Author: Kryalla Orchid PM
Starfire's life is fraught with it. Sequel to Stolen. Major BBStar, Minor RobRae. Complete.Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Friendship - Starfire & Beast Boy - Chapters: 11 - Words: 41,452 - Reviews: 240 - Favs: 71 - Follows: 28 - Updated: 01-13-12 - Published: 01-02-12 - Status: Complete - id: 7703669
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: Teen Titans belong to WB and DC comics.
Aussie, spelling, slang is all different. Best effort is made, but sometimes I get things wrong. It's hard to be Aussie and write in an American culture.
This is a sequel to Stolen.
Author's note: Ever since I posted Stolen and its consequential uproar, (and among the agreement of my rant down the bottom), I have been asked for a sequel to 'make it right'. Or been told I couldn't end it there. I was also informed by my RobStar fans of one of two things. That they only read it because I was the one who wrote it. Or that they never read it at all and were dismayed that I could even conceive of RobRae together.
If you haven't read Stolen and don't ever intend to, you don't need to. Just know, Robin and Raven are together. That's pretty much it. Uncertainty focuses more on what Starfire did after.
It's not too long, but it will be multi-chaptered, mainly because it just became too long to be a one shot.
I'm still working from the I-pad. No grammar and limited spelling. I've had to eyeball everything and I suck at editing my own work.
So. Here we go. Making it 'right'.
I will not pretend that Robin's words did not hurt.
They did. They continued to hurt. I lost my ability to fly for a while, that was inevitable and I think Robin was aware of that. He had been a great source of happiness for me and now things would not be the same.
Cyborg found us on the roof not long after Robin broke my heart and Raven broke Beast Boy's. He did not say anything, there was no need for words. He sat down behind us, placed his hand on Beast Boy's shoulder, his other hand on the small of my back and his legs on either side of us. Beast Boy and I have always been tactile people and we instinctively curled into Cyborg's chest and the three of us sat there together until I ran out of tears and the sky filled with stars.
Never had the differences between Tamaranians and humans been so blatantly obvious to me. I had been fooling myself to think that the affections he had shown me meant anything other than friendship.
We knew they did not mean to hurt us. Love is never simple. It is never straight forward and does not always follow the path we wish for it to.
Things changed within the Tower, but the change was not as great as I would have imagined. Nor was it in the direction I imagined it would be.
In battle was perhaps the greatest change. I no longer deliberately placed myself in a situation where, if I fell, I could be caught by Robin. I had not even realised I did that before, but hindsight contained many revelations. The first time Robin caught me after he announced he was with Raven, instead of looking at Robin as I had done in the past, all I saw was Raven's face.
Robin catching me caused her pain.
She is my friend. I do not wish to cause her pain.
On return to the Tower, I headed to the Ops room and watched the fight on the screen, analysing my movements. I saw what I had been trying not to see. How I deliberately positioned myself to be closest to Robin. Time and time again I did it. Battle after battle. It was embarrassing. I am a warrior. I am no 'damsel of distress'. I do not require saving just so I could feel his arms around me.
So I stopped.
I was still injured. I teamed up with Beast Boy and Cyborg instead of going with Robin. I still fell from the sky when startled by a sudden blow and happiness was lost to pain. But there was no one there to catch me.
I do not think Robin even noticed.
I spent a lot more time alone in my room. It hurt to see them together and I was trying not to let that show. Especially with Raven being an empath. Whenever I entered the common room and discovered them together, whether they were watching a movie or playing chess, or just talking, (as grateful as I was never to catch them kissing) it still hurt. Not to mention how awkward it was. They stopped what they were doing everything they saw me and I felt very much... what is that Earthen expression? The third wheel?
They tried to include me but it felt wrong. It felt... forced.
So I went out, travelled places on my own more, the mall, the library, the supermarket, I no longer invited Robin or Raven along. I could not. And they were so wrapped up in each other; they did appear to notice the invites had stopped.
I was wallowing in my own misery and I did not realise how much my teammates needed me. When they were not together, Robin spent more time in his office, researching criminals and doing paperwork and Raven spent more time meditating.
But Beast Boy often joined me, even though I did not invite him and I was grateful for his presence.
I believe he did not like to be around the Tower either.
Beast Boy showed me some of the things he liked to do. He taught me about comic books and the fictional superheros who could be found within the brightly coloured pages.
We journeyed to the Arcade, although Robin had taken me there in the past, Beast Boy showed me the section where games could be played as pairs. Shooting games, race car games, dancing games, the Mortal Combat. I had not even realised there were such games in the Arcade, although I knew there must be joined games because I recognised a few of the games as ones Beast Boy and Cyborg played in the Tower. Beast Boy and I spent the entire afternoon there once, only leaving when we were interrupted by a Titan alarm.
We went to the park and he showed me the flowers which smelt the nicest and I had to agree with his choices. I threw sticks and Frisbees for him in his dog form, I patted him and scratched his belly and called him a good boy. We played on the play equipment and sat on the swings and were silly as we talked and spend time with the children of Jump. We sat in the sun and talked.
Sometimes Cyborg would join us and we would all play the football together with the children in the park and host the eat offs and have barbecues.
There is more to me than just being a hero and a Titan and I decided to do something about it. I am a warrior too and I liked to learn. I decided to take a few classes at the local College, the professors gave me exceptions if I had to hurry off to answer an alert. I also decided to host a self-defence class to earn some extra Earthen money.
I made friends outside the Titans.
Normal, Earthen friends. Who had no special powers. Who wanted to spend time with me because they found me interesting. Who took the time to talk to me and teach me things and learn in return. Who did not make with the fun about my mannerisms and culture. Who showed me it was not just Robin who had the niceness.
Beast Boy would often join me. He had taken my example and was taking acting classes. Cyborg decided to take classes as well. We were a trio around campus.
We were growing up. Integrating with society as much as we could and still remain Titans.
But I was still lonely. I looked at what Robin and Raven shared, the quiet smiles, the holding of hands, the companionship they shared and I envied. I wanted that.
My life was filled with distractions, not actually coping with the rejection of my heart.
Over time, things changed.
Tamaranian love does not die, but it can change. Changes can be as swift as the coursing river, or as slow as the trickling stream. I never admitted to Robin just how much of my heart I have given away only to find it was not reciprocated.
Unfortunately for me, my love for Robin did not wilt. It stayed strong and I hated myself for it. I hated how I blushed when he smiled at me, or how I memorised his hand on my shoulder as he commented on a job well done. I hated how I always compared the other boys from College who wished to engage in the dating with me to Robin. Like Gerald. And Franklin. And Michael. I could never see myself with them any more than friendship so I turned down their requests for the dates.
And earned myself a reputation as an Ice Queen. And the copious males who wished to 'defrost' me. Not that I completely understood the insinuation.
Truly... I did not see it coming. I do not believe anyone saw it coming.
I sat in the local ice-cream pallor opposite Beast Boy, our traditional sundae perched on the table between us. We liked to come here after afternoon classes, if we had any. Sometimes we would just come anyway. Sometimes Robin and Raven would join us. Sometimes it would be just Cyborg, sometimes it would be all of us.
"-and then Jacelyn got her head stuck in the bucket!"
I gasped. "No!"
Beast Boy waved his arms around. "She's all flailing wildly and this bucket's on her head and she's tripping over props and breaking shit and the professor's just laughing at her."
"What did you do?" I asked, taking another bite out of our shared sundae.
"What could I do?" he said with a grin and a shrug. "I hulked out and pried the bucket from her head. She's complaining I stretched her ears."
"She should have been thankful," I noted. "You saved her a trip to the emergency room."
"Yeah, well, she's not exactly bright. Pretty, but not bright. She's had it in for me since day one."
I nodded, remembering all the stories. "She has."
"Dunno why," Beast Boy said, dipping his spoon into the chocolate sauce. "I'm a stud."
I giggled. "You are."
"She must be intimidated by my manliness."
"Or your acting ability."
Beast Boy gave me a sour face. "Hard to dazzle people with my acting ability when I keep getting cast as the cow. Or the donkey. Or the talking parrot."
"I did like you as Bottom in the Midsummers Night Dream play you did recently. I found your antic most humorous."
Beast Boy laughed. "Maybe she's all sour because she was Titania."
"Although, it could have been all the donkey kisses she had to do." He illustrated by puckering up his lips and made the kissy face at me.
"It is not your fault that the play called for her to do that. Do you know what you will be performing next?"
Beast Boy sighed. "They want to a musical... and you'll never guess which one."
I tilted my head inquiringly.
I had to giggle, although it was more at his woeful expression than the play. We had all gone when the troupe had arrived in Jump, I had quite enjoyed the costumes.
"I can't even sing, Star," he complained. "Can you imagine me in Cats?"
"Perhaps they will allow you to become a real cat."
"The professor made some noise 'bout a lion. Then wanted to know if I could be dyed."
"No," I said, my eyes widening with mock outrage. "How dare he."
"I know, right?" Beast Boy sighed, both his arms flopping on the table, one on either side of our sundae. "Beginning to think acting might not be the best career move for me."
I placed my hand over the top of Beast Boy's. "I think you are a fine actor, Beast Boy, and that you are under-appreciated but you should not allow that to do the 'getting you down'."
He turned his hand up and curled his fingers around my hand. "I dunno. I just... I don't want to be limited by the colour of my skin or my ability to turn into animals." He sighed. "I'm not even out of College and I'm being typecast."
"You will find something that is perfect for you. Perhaps you should inform your professor you will not longer shift unless it is the emergency."
"Tried that already. They always manage to convince me otherwise." Beast Boy shrugged. "Something'll come up. It always does. How was your class today?"
"Earthen mathematics is so limited," I said, wrinkling my nose. "And most backward is some of its theories. Today's topic was blackholes and their mechanics and my physics professor decided he was going to argue the fundamentals with me."
"What, did he just forget who you are?" Beast Boy asked disbelievingly.
"It seems so. Although, he seems to be a big fan of the Question, he does not believe I am from a different planet. It was most annoying."
Beast Boy shook his head. "I feel ya. Idiot."
"Apparently, I am... a 'Jersey shore wannabe'."
"He said that?"
I dropped my eyes from Beast Boy's. "Among other things."
"I think we need to pay a visit to this professor," Beast Boy growled.
I shook my head. "I paid the Dean a little visit and and informed him of what occurred as well as the other various anti-alien remarks he has been making. It has been decided I may sit an exam for Earth physics instead of attending his class. I will receive the credits, based on my exam."
Beast Boy grinned at me. "Good for you."
As we continued to talk and eat our sundae, I became aware that the various female shop assistants were gossiping and giggling to each other. I thought nothing of it, we were Titans after all, we were used to people being a little in awe and talking about our presence, but there was something in their faces. I took more notice when Beast Boy turned his head and scowled at them and they suddenly had so much more work to do.
"What is wrong?" I asked, knowing his hearing was better than mine.
He flicked his eyes back to me. "Nothing. Pointless gossip."
He sighed and scrubbed his hand over his face. "They're talking about what a cute couple we make."
I stared at him in shock. "Us?"
He chuckled and would not meet my gaze.
I was most confused. "Why would they believe there was something between us?"
"Well... we do come here practically every day and share ice cream. Haven't you noticed how much we do together? And... you have been sitting there for the last half hour holding my hand."
I blinked then looked down at our joined hands. I had not even noticed I still held it. "Oh..."
"It's..." he hesitated, then decided to say what was on his mind, "not that far of a reach. To think we were a couple."
"Would the concept of you and me be so bad?" Beast Boy asked. "Or you and anyone other than Robin?"
There was a flare of pain in my chest. Or a flutter. No, I was fairly certain it was pain... I extracted my hand from his. "Beast Boy-"
"It's been over a year, Star. Move on."
I dropped my eyes to the table.
Beast Boy made a little 'come here' gesture with the hand I had been unknowingly holding, but I resisted putting my hand back in his. "I hate seeing you so sad all the time, Star. You used to float all the time, now you only fly during alerts. I hate seeing this facade you built to hide that you're hurting. I really hate that they can't see what it's done. But you can't spend your life pining away, hoping that maybe he'll break up with Raven. And even if he does, could you really be the rebound girl? Could you do that to Raven?"
I shook my head and blinked back tears.
"Cyborg and I are really worried about you."
"It is not that easy," I said and hunched my shoulders. "For a Tamaranian, our love is eternal."
Beast Boy sighed. "I'm not saying you have to stop loving him, Star. I'm just asking if you can open your heart just enough to perhaps love someone else too."
"You know I've gone on a couple of dates," he told me. "I made an effort to move on. I let myself get excited about spending time with a girl. Seeing Raven with him doesn't hurt me. At all. I've moved past it. It's such a relief. I want that for you."
I was silent. In truth I wanted it for myself too.
"Surely there has to be someone you've had your eye on."
I shook my head. "No. There is not." I sighed. "On Tamaran, I would have my suitor chosen for me. I would not even know how to do the Earthen dating..."
Beast Boy sighed again. "I told Cy he should be here for this too."
I raised my eyes until I could meet Beast Boy's gaze.
He squared his shoulders. "Okay. Look. You and me. Saturday night. I'll take you on a proper date. I'll treat you exactly like I would a date so you can see. So you know what to expect. Then, you have to ask a guy on a date. Even if you can't see anything more than friendship, you need to make an effort to move on, and you can't do that unless you try."
As I considered his words, I slowly nodded; there was a certain sense of truth in his words.
"Deal?" he asked, flashing me a daring smile and held out his hand for me to shake.
I nodded and took his hand. "Deal."