blonde tried not to look at the medic. He seriously didn't want to see that teasing smirk.

"I can't believe it."

"Shut up."

"You."

"Shut up."

"Great leader of the first unit."

"Shut up."

"Beaten."

"Kanon, shut the hell up."

"By a cold."

"Okay, that's it." Wolf turned, ready to tackle Kanon and give her a noogie or something equally painful.

Only to stop at what she was wearing...

"Why the hell are you in a maid costume?"

"What, don't you like it?" She grinned innocently, despite the fact that what she was wearing was quite possibly a healthy male's wet dream, "I thought you were into this stuff..."

"...What in the name of all things holy made you think that?"

"Hehe..." She laughed like a fox before pointing at his face, which was doing a very good job of imitating a tomato, "You've got a nosebleed."

"Shut up!"

After the brief scuffle, in which by scuffle I mean 'trying to make Kanon put on her usual clothes instead of the black and white outfit that has most probably has something to do with her recent addiction to the strange thing called the internet', Wolf lay on his bed, a tissue stuck up his nose. Of course, Kanon was smiling cheerily right next to him, her hands in her lap while she sat on his bed side in a manner very reminiscent of her costume.

"How did they say it again?" She bopped her fist into her open palm a moment later, "Is there anything else, master?"

"Kanon, shut the hell up."

"Aww..."

"At least no one can see you like this..." Wolf sighed, "I'd die of embarrassment..."

Kanon giggled.

"What was that?"

"What was what?"

"You just giggled."

"No, I didn't." She giggled.

"You did it again."

"I don't know what you're talking about...master."

"Kanon, what did you do?"

"Again, I don't know what you're talking about." She looked to the side with a smile. "But, on a totally unrelated note, some may drop by after news of your ailment spreads. I mean, they're all so good friends and Soma will probably get dragged along by Sakuya and Kota. Maybe even some of the members of the other units will notice and visit, as well."

"You didn't tell anyone...did you?"

"Of course not, master."

DING DONG

A pleasant ring from the speakers inside the Den rang, the music of bells chiming its usual carefree tone before it silenced itself when it finished.

'Good morning, residents of the Den.'

Oh, this can't be good.

'A small announcement. First unit team leader, Wolf Arashi has fallen ill recently, due to overworking himself...again.'

Wolf glared at Kanon, the pinkette trying to look innocent as possible, but the absolutely cheshire grin that crept up her face didn't help her cause.

"...I hate you."

"I love you too."

'As such, send him your greetings. He's currently in his room. Pay him a visit, send him some mail. And a personal message to Kanon Daiba- Puppy dog eyes are evil.'

"Kanon, take off that stupid costume!"

"Ooh, master. I knew you liked it rough."

"...that...that wasn't what I meant!"

"If you insist. But someone may come in while we're...busy."

"Why the hell are you like this?!"

"Don't you like it?"

"No! Hey! Get off me! Kanon!"

"Now, now. Don't struggle, master."

"Stop calling me master!"

"You're so cute when you're flustered."

"Kanon!"

The first unit was proud to say they were used to their leader's shenanigans. After all, they had stuck with him for the better part of the year. So to them, it wasn't a surprise if the guy was somehow plunged into another half-ass plot, trying to make a decision that may or may not save a life and along the way, create an ungodly amount of property damage. Wolf Arashi and normality were never going to see eye to eye, after all. Not while the blonde continued to beat the ever loving shit out of the concept with a baseball bat.

"Kanon, dammit, get off!"

"Stay still, master. It won't hurt."

"For fucks sake, someone's gonna see us like this."

"Hehe."

But old dogs can learn new tricks- new tricks that will give anyone in hearing range a sound stomping on their sanity.

"Uh..." Kota called, uneasily. He knocked twice on the door of his unit leader, his other squad mates having looked to him to do the job none of them wanted to do...again. "Wolf? Are you guys alright? Did we come at a bad time?"

Silence.

A few hushed whispers and the sound of scurrying feet melted through the steel doors, the visitors' oracle enhanced hearing barely picking up on the now whispered sounds from the other side of the mechanical door. Kota looked at the others behind him, to which they responded to with a shrug, or in Soma's case, a scowl. Said less than social albino repressed a growl at the fact that they were practically wasting his time on endeavors that would bear no fruit, and just tried to get it over with. After all, Sakuya would never stop nagging him if he didn't at least check up on his leader.

"Come on, this is a waste of time." Soma growled. Say what you will, but the guy is stubborn.

Saya pouted at him, the pinkette looking peeved at his blatant disregard for her brother's health.

"No, the cook off was a waste of time." Alisa said, "What this is, is being 'caring'. You should try it."

Funny story, the cook off...

On a side note, this is what Sakaki issued after the disastrous results.

By Order of Necessity-

All things not allowed in the kitchen:

God arcs

Duct tape

Saya Arashi

Yu-Gi-Oh! cards

Spongebob

Fire Breathing Squirrels

Anything with a pulse apart from Wolf, Sakuya and Kanon(when the girl is with one of the other two) or the hired cooks.

...

Yeah...

Gods eaters don't cook well...

"Onii-chan!" Saya called, cheerily, "Are you there? We're coming in!"

Opening the door with a push to the mainframe, Saya led the band of gods eaters into their leader's room, finding said blonde sprawled out on the floor. Now it wouldn't have been strange if that was it...he'd done much weirder things than get intimate with the carpet. But considering, as I've said repeatedly, that Kanon was currently in a MAID costume... and straddling him, no less...

Well...you get the point.

"Uh...this isn't...what it looks like." Wolf said, weakly. Kanon sat innocently on his waist, straddling him, still with a smile at their visitors.

...

Saya slowly stepped out and closed the door.

"Are you alright, master? You're turning awfully red..."

"GAAAAH!"

All of them were silent in this time, no one able to comment on what exactly they had seen just yet. But the words 'maid', 'fetish' and 'internet' kept on coming up to their heads. Kota absently tried to stop his nosebleed. Saya looked rather horrified at what looked like her brother and his girlfriend about to 'get down and naughty', and Soma had a rather noticeable twitch on his left eye.

"Nii-chan...Kanon..."

And so, Saya's young mind reverted to five or so years ago, when her brother gave her the most mentally scarring moment in her life.

...with puppets...

"It goes in...it comes out..."

A young pinkette rocked back and forth in a dark corner, an expression of true horror engraved on her face, frozen as if it had been carved from stone by a sculptor.

"It goes in...it comes out...it goes in...it comes out...it goes in...it comes out...it goes in...it comes out..." She muttered her mantra to herself, clutching a teddy bear closer to her chest while her she tried to reassemble the pieces of her fragmented mind.

"No...no more puppets...I'll be good...I'll be a good little princess..."

Wolf sweatdropped, slowly hiding his puppet covered hands behind him in an attempt to at least calm down the wreck of a girl.

"Sex is scary..." She muttered.

"It goes in...it comes out..." Saya started, once again in a dark corner. Her unit watched in utterly disturbed moods as the younger Arashi rocked back and forth with a teddy bear she'd literally taken out of her pocket. Kota tried to calm her down, only to get hit in the face with the head of the stuffed animal that was surprisingly tough. "NO! No puppets! I don't want puppets! Saya's a good girl! I didn't steal from the cookie jar! It was the bad ogretail! Mr. Beary can tell you! He'll prove me innocent!" She held out her teddy bear in front of them, the parchment sewed on its paws reading 'I Wuv You' ruffling at the sudden dislocation. Strangely, the words made the demented girl more ominous...

"...I blame all of you for this." Soma said, with no small amount of venom in his words.

"Maybe we should leave her alone for a while..." Kota nursed his recent injury at the hands of the fourteen year old, more specifically, her teddy bear.

"Well...no one's getting close to her without having a little chat with 'Mr. Beary' so..." Sakuya turned to the door of Wolf, the side still noisy at Wolf's bloody murder of a vocabulary.

"Get the fu- Kanon, that's not appropriate!"

"Oh?"

"Is this about the time I tricked you into drinking that love juice thing Dr. Sakaki made?!"

"No...but thanks for reminding me, master."

"Oh, shi- AAAAAAHHHHH!"

"If any of you still wanna go in, be my guest." Soma drawled, sardonically. "But leave me the hell out of it. I've already been experimented on before I was even born. I don't need to see my leader and the pink headed ditz having kinky intercourse."

Kota looked at Sakuya. Sakuya looked at Alisa. Alisa looked at Saya's still mentally scarred rocking.

...

"Do we have to?" kota asked weakly.

"Uh..." Alisa sounded unsure.

"Yes, we do." Sakuya tried to sound sure of herself. "...But right now, I'll be honest and say, I really don't want to."