Ok, peeps, listen up!
I do not own zelda or anything related to the subject. Thank you.
* Hyrule Tonight: with special guest, Ganondorf Dragmire!*
Hyrule Tonight: Tonight we talk to a man of rich history and mythology, including a previous consignment to the dark realm of Hyrule. Here's Mr. Ganondorf Dragmire!
Ganondorf: Thank you. I'll begin with this:" I didn't have improper relations with a goron."
HT: Thank you.. Ganondorf. Well we all know that since you killed the King of Hyrule, destoryed a country, and almost killed the Hero of Time. How do you feel?
G: Well, actually, I didn't do any of that.
HT: Could you please explain, Mr Dragmire?
G: Surely. It was a nice summer day when my friend, Nabooru, decided to kick my can.
HT: "Kick your can?"
G: Yea. She was tired of me always reading hylian scrolls and running to Hyrule Castle to see the King.
HT: And so you did this for how long?
G: Two years. I tried to help the poor king control that daughter, hussie, of his, but he wouldn't allow me. So I just hauled off and went away to other peoples, asking them for help. They turned me away too. It wasn't until late that year that I found the two poor dears[Impa and Princess Zelda] running away from a terrible beast. I tried to help them but they ran even faster. So I lost them. At getting to the point of insanity, I, in a point of no sound mind, ravaged the poor country and went completely and utterly berserk.
HT: So, it was when you were insane that you ravaged Hyrule and destoyed thousands of people. Even the cowardly Kokiri?
G: Remember, I was insane. I went to get help from a temple in the Desert Colossus. They helped me get straightened out.
HT: So, religion played a part in this tragedy?
G: Yes, very much so. In fact, the item that men want most is a sacred object of the Hylian race. I too, in my rage, wanted that sacred object.
HT: Well, Ganondorf. Could you tell us about Princess Zelda? What is she like?
G: Well, she seems to be a bright kid, and with her "skills", I shall say, she could grow up to be a wonderful sorceress or Queen, in which she now is both. When I first started to meet with King Harkinian, he seemed to be troubled by a dream or "phrophetic vision" his daughter seemed to have. I asked about it, but he just shrugged it off. Once or twice I recall a small confrontation between Princess Zelda and the King. It never lasted for more than a few mintues, because then the Shiekah nanny, Impa, would come and wisk the child to her room in the tower. Why? I shall never know. I personally thought there were things being done that shouldn't have been up there in that lonely tower, with Impa and the princess.
HT: Well. What would you say about Link, a Hero of Time?
G: Don't you think "Hero of Time" is a bit eccentric? What about just "Hero." That seems to sound so much more down to earth for such a naive kid.
HT: Naive? Explain please..?
G: Link was a boy who grew up in the Kokiri race. He was a Hylian, but never was recognized as one till he bacame quite a bit older. He seemed to be what the Kokiri called," fairy-less wonder" or even "freak". He just seems to be just so... misinformed about natural things that we know like marriage, pregnancy, and relationship. He may be a man on the outside, but he really is just a child.
HT: So, Ganondorf, what is it like to be in the Dark Realm?
G: It's seems to be very dark, of course, and very evil-feeling and very nostalgic of my later memories as a Gerudo teenager.
HT: Well, thank you Mr. Ganondrof, and we hope you come back for a visit the next time you get out of 'Realm for a breather!
What do you think? Tell me "...cuz I need to know!"