|Practice to Deceive
Author: Livie79 PM
I saw her today. I wasn't impressed. But he wanted her, and that was enough for me. She was just collateral damage. AH ExBRated: Fiction M - English - Angst/Romance - Bella & Edward - Chapters: 28 - Words: 131,761 - Reviews: 4,394 - Favs: 2,625 - Follows: 2,257 - Updated: 07-08-12 - Published: 01-01-12 - Status: Complete - id: 7699988
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: I don't own it.
"Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive." ~Sir Walter Scott
I jogged up the stairs to my apartment; I was late and figured Bella was already here waiting on me. I came around the corner, noticing the front door was slightly ajar, which was really fucking weird. I sprinted down the hall and burst into the apartment, unsure of what to expect.
The moment I saw Bella my entire world came to a screeching halt. She was on her knees in the middle of my living room floor, sheets of paper fisted in her hands.
My eyes darted around the room, there were papers scattered everywhere, balled and ripped. My heart clenched when I spotted a well worn and very familiar book lying haphazardly on the floor.
I looked back to Bella, tears streamed down her face and dripped off her chin when she lifted her head and focused on me. All of the blood drained from my face as realization set in of what she'd found.
"Baby..." I whispered, slowly walking towards her.
"Don't!" she screamed, jumping to her feet. "Don't you fucking dare call me that; you don't get to call me that again, ever." She clenched her fists tightly, the papers crinkling in her hands as she stared down at them.
A sob tore from her throat and I wanted so badly to comfort her. She needed to know how sorry I was. She needed to know that I was in love with her. But when she lifted her eyes to mine the dead, lifeless glaze they held was like ice in my veins, freezing me in place.
"So I was revenge," she said, the dead monotone pitch of her voice matching her eyes.
"No, Bella, no, no, no," I begged, hot tears stinging my eyes. I couldn't lose her, the thought alone was crushing.
"And all this?" she asked with a humorless chuckle, her arms sweeping wide over the area of my living room, where she had ripped out page after page of my journal. My journal that had every thought, every secret, every wrong that I'd ever done to her.
"That was before," I choked out, stepping closer to her, unable to stay away any longer. "I was going to tell you everything, I promise. I just...I can't lose you. I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry."
I reached up, sweeping the pad of my thumb across her check, my other hand cupping the underside of her jaw, absorbing the feel of her skin against mine. She sighed and closed her eyes tightly.
"Too late. You already have," she whispered sadly, shaking her head and stepping away from me, the look of pain on her beautiful face crippling me.
"Don't do this. We can fix this, I know we can," I pleaded, feeling the stranglehold of dread clutch my throat with unforgiving hands, the air trapped in my body, burning, punishing.
"You did this, not me. I'm done," she spat, dropping the papers to the floor.
She moved to step around me and my arm shot out, pulling her to me as I dropped to my knees. I wrapped my arms around her waist and buried my face in her stomach.
She pushed roughly on my shoulders, but the harder she pushed, the tighter I squeezed. I knew, I knew that as soon as I let her go she would leave me, the image causing bile to rise in my throat.
She stopped pushing me, her arms falling limply to her sides. "Edward, look at me."
I shook my head, unable to look her in the eye, knowing the pain I would see there was all my own doing.
"Haven't you hurt me enough?" she cried, her hands finding my hair and yanking roughly, forcing me to look up at her. Her face was crumpled, brows pulled down, her chin quivering as she clenched her jaw.
"I love you, Bella, please give me a chance to fix this," I begged. I knew how fucked up it was for me to tell her I loved her for the first time like this, but she needed to know, she needed to understand. She sucked in a sharp breath, her hands tightening in my hair once more before releasing it altogether.
"No you don't. You don't treat people you love the way you've treated me, now let me go Edward."
I loosened my arms slowly before dropping them to my sides. Holding her against her will was not going to solve anything, but she needed to understand that I did love her, so fucking much.
"Yes, Bella, I do. You can't tell me what I feel," I argued, so angry with myself for not fixing this shit so long ago. She laughed again, but it was mean and hard and nothing like the sweet girl I'd held in my arms just last night.
"Well," she sighed, "that really fucking sucks for you, doesn't it? Because I don't love you. I can't even look at you," she sneered, her face twisting with disgust as she walked to the open door.
"Fuck you, Edward," she spat, walking out the door and leaving me in the exact position I had found her minutes earlier. My entire world had just imploded, and I had no one to blame but myself.
Anyone who wants to punch me in the face for starting another story, please, feel free. I wrote this last year, then freaked out and deleted the whole thing. I told my friend Kelly about it and she begged me to write it again, so here we are. Meg made it pretty, Jules cheered me on, and all of the people I drunkenly emailed this to last night said I should post it. So here it is. I will post chapter one tomorrow and then it should be weekly updates. It will not interfere with ABM because Dirt Roads is now over. SSOOBBBSSS. Okok, I'll shut up now, let me know what you think!