|Between a Rock and a Hard Place
Author: RatherHomely PM
Will true love blossom? Or will this rolling stone of love gather no moss? Rarity/Tom. Why? Because I CAN. Rated T because it's not rated M.Rated: Fiction T - English - Parody/Romance - Rarity - Words: 3,068 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 1 - Published: 12-20-11 - Status: Complete - id: 7656224
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
You ever notice how when Discord brainwashed Rarity she got really, REALLY fond of that rock? Which she named Tom? I thought that was kind of creepy. So I decided to make a story about it.
Also, to all you rock fetishists out there, you're welcome.
"And I hope I never see any of them again!" shouted Rarity, as she struggled through her front door, Tom cradled awkwardly on her back. It was a tight squeeze, but somehow the two managed to fit. Rarity dropped Tom onto the rug of her living room, and gave him a sheepish grin. "I do so hope you haven't gotten the wrong impression about me from my friends. They're just SO uncouth!"
Tom sat there.
Rarity waited for a moment, and then let out a nervous laugh. "I understand why you're speechless, Tom. But honestly, I'm nothing like them! I'm the perfect girl for a handsome diamond like you!" No response. "How about an omelet?" More silence. "In that case, I'll be right back! Please, do make yourself comfortable." Tom made no move for a chair as Rarity fled to the kitchen, her nerves wracked from the one-sided conversation.
"Oh, I do hope Tom's alright with my décor." muttered Rarity, as she went to the fridge to gather some eggs. "After all, what could a diamond like more than modern fashion…?" But Rarity knew she was kidding herself. Tom had hardly looked pleased at the current arrangement. He seemed just as stony faced now as he did around her rotten friends. After cracking the eggs open and letting the contents spill into a pan, Rarity took a quick glance out into the living room, careful so that Tom wouldn't spot her peeking.
He remained in the same spot as before, and Rarity could just picture Tom's feet tapping impatiently. If he had feet, that is. Rarity gulped, returning to the stove. For any other pony, Rarity would never sacrifice HER precious eggs. But for Tom... She switched the heat on to high (the quicker she could get them done, the better), and as the eggs began to cook, her thoughts wandered back to the gem standing in her living room. Why was she feeling so flustered around him? Why did her heart skip a beat each time she offered even a fleeting glance at his smooth, flawless stone?
"I think…" whispered Rarity. "I'm in love!" She couldn't ignore the burning passion that existed deep down inside her, a madness that flooded her heart with the intensity of a thousand suns. Rarity moved airily to the window, and she stared out at the clouds. She could hardly contain herself, her spirit right up there in the sky with the birds. All because she thought of Tom.
She dashed out to the living room where Tom still sat in the same spot, and shouted; "Tom, I need to inform you of something! I…" She coughed "… I…" But Rarity couldn't stop coughing, due to the smoke now coming from the kitchen. "My goodness!" Perhaps cooking eggs on the highest setting wasn't such a good idea… "I just need to nip back into the kitchen quick! Tom, you can just… um… Stay there." And with another sheepish grin, Rarity retreated, again, to the kitchen, which had seemed to fill up with smoke in record time.
"Oh, bother…" The eggs were ruined. Rarity flung a window open, and watched as the smoke fled like a flock of startled birds out into the sky. For the moment, the sky seemed to be blotted out by the dense cloud, similar to how it also seemed to smother her hopes of hitting it off with Tom. A quick glance around the room heightened Rarity's worst fear; the smoke had lightly stained what seemed like every surface with a light dusting of ash. What if Tom rolled in and saw?
"If he sees the horrid state my kitchen is in, Tom will never speak to me again!" Panicky, Rarity quickly rushed out to the living room. Tom was still there. "Oh, uh, Tom. I just wanted to inform you that everything is going splendid in the kitchen! Unfortunately, it seems that the omelet I was preparing for you was, you see, um… horribly unfashionable. So you can't eat it." On the outside Rarity fought to maintain her composure, while in her head all she could do was give herself a mental chastising. Really? An omelet unfashionable? You're really going to win Tom's heart with that pathetic nonsense?
Tom just sat there.
"Oh, you hardly need to worry about it! And you also don't need to exert the effort checking the kitchen." Rarity let off what she believed to be a reassuring smile. She felt a sweat drop fall down the side of her head as both she and Tom stood there in an awkward moment of silence. What was he thinking? Was he concerned about her? Suspicious about what really happened in the kitchen? The tension was unbearable! If only she could read what was going on past that blank, aloft expression!
It seemed as though they were locked in a staring contest, and Rarity felt herself trembling slightly as she finally cried out; "I need to make sure the eggs are nice!" And, for a third time that day, she ran back to the kitchen.
What was wrong with her? She was normally so cool, so controlled… Around Tom, her polite (albeit greedy) demeanor seemed to melt away, and all that was left was a nervous filly. As Rarity rested her front legs on the windowsill, and tears of frustration flowed from her eyes, she let out a shout to the world and all who would listen; "Why, why, WHY? Oh Equestria, why must you gift me with such a perfect specimen, only to stop him from returning my love? Of all the worst possible things, this is the. WORST. Possible…"
"If you finish that sentence, I am going to slap you so hard."
Rarity sniffed, and looked to where the deep voice had come from, and she saw Angel, who was now a good seven feet tall thanks to Discord's leg extensions. She sighed. "Oh, salutations, Angel. I'm afraid you've caught me at a rather detestable time. I'm feeling a tad in the dumps, as it were…"
Angel rolled his eyes. "Look, you aren't going to feel any better if you don't open up, sweet cheeks. C'mon, a friend of Fluttershy is a friend of mine." Rarity winced at the mention of her once friend, now enemy's name. "What's the problem?"
Rarity pawed at the window, inner turmoil swirling like juice in a blender, before finally bursting out, "Oh Angel! It's horrid! The love of my life is sitting in my living room right now, and I can't even work up the nerve to tell him how I truly feel!" The tears flowed like a waterfall. "What's a girl to do? I'm not good enough for him! I'm just not…!" Angel slapped Rarity across the face, (an impressive feat considering the long legs) and Rarity quieted down. "Thank you Angel. I needed that. It's just that… Look at me, I'm practically shaking!"
"Look Rarity, this is about Tom, isn't it?"
"Why, yes! How did you…?"
"It's not important how I know. What's important is that you're dealing with some guy who's tough to get in a relationship with. Trust me. My cousin dated a ruby once. Wasn't pretty." Angel shook his head, as if to get rid of poor memories that had arisen in his mind. "Anyway, the thing about stones like Tom is that they have a hard time opening up. You've got to be patient with 'em. He may seem cold and uncaring, but really, beneath that hard exterior, there's a gem that needs some lovin' and carin'. Tom's probably a sweet stone, but I'd bet my last carrot he's just a bit shy. And if he gives you any crap, just slap the bastard, show him you ain't gonna be intimidated. That's how I keep Fluttershy in order."
Rarity's tears had finally stopped, and she asked, "So… so you really think I can do it? What if he really doesn't like me?"
"Then find a new stone. You're probably too good for that hunk of boulder if he doesn't realize how lucky he is."
Rarity smiled, her spirits finally starting to take flight again. "Thanks Angel. You've really made me feel oh so much better."
Angel winked at her. "Hey, no problem, sweet cheeks. Tell you what, I got this friend of mine over in Fillydelphia, he knows a lapis lazuli. If this doesn't work out, I'll give him a call for you, capisce?"
"Thank you, but I have a feeling I won't need a backup plan. Although who says I can't have two stones?" Rarity quickly eliminated the thought. Even though more was always better, Tom was the exception.
"That's the spirit! Go get him!"
Rarity trotted confidently back into the living room, where Tom hadn't budged an inch. Rarity had the perfect idea for getting past that hard exterior. And it wasn't with a hammer and chisel. "Tom, I thought that since you and I would be spending the evening together, that we should try to get more… Acquainted." Rarity gave a roguish smile. He didn't seem to react in any way, but Rarity remembered that patience was a virtue. She'd just have to keep at it. "It's a beautiful day…" The sun suddenly set, and the moon rose. "I mean night out. Perfect for a picnic in the moonlight. What do you think?" She moved closer to Tom.
He didn't move away.
"A picnic it is!" announced Rarity. "You rest in one of the chairs, while I prepare the picnic basket! I hope you like hay sandwiches!" She almost cantered off to the kitchen, when Rarity remembered the mistake she made from earlier, and what a bad idea it was to just leave Tom to his own devices. "Allow me to assist you in taking a seat, dear." Tom didn't seem offended by the more intimate term, and as Rarity carried Tom over to her largest sofa, she felt as though she'd won a small victory. And she planned to win many more that night.
As Tom hit the sofa, Rarity saw him sink into the cushions, as though finally relaxing after a long day. Could Tom finally be letting down his crystalline shield? Only time would tell, and Rarity knew she had plenty of it.
"Ever since I had to make that dress for Twilight Sparkle, my EX-friend, I've been an expert at identifying any and all constellations in the night sky. See that one? It's called Canis Major. Not Minor, that's the one next to it." Rarity and Tom were reclining comfortably on a large, polyester blanket, a picnic basket lying next to them. They were sprawled out on top of a multi-colored knoll near Rarity's house, and were now gazing skywards, admiring the heavens. "I don't know what I was thinking, making those dresses for free. I must have been insane! At least I received a free lesson in astronomy. Not that you can keep knowledge on a shelf... Sorry Tom, but I don't believe there's even a single constellation that involves any stones!" Rarity laughed, and gave Tom a playful punch with her front hoof.
Rarity and Tom laid in silence as a comet shot across the night sky. "You see that Tom?" Rarity gasped, her eyes just as starry as the sky. "My mother always told me when you see a shooting star, to make a wish for whatever your heart desires. This may be a comet, but even so, I do have one wish;" Rarity snuggled up against Tom. "And that's to be with you. Forever."
Tom was speechless.
"It's true!" Rarity moved even closer, wrapping one of her arms (or would that be legs?) around Tom's glassy skin, as far as her arm (leg) could reach. "Ever since I first laid eyes upon your succulent, diamond shape, I've been entranced, unable to think of anyone but you!"
Tom didn't respond.
"Oh, Tom, I know we're different in almost every way! You're a diamond, and I'm a pony! And don't get me started on the socio-economic differences. You're a diamond, you're rich by default! But we're both beings made out of carbon! And are such trivial details concerning physicality really what define a relationship?"
But Tom retained his silent state.
"I know this may be a bit sudden… We've known each other for nary a day!" The moon suddenly flew out of view, with the sun quickly coming out to replace it. "Allow me to rephrase, we have known each other for nary more than a dozen hours or so! But despite all that, I know that my heart belongs to but one being- you!"
Tom replied- oh, wait, never mind. He was still silent.
Rarity could feel her resolve wearing away. "Please, just let me know what's on your mind! Give me a sign! Do you return the sentiment, or shall you toss me aside like a used rag?" But all Tom did was sit there, contemplating. With a final sigh, Rarity whispered. "I suppose it was not meant to be. I was hoping I could reach you Tom. That I could connect… So be it… I guess you're the one thing in the world I can't have..." And so, Rarity began her slow walk down the hill, not even caring enough to gather up her things, for that would mean more time spent with… him.
In the skies, at that moment, Discord was soaring, enjoying the free reign he held over Equestria. "Ha ha! Chaos here, chaos there! You know what would spice things up? Random explosions! Just like a Michael Bay movie!" Alas, Discord's chaotic powers were so vast and terrible, that not even the fourth wall was safe from him. And with a point of his finger, a mighty explosion rocked the knoll that Rarity had just been on top of not too long ago. And as the vibrations spread throughout the hill, Tom was rocked loose from his resting place, and began rolling slowly down the gentle slope.
Rarity, who had reached the bottom, was muttering about how she'd show Tom. After all, she could easily get a date with that lapis lazuli Angel had been talking about. But suddenly, she felt something nudge her from behind. And, eyes brimming with tears, Rarity turned around. It was Tom.
"Tom, you… You… You came for me." And as Rarity gazed deep into Tom's… um… stone, the sun set and the moon rose, setting the mood. Rarity smiled, embracing Tom as more tears flowed. But these weren't tears of sadness- but of cheer. "I'll never part from you again, my love!" And with that, Rarity kissed Tom gently. Since the invention of the kiss, there have only been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind.
For a moment, the world seemed to stand still. But, all perfect things must come to an end, and Rarity finally separated from Tom. Giving him a sly grin, Rarity said, "So Tom… How about we proceed to somewhere a little bit more… private? As much as I'd love to show my affections in public, I do believe it's better if we retreated to my private sanctuary if we want to have some... fun."
"You don't think Rarity will try to… you know. Fight back?" asked Fluttershy nervously.
"Considering I had to have Applejack actually tie you down in order to get you back to normal… I'd be prepared for anything." replied Twilight.
"Woo-wee, you sure did put up a good fight!" Applejack said to Fluttershy with a grin. "I swear, I need to get you to try bronco buckin' some time!"
Fluttershy blushed. "Oh, well… thanks, I guess. Sorry again about almost eating your hat."
"No problemo! I've got plenty, and… hey, where's Rarity?"
The trio had walked into Rarity's living room, but there was no sign of her.
Twilight peeked into the kitchen. "I don't see her. She's probably somewhere else in the house. Okay girls, be on your guard…"
"I hear a creaking noise." Fluttershy said. "I think it's coming from upstairs." Sure enough, as the other two ponies listened, they could hear a noise, as though an elephant was jumping up and down on a bed. "Maybe you two should go take a look. I'll… um… stand guard down here."
Twilight rolled her eyes. "Alright, you two stay here. I'll go upstairs and see if Rarity and Tom- I mean, the boulder- are there."
Fluttershy and Applejack watched as Twilight walked up the stairs. "And shut that annoying creaking noise up too, whiles you're at it!" Applejack called after her.
The two listened carefully. They could here a creak of a door, and Twilight's voice speaking; "Rarity? You in…" and then came two screams. "Rarity? What the hell are you doing with To- I mean, that boulder?"
"Shut the door, Twilight! Don't you know you're supposed to knock before entering a lady's quarters? And another thing… Hey! What do you think you are doing? Get away from my gem! Get away…!" And then a tremendously bright flash of light poured down from the stairway. The creaking sound stopped.
Down the stairs came Tom, with Rarity following after, an extremely pissed look on her face. She rolled Tom right out the front door, and, turning to her three friends, muttered, "Let us never speak of this again."